Chapter Text
*.✧
There had been a lot of fires to put out after the storm that nearly destroyed Pixie Hollow.
Literally, and metaphorically.
There were of course the many actual fires that had been started by lightning strikes, all of which needed to be brought under control before they started a full on forest fire.
But Nyx also had to run damage control with the fairies that had trusted her.
As soon as she was sure nothing remained burning, no fairies remained trapped under fallen debris and every other disaster that could have been caused was under control, she had burst into Queen Clarion's office.
Partially just to make sure the ruler of Pixie Hollow was okay - but also to bow down in front of her and express how deeply sorry she was for misguiding everyone under her command. For the damage she had failed to prevent.
That she had instead played a part in causing.
“You did what you thought was right. I can't fault you for that. But I think there's a lesson here for us both." Queen Clarion had placed a hand on her shoulder, bringing Nyx out of her bow, and looked her in the eyes, a gentle smile on her face.
“Perhaps it's not a matter of listening only to your heart, or only to your head. Perhaps you must listen to both.”
Then she had taken her hand away, and simply said, “I don't think it's me you need to be apologising to.”
Of course, the Queen had been referring to Fawn when she'd said that.
Nyx knew that she owed the animal fairy an apology.
If she was being honest, she owed Fawn much more than that.
Today alone, Nyx had: forced Fawn to turn on her friend (a friend Nyx had spent the better part of a week ruthlessly hunting down); captured said friend in front of her, and dragged him away whilst telling Fawn she was doing the “right thing”; been so steadfast in her belief that said friend was evil that it took him catching a bolt of lighting to save her life to change her mind.
Despite this, Fawn had given her what could barely be called a light reprimand.
She had shaken some sense into her and then gone on to (against seemingly all of Nyx’s best efforts) save Pixie Hollow from the storm threatening to completely destroy it.
And if that wasn't enough, she topped it all off by paying for Nyx’s mistakes with her own life.
Even if only temporarily, that was a debt Nyx could probably never repay.
So yes, she owed Fawn an apology.
But Queen Clarion wasn't the only person on Nyx's list of fires to put out, and Fawn was not the only fairy she owed an apology to.
There were the other Scouts to think about.
Because they had placed their trust in her, and she had let them down. Put them in danger. Had them fighting the wrong creature, and not listened to them when they had realised that before her.
And, while there were a greater number of them than Fawn, the idea of figuring out how to regain their trust was less daunting than figuring out how to repay a life's debt.
So tonight, she would start planning a speech about trust, and mistakes, and learning from them.
She would mouth those words to herself as she washed the ash from her face.
She would try not to dwell on how easy it was to mistake a guardian for a monster. How easy it might be to mistake the opposite.
And leave picking up the rest of the pieces - helping to plan the rebuilding of Pixie Hollow, arranging a debrief of all the terrible events that happened today, and figuring out what a worthy apology would even look like - to tomorrow.
*.✧
The next time Nyx sees Fawn, it's watching her fail to hold back tears as she says goodbye to Gruff.
Once the Never Beast had closed his eyes for the final time (until another thousand years had passed), Fawn had begun crying in earnest and her friends rushed in to comfort her.
Nyx had stayed where she was.
There didn't seem to be enough room for five fairies to hug Fawn at once, despite the group's efforts to do so. Six would definitely be pushing it.
And she wasn't exactly on hugging terms with any of the fairies there anyway.
Nyx felt slightly out of place in the group that had gathered to ease Gruff into hibernation.
Besides her, no other officials had been invited to join this increasingly intimate moment. It was just her, Fawn, and Fawn's regular group of friends.
But she had been asked to come. So she came.
She owed them that, at least.
Nyx was well versed in offering words of condolence.
Despite their best efforts, the Scouts couldn't save every fairy, and as their leader it had been her duty to break that news many different times over the years.
There were two words on the tip of her tongue, and Nyx was long over due to say them anyway.
I'm sorry.
She had gone through many iterations of an apology speech since the day of the storm. It had been hard to find the right selection of words to convey how poorly she had acted, and how much she regretted doing so.
But those two words were always included.
It wasn't like she hadn't tried to apologise to Fawn. There had just been so much to do. There always was.
It wasn't exactly part of the Scouts regular duties to help with the rebuilding efforts, but they had been one of the main reasons they had to take place at all, and there had been a lot that needed doing.
So it felt only fair to assist.
That, on top of all the usual things Nyx had to deal with on a day to day basis, had taken up most of her time in the week or so it had been since the storm.
And that meant writing proper guidelines for “Handling Unknown Creatures Collaboratively With Animal Fairies”, and recording the events of the storm for future Scout leaders, had been pushed into hours outside of the ones she regularly worked (which was the official way of saying: mainly when she should have been sleeping).
So, ‘Apologise to Fawn’ had slipped further and further down her list of priorities.
Which was not a good enough excuse, but here she was.
Hovering to the side of a very teary group hug, working very hard to not let the tears in her own eyes fall, still having not even begun to make it up to Fawn.
*.✧
It had been just under a month and a half since the day of the storm before the first regular, non magical rainstorm hit Pixie Hollow.
Nyx had been at Headquarters when the clouds had moved in, and definitely did not start panicking when she noticed the light from the windows had dimmed significantly.
She definitely did not rush to the windows expecting sickly green clouds.
Her hands were definitely not shaking where they gripped the windowsill.
And it definitely did not take Nyx taking herself through the keep-calm-in-a-crisis breathing exercises she had learnt all the way back at the start of her training to make them stop.
Because Nyx was the leader of the Scouts.
And she had gotten very good at staying calm in a crisis without counting her breaths a long time ago.
And she wasn't even currently in a crisis.
So the slightly concerned look that Fury gives her when she walks past Nyx checking what they need to restock in the store cupboards is completely unnecessary.
But also... probably not related to the fact that she's doing this to distract herself from the rumbles of distant thunder outside.
Because however perceptive of a Scout Fury is, Nyx trusts her ability to hold an emotionless expression more.
It probably has more to do with the fact that Nyx had already done - or, tried to do - this task earlier in the day.
How Fury knew that was an entirely different question, but one that’s answer most likely came back once again to the fact that Fury was indeed an incredibly perceptive Scout.
It didn't matter, because Fury knew better than to say anything and carried on down the hallway.
Which left Nyx alone to stew on the reason why she was back at the store cupboard.
After recounting their various supplies, she was met again with what they needed. They're running low on arrows, a few nets are wearing thin in places, and they've used up all the leaf bandages in one of the first aid kits.
Earlier, each of these discoveries had led to her getting… distracted.
The leaf bandages had called to mind the time she had to wrap Fawn's arm after a close call with the rat (that the animal fairy had secretly been caring for) left a sizable graze across it.
The wilted look on her face had made Nyx hold off on her lecture, for once.
And then the nets had made her think about a baby hawk, and Fawn running to put herself in-between her and Nyx’s scouts. The idiocy and lack of self preservation in that move still made her want to sigh exasperatedly.
But then the gentleness in the Fawn’s voice as she had spoken to the fledgling rushed back in, and for some reason it had made Nyx’s chest ache just slightly.
And finally, the worst it has been her just wondering whether with all the precision and dexterity of a well versed animal fairy, Fawn would be any good at shooting a bow and arrow.
The idea of handing Fawn any kind of sharp object was slightly terrifying, so that had been shut down fairly quickly.
Nyx had been left standing in front of a cupboard that she still somehow had no idea the inventory of.
And that had led to her slamming the door shut and rushing off to whatever else she needed to do that morning.
Recalling that memory now, Nyx is half tempted to repeat that action.
But it was now nearly the end of the day, and there was no other task to busy herself with. So she resigned herself to noting down the items they needed on the inventory list stuck to the inside of the cupboard.
Nyx isn't sure exactly when this started. All this thinking about Fawn.
That was incorrect.
Nyx knew that it had started when Fawn first began bringing dangerous animals into Pixie Hollow.
At that point, she was another piece of information to be weighed up, a possible threat to be aware of.
But it wasn’t this… constant.
After more and more events of predators reeking havoc - panic amongst the fairies and animals, damage to the landscape and infrastructure, resources spent containing and then cleaning up after them - that was no longer true.
The Fawn question had gone from an if to a when.
So she and her vague, avoidant answers to extremely important questions, and half thought through plans which lead to widespread chaos, and complete disregard for personal safety-
Had occupied a little more of Nyx’s considerations.
But it hadn't been like this.
Before the comet, any space Fawn had occupied in her mind was strictly contained. Measured. Used when needed, which was frustratingly often but still, it didn't just overwhelm her.
Nyx also knew where all this thinking about Fawn would end.
With an apology.
An apology she still hasn't given.
An apology that would set things right, and leave there to be no reason for the animal fairy to weigh on her mind so much.
Because that had to be what was causing this.
Nyx was a fairy of absolutes, of certainties, and unresolved issues held her down like a net. The more she turned them over in her mind, the more tangled she became in them.
She was just tangled up in Fawn.
(Wait no, that sounded-)
She was just tangled up in the problem of having not apologised to Fawn.
And having done so would cut her free of it.
It had to.
But that was turning out not to be that simple of a thing to do.
And it came down to one reason: Nyx and Fawn weren't friends.
So they didn't spend any time together.
So Nyx... didn't know where Fawn lived.
That had never been a problem before all this - because Nyx had never needed to find Fawn.
Fawn had a habit of finding her. Or more accurately, the predators that Fawn was harbouring had a habit of finding her.
But Fawn seemed to be taking a break from harbouring predators that would eventually find Nyx.
That was partially a relief, it's what she had been trying to get the animal fairy to do this entire time. But had been because Fawn was resisting that lesson.
And in fact, has been proved incredibly correct to have been doing so.
At least, in the sense that these situations should be handled with more nuance, Nyx still was against bringing predators universally understood to be dangerous into Pixie Hollow.
So it was strange. But she had also been there to watch Fawn cry over Gruff.
So it wasn't a complete mystery either.
Realistically, this should not be an actual problem for Nyx.
She should be able to ask around. Somebody, somewhere, will know where Fawn lives.
Beyond that, Nyx has access to the official archives on request, she should be able to just check the current Pixie Hollow residence logs.
And really, she shouldn't even need to know where Fawn lives, she should just be fully able to visit the different animal fairy work stations until she finds her.
But.
Doing those things. Any of those things.
Requires Nyx to interact with fairies other than Fawn. And that would mean questions. And that would mean answers.
And.
Okay.
Nyx's reputation hasn't suffered as greatly from the events leading up to and during the storm as it could have. The forgiveness of the Queen would do that.
And she had been seen going to Gruff's farewell, she had openly apologised to the other Scouts, everyone knew that she knew she had been wrong.
But everyone also knew that all of this had come down to her. And Fawn.
Gruff had been Fawn's friend. And Nyx had investigated Fawn multiple times before all this happened. And Fawn had been the one most affected by all of this.
Fawn had been the one to die.
Temporarily.
So forgive her if she was a little uncertain what the reaction would be if people knew she was trying to find Fawn.
And worse yet, that she was trying to find Fawn because she hasn’t yet apologised to Fawn.
Nyx wasn't too proud to let a hit to her reputation hold her back.
But she needed fairies to trust her. That was, ultimately, her job.
So.
She was.
She was stuck.
Until Fawn accidentally revealed the five baby hornets she had been secretly nursing into adulthood.
Or whatever she ends up doing next.
Nyx sighs to herself as she prepares to fly home, and into the oncoming storm.
*.✧