Work Text:
Q hadn’t been sleeping lately. It had only been a month since James had shown up after being presumed dead and he was supposed to be going on another mission.
When James had told him about the mission, he hadn’t been all that worried about it. The past few days, the low-level anxiety had built up into a near-constant state of panic. The tiredness certainly hadn’t been helping matters.
He had fallen back into the habit of trying to distract himself with work. He knew James had noticed; he had been giving Q concerned looks for the past two days. He just hoped James wouldn’t ask him about it; that was a conversation he really didn’t want to have.
Q was sitting on the living room sofa, a cup of tea sitting on the coffee table that he hadn’t touched in hours. The first rays of orange sunlight were starting to filter through the blinds, and the traffic noise was becoming louder and more constant.
He’d been staring aimlessly at his laptop’s blank screen for about half an hour now, lost in his thoughts. The charger was across the room, but the thought of getting up to plug it in felt exhausting.
He jumped when he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder gently. He turned sharply, meeting James’ concerned gaze, “Are you feeling alright?” The gentle tone only served as a reminder of how anxious he was feeling.
“I’m fine, I just got up early to work on some code I wrote a while ago,” Q replied, keeping his answer deliberately vague and hoping James wouldn’t ask any follow-up questions. He felt a slight stab of panic when he remembered his laptop was obviously dead. He shut his laptop and shifted away from James’ hand on his shoulder.
“I know you didn’t come to bed last night,” James’ voice had taken on a slightly annoyed tone. Q slid his laptop onto the sofa and stood up, turning towards the kitchen without looking at James.
He heard a sharp sigh and the sound of footsteps behind him. “Q, what’s going on? You’ve barely spoken to me in three days, and you’re not sleeping.”
Q turned to look at James, feeling a sharp spike of irritation, “Nothing is going on. I’ve just been busy this week.” He knew making up more lies was just making the situation worse, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk about what was actually wrong.
He walked to the other side of the kitchen, pulling a bowl and cereal out of the cupboard. He heard James’ footsteps behind him, and he watched as James leaned against the counter a few feet from him. “If I’ve done something wrong, it would be easier if you’d just tell me.”
Q looked at James, only now seeing the anxiety he’d missed earlier. The way James’ eyebrows were drawn together slightly, and the tension in his posture was a dead giveaway. Q sighed, turning his whole body towards James, “You haven’t done anything. I told you, I’ve been busy.”
He watched as agitation mixed with the anxiety on James' face. “Fine,” the reply was almost growled, and James stalked out of the kitchen. A moment later, Q heard indistinct talking on the TV.
He turned to pour milk into the bowl of cereal, the faint tremor in his hands making some of the milk splash onto the counter. He hesitated for a moment before getting a second bowl out of the cupboard for James.
When he entered the living room the first thing he noticed was that James was sitting in the armchair on the other side of the room instead of in his normal spot on the sofa. Q felt a hollow ache in his chest as he sat down, placing the second bowl on the coffee table.
He heard James get up and grab the bowl of cereal from the coffee table. He paused for a moment before going to sit back in the armchair.
The distance between the sofa and the armchair felt like miles. Q really hated it when James was upset with him; the tension made him feel completely off-centre. The thought of spending their last day before James’ mission angry with each other was unbearable.
Q sighed and stood up, walking over to the other side of the room and perching himself on the arm of the chair. He resumed eating his cereal and continued to stare at the TV screen.
“What are you doing?” James sounded much less annoyed than he had before. “I’m eating breakfast,” Q replied quietly, settling against the back of the chair.
They finished eating breakfast quietly, the drone of the TV in the background.
After washing up, Q was once again sitting on the sofa. He had plugged in his laptop and was trying to find something to occupy himself with. He was starting to regret taking the day off.
A few minutes of aimless scrolling later, Q felt the sofa beside him dip as James sat down. Q resisted the urge to shuffle closer to him, figuring he might want space.
He tried to refocus on his laptop but was finding it increasingly difficult; eventually, he resigned himself to the fact that he wasn't going to get anything done and closed his laptop. He glanced over at James, who was steadfastly staring at the TV.
“I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have snapped at you,” James murmured, so quietly that Q barely heard it over the TV. “It’s alright. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,” Q replied, resigning himself to the fact that he was going to have to talk about how anxious he’d been.
He sighed and crossed the length of the sofa, leaning against James and pulling his feet up, “I think I’ve been a bit anxious about the mission you’re going on tomorrow.” Q watched as James frowned slightly before replying, “Why are you worried about it?” He brought an arm up to wrap around Q, pulling him closer. The contact was reassuring, loosening the knot of anxiety in Q’s chest slightly.
He took a deep breath before answering, “It’s just after last time. I keep thinking something like that’ll happen again.” James sighed and picked up the remote, muting the TV, “I didn’t know that was still bothering you.”
“Of course it’s still bothering me. I thought you were dead,” Q’s voice shook slightly as he spoke, “I struggle to think of anything that would bother me more.” His laugh came out hollow, the attempt to lighten the mood falling short.
“Why didn’t you just talk to me? That would’ve saved both of us a lot of stress,” James’ tone was softer than earlier, and Q felt the tension that had filled the room starting to dissipate. “Because I’m being ridiculous, it’s not like you’re actually dead. I should be over it by now.”
James huffed, “I don’t think there’s a set time for getting over something like that,” he paused for a moment, “It won’t happen again.”
Q sighed; he wanted to believe James, but it had happened the first time - what was stopping it from happening again? “You don’t know that, it could happen again. It could be worse this time,” Q stared at his own hands as he fidgeted with the sleeves of his jumper.
“If I was going to die on a mission, it would’ve happened by now,” James shrugged gently. Q was aware he was trying to lighten the mood, but it wasn’t working particularly well and Q could feel the panic at the thought of James’ mission come back full force.
Q felt his hands starting to shake and James sighed before beginning to speak again. “I don’t have to go, I’m sure M could find someone else.”
He pulled away from James, “I don’t want you to not go,” Q started slowly before being interrupted, “Well, what do you want?” James was watching him expectantly.
“I just want you to come back after the mission. I can’t go through that again,” Q could hear the shakiness in his own voice. “You know I can’t promise that,” James’ reply was quick, and Q nodded in response, “Just promise you’ll do your best.”
He watched as James’ gaze softened slightly, “I promise I will do everything I can to come back home.” Q knew James had started to take getting himself home in one piece more seriously since they’d started seeing each other, but hearing the words was calming anyway. He let out a shaky breath and nodded, letting the words sink in for a moment.
He watched as James stood up from the sofa, “I think you need to sleep, you’ve been up for god knows how long.” James held a hand out towards him and Q grabbed it and pulled himself up from where he was sitting. He felt himself sway slightly where he stood, as if James mentioning it had caused the tiredness to hit him full force.
A few minutes later, Q was lying down in bed, the duvet pulled up to his chin. He could feel the dip in the mattress near his hip where James was sitting, and he finally let his eyes close.
After a moment of calm, he heard James stand up from the bed. He opened his eyes and grabbed James’ wrist, “Stay,” he heard himself mumble. James sighed quietly, “Alright, give me a minute.” He pulled his wrist gently out of Q’s grasp and sat back down on the bed, removing his socks and shirt.
He pulled the corner of the duvet back and moved to lie down. Q shoved him gently, “trousers.” James’ eyebrows twitched downwards, a look of confusion passing over his face. After a moment, he seemed to understand and removed his trousers before lying down.
Once James had settled down, Q moved closer to him, draping an arm across his middle and laying his head on James’ chest. Q felt James wrap an arm around his shoulders, hand tracing gentle patterns onto his skin.
Q woke up a few hours later, still lying half on top of James. He shifted slightly, and James placed the book he’d been reading back on the bedside table. “Are you feeling better?” he asked quietly, his hand moving to stroke up and down Q’s back.
“Yeah, I think having a nap helped,” Q said, moving to press a quick kiss to James’ lips. “Do you want to get up?” Q paused for a moment before answering, “I think I’d rather stay here for a bit.”
“Okay,” James replied and picked up the book he had been reading, settling back against the pillows. Q lay back down and they lapsed into a comfortable silence, broken occasionally by James turning a page of his book.
After about half an hour, Q could feel himself getting hungry. He sighed, dreading the thought of getting out of bed. “We should get lunch,” he suggested, looking up at James, but making no move to get out of bed. “What do you want to eat?”
“I don’t know. Something quick,” he replied, sitting up. James got out of bed slowly and put his t-shirt back on while he waited for Q to continue. “I think a toastie would be nice.”
James nodded, “I’ll be about five minutes,” he said, before leaving the room, closing the door gently on the way out. Q leaned back against the headboard, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on top of them. He fixed his eyes on the door, waiting for James to come back.
A few minutes later, James walked through the door holding two plates. He sat next to Q and handed him one, keeping the other for himself. They ate in silence and when James had gone to put the plates in the dishwasher, Q had followed him and sat down in the living room.
James joined him on the sofa and turned the TV on, letting the sound fill the room. He draped an arm over Q’s shoulders, and Q leaned into him.
“I think we should get a cat,” Q said, still staring forward at the TV. He had been thinking about it for a couple of weeks; he’d grown up with cats and missed having them around the house. And he supposed it would be nice not to be completely alone in the flat when James was away.
After a few moments of silence, he glanced up at James, who looked faintly surprised. “Is that a good idea? You tend to work long hours, and I’m regularly away for days at a time.” Q sighed, “Well, we’d definitely have to get an adult cat. But they can stay home alone for quite a while, we could get pet cameras and one of those automatic feeders.”
James nodded, seeming to consider the suggestion for a few moments before he nodded, “I suppose a cat would be nice.” Q felt a large smile spread across his face at James’ agreement.
The following day, Q was organising the equipment James was supposed to be taking on his mission. The low-grade anxiety was still in the back of his mind, but after talking to James about it, he was feeling a lot better. He let out a shaky sigh as he looked at the clock. James would be at Q-Branch in about five minutes to collect the equipment. In an hour, he would be on the plane.
A few minutes later, the doors to Q-Branch swung open, and James was striding towards him. He looked as relaxed as ever before missions, showing no signs that the last disastrous mission he’d been on had affected him at all.
Q handed the equipment case to him and hesitated before pulling him into a hug. He felt James tense in surprise for a moment before relaxing and returning the hug.
“I’m not bothered about the equipment, just bring yourself back in one piece.” James’ arms tightened around him, “I’ll do my best.” Q supposed that was all he could really expect.