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“I’m going to hold your hand when I say this,” Troy started, “I don’t think Hayden’s a friend.”
They’d met up for coffee before afternoon practice, leaving their respective partners to walk Anya and Chiron together, and giving Troy and Shane the rare opportunity to bond by themselves.
“Did Ilya put you up to this?” Shane half-joked, twisting his wedding ring around his finger.
Troy’s face pulled into one of disgust and Shane immediately knew this was way more serious than he’d originally thought.
“This is what I mean, man. You ever thought critically about that ‘friendship’ since you met the guy?” He asked, making sure to mime air quotes.
Shane took a hard look at his cappuccino and screwed his eyes shut. He still remembered with a distant horror all the ways he’d been hurt, when Hayden had spoken and Shane just took it. Hayden, who for a long time was his only friend, and Shane knew he’d let a million and one things slide. That was his best man, his brother, his twin.
The man who outed him, who couldn’t go one conversation without disrespecting his marriage, who had watched the Metros locked room turn on him and just said it ‘wasn’t cool.’
“It’s… complicated,” is what he said out loud instead of the vomit of emotions he was feeling.
“Well, from the outside it looks like you let your ‘best friend’ shit all over your husband with no consequences.” Troy’s face was sharp when he threw the accusation out. Shane took several deep breaths before he even tried to look into Troy’s eyes. He was so angry about it all, there were tears welling in his eyes, and above all the fact that Hayden’s shitty behaviour was that noticeable? It made him feel downright nauseous. His tongue was dead weight in his mouth, and he could already feel the way his jaw was clenching from the severity of his emotions.
Troy was still staring at him.
“I- I couldn’t-“ He had to say this right.
“Stand up for your marriage?” Troy asked. And that’s when Shane felt everything in him run cold. He’d risked so much for Ilya, Ilya had risked so much for Shane. Troy Barrett sure as shit wasn’t the player Shane would let throw stones.
“Confront the only person who knew about my gay relationship with Russia’s biggest hockey player while I captained a homophobic team without fearing for either of our safety.”
Shane heard the way Troy’s jaw snapped shut and let it rip through him with deep satisfaction.
“I know Hayden’s fucked up. It wasn’t until I joined this team that I realised he’s a Metro through and through. But I’m only just coming to terms with the fact I’m out, let alone that my support system isn’t this one guy I’ve known since I was 18,” Shane explained. His tone was bordering on monotonous as he tried to not show Troy how much telling him this was like pulling teeth. “You think it’s just Ilya he’s shitty about? Just our marriage? There’s been a pattern of disrespect that I’ve only realised is happening in the last few months. So yeah, he isn’t a friend. I know he isn’t. But I haven’t let myself think about it, and I sure as shit wouldn’t have chosen a random coffee shop in Ottawa to wonder if my ‘best friend’ can become a better person or if I just have to cut myself loose.”
The silence was back again, Shane let himself look at Troy properly and the only thing in his eyes was the raw kind of sympathy that made his skin itch.
“I’m sorry,” he said. Shane nodded, letting the words wash over him. “I should’ve done this better, or waited for Ilya to be here. But before we got here he commented on the Cens’ Instagram post from yesterday and it got me fired up.”
“What did he say this time?” Shane sighed. He was already pulling his phone out, skimming all the texts he’d missed and opening his text thread with Hayden. The last text was unanswered.
H: Jackie was wondering if you wanted to come over after u guys play Montreal in a few weeks ??
S: Let me ask Ilya! I’ll let you know soon.
H: Would it kill you to come alone for once 🙄
Troy slid his phone across the table. There, under a photo of Ilya hugging Luca, was a deeply distasteful attempt at a joke.
“I always knew Roz would leave Hollzy for a younger model.”
Shane knew his face must’ve done something because before he knew it Troy was out of his chair and pulling him into a hug.
His first instinct was to panic about being held so close, but then the weight on his shoulders made his brain sharpen into focus. His face was damp with tears of frustration and his own husband wasn’t even here to talk him down. He was so fucking angry, and upset, and a million adjectives he couldn’t even stomach to process.
Apparently thinking of Ilya summoned him though. They made eye contact through the window and before Shane knew it, Troy’s arms left him, for his husband to sweep him up. He dropped his forehead onto Ilya’s shoulder and started his breathing exercises. He willed the nasty emotions down, dropping a kiss onto Ilya’s cheek.
Then he invited Troy and Harris over.
—
“Hey bud!” Hayden answered the phone enthusiastically, “You know, Jackie’s weekends away really make me appreciate when she’s around. I’ve never dealt with this many dirty diapers in my life-“
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Shane asked. They’d all spent 20 minutes crafting a script for Shane to follow, with highlighted bullet points and conversation categories to keep him on track. But his voice had immediately thrown it all out the window.
“Uh oh,” Hayden said, “Whatever Ilya’s telling you I did- he’s lying. One hundred percent.”
“So you definitely didn’t insinuate that my husband is ready to leave me at the drop of a hat on our team’s official page?” Shane asked.
Everyone else looked at him, and he shifted his phone so it was on speaker.
“- was just joking!” Was what the call cut back into, “Come on Shane, you can take a joke.”
“Maybe I’m tired of you joking about my goddamn husband,” He replied testily.
“What, did Roz come running to you and now you’re fixing his problems? Sounds healthy.”
“This is what I mean!” Shane yelled. Ilya’s hand found his shoulder and started rubbing small circles into it, and Shane let himself breathe. “You made all that up in your head and got mad at him. None of that happened, Ilya didn’t even know I was thinking like this until about 30 minutes ago.”
“So, what? You’re mad that I think about your husband badly? It’s pretty old news by now that we don't like each other,” He said nonchalantly.
Shane realised he would never, ever have this conversation with someone again. After today he would never willingly engage with Hayden Pike. He was so sick of not only having his own emotions minimised, but the absolute disregard for what he has to say.
“Okay yeah, because Ilya calls you a bad player, and you say he’s going to cheat on me. Ilya tells you you’re bad at puck handling and you tell him he doesn’t deserve my love. Ilya says your wife’s a better person than you and you make an extremely public comment about him leaving me for our rookie teammate. Ilya keeps his comments on the ice, yours aren’t even in the goddamn arena. They’re about our home. Our fucking marriage and family,” Shane put his head in his hands before continuing, “I’m a 30 year old man being told by my ‘brother’ that I don’t know what’s good for me. Every time I’ve tried to advocate for myself, my relationships, my own goddamn life you’ve- you treat me like I’m immature and undisciplined. I’m the best fucking player in the NHL with the lifetime of conditioning to show for it, and you think the guy I’ve been seeing since I was 18 years old isn’t good enough for me. I’m so fucking tired of it.”
“Look man, it looks like you’ve got a lot to say. Come over for dinner in a few weeks, we’ll talk it out. Just… leave Roz with the team?” Hayden asked. And Shane cackled.
“So you can have Jackie but I don’t get my husband? After everything I’ve just said, you want me to leave him behind while I tell you all about the ways I don’t like how you treat him? Fuck you, Hayden Pike.”
Shane hung up, blocked his number and slammed the phone against his coffee table. Ilya was on him before he could even let out the first sob.
“Moya lyubov, you did so well,” He whispered. He peppered small kisses over Shane’s face. “So, so brave.”
“We’re gonna head out,” Troy announced, “You did good Shane. I’m sorry for- we’ll talk about it when you’re ready.”
Ilya nodded as they let themselves out. He felt his phone blowing up in his pocket, leaving one arm wrapped around Shane, he looked at the influx of messages from Jackie and Hayden.
Jackie’s were apologies for not intervening sooner, and a quick “I hope they make up soon 😊.” The optimism made Ilya let out a small short until Shane tried to look at his phone.
“You’ve done enough today, sweetheart,” Ilya murmured, “Let me handle the rest.”
Hayden’s were… worse. He zeroed in on the one where he said Ilya had ruined Shane’s life and instead screenshotted everything.
He sent them to Jackie, not leaving a single thing unseen, and one simple follow up message.
I hope they don’t.