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For a second, it feels like the world has stopped. Like everything, every sound, every movement, just cuts out all at once. A million thoughts race through his head, tripping over each other, too fast to make sense of. "
"Fuck, fuck, fuck. I can’t back out now. I’ve already come this far and he’s looking right at me, oh god."
Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe he should've just went to bed, anything would've been better than being in this situation, with Teru looking at him with that worrying older sibling look in his eyes.
Kou snaps back to reality when he hears his name.
"Kou?"
That tone, soft, concerned. He doesn’t hear it often. It makes his chest tighten.
"Say something. God, say something. Anything."
"Yeah, uhm… right…" The words come out clumsy, tangled. He winces at himself immediately.
It’s awkward. Too quiet. Suffocatingly quiet.
He’s never had to do anything like this before. Not like this. Not where the words feel like they might change everything the moment they leave his mouth. Even when their mother died, even then, the grief had been heavy, crushing, but it hadn’t been this. This sharp, nauseating fear of being known.
"You’re worrying me," Teru says, brows knitting together. "Is it really that bad?
"Eh… no," Kou blurts out, way too fast.
"God, "no"!? Really!? What does that even mean? "Ah, no, not that bad, I’m just in love with the kind of thing our family is built on destroying." Yeah, great job, idiot."
"Sorry, I’m just… nervous, I guess…" he adds quickly, rubbing the back of his neck, eyes darting anywhere but Teru’s face.
"What’s going on, Kou?" Teru’s voice shifts, still concerned, but there’s an edge to it now. Suspicious. And yeah, fair enough. Kou would be suspicious too if someone showed up like this and started acting like they were about to confess to a crime.
"I… nothing, I just…" He swallows. His throat feels dry. "I like someone."
There’s a pause.
Teru blinks at him, expression flattening into something almost blank, like Kou just asked him the dumbest question ever.
"…Is that what you were so worried about?" Teru says slowly. "Some girl?"
"Not a girl…" Kou mutters, barely audible.
And somehow, saying it out loud doesn’t make it easier. If anything, it makes everything heavier. More real.
Silence fills the space between them, thick and pressing.
"...Oh."
The sound slips out of Teru before he can stop it.
Kou’s stomach drops.
"Fuck. "Oh"? What does that mean? Seriously, just say something else, anything else. Calling me a slur would’ve been less bad than that "oh.""
"Uh- no, wait-" Teru straightens slightly, clearly scrambling. "Not in a bad way! Just… caught me off guard."
Kou doesn’t respond. He can’t. His hands curl into fists at his sides, nails digging into his palms.
"But—!" Teru continues, a little too fast now. "T-there’s nothing wrong with that. You can be whoever you are. I mean—uh…"
He trails off, searching for the right words, which—honestly—isn’t something Kou sees often. Teru always knows what to say. Always.
"What I mean is…" Teru exhales, shoulders relaxing just a little. "I don’t care if you like girls, or guys… or both, or neither. I just…" He hesitates, softer now. "I thought you knew that."
Kou finally looks up.
Teru’s expression isn’t perfect, it’s still a little awkward, a little unsure, but it’s honest. Open. And underneath it all, unmistakably… kind.
And for the first time since this whole thing started, Kou feels like he can actually breathe.