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Kipuka always knew that he was going too far with this fantasy of his. He knew who he was, how he was, what he was, but a small nagging part of his brain never stopped.
Every time Eliot is near him, it was a stupid buzzing alarm in his head going haywire as of “Breed” “want to have his baby” “Wanna nurture his seed.”
Kipuka couldn't be vocal about these thoughts at first. “What if he thinks I am a weirdo?”
So he kept it to himself until he couldn't.
Eliot took it better than the overthinking tendencies sought after. Eliot responded to his every whim, every act with immense patience.
He went for a health checkup to make sure that he and Kipuka could go at it without protection, like Kipuka always yearned for. Cleaning the mess of fluids after Kipuka wouldn't stop begging Eliot to finish deep inside as much as possible, and Eliot was too weak to say no to his boyfriend's breathless pleading. Cramps, nutrition. Sleep. Everything
Eliot handled everything so that Kipuka would heal properly from the extensive strain he would endure for the sake of his insatiable brain.
For the past few days, Kipuka has been feeling off. Slow. Tired
Not under the weather kind. Not stress-induced fatigue, simply tired.
He wouldn't want to get out of bed and whine to have breakfast on the bed and would eat only if Eliot fed him.
Falling asleep mid-conversation
Mid eating
Like a switch turned off, Kipuka would be a soft bundle of slumber anywhere that could hold his body weight.
Apart from the sluggishness that clung to him like a second skin for the better part of the week, there was also an aversion.
To scent
To certain textures
To food even
Eliot was suddenly not allowed to wear cologne when in their shared space, not even the one Kipuka gifted him.
Eliot had to stop wearing the characteristically detailed types of clothing he owned when cuddling him to sleep.
Eliot had to stop cooking certain dishes because their smell was enough to make Kipuka double over the toilet bowl and hurl out all the remnants in his gut.
Eliot started growing more and more concerned about these changes.
Eliot didn't mind being prohibited from wearing cologne or that he couldn't eat certain food in the premises of their house, but the unpredictable nausea, lingering tiredness, headaches, and lightheadedness Kipuka was going through.
“What if it is something serious? We should at least go and have it checked out," Eliot would softly explain to Kipuka, but his concerns were waved off.
“I will be fine A-Xing. Maybe it is a stomach bug. I must have had it from when we were eating street food the other day," Kipuka said, his voice still raspy from dry heaving at 3 am four days in a row.
Eliot had no option but to agree to his lover. He hoped that it was the case. Maybe it would pass soon enough, and Kipuka wouldn't have to suffer so much, but deep down, another thought bubbled.
“What if it was because of Kipuka’s extensive pressure on his body, because his brain wouldn't stop looping a sentence, and Eliot didn't have the heart to say no and caused some form of irreversible damage to Kipuka's metabolism, and now the body is paying the price?”
But Eliot quickly shut that thought down and just pulled Kipuka to his chest and fell into a restless slumber.
+++
3 more days have passed, and Kipuka’s health is not even going a step towards recovery; if anything, things were going south at a higher dimension.
Kipuka’s aversion increased tenfold to everything. Eliot wasn't allowed to be more than 2 feet away from him. Constant reassurance. Forehead kisses and letting Kipuka breathe him in like he was air
“Baobei, I think it's time we go see a doctor,” Eliot said with a tone that made it certain that he would carry Kipuka to the doctor if he had to.
Kipuka, on the other hand, nodded dejectedly. Even if he could feel nothing wrong with himself, he still decided to go for the sake of Eliot's peace of mind.
+++
The waiting room was a blur of disinfectant saturating itself in the air, bright white light, and patients walking around anxiously, and Staff that was trying its best to assist.
Eliot had made this appointment a day prior, so it was just about waiting until the doctor called out for them, and then they could reach the root cause of the problem.
Eliot sat next to Kipuka. Holding his hand and repeating, “It will be a general checkup just to be on the safe side.”
But the words came out soft, as if reassuring himself more than Kipuka.
“Mr.Qui Dingjie?” A nurse called out, breaking the tense bubble.
Eliot walked to the nurse and confirmed that it was their turn and that he would be with Kipuka during the time of their consultation.
Inside the doctor’s cabin was a woman sitting on the other side of the table, presumably in her mid 30s. Clad in doctor scrubs and a white coat, with attentive eyes.
“Hello, Mr.Dingjie. I am Doctor Fei, What seems to be the problem” She asked in a characteristically patient tone.
Before Kipuka could even begin to downplay the situation, Eliot took hold.
“He has been feeling increasingly tired for almost a fortnight now. Persistent nausea. Headaches. Barely avoided faint spells. Aversion to strong scents and even stronger to certain textures. Refuses to eat certain food, mostly which contain diary or meat.”
The doctor smiled faintly and wrote something on the notepad, “That is a very detailed analysis, but then again it helps us narrow things down, Mr–”
“Huang Xing”
“Mr.Xing,” the doctor repeated, “I would advise a couple of blood tests and some abdominal scans to rule out any possibility of inflammation or abnormal protrusions, and hopefully we can start the treatment from then on?”
Kipuka could only nod as he was led to a separate room to have his blood drawn and some scans taken, and Eliot stayed by his side the entire time. Holding his hand firmly to let Kipuka lean on him during the process, so that it wouldn't be daunting.
After a designated amount of waiting period, the blood results were ready, and now they again sat in the doctor's office with the doctor reading through the reports and her face growing increasingly troubled every passing second.
Eliot held Kipuka’s hand under the table to give him silent comfort and hoped that Kipuka knew that he would be right here, ready to hold Kipuka through whatever made the doctor so troubled.
After what seemed to be eternity, the doctor placed the reports down, holding onto her professionalism,
“Mr. Dingjie, Mr.Xing, before I continue, may I ask what the relationship is between you? It is related to the reports and probably to the privacy of the patient.”
Eliot was perplexed over how their status mattered to Kipuka’s deteriorating health, but decided to answer truthfully at the end, “We are dating. Boyfriends”
The doctor gave a solemn nod, “And you both are sexually active?”
Kipuka tensed in his seat beside Eliot, a faint hue reddened his otherwise pale skin, and so Eliot decided to answer the question himself, “Yes, we are, but Doctor, how does this correlate with Qui’s condition?”
“Mr. Xing, the blood results show an elevated level of hCG in Mr. Dingjie’s bloodstream. Which, in simpler terms, is usually a marker for pregnant women.”
“B-but I am a man, always have been–” Kipuka couldn't help but blurt out.
“That is what is perplexing Mr. Dingjie. However, we also had taken some scans of your abdomen to rule out any internal lacerations, but instead of any disruptions, we had found a now-active womb.”
Kipuka tightened his hold on Eliot, and the words now started to make even less sense, and a wave of unexplainable emotions bubbled in his chest.
Eliot, on the other hand, wrapped one arm around Kipuka to hold him close and attentively listened to whatever the doctor had to say.
“I know that this might come off as a shock, but it is a medical condition known as Persistent Mullerian Duct Syndrome, although less well-known. But I will try to keep things as little complicated as possible,” The doctor offered a sincere smile.
“What possible explanation is that During the embryonic period of growth all the embryos have a Mullerian duct but not have a sex determination factor so subsequently the growth of is steady and towards the female spectrum and the growth is only redirected to the male spectra if there is a trigger for the sex determination factor but in some rare mutations the fetus keeps developing organs characteristically of a female and the determination factor is expressed much later than the designated time and suddenly the path redirects but even though such babies at birth are classified as male as they show the psychological aspects of being one but carry a dormant womb with associated organs. This womb, in certain cases, can remain dormant for the entire life, and they can live their life as a complete male or female. Stimuli trigger the womb, and it becomes active.”
“So you are saying–”
“Yes, I believe some external factor has acted as a trigger for Mr.Dingjie’s dormant womb, causing it to regain its function, and now it has successfully implanted a placenta, and the constant symptoms were a testament to the gestation.”
Kipuka now couldn't stop the tears from falling. The feeling that he always labeled as a fantasy and elaborated desire was, in reality, his body wanting to regain its natural shape. Like his body always knew itself,f even if science didn't.
His trembling hand went down to touch the still flat abdomen now carrying and nurturing A-Xing’s child.
Kipuka was now carrying a part of A-Xing.
“I- am pregnant? With our child?” Kipuka couldn't help but ask for confirmation from A-Xing. He wanted him to agree to it. To let Kipuka know that it wasn't again his insatiable brain speaking, and now it was actually a reality. A steady one.
“You are,” Eliot could only whisper out in the soft air bubble surrounding them. Not trusting his voice more than that. Instinctively. His hand also went above Kipuka’s abdomen, which was protecting their child.
The doctor cleared her throat as gently as possible, “Congratulations on becoming parents. But I think we should talk about the precautions as well?”
Kipuka straightened up with a surge of fierce protectiveness and determination, ready to do whatever it took to make sure that their child was brought into this world safe and healthy.
"I have recommended you both to an OBGYN specialist, they specialize in high risk pregnancy and considering yours has the susceptibility of being one so It is advised that you both have an appointment as soon as possible so any further complications can be ruled out but Also I would understand that it is too magnanimous of a decision and maybe not welcomed so think on it carefully. All the aspects and the possible complications as well."
The rest was just a blur of a moment for Kipuka. Eliot thanked the doctor, took his report, and helped him to the car to drive them back home.
When only in the premises of their home, Eliot gently coaxed him to drink some water, bringing the present that came into focus.
“He is pregnant. With Eliot’s child. His and Eliot’s” was the first thought.
But then the Doctor's words rang in his mind,
“Might be a big decision.”
“Complications”
“Think about it.”
“I am keeping this baby,” Kipuka blurted. Clutching his abdomen as if someone would just rip that vulnerable, growing child from inside
He didn't care about the complications. The pain. Anything. All Kipuka knew was that the universe had given his body a chance to fulfill the wish he had yearned for years. He wasn't letting anything take that away from him.
“Baobei, Breathe. You are hyperventilating.” Eliot’s voice pierced through the banging thoughts in his head.
Kipuka clutched Eliot's hand that was trying to soothe his shivering body, “We are right? We are keeping this miracle, right? It is our child, Eliot. I was chosen to carry this baby. I won't let it go just because the doctors think it is risky. Right?! Say something, Eliot. Please”
Kipuka now was desperate. Crying.
Eliot could only pull him closer and hug him. “If you want this, then okay. We are keeping this baby. Don't cry, Baobei. I am here.”
Kipuka wiped off the stray tears from the back of his hand and had a hopeful smile on his face, “We are going to be parents, right? I will be a mama, right?” He asked as if Eliot’s words solidified every wish he carried in his heart.
Eliot could only smile and nod further, wiping the remnants of tears from Kipuka’s face. “Yes, the baby will call you whatever you want.”
Kipuka gave a bright smile and snuggled into Eliot's chest. Suddenly, all the feelings were too large to be sustained in his heart alone.
“I will love our Baobao more than anything in the world. I will take care of him the best,” Kipuka mumbled against Eliot’s chest, and before Eliot could even word out a response, Kipuka had fallen asleep clutching the front of his shirt.
Eliot could only let out a soft chuckle at this precious angel in his arms sleeping so calmly.
“Sleep, Qui Qui, I will handle the rest.”
And he meant it.
Sure, he didn't know how to express what the day brought for them, but he was ecstatic.
Yes, he turned 23 and had a lot of plans for his life that came before a child, but he did not feel agitation when the doctors confirmed Kipuka’s pregnancy and his syndrome. For him, Kipuka was still just Kipuka, who loved cats and dangerously sweet drinks, and was now pregnant.
His Qui Qui was pregnant.
The thought of having a family that he let go, subconsciously, because he knew that Dingjie was his forever, was now a reality. A beautiful one. Where his angel was one carrying their child. Nourishing it.
He would get to see Kipuka waddling around the house in oversized shirts because of their miracle.
He would look utterly adorable, Eliot was sure of it.
And with the thought of a perfect future, Eliot also allowed his body to fall asleep against the rhythm of Kipuka’s steady heartbeat.
The universe does have a strange way to bless mortals, Afterall.