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“So… how’s your homeboy doin’?”
The glare sent across the way is enough to make anyone stand down, but unfortunately for Gov, Texas and the rest of the accumulated states are far too amused to stop in their tracks. Texas looks far too smug on his side of the table, enough that there is a lingering thought about how much he has to slide over the table to get New York to punch Texas.
(It’s probably a dollar at most.)
He groans and tries valiantly to not rub his eyes from frustration. He knows that he was in for a lot of things when the President got re-elected back into his seat, especially with all these promises thrown around like guarantees, but nothing ever told him about how the President’s behaviour becoming worse over the years.
“He’s doing just fine, thanks,” He says between gritted teeth, ignoring the laughter that follows right after. “Do you have anything to add, Texas?”
Texas still looks smug from this angle, relaxing against the back of his seat as he says, “Just glad to get somebody of worth back as President.”
“Even though he is absolutely making us look like idiots on the world stage?” California’s quick with it, dry and sharp as the glare over the glasses convey every bit of their frustration.
“He’s only asserting his ground!” Texas argues back, quickly forgetting that he had been delighting over the President’s poor choice of ideas. Or more likely, serving his own agenda on who is able to laugh over the misfortunes of the nation. Gov wonders what it’s like to both revere a man but also delight in pleasures of schadenfreude. Must be a difficult set of morals.
Gov couldn’t help but turn to the others, knowing that there’s literally nothing stopping them from arguing their hearts out about this stupid topic. “Is there anything else you guys wanna say?”
A responding cackle floats from the edge of the table. “And distract you from quality entertainment?”
“Florida, please.”
Florida grins, as if he doesn’t know what’s sanding down Gov’s nerves right now. “Listen, I’m not the one doing all the chaotic stuff anymore, our President is the one doing all the hard work for me. I can just do other things!”
Gov glares, exasperated. “Like what?”
“Eat popcorn, for one.”
“Sha, mind givin’ me some of that?”
“But of course!”
The bastard actually has popcorn to share around. Ignoring the slight clamouring of the other states trying to ask Florida and Louisiana for some of the popcorn, Gov figures that he should at least try to be the mediator again instead of fading in the background because he’s too tired to deal with this, right?
“So, are we actually getting Greenland as new land, or…?”
“No!”
“Yes!”
Gov blinks at Georgia’s question being answered by California and Texas respectively. They both had turned to Georgia as they said it, who had quickly put his hands up as a form of surrender, before they quickly returned glares as they realised their differing answers.
“You can’t seriously be saying that we’re going to acquire Greenland from Denmark,” California hisses, leaning forward with narrowed eyes, incredulous at every turn. “Even you are not that stupid, Texas.”
“What’s this, you’re appealing to my intelligence?” Texas laughs with teeth bared, but Gov knows he’s ticked, found in the sharp angles in his cheeks, the furrowed brow even as the southern state casually leans on a folded arm. “Besides, I don’t see why not? It’s for national security, ain’t it?”
When California turns a scathing look towards Gov, it’s all he could do to smile albeit sheepishly. “For national and international security. It’s a black hole out there.”
Texas smiles and it’s particularly sharp. New York scoffs, muttering something that Gov can’t mind to translate. But with how Florida laughs and Louisiana swiftly takes a drink, he’s sure he doesn’t want to know.
“We don’t need to grab someone else’s land to raise national defense!”
“We need to do what it takes to preserve our rights!”
“By encroaching on someone else’s?!”
“Aren’t you gonna break them up?” Louisiana stage-whispers, keeping one idle eye on Florida goading Nevada and Wisconsin in taking a shot whenever California or Texas says something in particular. God, what he wouldn’t give to take a good swig of Moscow Mule or something.
“I’d rather not get in the middle of… that.” Gov grimaces, knowing they’re soon spiralling to take pot-shots at each other than remain focused on their supposed argument. Their focus tends to shift, and this wouldn’t be any different.
“Would you look at that, the Fed actually knows how to keep his trap shut,” New York says, wryly, getting Pennsylvania to snort.
Gov doesn’t deign to acknowledge that.
“Denmark doesn’t need Greenland.”
“Sure, but it doesn’t give us the right to just claim it just because!”
Nevada drinks. Wisconsin glares.
Suddenly, in the corner of his eye, he sees Florida perking up, staring off at an empty seat. Gov quickly takes note, immediately on edge. If Florida’s planning something then—wait. That seat is usually reserved for guests and visitors from beyond the table, beyond their country. Florida normally doesn’t tamper with it because ‘I don’t know when they’ll show up!’ So then…
A click reverberates around the room, and someone quickly pops into existence, bouncing onto the seat and settling in. They seem to search the room with measured glances, and as soon as Gov meets their blue eyes with an axe-pointed gleam, the blond hair and fair skin, he really wants to take that Moscow Mule right about now.
“Hej! I heard that you were talking about Greenland.” Denmark smiles, leaning back on his seat with one arm against the armrest to truly take his weight. And, doesn’t that truly get the States’ attention, the meeting room immediately clamouring and whispering frantically across seats and table widths. Gov buries his face and tries to beg any deity out there to please help him.
They aren’t that kind, of course.
“Denmark?!” California’s voice cracks with the disbelief, but any traces of embarrassment is washed away by the pure elation that blooms on his expression. “Oh, please tell us that you aren’t going to give away Greenland. I don’t need Texas to be right.”
Texas looks sorely tempted to throw a boot, with that fierce scowl and all.
Denmark chuckles, waving his hand in a clear dismissal. “Of course not. Why the hell should I ever leave a perfectly fine nation with the likes of you? You are certainly not giving much confidence.”
“We’re fine enough caretakers!” Texas argues back.
“Oh? What about Puerto Rico, do you ever listen to what he says?”
“Puerto Rico’s fine, he’s ours anyway. I’m sure he understands.”
“Weren’t you just ranting about not liking Bad Bunny?” California mutters, but is promptly ignored by everyone else.
“Like how he wishes to join you, but instead you gun after a nation that is quite happy to be with me? Do you not have your islands and territories to consider before switching to much bigger targets?” Denmark’s smile is sharper now, a fist curled to rest his head. “Greenland is his own nation; whatever he decides will be respected.”
“Greenland doesn’t matter, he needs to share what he has with the rest of us.” Texas bites back.
California slumps slightly in his seat. “Wow, is this how bad we look?”
“Yeah.” Louisiana nods.
“All the time!” Florida chirps.
Gov wants someone to run him over with a car. Preferably by crashing into this room so he doesn’t have to deal with his states’ stupidity. He’s half-tempted to step in, mediate as he ought to do, but having a nation over here means he could see what happens if someone with Texas’ views steps up to its opposition.
(Maybe he should let Denmark cut through Texas’ words; see what happens.)
On the other hand, Denmark snorts, clearly amused by the peanut gallery. It doesn’t deter him from taking as many potshots as he wanted against Texas, dismantling arguments until even Texas himself is red in the face with frustration. Nevada and Wisconsin are bottles deep, and New York has shoved a phone into his face to pass the time. Florida and Louisiana provide commentary for no reason. California, seemingly burdened by the nation’s credibility is sinking into his seat even when he giggles at whatever idiotic thing Texas had to say.
“If America had the minerals that Greenland’s hoarding, we could easily have the means to build greater tech for the rest of the world and move energy sources into a better market!” Texas bites. He’s losing steam, noted by his wavering hands and brief flashes of uncertainty.
“Not everything has to be about you or your nation.” Denmark remarks but with how his voice dips, it’s clear that his patience is running thin. This is the time to step in.
“Texas.” Gov jerks his head minutely, one sign to quit his arguments. Texas looks ready to spit more of his crazed dissensions, but one more harsh look has him grumbling into his cup instead, finally deciding to stop.
“Finally.” Denmark levels a look right at Gov, blue eyes blazing with the irritated fervour after arguing with an idiot for almost 5 minutes straight. “Do you not keep your idiots in line and just let them wreck the USA’s already crumbling reputation even further?”
Gov inhales deeply, dismissing the sharp tide of ire, and moves onto the next step. Deflect the blame. “I fear Texas wouldn’t have listened until he was thoroughly beaten down.”
“Hate to admit it, but Gov might be right about that.” California grimaces as he says so. Gov tries not to sigh at the display. “Texas has to be the most stubborn state in the room, let him know the taste of defeat so he can be cowed.”
“Y’know despite the extra wordplay here, I still know when I’m being insulted.” Texas seethes from the side.
“Good, because you are an idiot!”
A flicker of satisfaction crosses Denmark’s face, as if he’s glad to be done with Texas. Yet Gov only grows more rigid, hands curling. He can see Denmark locking onto a new target: himself. Blue eyes linger for seconds too long and Gov is more than ready to react.
“Remember yourself Mr. American Government,” Denmark says, voice light like the words did not carry its own gravitas. “Don’t try to mess with something you’re severely underestimating and underprepared for.”
With a deafening snap, Denmark is gone. As his presence recedes, the suffocating weight finally lifts from Gov’s shoulders, finally allowing himself to slump back into his seat. He sighs, deep and slow, gathering his patience and will when someone interjects.
“So, is this the end of the meeting or what?”
“No—sit down, New York, we’re not done rounding up all our points for the meeting,” Gov scolds, directing a look. Fortunately, it seems New York isn’t at the end of his patience, as he huffs irritably and flops back down into his seat, crossing his arms soon after.
“Dang, I don’t know about you but that was quite the look, Gov!” Florida chips in, elbows propped on the table to rest his chin on both hands. Gov wants to crush the pleased look out from Florida’s eyes, if only for a moment. “Why didn’t you try it with Denmark?”
“He was a guest!” Gov emphasises, waving a hand to accentuate his point. An intruding guest, sure, but one with a particularly good reason to do so… even if Gov hated to admit that. He forces his flustered feelings to be buried underneath his diaphragm, where even the spikes won’t show on the surface. Even if he isn’t in control, he has to be.
Has to be.
“Oh man,” California bemoans suddenly, head hanging heavy in his hands, “I really wanted to ask Denmark if I could join him instead…”
“Are you planning to secede?” Florida jumps to it, eagerness in his eyes with that manic sparkle on top. Louisiana chokes in the background.
“What?!” Texas’ amalgamation of horror and almost begrudgingly impressed almost amuses him. “Are you kidding me right now?”
Gov sighs, resisting the urge to smack himself with the pile of papers in front of him as everyone descends into a flurry of conversation. Of course it ends like this. Nothing to be gained at all.