Chapter Text
MAR.26TH, 1983
I just got this new notebook.
I don't really know what I want to do with it.
I've never been good at talking, so maybe this was a stupid idea maybe this will help me with that .. somehow.
I mean. I’m sure my first few entries won’t be the best, but—like I said—maybe my writing will benefit from this. Maybe other things will benefit from this too, I mean, I've heard from the school counsellor that writing down stuff can always help with my me journaling is beneficial for some people. But honestly.. who am I kidding? I know I'm going to look back on this in the future and probably think this was so embarrassing. Or i’ll see how much it hel I don't know. Maybe this is just really stupid.
But, guess the idea sounds nice. Like journaling, I I guess the idea could sound nice. If I can ever find myself getting past the awkward stage of basically just talking t writing to myself.
Yeah, I could give it a shot. I don't see the harm in trying. I guess if I get embarrassed I could always just stop.
What could I even write about though? My life isn't exactly radical or whatever. I don't talk to anyone. I work sometimes—even though my Mom hates it—maybe school? ..I mean I guess I could do that.
There's not much going on at school right now. If I'm being truthful .. it kind of sucks right now, I mean, like it always has sucked but I joined the Photography Club, and its.. well it’s not bad. I don’t talk to any of the other members, but it’s not bad. It’s a small circle of people, they seem nice. Or maybe they’re just quiet.
..but now that I think about it; that club is definitely just a group-friend-whatever thing. I remember seeing that rich asshole Steve The Hair Harrington and one of his girl-friends meet up with one of the girl members after the club ended. ..so maybe I should consider leaving..
But, jeez, now I just feel awkward. I don't know what I should do. I love taking photos, and the Photography Club does offer a free dark room if you’re a club member. Anywhere else I have to pay for a spot. I don’t have that kind of money. I can cough up a few bucks for Will and the arcade but
I guess It wouldnt hurt to keep going. It'll just be awkward for a bit. I can handle that—but ugh—I really don't want to seem like more of a spaz. ..Honestly, who cares at this point.
I guess I’ll keep going.
I kind of only joined that club because it runs around the same time that the my brothers’ Middle School AV club does, and I drive him home after school.
I guess it was just easier to find something for me to do while I wait for his club to be done since Mom doesn't want me to leave him alone at school it costs less gas-wise if I just stay and drive us both home when his club's over.
. . .
Jeez. I just read everything back and—wow I sound lame. Whatever. I kind of feel like im putting on an act right now I don’t know why I’m acting so formal. God, nevermind.
I need to go make dinner for me and Will, but I’ll probably write again tomorrow. Maybe if I remember to.
I probably wont, but that’s fine. I could just keep it on my desk so I remember it’s there, or I can keep it in my bookbag.
uhh. I’ll figure it out later. I really have to go make dinner.
…Bye? I guess?
. . .
…Bye? I guess?
. . .
”ffh.. Jeez.”
He lifted his free hand to brush his hair out of his face as he mumbled, “I’m.. not even talking to anybody..—I don’t need to ..”
Jonathan sighed and put his pencil down before pulling his hand up to rub the nape of his neck, “announce that I’m leaving.. or whatever.”
He didn’t really understand why he was even doing this. There was no real reason why he thought he needed to write, anyways.
. . .
Well there was one. But he shut his eyes tightly as the thought overcame him, pulling his other hand up to rest on the nape of his neck aswell.
He shook head head, trying to shake the thought down as he reopened his eyes and let his arms fall down to his sides again.
”..This.. is so stupid.” his voice cracked as he muttered to himself, closing his notebook and turning away from his desk
Theres no way this will actually help with anything.
Atleast ..not for the things he’s facing.