Work Text:
Frank Langdon is sitting in the lounge, trying to fight off his back pain. When he picked up that kid that was burning up and unconscious, he did a strange movement and his back pain got so strong, he almost collapsed on the spot. He cursed everything and couldn’t believe this was happening again. Ever since the accident, he’s always in pain but he hasn’t felt this exact pain since the accident happened. The benzos made it easier to deal with. After rehab and divorce, he hasn’t really paid attention to it. Or at least tried to.
Langdon goes to stand up but a sharp pain shoots through his back and he is forced to sit back down slowly. He’s trying to be helpful, even in pain, so he starts charting. That’s how you know he really can’t move. Langdon would much rather have to do a digital disimpactation than chart. He considers both to be equally time consuming and disgusting although he can’t really explain why he finds charting disgusting.
After about 30 minutes he realizes people will start to get suspicious as to why he’s been in the lounge for so long, so he braces for the pain and stands up. The pain is enough to almost make him fall down, but he grabs the table with one hand and the chair with the other for balance and, once he feels ready, slowly walks out of the room, silently cursing the accident and wishing he hadn’t come back today.
Mel is with a patient when she realizes that Langdon has been in the lounge for quite some time. And she saw him grimace when he put that kid down. It was small, barely noticeable but she knows she’s not crazy. She knows what she saw. And he’s charting mid shift, that’s not him. And it’s enough to make Mel leave her patient with Santos, of all people, to go to the lounge. Even Mel, who’s known Langdon for about 2 shifts, knows that something is wrong. She starts going to the lounge when she sees him stand up and start walking strangely. She stops and looks concerned but decides to watch him a little longer, get more information before she asks him what’s wrong.
Langdon starts taking care of a patient who’s in a lot of pain and screaming. He sees Whitaker give him benzos to stop the pain and Langdon just looks at the pills with such desire before removing himself from the situation and going to another patient, like he was taught in rehab. It’s the first time he’s had to do it and it’s harder than it sounds. He almost couldn’t do it, but he forced himself.
Apparently, everyone today is in so much pain, they need opioids, the other drug Langdon was addicted to. The hospital ran out of every other pain reliever so opioids are the way to go. Why the fuck did he have to come back today?
Mel notices the same thing. Everyone today is in pain and being prescribed opioids. That can’t be easy for a drug addict who’s freshly out of rehab. Every time Langdon is with a patient, she makes sure to be nearby. Anything happens and she wants to be the first one there.
There comes a moment where Langdon’s forced to prescribe the pills himself, seeing as everyone else is stretched thin. He considers it. Thinks to himself it would be the easiest thing to do and he won’t have any more pain. He writes down the number of pills needed, writing down a couple more than what the patient needs. He’s ready to risk it all again. That’s a lie. He’s not ready. But he can’t control himself. It’s like his mind is yelling at his body to stop but his body isn’t reacting.
Mel sees this and runs toward him. Right before he presses enter, Mel is at his side, looking concerned. She looks at the computer. “Hey, you know this guy only needs like 2 pills right? Any more and he might be unconscious” Langdon looks at her. “Yeah, you’re right. You do it, I’m gonna go see if there’s any patient not in soul-crushing pain today.” He leaves before Mel has a chance to talk to him. She breathes a sigh of relief as she sees him treat a patient with a few scratches, enough to keep him busy and she’s sure that patient doesn’t need drugs. Thank God she’s fast.
When Mel finishes up with her patient, she goes straight to Langdon. “Hey, can we talk?” Langdon looks at her, the pain getting harder to disguise by the second. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?” “Not here.” They go to the stairwell, Mel hoping there’s no one there to listen. “Were you about to…” she breathes deeply as this is hard to say “take something? Again?” She looks at him with concern and worry. Langdon looks down, clearly feeling guilty, and answers. “Look, after I grabbed that kid earlier, my back has been killing me. I’ve come close to passing out from the pain. I…” his eyes start welling with tears “I didn’t know what else to do.” He laughs bitterly. “I’m a fucking doctor. I know what those pills do, if used recklessly, they ruin lives. That’s one of the first things we’re taught in medical school but somehow, I didn’t know what to do. Why the fuck did I have to come back today of all days?” Langdon scoffs, clearly frustrated with himself.
Mel’s eyes soften. “You get yourself admitted. And let us take care of this. You don’t have to do this alone.” “But I don’t trust anyone here to help me with this. They’ll try to understand but they don’t know what I need right now. If I’m honest, I only trust you but I know you’re busy and I don’t wanna take any more of your time.” he says, a tear running down his cheek. “I’m not. I can give one of my patients to Javadi.” Mel says as she wipes the tear off his face, leaving her hand on his cheek, “Please let me handle this. You need someone, you need a doctor. We have to tell Robby or at least Al-Hashimi before admitting you but I promise, if you want, I’ll be the only one to treat you” Langdon grabs the hand on his cheek, squeezing it as if she were his only tether to life. He’s quiet for a moment, wanting to argue but too weak to fight it anymore. He looks at Mel, his least problematic doctor, and he feels grateful that he’s back, grateful that he knows her. It’s been a shitty day and he definitely shouldn’t have come back today, but at least she’s here. He nods. “Okay.”
They start walking out, still holding hands, Mel guiding him. Langdon stops suddenly, finally processing what he was close to doing and Mel turns around. Langdon can’t even look at her face, so he looks at the ground. “I was about to-” “I know. But you didn’t” Langdon frowns. “What was I thinking? I could’ve lost everything. Again. I was so close to doing it.” “You weren’t thinking. You were in pain and overwhelmed and trying to find that one thing to bring you back to life. It’s not your fault.” Langdon smiles softly and looks at her. “Right. Let’s go”
He refuses to let go of her hand, believing that if he does, he’ll be lost again.
They go to Al-Hashimi and tell her the whole story. At first, she looks surprised, then confused, then pitiful. She tries to hide that feeling but fails to do it and looks at Langdon with a face he got used to at family dinners and HR meetings and his first day back here, a face everyone made at him, except Mel. Al-Hashimi agrees to Mel being the only one to treat Langdon. “If you need anything at all, please tell me. I’ll be sure to keep this as quiet as possible. Thank you for trusting me with this” She says. Mel is happy Dr. Al-Hashimi is here today. If it were just Robby, he wouldn’t have understood the situation and probably fired Langdon right on the spot.
Langdon goes to the room that’s farthest from the nurse center, hoping it’ll just seem like he’s relaxing and not being treated. Mel moves with such ease, knowing exactly what medication to give to Langdon. He relaxes, knowing that Mel won’t tell anyone and trusting her judgement. Maybe being here is not so bad, but he definitely shouldn’t have come back today.
Mel gives Langdon the medication before sitting down close to the door and tapping her feet on the floor repeatedly and looking out the small window on the door, hoping no one notices they’re gone and wishing that she made the right choice. Langdon notices her stress. “Hey,” he says. “Good call. It’s already working.” She looks at him, relief clear on her face. “Good. I’m glad.” “Come here.” Mel moves her chair closer to Langdon. “It really was a good call. You’re a good doctor, Mel. You know that.”
He puts his hand close to her, leaving her the choice as to whether or not take it. She does. Butterflies fill his stomach, but he blames it on the pain and the medication. “I know. I’m just scared. If this makes you relapse I-” “It won’t. Trust me.” Langdon smiles. “Thank you, Mel. If you hadn’t found me earlier, who knows what I would’ve done.” Mel replies: “This hospital needs you. I did what any one of us would’ve done.” “I know, but… if I had been approached by someone else, I probably would’ve lied. I did it for months and got pretty good at it too. But with you it’s different. I can’t really explain it but it’s like you make me actually live up to my promises. It’s nice.” Langdon is saying this as he realizes it. He doesn’t know what to do with this realization so all he does is squeeze her hand. He feels happy he came back. He just realized how important Mel is in his life. Seeing her, even just being close to her, makes him feel like today was a good day to come back.
Mel smiles. She feels good. Like that first shift. She’s been trying to figure out what it was about that shift that made her feel so good. She knows now. It’s him.
And he now knows deep down that she was the one thing bringing him back to life. He found it. And doesn't want to let it go.