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The day felt wrong. Alhaitham had felt off from the moment he stepped outside his house.
It wasn’t until he looked at the calendar in his office after that feeling didn’t go away that he realized why the day felt so off.
It was the day his grandma had passed away, when he had said goodbye to her for the last time without knowing that he would be the one planning her funeral.
He had work to do as the acting grand sage–but now his focus was nearly gone.
The words on the pages didn’t make sense.
He knows he isn't in his right-rational-mind to approve any of it. He was trying to focus.
He even used the spare glasses he kept in his desk to read it closely–but none of it worked.
Every coping mechanism he had developed and learned failed him. All his years of knowledge tells him he just has to focus, all his reason states that this is a small problem.
A minor issue that he should be able to shrug off.
But it wasn’t.
He never forgot this day before.
He was ashamed he did.
He felt like he was moving on–and he didn’t want that. For when he moves on, what is left?
She had moved on without him, no matter how much he knows she would have stayed, given the chance, but could he do the same?
He doesn’t think so.
He has never done well with change. He preferred things to stay the same forever, or to stay peaceful at least. It was a childish idea and he knows that—it was a dream he had given up on after having lost so much for peace that felt hollow.
But he couldn’t help but feel wrong for not being home today.
He wanted to be home.
He wanted to read the books from when he was younger.
He wanted so badly to leave the Akademiya and hide away in his room.
But he couldn’t.
He was an adult now, not a student or child, and he couldn’t abandon his responsibilities.
Just as he doesn’t do business outside of work, he doesn’t do personal matters at work.
With few exceptions.
So, he set aside the papers, reading the first line of them to determine if they needed to be addressed when he was in a better state, or if he could pass them off to someone else.
He made piles, one he would review the next day, and one where he would pass it off to someone else.
Whatever was left, he skimmed over and placed in a third pile that really looked like a 'trash pile' to anyone else, but to him, it was just a 'not my problem' pile.
By the time he got finished rereading the same pages over and over until he was able to make a decision, it was darker out. Signifying the end of his day.
He melted into his chair as relief flooded him.
Finally, he could do what he wished.
What his grandma wished for him.
An easy life, an easy day...or easy night?
“Oh, Grand Sage!”
Gods above.
“Yes, Archon?” Nahida looked up at him with her all-seeing eyes that, frankly, made him want to crawl out of his own skin.
He felt like a child compared to her, which would be true in the sense of age, but it certainly didn't look that way. Also holding eye contact with a child that has the wisdom of an elder is just creepy.
“I thought you were at home today? Don’t you usually request this day off?” She asked, and Alhaitham supposed he should be nice to her as she had done no wrong.
It was him who forgot after all.
“I…” He hesitated, though he didn’t know why. Staring at the young god made him feel like she already knew what he was thinking…
“Please, speak casually with me! We need to work together to run the Akademiya after all!” She said with her usual cheery voice.
“I frankly forgot to schedule the day off.” He crossed his arms, and the little archon hummed, “Well, you could have asked me to leave early? I know this day is important to you.” She looked at him sympathetically, and Alhaitham was at a loss for words.
Granted, he knew their archon was far too kind. But he was the one at fault? Why should she be the one to cover for his error?
It didn’t make sense. It was out of reason… it was something Kaveh would do–with his bleeding heart and all.
Hell, he would bleed out if it meant feeding a village on the brink of death.
That was who Kaveh was.
He acted out of a desire… he acted irrationally.
But Nahida didn’t do that, she acted with thought. Alhaitham had considered she might be like him, but it didn’t seem so now. “It was my mistake. There was no need to inconvenience others.”
Nahida tilted her head, “I don’t see it as an inconvenience. You are entitled to your time on this place we call home and are free to spend it how you wish.” She held her arms out, not in a shrug, but more so in an explanation.
“If someone doesn’t want to make up for the loss of your time, they won’t.” She narrowed her eyes, thinking carefully.
“If someone wants to help, they will. If not, they won’t. So there is no such thing as inconvenience?” She asked it as a question, one he didn’t know the answer to. “Perhaps… I had put aside some work for tomorrow.”
She smiled at him, “Well, it’s good you didn’t overwork yourself! But don’t come in tomorrow. I want you to take the day off.”
She placed her hands on her hips firmly, “This is an order from your Archon!” She huffed, though the facade crumbled quickly as she fell into soft laughter, “Haha… anyways, take care, little one.” She smiled, and then she was gone.
Alhaitham stood there, a little thrown off by the whole conversation, but he supposed it wasn’t all bad. He could make up for forgetting this day by doing all he wished tomorrow. As well as ending the day, how he wished…
He gave a small smile to the Akademiya, to their Archon, too, he supposed, as he made his way home.
By the time he opened the door, he was met with Kaveh in their kitchen, staring back at him. “You– I thought you had the day off! Do you know how badly it scared me when I returned and you weren’t here?” He pointed the spoon that was in the pot at him like a wand.
“Why did you think that? You know I do my work.” Alhaitham tried to play it off, though his tongue felt like deadweight. He didn’t want to talk anymore.
“You–” Kaveh started, but the anger seemed to evaporate despite the fact Kaveh must have been dwelling on it for quite a while.
Alhaitham raised an eyebrow, just to see Kaveh’s back turned to him. He took off his headphones, and the world became quieter. He didn’t have great hearing, but he had some left.
“Kaveh?” He walked closer to him, his voice a little louder than intended, alerting Kaveh that his headphones were off. “...I’m making dinner. So, sit down.” Kaveh ordered, rather than asked.
But Alhaitham couldn’t find it in him to argue. He didn’t want to talk for the rest of the day. Maybe even the day after?
He just wanted to ignore conversation for a while. Too many ways he could be misinterpreted. It was all too much.
He sat down at their dinner table, taking note of the water already placed in front of his seat. He took it carefully, watching Kaveh cook while he drank. The water wasn’t too cold, but not warm. It was nice…
Soon, Kaveh began preparing their plates before bringing them to Alhaitham, who widened his eyes at the sight.
...It was his favorite dish from when he was younger, still in the Akademiya.
“We had the ingredients.” Kaveh explained, though it was a flat-out lie.
Alhaitham knew they didn’t, since he had gone shopping with Kaveh last.
He knew they didn’t have any of the ingredients for it.
He wasn’t going to comment on Kaveh’s small lie, though. He just took the meal gratefully, eating it quietly as Kaveh sat down beside him.
A small smile formed on his face as he ate, missing the taste of the food that he hadn’t eaten since he graduated.
He didn’t notice Kaveh watching him with a smile of his own.
They ate in silence until they were both done.
Alhaitham stood to clean the dishes, but Kaveh stopped him, “You’ve had a long day. Relax a bit, grand sage.”
Ironic coming from Kaveh of all people.
But he seemed insistent. So Alhaitham let him have this one victory over him. He was oddly more compliant today… Oh well, it hasn’t become a problem yet.
But he probably shouldn’t jinx it.
He wanted to tell Kaveh he had the day off tomorrow… but it seemed he had used his voice as much as he could already. He knew full well when he was at his limit, and that pushing past it is not something he should do unless necessary…
whoever named selective mutism 'selective' clearly never had it. It was not a choice, nor selective.
Alhaitham wanted to speak. He wanted to talk to Kaveh. But he couldn’t. He tried to open his mouth to make a sound. But nothing happened. No words would come out. He couldn’t voice his thoughts.
“Haitham? You okay?” Kaveh placed a hand on his shoulder, and Alhaitham nodded.
He was fine… just…bothered.
“Hm…” Kaveh narrowed his eyes for a minute, piecing everything together in his head. “Done speaking for the day?” He asked, bringing his hand up to run through Alhaitham's hair, who nodded into the touch.
“Alright… do you have enough energy to bathe? Your hair is messy.” Alhaitham shrugged. He didn’t feel like he could. “I can help you? I don’t want you to sleep with your hair like this.” Kaveh ran his hand through the ends of his hair, pulling out a knot that had formed at the back of it.
Alhaitham nodded, leaning into Kaveh’s touch. “Okay… c’mon, let's go.” Kaveh helped him to stand, gently guiding him to their shared bathroom.
It was a familiar routine, the roles having been reversed on numerous occasions where Alhaitham had to wash up Kaveh after a few too many drinks.
Alhaitham was compliant under Kaveh’s touch as he released him from the fabric that had grown too warm, he let Kaveh move him to the tub and accepted his help when it came to actually sitting in it.
The temperature shift always bothered him and made him reluctant to sit.
Kaveh was always gentle with him though, the way he covered his eyes when he started adding the shampoo, the little scratches he did with his blunt nails to work the shampoo into his hair...
The way he placed his calloused hand on his back when lowering him to wash it out, even though he was plenty strong, and smart enough, to not drown himself by accident.
Kaveh always made the entire experience just a bit more bearable on hard days.
Before he knew it, Kaveh was holding a warm towel off the heating rack he had made a few months ago, and was helping him out of the bath, ruffling his hair as they went back to their bedroom.
“Any specific clothes you want?” Kaveh asked, rummaging through his dresser, the only response to his question being a ‘puff’ sound and a groan, which he discovered to be Alhaitham, falling flat onto the bed, towel still on for once.
“No clothes? Are you sure?..” Which was answered by a thumbs up, and the sight of Alhaitham burrowing himself in the blankets, his towel being kicked away once he fully submerged himself under the covers.
And you know what, He gets it, on some level at least. Someday’s clothes just felt suffocating, or like someone constantly poking you, which is just plain annoying to anyone.
So, he accepted Alhaitham's refusal to adhere to societal standards and changed into his own night-clothes, though he went without a shirt for solidarity purposes, and climbed into bed beside him