Work Text:
Jisoo looked out the window as he brushed his hair back with his free hand as his other was holding his cell phone to his ear, nodding and rolling his eyes as he heard Jihoon speak on the other line of the phone. “Okay, I get what you’re saying, Jihoon,” Jisoo sighed as he leaned back in his chair and kept his eyes on the clouds rather than the manuscript in front of him, “but you’re wrong.”
“I’m wrong?” Jihoon scoffed on the other line. “Excuse me, who’s the editor and publisher here, Hyung?”
“You.”
“Yeah, I thought so. So change all the times you wrote ‘judgement’ into ‘judgment’ without the extra ‘e’ if you want me to consider the draft done.”
“Yah, I told you you could write it either way!” Jisoo pouted as he slowly turned his head forward and downward to the stack of papers marked with red ink in front of him. “Would the readers even care about how I spell one word anyway? Didn’t that word only appear twelve times in the draft?”
“Try thirty-two,” Jihoon humphed as he was flipping through his copy of the draft that Jisoo shipped to him last Friday.
They were both writing in their own copies as they were talking on the phone. Jisoo stood up to refill his mug in the kitchen with another serving of coffee, putting his phone on speaker on the counter as he was grabbing the sugar and creamer in the cabinet and refrigerator, respectively. The two of them have been arguing back and forth over Jisoo’s paper for the past few hours ever since Jihoon woke his writer up abruptly at eight in the morning.
“Oh, and another thing,” Jihoon called out as Jisoo was making his coffee. “Can you choose another day instead of Friday?”
“What do you mean?”
“You always choose Friday when your characters decide to do stuff. Here, on page 68 it says, ‘They scheduled their date on a lovely Friday afternoon’ or here on page 129 you wrote, ‘Friday nights were never easy for her when she was the only one in her friend group to stay in for the night.’”
“I added Monday in the draft,” Jisoo huffed his cheeks as he put his phone between his left shoulder and his ear after taking it off speaker as he held his cup of freshly made coffee with both hands, walking back to his table near the window.
“Yeah, twice. One was when you wrote the flashback of this character born on a Monday and the other was in the second chapter when you said that she dreads Mondays because of that.”
“That’s gotta count for something,” the upset writer grumbled to himself as he took a large gulp of his caffeinated beverage. “Well, what do you want me to do, oh dear editor?”
“Rewrite all of those corrections I wrote over your manuscript in red ink and then send it back to me. Oh, and the ending is a bit rushed, try to add more detail in there.”
“Easy for you to say.”
It was silent for a moment, which was rare. Jihoon was always the one rambling to Jisoo on how he should improve his writing so he could finally have it published into a book. But this time, Jihoon held back as he listened to Jisoo pulling out his laptop and and begin typing as he opened the transcript file on his screen. “You okay, Hyung?”
“Peachy.”
Jihoon pouted. “Still don’t have any motivation to write?”
Jisoo paused as his fingers lightly tapped on the keyboard creating a sound but not inputting any letters onto the document. “Yeah, I don’t really have anything motivating me except my editor who’s all the way in Busan.”
“Want me to visit?”
“You have other clients. It’s fine. This is only my third book anyway, it’s not like I’ve had trouble in the past.”
“Well, that’s because you weren’t living along in your apartment in Hongdae. You were also fresh out of university, so you had a lot of fresh ideas in your head.” Jihoon noticed the lack of response Jisoo said aloud as he heard the typing on the other side resume. Jihoon took a deep breath and nodded. “I’ll call you tomorrow and we can discuss what you’ve written today, okay?”
“Alright.”
The two hung up and Jisoo shook his head as he put his phone down on the table. He stretched his arms above his head and yawned as he looked out the window again. He was on the eighth floor of his apartment complex, but the clouds were filling the atmosphere so the city below him seemed greyer and monotonous than usual. He finished his second cup of coffee and brought his empty breakfast plate with bagel crumbs over to the sink as he washed them.
He’s lived by himself for about a year now. His partner, Yoon Jeonghan, moved out as Jisoo started writing the draft of his second book. He’s always been supportive of Jisoo’s author career, even attending fansigns that were around the area. But Jisoo graduated with a Bachelor’s Degree in English and Jeonghan graduated with a Bachelor’s in Natural Science, which he was using to pursue a Master’s in Sustainable Development and their schedule’s never aligned.
Jisoo’s apartment was about an hour commute to graduate school for Jeonghan, which was rather troublesome. Jisoo always wanted to go out but Jeonghan was drowning in research papers, had trips to energy companies, and spent most of his time at the library. The days that Jeonghan was available was usually at night where he went out to Gangnam with his colleagues with the hope that a few bottles of soju would relieve their stress from school. Jisoo never participated in the drinking nor did he ever go out with Jeonghan doing so.
Naturally, Jeonghan decided to move out and called it quits, which ended their relationship of five years together.
Jisoo found it particularly hard to adjust to his new single lifestyle in his apartment. His friend, Choi Hansol, helped him rearrange the furniture to give the apartment new life so Jisoo wouldn’t think of Jeonghan every corner he turned in his house.
Hansol was also the one who introduced Jisoo to Lee Jihoon, his current editor and publisher for his novels. They met at a Christmas party held by the company where Hansol was an accountant intern. Hansol invited his older friend to attend saying that he should at least try to mingle with people other than the people at coffee shops and cafes who Jisoo saw on the daily.
At that time, Lee Jihoon was finishing his Bachelor’s in Literature degree as his roommate and partner, Wen Junhui, dragged him since he was the son of the CEO. Jisoo and Jihoon knew their friendship would last for a long time when they were the only two who didn’t have a business or economic degree and argued for two hours whether or not Shakespeare was truly a brilliant writer or an overhyped, mediocre writer.
Although Jihoon now lives in Busan, the two kept a close relationship. Junhui is constantly flying from Shenzhen, China and back, so constantly emailing Jisoo about his novel ideas kept Jihoon sane and busy. When Jisoo sent his third draft for his second novel, he knew that Jihoon was different from his previous editor.
“Why do you always use Thursday or Saturdays in your draft?” Jihoon said in their first phone call together as writer and editor. “Are you even trying? Are you even trying to figure out what day it should be?”
“No, I’m not trying!” Jisoo replied back on the phone. “That’s your job!”
It was Jihoon who suggested that Jisoo take a part-time job at the coffee shop underneath his apartment to not only earn a bit more money besides selling books, but also to keep his head from combusting and to get writing inspiration.
However, the inspiration never came, which resulted in Jisoo’s second novel being published two years after his first novel. Despite the gap, it did fairly well and Jihoon suggested for his writer to write another novel following it. The third novel is what Jisoo’s been stuck on for a while now. Though it’s only been a few months since the last publication, he’s only written four chapters out of the twenty he prepared to write.
Jihoon noticed how delayed Jisoo’s progress has become and decided to pay a visit. After picking him up at the bus station, Jisoo took Jihoon out to their usual spot in a bakery located in Sinchon. Jihoon sipped on his latte as he watched Jisoo take his frustrations out by eating a whole bowl of bingsoo by himself. “Hyung.” Jisoo looked up with his mouth full as Jihoon pulled out a few sheets of paper out of his backpack between his legs on the floor. “Your drafts lately… how should I put this in a nice way… they suck.”
Jisoo pouted as he swallowed the mochi and honeydew in his mouth. “Well I’m sorry I don’t have any motivation to write.” He began swirling the fruit in the bowl and sighed. “Maybe I should just stop writing and look for another job.”
“Don’t say that, Hyung. It’s just a writer’s block. You’ve had them before.” Jihoon noticed the look on the other’s face. “Why don’t you put a sign up or a request on the internet for another roommate so you aren’t alone? I would, but I have to man the fort in Busan while Junhui’s away.”
“Ah, I’m not so sure about that.”
“Well, it’d be good so you aren’t reminded of-” Jihoon was cut off and coughed to stop himself when Jisoo shot him a look up from the bowl. “It’s just an idea.”
“You know, I just might,” Jisoo nodded as he began to stuff his mouth with more fruit.
--
After sending an email to Jihoon with half of chapter five completed, Jisoo decided to to put an ad online.
Roommates needed. Apartment in Hongdae. Contact for details.
To his surprise, he received a response within a few hours.
Make that two responses. Lee Seokmin, a forth year in university, and Boo Seungkwan, a third year, stated that they needed a closer place to stay since their school was in the Hongdae area. “We can share a room together,” Seokmin stated on the phone when Jisoo called them to confirm the two college students were tolerable. “We’ll sleep on the same mattress too, unless you have separate mattresses for us.”
“We’ll be good, hyung!” Seungkwan interjected. “Our parents still help us with financing, so the rent will always be paid on time!”
Jisoo wasn’t really sure what convinced him — whether it was the fact that he wouldn’t be lonely anymore or the fact that Seungkwan and Seokmin said they’d do most of the cleaning around the apartment — but he ended up with two younger roommates. And Jihoon’s predictions were true, Jisoo felt a bit better, especially with how lively the two were.
His weekdays now consisted of helping the students with their studies, cooking dinner with them, baking cookies at two in the morning, and, most importantly, watching those dramas every Tuesday night and waking up on the couch to see the two cuddling up against him. Though he still didn’t feel completely out of a writer’s block, he didn’t feel lonely anymore.
He knew that the second Seungkwan mentioned a house party at one of his friend’s house, Jisoo was in too deep. “Oh, c’mon, Hyung!” Seungkwan smiled as he was piecing his outfit together with Seokmin as Jisoo sat on Seungkwan’s mattress in the two’s bedroom. “It’ll be fun!”
“For you guys,” Jisoo furrowed his eyebrows. “You two are the college kids, I’ve been out of college for a few years.”
“Oh, it’s not like you’re an uncle or anything,” Seungkwan rolls his eyes as he was patting the sides of his hair flat while looking into the mirror. “You said you were on a writer’s block, right?”
“Yeah, for the past few months,” the eldest sighed. “Jihoon’s kind of upset, but Junhui’s back in Busan so he isn’t all that upset.”
“Hm, well maybe this party could help you with that, don’t you think Hyung?” Seokmin smiled as he pulled an olive green jacket out of his closet and threw it to Jisoo, snickering when his older friend squealed and fell back with the jacket landing on top of his face in response. “It’ll be fun! If it’s a bad party, we’ll just come back and watch reruns of our drama series.”
-
Jisoo has never felt more awkward in a social situation than he did at the house party. (Omit the time that Jihoon tried to take him clubbing and Jisoo tried to break a move out on the dance floor and accidentally hit one of the employee’s face with the back of his hand and Jihoon and him made a run for it.)
The students were respectful towards him and offered to pour him drinks, which he declined as he already had a glass in his hand that he handed to Seokmin. He was a non-drinker, he couldn’t exactly connect with the younger ones at their level. College parties always reminded him of Jeonghan anyway, so he wasn’t exactly sure if agreeing to come was a wise decision in the first place.
“Hyung!” Seungkwan giggled as he walked over, his feet fumbling over another as he clung to a taller, well-built, and apparently still sober person. “This is Seungcheol hyung! He’s the host!” The young one hiccuped as his cheeks grew redder and warmer. “This is Jisoo hyung!” Seungkwan smiled up at Seungcheol. “I live with him!”
Seungcheol snickered and ruffled the drunken one’s hair. “Technically, I’m co-hosting this with Doyoon.” He looked over and saw Jisoo sitting down properly with a bottle of water in his lap as he shyly lifted his left hand to wave with a cute half smile. Seungcheol patted Seungkwan’s back and let him go back to Mingyu who was snickering at how red the Jeju boy’s face was (while Mingyu’s face was the same pigment of red) as he sat down next to Jisoo. “You aren’t a college student either, huh?”
“Y-Yeah, I graduated a few years ago…” Jisoo pushed his legs closer together to make more room for Seungcheol on the couch as he held the plastic bottle of water with both of his hands and looked over. “I guess we’re on the same page then, huh?”
“Well, kind of,” Seungcheol chuckled. “I’m working on a doctorate right now.”
“Oh, shit— that’s great.”
“I get that a lot. I’m working for a Ph.D in Civil Engineering.”
“Oh, fuck—”
“Get that a lot too,” the blond one hummed as he leaned back and stretched his arm against the back of the couch.
“Yeah, that’s impressive. I just have a B.A in English.”
“That’s pretty cool though. What do you do?”
“I’m… a novelist.”
“And you say getting a Ph.D is cool? You have a job already! I’m assuming you already wrote a book since you graduated too, huh?”
“I’m working on my third book already, actually…”
“Oh shit! That’s great! I only met you tonight but you seem like you’re winning in this life comparison already.”
The two continued to talk, probably being the only sober ones who were able to stay up as Doyoon was making sure the university students had a water bottle and trash can next to them as they crashed in various parts of the apartment. It wasn’t often that Jisoo was praised for being a writer, or having a degree in English for that matter, so hearing Seungcheol encouraging him boosted his confidence.
Jisoo realized it was already three o’clock in the morning when he hissed and said he should be leaving. Seungcheol offered a place in their guest bedroom since Seungkwan and Seokmin were already passed out but Jisoo declined. “I have a phone meeting with my editor tomorrow morning. I can’t miss that or he’ll kill me.”
“He sounds fun,” Seungcheol joked. He pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and handed it over, signaling Jisoo to mimic his gesture as they typed out their phone numbers on each other’s phones. They swapped phones again and the blond one held the door open and leaned against the doorframe as Jisoo bowed shyly and walked out to the corridor. “Let’s hang out sometime. Maybe you can work on your draft as I do my research? Sound good?”
“Yeah,” Jisoo smiled. “Sounds great.”
--
It was convenient that they lived in the same region in Seoul so that they were able to meet up at a coffee shop near the both of them easily since they knew the area. Jisoo was surprised to see Seungcheol already at the place when he arrived. He saw the stack of papers neatly next to two textbooks that were open as Seungcheol was alternating between his laptop and writing in his notebook. Their eyes came into contact when the older one lifted his head up and adjusted his glasses, smiling with a sincere wave as Jisoo timidly walked over and joined him.
Jisoo quietly pulled his laptop out of his bag and placed it on the table and opened it slowly as he waited for the screen to load.
“I hope you like Americanos. I ordered two of them. With a waffle too. We can share that,” Seungcheol hummed as he nonchalantly continued his work.
“Oh, that’s fine. I usually order Americanos here anyway,” Jisoo grinned as he took out a notepad with notes as he moved his finger on the touchpad to open the document of his novel draft.
“You come here often?”
“I guess you can say I’m a regular here.”
“You too?”
Jisoo stopped typing and looked up from his monitor. “Whoa, wait—”
“Are you usually on the first floor?”
“Oh, no. I always sit on the second floor. The first floor is too noisy for me to concentrate.”
Seungcheol smiled. “Total opposite for me. I need the background noise to zone into my notes. Ah, I guess it’s different for writers, huh?” He saw as Jisoo nodded and resumed typing on his keyboard at a slow pace. He pulled his glasses off of his face and set it on the table as he leaned in and took a closer look at Jisoo.
Jisoo noticed the movements in his peripherals. Externally, he acted as if he was in his writing zone, not distracted by the other’s movements. Internally, however, he in a full-on panic mode since nobody, not even Jihoon, has ever witnessed him write.
“You seem to be struggling.”
“Ah… what makes you say that?”
“Well for one thing, you’re not even typing. You’re just tapping your fingers on the keyboard.” Jisoo grumbled to himself as Seungcheol leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms. “Your eyes have also been wondering around, so I’m assuming you aren’t really paying attention to your monitor.”
“Those… are good observations.”
“Are they accurate?”
“Well… yeah.” Seungcheol chuckled in response which made Jisoo blush as he shook his head and moved his laptop aside. “I guess I’ll just take a break from writing then.”
“Writer’s block, huh?”
Jisoo nodded.
“It’s alright. You’ll get out of it eventually. Let’s just take a break from our work,” Seungcheol grinned as he moved his materials to the other side of the table as well. He noticed Jisoo glancing at his blank document sheet on his screen and he patted Jisoo’s arm. “Hey, it’s just a temporary block.”
“I’ve had a block for a while now though,” the younger one responded. He grunted and leaned his elbows on the table as he ruffled his own hair, disheveling the pinkish locks all over the place. Jisoo looked up and looked at Seungcheol’s confused expression and shook his head. “Sorry… frustrated I guess.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Well, there isn’t much to say. Except for the fact that I don’t have any motivation to write. My editor gives me deadlines, but when I do meet them he sends me back the drafts and says how much improvement they need. So it’s pointless.”
Seungcheol frowned. “Well… why did you lose your motivation?” He noticed how Jisoo glanced away and he coughed. “Oh, sorry. Off-territory, you don’t need to tell me—”
“I lost my muse,” Jisoo mumbled. The other blinked as Jisoo looked in his direction. “I don’t have a muse anymore.” Sitting up straight and fixing his hair he sighed sadly. “He was my inspiration, I wrote the protagonist of my first novel with my ex-boyfriend’s personality and my first editor said that the story was going to be a hit, which it was.”
“Oh,” Seungcheol mouthed. “I’m sorry to hear that, Jisoo. What about your second novel, though?”
“He broke up with me— after five years of being together— while I was in the middle of the novel, so it took a really long time to finish it. I had to change the personalities of the characters since I added bits of his personality to them all.” He suddenly laid his head on the table, groaning at how he shouldn’t have done that so harshly.
“Now, I’m no English major so I can’t help you with your writing,” Seungcheol began, “but I can help you get your mind off of your ex once and for all.”
Jisoo lifted his head up and sniffled. “How?” he wiped his eyes with the napkin Seungcheol handed him and groaned. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry. I just dumped all of this on you and I just met you yesterday.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s not like it’ll make me think of you any differently.” Jisoo paused as the blond one placed the glasses back over his eyes and smile. “Really. I’ve never met anyone around my age out of the engineering department, let alone a novelist. You’re really interesting.”
--
Whenever Jisoo was feeling upset over writing, Seungcheol stopped by at the apartment, whether it was after his night classes or after his internship, to take Jisoo out. He knew Jisoo wasn’t a drinker, so he never bothered bringing him to bars or clubs. Instead, the two took night walks by the Han River, so Jisoo could have some fresh air; went out to watch a movie, Seungcheol knew that laughter was good medicine; or just people watched and listened to street performances, Jisoo always seemed to be enchanted by them.
“You seem to really like music,” Seungcheol commented.
Jisoo nodded as he zipped up his sweater to his neck. “Yeah, I really enjoy it. I feel that I would probably be a musician if I weren’t a writer.”
“Really? Me too.”
“No way, really? But you’re an engineer!”
Seungcheol snickered. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Jisoo blushed and shrugged as the other smiled. They began walking the streets, walking closer together as the wind blew in their direction. “My mom’s a trained violinist, actually,” the older one confessed. So you could say I grew up with music.”
“That’s interesting.”
“Yeah, it was nice,” Seungcheol nodded as he watched as his feet stepped in sync with Jisoo’s. “I learned piano when I was four. She enrolled me in orchestra in third grade before she took me to private lessons for percussion instruments.”
Jisoo smiled. “Sounds like music meant a lot to you and your other.”
“It really did. And she was very supportive. We went to a ton of concerts together, she attended all of my performances and made sure to buy the biggest bouquet of roses during intermission to give to me afterwards.” Seungcheol’s face fell as he cleared his throat. “But my father on the other hand… he wasn’t much of a fan.”
The younger one stopped in his tracks. Seungcheol looked back and saw the concerned look on Jisoo’s face. They stopped by a bench as Seungcheol continued his story.
“My father was a good man with good intentions, I give him that. But when he divorced my mom, it was never the same.” He clenched his fists on his thighs, Jisoo noticed but decided just to pat his friend’s back. “She was out of my life afterwards. As was music.”
“I guess your dad got you into engineering then?”
Nodding silently, the older one replied. He turned to glance at Jisoo. “I do love engineering though. I like feeling like I’m contributing to the greater good and helping the planet and community in that sense. It’s a good feeling and it’s not like it’s complicated for me. My father hired tutors to help me during my high school days.” He sat up straight, stiffening a bit when Jisoo took his hand off of his back. “It’s just… I don’t know… I miss music though. I guess you can’t forget about your first love…”
At that moment, Jisoo froze. Though Jihoon was the only other person to know about how deeply affected he was involved and attached to Jeonghan, he knew that nobody understood how hard it was to let go of a first love. Until tonight.
“I’m rambling… ah, I know I normally don’t do this since I’m usually the one listening to your problems. It probably sounds really dumb too, huh?”
“No, not at all. I don’t mind this at all.” Jisoo responded in a shaky voice. He scooted closer to Seungcheol and hesitantly wrapped his arm around his back and rubbed Seungcheol’s arm. “And, for the record, I completely understand.”
--
Seungkwan and Seokmin were rather surprised to see Seungcheol waiting on the couch as he waited for Jisoo to get ready. The two younger roommates constantly teased their older roommate on his frequent dates with Seungcheol. Jisoo kept waving it off though, saying that he only went out with Seungcheol when he lacked motivation to write that day.
But truthfully, Jisoo hasn’t stopped writing ever since he went on nightly adventures with Seungcheol. In the daytime, Jisoo wrote at least fifteen pages every session, completing a whole chapter in a week. Even Jihoon was impressed, not only with how much Jisoo is writing but also the quality of the writing.
“Wow, your writing doesn’t make me want to throw the papers out the window anymore,” Jihoon joked. Jisoo smiled, knowing that it was his editor’s way of saying ‘keep up the good work.’
This motivation went beyond Jisoo’s novel writing. He put those journals with cheesy quotes on the front cover that Hansol always gifted to him to good use as he began to write continuously with proses, poems, and letters. Jisoo found more than the motivation to write once again. He found a new muse.
“Wait,” Seungcheol snickered as he saw Jisoo writing in his journal as they were watching the new drama series together in Jisoo’s living room, “let me see what you’re writing!”
Jisoo, squealed and quickly closed the book, extending his hand away from Seungcheol who was reaching over for it. They laughed together as Seungcheol tries to crawl over Jisoo to get it as Jisoo kept moving away to keep the book at a distance. The younger one squealed when he felt the other hold him by the shoulders and pressed him down against the couch. Jisoo laid down frozen at from what happened as his hands lost grip on the book and Seungcheol quickly stole it away to flip onto the page Jisoo was working on.
“Oh, a poem, huh?” Seungcheol smiled cheekily. Jisoo shook out of his daze and tried to retrieve the book back but Seungcheol was already reading aloud. “Wow, with a title like ‘Kindling’ how can I not read this book out loud?” He cleared his throat as Jisoo sat next to him quietly. “
The clock was just ticking.
And maybe you tripping
Was just the reason
My heart’s been infiltrated but without treason.
Jisoo’s cheeks were burning and he began to pat them with the pads of his fingers that were freezing, as usual, to calm them down. He noticed Seungcheol’s blank expression as he was trying to interpret the poem. “Um… Seungcheol…”
“Who is this for?” he directly asked. The novelist froze yet again. His mouth left hanging but no words were coming out. Instead of saying it, Jisoo closed his mouth and just pointed at Seungcheol, squealing and grabbing a couch pillow to hug afterwards. Seungcheol’s eyes widened in realization. “M-me?”
The writer hid his face in the pillow and nodded while squealing again, as if he was a teenager who was confessing to his high school crush. “It’s you, Seungcheol. It’s all you! You! You! You!”
--
“You again?” Jihoon scoffed. “I wanted to talk to my client, not my client’s boyfriend.”
“Well, your client is busy cooking breakfast for me and himself,” Seungcheol hummed on the other line as he was setting up the plates and silverware on the table near the window overlooking the city, “but he’ll be available once he’s done cooking the eggs and the toast pops out of the toaster.
Jisoo snickered in the background. “Just tell him to wait ten minutes. I already sent him the last chapter of the novel.”
Seungcheol repeated the words to the editor who rolled his eyes. “You know, I haven’t met you in person and you’re already wasting my time…” Jihoon coughed as he spoke softer. “But you were a big reason he started writing again, which he’s been struggling with for almost two years. So thank you for that.”
The engineer smiled and softly replied back with a ‘you’re welcome’ as Jisoo headed over to the table and grabbed his cellphone back and opened his laptop to discuss the final draft with Jihoon. Seungcheol fed himself and Jisoo, a typical act of affection he’s been doing ever since the two started dating. He usually came over on Friday night and stayed the weekend until Sunday evening where he went back to his shared apartment with Doyoon. Seungkwan and Seokmin stayed with Doyoon in the meantime, usually an excuse to get help with their work and drink one or three bottles of beer and soju as well.
Seungcheol watched as his boyfriend was passionately engaged in his livelihood, which was great to see, especially since Jisoo’s come a long way ever since the two of them met. Cafe dates were more lively, Jisoo began to actually work on his novel as Seungcheol was busy with his notes and research papers. Instead of going out together for Jisoo to get motivation, they both went out as a celebration of their accomplishments. As they laid in bed together, Seungcheol’s arms wrapped around Jisoo’s middle as they pressed their foreheads together, Jisoo spoke of beautifully fabricated sentences that captivated the older one.
“I wrote another poem,” Jisoo spoke softly, “want me to recite it to you?” Seungcheol responded with a sleepy smile and a soft nod. “It’s called ‘Sweaters,’ Jisoo cleared his throat.
You’re that white sweater
That protects from the cold.
I’m merely the grey one
Fifty-percent off, sold.
Everyday you’d be worn
Leaving for winter’s white.
Yet here I hang lonely
Hoping to see some light.
And yet, despite all that,
I don’t understand why
You’re partnered with me
As we spin together dry.
“You seem like the white sweater in my opinion,” Seungcheol yawned as he pulled Jisoo closer, making him giggle quietly. “But it’s a cute poem. You always write cute poems. Maybe because you’re cute too.”
“Oh gosh,” Jisoo snickered, “you’re letting your sleep take over your speech.” He leaned in and kissed Seungheol’s nose sweetly. “Let’s just go to sleep, hm? I’ll wake you up with another poem.”
“Like you always do,” Seungcheol yawned once again as he nuzzled his cheek against Jisoo’s. “Goodnight, grey sweater.”
“Goodnight, white sweater.”
--
It wasn’t long until Jisoo let Jihoon release a publication date to the public set for next year in February for his third novel. As a celebration, Seungcheol took Jisoo, his roommates, and even Jihoon out to eat barbeque. To everyone’s surprise, Jisoo accepted the offer when Seungkwan asked if he’d like a shot glass of soju to down with the others.
“Whoa, Hyung this must mean a lot to you, huh?” Seokmin smiled.
“I’ve known you the longest,” Jihoon hummed as he swirled the alcohol in the glass cup, “and I’m surprised you want to take a shot.”
They all lifted their glasses in the air as they all chanted for Jisoo to present a speech. “Ah, you guys know I’m better at writing than talking.”
Seungcheol laughed. “Yah, babe just hurry up already!”
“Um, a toast to the new novel and more to come?” They cheered at Jisoo’s mediocre speech and downed the glass, hitting it hardly against the table as they all sighed and shook their bodies as the alcohol made its way through their systems. Jisoo, being a nondrinker all of his life, felt the rush of a lifetime and leaned against Seungcheol’s shoulder. “Oh gosh, that was gross… but really smooth.”
“How was your first shot?”
“Terrible… let’s take another!”
After three shots, Jisoo was already out of his mind. Seungcheol thought this was rather amusing though, even knowing that he’d have to take care of a whining and unhappy Jisoo the morning after. Jisoo swung his arm around Jihoon and Seungcheol and swayed back and forth, loudly singing off-key to the tune that the restaurant was playing as background music.
Seungkwan was already passed out and sleeping on Seokmin’s shoulder who was stroking his hair while humming softly. Jihoon kept pushing Jisoo off of his shoulder towards Seungcheol’s shoulder. “Yah, you take care of him! You’re the boyfriend!”
“You’re the editor though and you’ve known him longer.” The two kept playfully bickering as Jisoo giggled between them and hummed to himself.
“Oh,” Jisoo hiccuped. “I love you guys!” he nodded as his eyes began to droop. “Truly the most important people in my life!”
--
The following months were filled with call after call to Jisoo’s cellphone as he was talking to publishing companies, printing companies, and bookstores about his new novel that was to be released. Jisoo was constantly on the move as well, driving from Hongdae to Busan and to various other cities throughout the country to talk to companies about the book. He managed to always contact Seungcheol throughout it though, always shooting a text message or talking to him before he went to sleep.
Seungcheol began to get busier as finals came around but Jisoo managed to send him encouraging text messages before every exam. Every weekend, Jisoo was in his apartment, happy to finally be with his partner in his arms after such a stressful week. They caught up, drank coffee together, watched drama reruns, and cuddled on the bed as Jisoo spoke sweet nothings until they both fell asleep.
“Graduation is at the end of the month,” Seungcheol grinned widely. “I can’t believe I’m finally going to have a Ph.D.”
“I can’t either. Now I have to call you Dr. Choi Seungcheol, huh?” The two giggled as Seungcheol nodded enthusiastically. “I’ll be sure to go to the ceremony. I made sure my schedule was free that day.”
“You’re the best babe. There’s no one else I’d rather see than you at the ceremony.”
-
Jisoo was usually a man of his word. But he couldn’t keep his promise to Seungcheol. He called the night before, speaking of a last minute schedule to fly to Jeju Island with Jihoon where they were to speak to a new bookstore that was going to sell his book. Seungcheol had a desolate look on his face when he told Jisoo that he should go through with the Jeju plan, hoping that Jisoo would make it up to him.
But Jisoo never did.
In fact, Jisoo seemed to be neglecting Seungcheol. The older one sees what the younger one says in news articles about how Jisoo received inspiration from “a new muse” compared to his last novel. Though the words he spoke about Seungcheol were sweet, Seungcheol couldn’t feel those words from Jisoo being put into action.
He found himself searching for jobs with his new degree by himself in his boyfriend’s bedroom, in his boyfriend’s apartment, without his boyfriend. Seungcheol found it difficult, but he was never the type to complain, especially since Jisoo was finally happy about completing a novel.
But the Jisoo he knew and fell in love with would have said something in advance about skipping out on dates, or not flying in for the weekend to spend some quality time together, or just to say hello. The last time Seungcheol received a message from Jisoo was last week, and it was a fowarded message to his email about his book’s release date.
-
“Seungcheol?” Jisoo asked aloud as he returned to his apartment. He noticed the luggages in various sizes near the foyer as he took off his shoes and made his way to his bedroom. To his surprise, he saw Seungcheol cleaning up the bed. “What are you doing?”
The older one looked up and smiled sadly. “Hey, Jisoo.”
“Babe, what are you doing?”
“Jisoo… don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” Seungcheol walked over after grabbing his last coat in Jisoo’s closet and walked out of the room. Jisoo cluelessly followed behind as he watched Seungcheol put a beanie over his head. “I don’t think this relationship will work out anymore.”
The novelist stood there in disbelief. “What? But why? Our book is about to be published in less than a month!”
“Our book?” Seungcheol looked up as he was tying his shoes. “I didn’t help you write it. You’re the one that wrote it.”
“You helped me more than once with the book and you know that,” Jisoo pouted. “I told you, you’re my muse and I inserted your personality into my characters.”
“But was that all I was for you?” Seungcheol asked as he stood up and zipped his jacket up. “A muse? Just your inspiration? A stimulus to help you to write again? A reason to get you out of your writer’s block? Was that all I was?”
“No,” Jisoo replied as he moved closer to grab Seungcheol’s hand. “You’re my boyfriend and I love you.”
“If I’m you’re boyfriend, you could at least include me in your life. The past few months have only been dedicated to you and your book. You even ignored Jihoon when he suggested that you should give your novel a rest and spend some quality time with me, your boyfriend.”
Jisoo stood there silently as Seungcheol took his hand back and shoved it in his pocket as his other hand held the handle of the wheeled luggage. “Doyoon’s outside. He’s helping me bring my stuff back to our apartment and then we’re moving.”
“Moving where?”
“Daegu. My father’s sister company offered me a job there. I start next week.”
“You didn’t tell me that.”
“I was going to last month, but you were too preoccupied with deciding on the front cover of your book with publishers.” Seungcheol sighed and shook his head. “Jisoo, I’m proud of you. There’s no doubt about that. But… maybe this is the part in our story where we say goodbye to each other.”
“N-no… No, I don’t want you to say goodbye to me,” Jisoo sniffled as his legs began to shake. Seungcheol sighed and he handed Jisoo a pack of tissues in his jacket pocket before giving Jisoo a final hug. Jisoo cried in the crook of Seungcheol’s shoulder and hugged him tightly, Seungcheol squeezed him in response. “I don’t want you to go.”
“I don’t want to either,” Seungcheol exhaled. “But this novel is your livelihood and I’m not going to separate you from that.” He pulled back as Jisoo gripped his arms firmly, Seungcheol pulling the other’s hands off slowly and hesitantly. “I’m still supporting you from afar, okay? You’ll find another muse and find another inspiration for your fourth novel.” Jisoo wiped his eyes but he nodded slowly, still whimpering through his tears.
With a heavy heart, Seungcheol opened the door, Doyoon waved but— realizing the situation the two were in— quickly put his hand down and coughed as he grabbed the other luggage to bring down the elevator. A last glance behind him brought Seungcheol into a state of an empty heart. “Goodbye, grey sweater.”
--
“Well,” Jihoon sighed as he sipped a cup of coffee with Jisoo, “it’s finally here. Next week we finally release the book to the shelves and to pre-sales.” He watched as Jisoo stir the spoon in his latte and he sat up straight and reached over to pat his older friend’s hand. “Hey, he’s proud of you.”
“I know,” Jisoo sighed. “I guess I’m not proud of myself.”
“Bullshit! You worked really hard on this, Hyung. I know the break-up is making you think otherwise, but you can’t do anything about it now.” Jihoon saw the pout on Jisoo’s face and sighed. “Believe me, I tried.” Jisoo looked up as Jihoon sipped his mug. “I tried contacting people in Busan, tried calling the tenants at their old apartment. I haven’t gotten anything. I’m sorry, Hyung."
“Oh, Jihoon… you didn’t need to do that for me.”
“Believe me, I wanted to. I knew how much he meant to you.”
Jisoo smiled and thanked his younger friend for his efforts as he finally sipped his latte. He quickly looked at Jihoon after he thought of an idea. “Do you think he’ll read the book?”
“Huh?” Jihoon tilted his head. “Oh… um… I don’t know, actually… but judging on his character, he probably would.”
“How bad is it that I want to add a dedication page to the novel?”
Jihoon blinked and sighed as he pulled his laptop out of his bag and pulled out his cellphone from his pocket. “Not that bad, but we’re going to have to be at this cafe all night making calls and emailing people. And I’ll need about a hundred more of this coffee.”
Jisoo smiled. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it. I just have to do something for a certain sweater.”
-
For my white sweater.
For my little musician.
You left my life in a breath,
But you’ll remain an eternity in this story.