Chapter Text
Tw: Before and after scenes of a rape survivor, Suicide attempt. **** indicates the start and ending of such scenes
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I had always been... quiet. It wasn't that I wanted to, it was purely survival. Survival against these evil fucking kids.
Friends? I had those, well, not really. But they let me sit next to them as they talked, I could eat food while some of them made out. Toby and Natalie. I guess you could say they were soulmates, instant connection and all that jazz.
Though you never knew if the relationship would stick, they constantly broke up and got back together.
I hated how much it stung. How deeply I felt as I watched the boy I loved fall inlove with another.
I preferred to stay observant. Explaining how I felt led to being shut down or piting expressions. It's not like anyone cares.
I used to be close with them, I used to laugh and joke. It used to be fun being near them but. I'm invisible now. Would my presence even matter? Did they even notice?
"Euegh, GET A GODDAMN ROOM AND SUCK YOUR FACES THERE" The pale boy spat out, pure disgust weaving through his face. He had pale skin and slightly rosey cheeks, blue eyes, brown hair that seemed to flow effortlessly around the frame of his face. A girl, brown wavy hair and pale green eyes, broke free from another boys grasp. Natalie, well, people call her Clockwork since she has a clock prosthetic in her right eye, she was kissing Toby Erin Roger's.
Toby, the boy I loved. It didn't matter, I was a nobody in this shitty middle school. The group I lingered by was called 'The Proxies'. They were the, quote on quote, 'cool kids', and the, 'trouble makers'. Overall, edgy outcasts. Though, I was the outcast in a group of outcasts.
I used to be included, though, it seems like I slowly faded from their worlds. No matter if my presence was there or not, I didn't exist to them.
I sat idly as they, one by one, got up from the table and left. Not one glance towards me, not even a single look.
I brushed the shaggy uneven cut hair out of my face, I stood up and slowly made my way out of the cafeteria.
People walked past me, some gave dirty looks. Well, I don't blame them. My messy, uneven hair looked.. Horrendous. It was a punishment of mine, my father did it. He told me,
"Now you look as ugly as you are inside of that wretched mind of yours".
He didn't believe me, no one did.
I mindlessly made my way through the hallways and stood infront of a brown wooden door. I swallowed hard and knocked softly on the door, I heard the lock click open and the door abruptly swung open.
It was one of my teachers. He had a dad belly, a bulbous nose and red itchy skin layering his face. He was... okay I guess. He was nice, gave me gifts and compliments. Called me his 'little bunny'.
"Mm come in, come in" He rasped. He had a firm voice, (unlike his body), balding hair at the ripe age of 36 and stubby legs.
****
I sat myself down on a chair, subconsciously pulling down at my skirt. His eyes trailed my body, obvious in the most disgusting ways. "What- what did you uhm" I paused and quickly mumbled "did you need me for, I don't want to be late for class".
"Well, I have an important lesson about anatomy. Miss Jennings won't mind if you miss her class, you wouldn't want to leave me all alone?" He purred, blinking his lashes as if it's persuade me. Unfortunately for me, I'm sort of a people's pleaser so I caved in.
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My legs burned, feet ached and my stomach churned in the most awful way. I curled up next to the bush, gagging as the bile rose up my throat. A burning sensation roughly shoved its way up my throat and out of my mouth. For the third time in 2 hours, I threw up. The hurl ran down my mouth, god I didn't care.
I glanced down at myself, my legs had, now dried, blood caked over me. My uniform ripped and tattered in certain places. I was an absolute mess.
Tears burned through my eyes, I couldn't bear to think of what just happened.
Of what HE TOOK FROM ME.
My hands absent-mindedly rubbed at my skin. Soon the rubbing turned into scratching. I ripped through my own flesh as I choked on air. "I, I- Hiccup -CAN'T" I choked out, tears pouring through my puffy eyes.
I needed to scrub it away, EVERYTHING AWAY. The filth he lay on me, the layers of impurity. I was tainted, the stark reminder being the burning at my core and the blood that never seemed to fully dry off.
As I steadied myself on a nearby tree, I pushed myself forward. Home. Home now, I can't let them see me. I can't let Toby see how FILTHY I am.
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The cold wooden tiles of my bedroom floor felt like a sanctuary, no squeezing hands. Nothing ripping through me. Just, the cold touch of a looming death.
I traced lines on my wrist, mind fuzzy and blank. I forced myself forward, eyes gazing over towards my desk. On it lay my medication, melatonin and paracetamol.
'Just do it, no one will miss you'
I sat forward, leaning on my right leg.
'No one could ever love someone as FILTHY as you'
I rose a hand forward, reaching towards the packets.
'You are worth nothing'
I ripped open the packet, tearing through the foil and swallowing the pills dry.
'Take another, no one cares to watch'
I take another, then another, and another.
'Maybe for once your life meant something'
I stumbled forward, clutching the packet of melatonin.
'Your death will show the world you suffered'
I forced the pills down my throat, the chalk taste poisoning your tastebuds.
'It'll be a rebellion. A rebellion against all who wronged you.'
I lay back, watching the ceiling, waiting.
'Just die already, that'll be the best thing you can do.'
I closed my eyes, my mind going fuzzy.
'DIE.'
****
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Niniz- GOORLL WHERED YA GO >_<
Sent | Unopened
Niniz- HELLLAURR THE GROUPS GONNA HANG AT BRI'S
Sent | Unopened
Niniz- Haayyyy its been likeee 3 hours wya
Sent | Unopened
Niniz- SIGHHSS IM COMING TO GET YAAA I MISS YOUUUU
Sent | Unopened
Niniz- [Name], why is there an ambulance at your house???
Sent | Unopened
Niniz- Please answer me I'm freaking out.
Sent | Unopened
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Jeff- Wtf are you ignoring Nina
Sent | Unopened
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Jane- Hey hun, Nina told us about the ambulance. I hope you're okay xx
Sent | Unopened
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Tobez- Yu gud?
Sent | Unopened
Tobez- is this abt nat? Plz don't be overreacting
Sent | Unopened
Tobez- Nina told me about the ambulance. Please answer me I can't lose you too.
Sent | Unopened
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'Beep Beep Beep'
"I don't CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, GET HER SOME HELP!" A firm but emotional voice scorched out, her puffy eyes resembled the torment going through her brain, her sweet sweet baby girl tried to kill herself and now the doctors won't even give them ANY information.
She basically had to rip out the information from their throats. "Ma'am, I know this is a scary situation but we need you to remain calm until further notice." A blonde girl spoke with a straight face, medical board in hand along with her nurse scrubs. The bags under her eyes indicated how unbelievably exhausted she was. Nonetheless she still stood firm.
The other woman, [Name]s mother, stood in a shakey form. 'Asking me to be calm? Be calm? BE CALM?? MY BABYGIRL JUST-' She inhaled a sharp deep breath and released it shortly after.
"I apologize, I didn't mean to be so harsh", the nurse nodded in understanding.
"The head doctor has informed me that they are transferring your daughter into a mental health facility for further treatment. We just need parental consent before we press further".
And that, that's how I ended up here.