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Logan has known Jean for as long as he can remember, and been in love with her for half of that time. Or so he thought, anyway, until he met Scott.
Scott was everything Logan wasn't: gentle, truthful, ambitious, charismatic, Jean's boyfriend. The latter had always been in the way of everything. First it was in the way of Logan and Jean's not-romantic-relationship and later it was of Logan and Scott's relationship.
The first time they met was in the school's cafeteria. Jean came to their usual table, smiling like a fucking lunatic and dragging a brown-haired boy after her.
“Who the fuck's that?”
“Oh, shut up, Logan. Everyone – except you Logan, you don't count anymore, don't think I haven't heard about that detention – this is Scott. Scott, everyone. Everyone, Scott. He's new and he's sitting with us” she said and then promptly sat down and pulled Scott down next to her. This was usually how Jean did things – quick, direct and without any care about what others might think. Now, usually, Logan liked that about her, but when she came dragging some stupid boy who insisted on shaking everybody's hand and actually hearing what they're called all while smiling politely and somehow making everybody like him, he didn't like it nearly as much.
“Logan, right?” Scott smiled crookedly and offered his hand. Logan decided he hated that smile.
Scott didn't stop smiling when Logan scowled and flipped the bird at him.
**
It took Jean three weeks to get inside Scott's pants and four to be able to call him 'boyfriend'. Logan wasn't jealous, and if anyone said differently his fists convinced them otherwise. Jean could date whoever the fuck she wanted, just not Scott. Not Scott with his stupid smile and laugh, and ridiculously big, soft-looking hands which looked perfect when gripping the handle of a motorbike. Anyone but, really. Preferably Logan himself.
But of course Jean didn't listen to him when he told her this (not in those words though and definitely not the dating-himself thing – he wasn't suicidal, Jesus Christ), in fact, she hit him. And later he had to endure the most stupid and Scott-y conversation with Scott about how he would never hurt Jean and that he'd always treat her with respect and never cheat on her, ever, and there's really no reason for Logan to worry. Clearly the only thing Logan could do was to punch him in the face.
The following three weeks were awful. Weirdly, the worst thing wasn't the fact that Jean refused to talk to him, but Scott's kicked-puppy look. Seriously, what was wrong with the kid? Couldn't he take a fucking punch?
**
Everything changed on a Saturday Eve, at one of Ororo's parties. It was six months after Jean first introduced Scott, five months of having to watch Jean with another guy, with Scott. But the thing was, he'd started doubting his feelings towards Jean.. You can't really blame him for getting absolutely wasted.
He only remember bits and pieces from that night. Stuff like the feel of Marie's breasts pressing into his chest, the heat and pressure of dancing bodies, the curling smoke from a cigarette in ridiculously big, soft-looking hands, a flat chest against his, the press of chapped lips and the taste of smoke and alcohol blended with saliva...
Logan tries very hard not to think of that night.
**
Logan sometimes catches Scott staring. It makes him long for things he's never even thought of before, makes him ache for touches and slow kisses in the dark of the night with the cold wind grabbing at their clothes. It makes him think of Jean and how he doesn't get as happy as he used to when she smiles at him or touches him, how he doesn't think about her lips or soft skin when he fumbles underneath his sheets at night.
He never talks with Scott again. Not like they used to, anyway. He doesn't bicker with him and make fun of him or talk like they did that one time underneath the stadium. He don't because he's not allowed to. Scott is Jean's, and Jean should always come first, does always come first. He could never hurt her that way, won't hurt her that way, or any way for that matter.
Scott deserves someone better than him, anyway.
**
It's prom night and Scott is dancing with Jean, making her laugh at something he said, smiling that stupid smile of his that make Logan kind of weak in the knees, even though he'd die before ever admitting it.
Jean asked him if he was okay before they went to the prom. He smiled and said he was fine. She gave him this look and grabbed his arm before saying, “I know, Logan. Thank you.. for what you're doing. You're my best friend and I love you so much and just... thank you. I really think Scott is the One and... thank you.”
He didn't know what to say to that, so he just left. He left to find some liquid X and now he's standing in the corner of the rented ballroom like a fucking creeper, waiting for the drug to kick in. He know he took too much, knows he'll probably do stuff he'll regret if he wakes up tomorrow, but he just needs a break. A break from all the intense feelings.
Fuck, he just wants everything to be as it used to be.
He read somewhere that Heaven isn't a place, but memories. Instead of going to some random-ass cloud, you get to relive your happiest memories. Logan rather likes that theory.
He takes another large sip from the bottle in his hand.