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It all had started with a kiss.
In the locker room after practice a press of lips. The warmth from the skin of his cheek pressed up against the warmth of Tobio-chan's hand. It was nothing more than a peck, a child's kiss.
But it was enough to get Oikawa's heart pounding in his chest. Enough to make him fall in love with a boy two years younger than him. In that moment Oikawa Tooru fell in love with Kageyama Tobio.
For the first time in his life Oikawa Tooru felt true love.
With stolen kisses on the roof during lunch, walking home holding hands in the dark of the night after practice, 'Goodnight I love you' texts, Tobio's crying face when Oikawa got a concussion after a game, The way Tobio's angelic voice would say I love you.
Even though Oikawa never said it back.
He always knew Tobio was to young for him, no matter how hard he tried to tell himself it didn't matter. That when he and Tobio were holding hands, or kissing.
Fact was fact Tobio was thirteen and he was fifteen. He was to old for him.
He ignored it as long as he could till one day they were caught by Iwaizumi. Truthfully Oikawa thought Iwaizumi would kill him. But instead he mumbled out, as he left Oikawa and Kageyama alone once more.
"Tooru he's just a kid."
He knew he was right. A third year and a first year being together was too much. It didn't matter that their relationship was innocent and that they had only kissed a handful of times and his hands never left Tobio's shoulders. It was still wrong.
Oikawa put off ending it for as long as he could. He loved him, he was in love with him.
He spent so many nights sobbing into his pillow feeling sick to his stomach. He wished there was some way to get around the age gap, some way for them to be together.
But their wasn't...
When he finally did end things the day after graduation. He'd give anything to not have to see the way Tobio's face scrunched up in agony, sobs erupting his throat as tears poured out of his eyes. As Oikawa spoke the words that he knew were all lies.
"Stop saying that you love me were both boys it's disgusting I only used you for practice for the real deal with girls."
He hated himself for making Tobio say the next words he did.
"I'll have sex with you! That's what you want right? I'm mature enough I can handle it...I'm sorry for neglecting your needs....Just please don't leave me!"
Oikawa even as he thinks about it vividly remembers the way Tobio gripped his shirt begging him not to leave and Oikawa shoved him to the ground as he spoke the words that he forever would regret.
"As if I'd wanna fuck some scrawny guy like you! Don't make me laugh."
And that's how he left Tobio there covered in mud crying feeling so utterly alone all because of him.
Thinking Oikawa used him for practice...
That fucked up his head for a long time....
All though his first two years of high school he tried to forget about Tobio and how in love with him he was. He tried so hard to forget...
His soft skin....
His beautiful laugh...
His sweet smile that could light up a whole room if he showed it more often...
His melodious voice saying I love you.
But...
No matter what he tried he couldn't forget him.
Only then did he realize the extend of his mistake.
And...
It...
Hurt...
So...
Much...
Oikawa tried to heal his wounds with sex with whoever he could find that helped him forget, be it a random girl or Iwa-chan.
At the time it meant nothing more to him than forgetting Tobio.
Until Iwaizumi confessed to him.
Oikawa took his chance to forget and try someone new. By no means did he use Iwa-chan Oikawa wasn't that cruel. He really thought if he tried hard enough he could fall in love with him. But if was no use no matter how hard he tried to hide it he still was in love with Tobio, and Iwa-chan knew it. He could read him like a book he always had been able to.
He remembers how Iwa-chan finally broke the news of just how much he knew.
He stroked Oikawa's hair in a protective manner as he softly whispered into his ear.
"We're facing Karusno tomorrow in a practice match, I hear their setter is our old kouhai Kageyama Tobio."
Those simple words brought tears to Oikawa's eyes as he knew the meaning behind them.
Which leads up to a few hours ago when Oikawa walked into the practice match to see Tobio's smile radiating the room.
And....
He...
Felt...
So...
Sick...
As the smile that was once reserved for him was now reserved for a short decoy who shined like the sun.
And when Tobio finally acknowledged his presence it was with a cold ice hard stare filled with hatred and disgust.
It made him wanna cry, scream even. But he knew it was coming. Tobio hating him... He expected it; but he didn't expect to see that warm kind smile now on his face for someone new.
But as long as Tobio was happy that was all that mattered right? That's what Oikawa tried to tell himself till after the match.
When Kageyama pulled him aside with that ice cold gaze in his eyes and disgust written all over his face. But it was his words that nailed Oikawa's coffin shut.
"I found someone new and better than you, someone who isn't a disgusting pervert."
'Pervert'
That's what did him in.
He had hurt Tobio because he was filled with lust and leaded him on. He kissed him as a child and corrupted his beautiful soul. He was disgusting. A leach. He hated himself. He forced himself onto Tobio because he was young and naive and now Tobio had to pay the price for his actions
He wanted to apologize tell him how sorry it was that he did love him. That he still loved him.
But instead he put on a smile and laughed as he walked away touching Tobio's shoulder well whispering in his ear.
"Don't act like you didn't love it Tobio-chan..."
Well inside he broke down into hysterics because of how disgusting he truly was.
Which led him to now with Iwaizumi's face buried in his neck and him ripping off his shirt as Iwaizumi pressed him up against the wall.
He didn't want to have sex with him to be honest but he knew it would make Iwaizumi happy and that's all that mattered anymore. That and it would keep him from mentally breaking and keep him sane. And in this moment of insanity all Oikawa can think is...
Maybe things were always meant to end up this way...