Chapter Text
“Look, I’m telling you, this one is definitely worth trying, Fourth.”
Fourth sighs, he swears he heard those sentences a thousand times from Phuwin now.
“Yeah, you said the same thing for the last guy, too, remember? What was his name…Jack? Jason?”
Phuwin’s face soured at the mention of the guy. “Jay. And no, that one was total shit, I already apologized a bunch of times now.”
“Yeah, and I already said that I forgive you. But I don’t want to do anything with dating guys right now, especially after that, Phi,” Fourth hopes his sound comes out convincing enough for Phuwin to drop it.
The guy, Jay, is a classmate of Phuwin's, and he saw Fourth in one of Phuwin’s stories while they were working out. He immediately wanted to learn Fourth’s name, number, and his relationship status. Fourth thought it a bit weird, didn’t want Phuwin to share that information, but Phuwin beat him to it, saying it would be a good distraction. “You need to get laid, man,” were the exact words he used.
So, Fourth agreed, albeit unwillingly. And that’s when everything started to go downhill.
They exchanged a few texts, talking about mundane things, and after two days, the guy asked Fourth to come to his own house. Fourth had already had bad feelings about the guy, so he refused the invitation.
Then, the guy asked if he could visit Fourth at his own house.
Which was again, to Fourth, not a wise idea either.
But he found himself saying yes. He thought maybe he was judging the guy too much. Seeing him in person may be different. He may change his mind entirely about him after seeing him in person, so he asked him to drop by a couple of days later.
The moment the guy entered his house, he knew how naïve he was to think such a thing.
Jay was majoring in engineering, it was his third year, and he kept on talking about how hard his degree was. He kept listing the reasons they struggled and how he managed to pass this one class while the rest of the school failed. After some time, the guy started talking more about himself, preventing Fourth from uttering a single sentence. He kept talking about his achievements, saying he thinks he’s one of the best basketball players at the entire university, and what a genius he is for winning the championship in something Fourth couldn’t even remember the name of.
He kept on talking.
And talking.
What the fuck is wrong with this guy?
He never let Fourth open his mouth, shutting him every time he tried to speak up. Fourth wanted to smack him and scream, "Who fucking cares?”
But he did neither. After some time, he told the guy he needed to study for a presentation and kindly asked him to leave him alone.
He blocked his number five minutes after he left, just in case.
“But I swear this one is just your type, just listen,” Phuwin gets closer to him, eyes mischievous.
“He’s in the sound engineering department, and obviously into music. Playing guitar and all,” He stops, thinking for a second. “Actually, I think I heard him play once.”
“Okay-” Fourth nods, not caring a bit.
“Yeah. And he’s super handsome, like, you would definitely fall for it. Cute face, slightly long hair, charming smile-”
“Should I tell about this to P’Pond or-” Fourth grins, enjoying the reactions he gets from Phuwin.
Phuwin flicks him on the forehead. “Shut up. Just listen.” He continues, “And he is into monchhichi too.”
Fourth frowns, “So how does that make him my type, exactly-”
“You look like that…thing. So it makes sense, you know. You and him.”
“This is like the worst excuse I’ve ever heard from you until now, and you kinda have terrible ones, so imagine the effect,” Fourth chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief.
Phuwin sighs, “You didn’t even see the guy. Let me show you some pics, wait,” he takes his phone and opens his Instagram account.
The guy is named Marckris. His profile is a picture of him from his childhood, and Fourth actually finds it cute. When Phuwin scrolls down, he gets why he thought Fourth would like this guy.
He is actually cute, he thinks.
A picture of him wearing a Monchhichi t-shirt, and a picture of a Monchhichi doll itself. Fourth actually takes some time to study his profile, taking a few looks at his pictures showing him in different places, with his friends, or with his guitar. At some point, he sees him sing with a few other people, and he’s… not that bad.
He actually sounds very good.
“See, I told you,” Phuwin smirks, “What do you say, should I give him your number?”
Fourth groans, “Phi, why are you so bothered by my love life? Can’t a guy just stay alone and enjoy his life?”
“What life exactly?” Phuwin raises his brows, “You’ve been drowning yourself in your books and memorizing them like a crazy person for the last couple of years, Fourth.” His eyes turn soft now, “Just how long are you planning to keep this, huh?”
“I-” Fourth can’t come up with any excuse for this. Deep down, he knows Phuwin is right.
“It’s not like I’m complaining,” he mumbles.
“I’m not saying you are; I’m just saying you need to live your life, too. Just be easy on yourself.” Those words hit him like a brick.
The truth is, he doesn’t know how to live that way. Fourth has always been seen as the perfect kid, with expectations weighing heavily on him at every stage of his life. He’s not complaining, but he secretly resents that it has turned him into an overachiever. He can’t pinpoint when it started, but he found himself setting higher and higher goals and imposing increasingly strict standards on himself. He hates that he struggles to balance his work and social life, often prioritizing his studies over his well-being. Deep down, he knows that continuing this way will wear him down someday.
Sensing his internal battle, Phuwin rests a hand on Fourth’s shoulder.
“Just… give this guy a chance, okay? I swear I won’t force you to go on any other date for like…three weeks, if this doesn’t work out.”
Fourth finds himself chuckling.
He can use this as a distraction.
So when he sits down at a table twenty minutes before the meeting, he wonders if he is doing the right thing by being here.
After Fourth accepted Phuwin’s offer, he texted Marckris and let him know who he is. Turns out, Marckris was actually waiting for him to send that message. Apparently, Phuwin also managed to convince him about all this, and he was already aware of Fourth’s existence. Fourth facepalms himself, feeling shy, but doesn’t say anything.
After chatting for almost a week, Marckris told him that they could meet at this café near their university. Turns out his department is very close to Fourth’s, so it was the most convenient choice for both of them.
So now, Fourth spent all his morning at the library, memorizing yet another piece of brick. They had decided to meet at 2 pm, so Fourth found himself sitting by the windows when the clock struck 1:40 pm.
Am I being too pathetic?
He didn’t order anything, choosing instead to wait for Marckris to come. So, he took out his phone to pass the time. He checked his socials and scrolled down until he saw the “You’ve seen the latest posts from accounts you follow,” mark, and locked his phone.
1.43 pm. Only three minutes passed.
He started watching people pass by the café, playing the game of ‘what are they thinking?’ to himself.
A woman in a bright red coat strolled by, her gaze fixed on her phone. Must have a big meeting coming up, the thought, picturing her rehearsing her lines in her mind. Next, a man in a suit hurried past, his expression tense. Late for his work, I bet. Maybe his car broke down; he looks so pissed.
Every face told a new story, and each passing face made him feel at ease. He checked his phone, and without even realizing it, it showed 2.10 pm.
There was no sign of Marckris.
He wondered why he was late and if something had happened to him. For a moment, he considered sending a message, but he decided to wait a few more minutes instead. As far as he knew, the guy wasn’t the type to ditch anyone, so he kept looking around to pass the time.
At that moment, his eyes were suddenly drawn to something across the room.
Not just something, but someone.
A guy, close to his age, sat alone at another table, and his presence was exhilarating.
Every detail seemed to shimmer in the soft light—his sharp jawline, tousled hair, and the way his confident smile lit up the space around him.
The guy's breathtaking beauty struck him. His heart raced, and he could hardly look away, completely captivated by the aura this stranger exuded, and Fourth studied his face, stopping at his eyes. They were large and expressive, just like a Bambi, he thought. When he looked toward the light, they sparkled with a warmth that filled Fourth’s insides with something he can’t name.
His eyes continued going downwards, to his sharp nose, and pouty lips. Fourth wondered how his laugh would sound, how his lips would stretch across his face, and how it would reveal the most striking look he had ever seen.
Because that was what the guy was.
He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen.
Fourth was staring, his mouth half open, and suddenly, the Bambi guy lifted his head.
Oh.
The first eye contact had him crawling in his seat.
He felt like the Bambi guy’s gaze was burning into his skin. He couldn’t look away, couldn’t will himself to break the eye contact.
He was also studying Fourth, with some curiosity and lifted brows. That made the Bambi boy’s eyes and mouth get bigger, and Fourth wanted to erase that look from his face by kissing him.
What?
That made him stop in his tracks.
I’m here for a date.
A date that was 30 minutes late.
He broke eye contact, looking down at his phone—no messages from his date.
‘Hey uh…are you okay?’ he decided to send.
An answer came almost 30 seconds later.
‘I’m so sorry, Fourth, something urgent came up. I can’t make it to our date.’
‘Can we raincheck?’
Fourth looked at the messages, feeling almost relieved.
‘It’s okay, we can do it another time.’
‘Hope everything’s okay.’
The moment he sent those texts, he immediately locked his phone, and his gaze fell on the Bambi boy once again.
He was now sitting uncomfortably in his seat, face scrunched. Fourth wondered if it was because of himself, but he realized he was holding his phone and staring at the screen.
Is he waiting for someone, too?
A friend?
Family?
Maybe a lover?
That made him a tad bit sad, he realized.
The Bambi boy put his phone face down on the table, looking outside absentmindedly. Ten seconds later, his phone pinged.
When he took a look at it, his face scrunched more. It was almost like he was disturbed by the message he saw.
And Fourth had the urge to erase that look from his face almost immediately. He was too cute to be feeling like this, too pretty to be sad.
So, he did the only thing he could think of and stood up, without even realizing.
Instead of going straight to the Bambi boy, he decided to do something cute. Something that could make the Bambi boy happy.
He steered toward the counter, finding the barista.
“Hey, uh…do you have something you can recommend that could make a sad person feel a bit happy?”
The barista looked at him with empty eyes.
“We have coffee, which flavour would you like?” He sounded exasperated now.
“Uhm- something sweet? Maybe?” He was so gonna mess this up.
The guy huffed and turned to tell something to his friend, Fourth, who couldn’t hear.
“Right, coming right away.”
Fourth took a quick look at the Bambi boy, but from where he was standing now, he couldn't see him.
Suddenly, he realized what he was doing, and he looked completely like a weirdo in his own eyes. He tried to come up with something to say to not look like a creep.
Hi, this is for you. Please stop being sad.
That was totally not creepy of him, yeah.
Hello, I saw you over there at that table. Would you mind if I joined you-
What if he tells me to fuck off, he thought. It echoed in his mind, but he didn’t pay attention to it.
“Sir, your coffee is ready.”
Fourth quickly grabbed the item and made his way to the table, anticipation and excitement coursing through him. However, when he raised his head, he saw that the table was already empty, save for a crumpled napkin. The Bambi boy had already left the café, and the aroma of the coffee in his hands filled the air.
Days turned into weeks, and Fourth couldn't stop thinking about the cute boy he kept calling “Bambi” in his mind.
He found himself contemplating the boy more often. While getting a bubble tea, the small pearls reminded him of the boy's eyes. When he walked past that café with his friends, his instinct was to check if the boy was inside, but he always came up empty-handed. He searched for him around campus, hoping to find him studying in one of their shared faculties, but once again, he was met with disappointment.
Now, as he sat in his long, three-hour class, he found himself daydreaming about the boy again. He thought about how perfect his eyes were, how his lips pursed when he checked his phone, and how he-
“Ouch,” he felt something poking on his sides.
Satang was throwing him glances. “What the fuck are you even daydreaming about?”
“Nothing, ugh,” he held his sides, overreacting. “Why is this class too long?” He mumbled, already exhausted from sitting here for hours.
“It’s almost over, he’s finishing his lines,” Satang gave him another poke, this time softer.
“Hey, I heard there’s this party going on tomorrow. You know Prim?”
Fourth frowned, “Yeah, isn’t she friends with Phuwin?”
“Yes, and apparently, she invited him to the party she’s throwing. Said he can bring his friends too.”
Fourth’s face scrunches more, “I don’t know, you know parties are not my thing…”
He decides to ignore Fourth. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” and before he turns back to listen, he adds, “We are all going. You included.”
Fourth looks at him with disbelief, but doesn’t say anything.
“Fine, whatever,” he mumbles. He can endure a few hours.
When they find Phuwin after class and tell him the good news, he lights up with enjoyment.
“The Lonely Gang is back!”
“Don’t get so hyped up, I only agreed because I have nothing better to do anyway,” he shrugs.
Satang teases him with a shoulder brush, “Yeah, who knows…maybe you will find the love of your life, huh?”
Fourth groans, hitting his arm. “Please shut up.”
Phuwin winces, “Speaking up, how is it going with Marckris? Did he say anything after that?”
“Yeah, he’s still beating himself for not showing up to that date,” Fourth shrugs and keeps walking. “He said he needed to take his dog to a vet because, apparently, something he ate upset his stomach. I said it’s fine, you don’t have to apologize for something like that,” Fourth thought about what happened that day, and is now kinda glad Marckris didn’t show up for the date.
“Also, I said we should stay friends. I mean, he is a good guy indeed.”
“Oh,” Phuwin raises his eyebrows, “Does that mean…you could give him another chance? Maybe in the future?”
“Nah, I don’t think so,” Fourth cuts him off. “He’s a good guy, but I don’t know…maybe he’s just not for me.”
I’m not sure what it is for me; he doesn’t say it out loud.
The reality is that Fourth has never had a genuine relationship in his life. He has tried to navigate the complex world of dating, going on countless outings and engaging in conversations with strangers, all in the hopes of finding a connection. Each time, he sought that magical spark that would confirm to him that this person could be “the one.” However, his attempts have led him to have only casual relationships—ones that die out after just a few months. Despite his efforts, he has never truly connected with someone who makes him feel whole, like a missing puzzle piece finally sliding into place. As time passed, he became increasingly disheartened, eventually resigning himself to the possibility that he might never discover what he was really searching for, leaving him uncertain and longing for something deeper.
But these days, a pair of Bambi eyes kept haunting him in his daydreams, slowly altering his beliefs about everything. He doesn’t tell anyone about it.
Not like he can find the owner, even if he wanted to. He tried everything, even going to the café to ask about the boy. But the same barista looked at him as if he had lost his mind, and said, “Sir, we welcome hundreds of people here every day.”
That actually made sense, and made him feel like a dummy.
He visited several cafeterias, hoping to spot the man he had seen for a fleeting moment at the next table. He asked friends from different departments if they recognized anyone fitting that description, but they all shook their heads. He knew he needed to move on, yet he felt a strange urgency, almost ready to file a missing person report for someone he hardly knew.
“Alright, so. What should we wear to the party?” Satang tries to change the topic now.
“I think I’ll wear that see-through shirt I bought the other day,” Phuwin says.
“And wait for Pond to lose his mind or what?” Satang lets out a laugh.
Phuwin looks mischievous now, “I don’t know, we’ll see.”
“What about you, Fourth?” Phuwin turns to him.
Fourth shakes his head, “I uh- haven’t thought about it.” He actually doesn’t know what to wear, he thinks.
“I say, definitely that leather pants you got,” Satang adds, “They make your ass look good. And a black shirt with a few buttons on. Voilà.”
Phuwin nods, “Exactly. You look so hot in that.”
Fourth nods absentmindedly. He wants this conversation to end already. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll check it later.”
Phuwin cast a wary glance at him, sensing something off, but chose to steer the conversation in a different direction. “Alright, everyone, I’m off to meet with Pond for a little while, and then I’ll be heading straight home,” he announced.
Satang nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I should probably stop by the store to pick up some groceries too,” he said, turning to Fourth with an inviting smile. “Hey, do you want to come with me?”
Fourth shook his head, a hint of fatigue in his voice. “Nah, I’m just not feeling it today. I think I’ll go straight home to relax.”
“Okay, no problem! We’ll catch up at the party tomorrow,” Satang said cheerfully, giving a friendly wave as he prepared to leave. Phuwin takes one last look at him, brows furrowed, but he decides to ignore it instead.
He waves goodbye to his friends and heads home, unable to shake the memory of a pair of captivating eyes that linger in his mind.
As the clock approaches tomorrow night, Fourth stands in front of the mirror, anxiety tightening his chest. He glances back at his reflection with uncertainty in his wardrobe.
With nearly half an hour left, the pressure increases. He momentarily considers the bold outfit Phuwin suggested, but quickly dismisses it; the thought of wearing something that revealing feels like he is looking to get laid, which he doesn’t want to. Not tonight, at least.
Now, he faces his closet, a jumbled assortment of garments that fails to motivate him. Shirts and pants blur together, offering no hope. Frustration wells up as he flips through the options, searching for something that feels right.
Finally, feeling exasperated, he grabs his phone and dials Phuwin's number.
"Phi, I have nothing to wear," he whines as soon as Phuwin answers the call.
"Wait, let me videocall you," Phuwin replies before ending the call. Seconds later, Phuwin’s face accompanies his annoyed voice. "Show me your closet," he demands, and Fourth complies.
Phuwin takes a look and asks, "Where are the clothes I mentioned?"
“I tried them, but they were kinda too revealing,” Fourth says, “As if I was a bad boy who was looking for a quick blowjob in the bathroom of someone else’s house, which is… disgusting,” he frowns.
“And what about it?” Phuwin says, “You might want to look for a quick blowjob in the bathroom. You are young, and free, and handsome as hell. So?”
Fourth stops and actually thinks about it. The thought of having someone else’s mouth on him right now makes him uneasy. Especially if that someone isn’t the one he has been dreaming of these past couple of weeks.
“I don’t know, Phi. I’m not in the mood for it tonight,” Fourth admitted, his voice lacking its usual vibrance.
“You don’t know what will happen, Fourth,” Phuwin countered, “Maybe you will actually meet someone who will make you change your mind.”
“You’re being a romantic again,” Fourth replied, rolling his eyes, the frustration evident in his tone. “Ugh. I shouldn’t have called you,” he groaned, wishing he could retract his plea for advice.
“Now, wear those I told you about and send me a pic. You have twenty minutes, go,” Phuwin instructed, leaving no room for argument. In an instant, he ended the call, leaving Fourth staring at the screen.
With a heavy sigh, Fourth let out another groan, feeling the weight of Phuwin's enthusiasm pressing down on him. He stood in his dimly lit room, his reluctance dripping from his sleeves. The prospect of putting on the outfit Phuwin had suggested now felt like a battle.
Reluctantly, Fourth moved toward his closet, contemplating whether tonight might unfold in a way he hadn’t expected. Phuwin’s relentless optimism always had a way of getting under his skin and igniting a sliver of curiosity. With another resigned breath, he rummaged through his clothes, preparing himself for the night that would unfold in minutes.
He takes a look at himself in the mirror and opens his phone to take a few shots.
Put on that necklace you have, too.
The silver one with a lock.
Phuwin knows how to make people turn heads for him. He does what he is told, puts on his combat boots, takes his wallet, and leaves the house.
When they enter the house, the sound blasting from the bass and the warmth of people’s bodies hit Fourth in the face. He hasn’t been to a party in a while, he realizes. Phuwin pushes him forward slightly, urging him to mingle with the people inside. He takes a few hesitant steps, but eventually, he follows the crowd and starts wandering.
Phuwin steps away to get drinks, and Satang goes to greet one of his friends. That leaves Fourth in the middle of the house, with nothing to do. So, he decides to go and find a space where he can quietly observe the party going on around him.
He finds the perfect spot, and on his way, he grabs a drink from the table he saw. He realizes it’s vodka mixed with cranberry, and he starts enjoying himself in his own corner.
After a while, Phuwin finds him with a girl beside him. This must be Prim, he realizes.
“Hey, Fourth, this is Prim. She’s my friend from the drama club I mentioned, remember?” Phuwin gestures toward her, and Fourth’s gaze shifts to Prim. Her warm smile lights up her face. No wonder people find her so charming, he thinks.
“Hi, nice to meet you,” she says, offering her hand, her grip both firm and gentle. “Phuwin told me a lot about you. It’s great to meet you finally.”
“Oh, uh- thank you.” Fourth looks around the lavish room, feeling slightly out of place. “You have a huge place.”
“Yeah, it’s my parents’ gift for my 22nd birthday,” she shrugs with a hint of pride in her eyes.
Damn, she’s rich rich.
“Oh, cool,” Fourth replies, struggling to find words to say.
“Yeah, and I like throwing parties here. It’s such a nice way to meet new people, like you,” she smiles again. A smile that can make people fall in love so easily, Fourth thinks.
“I uhm- yeah, glad to be here,” he sounds awkward now.
Phuwin decides to step in, saving him from his misery. “There’s a game going on in the living room, let’s go and check it, guys.”
Turns out it’s beer pong, which Fourth detests the most. He doesn’t get the idea behind the game, and he certainly doesn’t want to drink too much tonight. So he opts for the back side, still enjoying his half-finished vodka cranberry, and looks at people screaming and drinking.
Some of them are already wasted, even though the party barely started an hour ago. Fourth shakes his head, never understanding the appeal behind drinking too much to lose your consciousness. He doesn’t like the idea of not having control over his actions, so he never gets wasted at parties like this. Only a bit tipsy, that’s all.
After a while, as the game continues, the screams get louder, and people start betting on, like ‘I dare you to kiss the person next to you,’ or ‘Take off your shirt if you can’t drink it,’ and so on. Fourth realizes they lost track of the game, and now the amount of half-naked bodies in the room makes him a bit irritated. He gets the urge to go outside and take some breath, but instead, he sees huge stairs going up. He steers toward it, hoping to find a bathroom to splash his face with some water and feeling the urge to relieve himself at the same time.
He goes upstairs and realizes it is as big as where he came from. But at least there aren’t that many people here. He looks down the long hall, lined with countless rooms, and sighs. He finally settles to try each one until he finds the bathroom.
The first one he opens is an empty bedroom, so he closes it and moves on to the next, but he immediately regrets opening it, because he comes face to face with a man’s butt, wide open, with another one kneeling in front of him.
He lets out a loud yelp, covering his eyes and saying, "Sorry, I was looking for the bathroom," and the men yell at him too, trying to cover themselves. One of the guys shouts Hey, what the fuck’, but Fourth has already closed the door, his face burning with embarrassment.
Shit, where is this bathroom?
He decides to try one last time before giving up and going downstairs. The door is slightly open this time, and he sees a mirror on the wall.
Thank fuck, this must be it.
He locks the door immediately, turns toward the sink, and splashes his face with some water, hoping it will bring some freshness and take away the burning in his cheeks.
He raises his head to check himself in the mirror, but something catches his eye. There is someone behind him sitting in the bathtub. Fourth lets out a yelp and turns toward the stranger.
Holy shit.
The Bambi boy.
The boy looks confused rather than disturbed by the voice Fourth let out. He raises his head, which had been resting between his legs before, trying to understand who had come into the bathroom.
Fourth gulps, closes his mouth. Then opens it again, “I uh- I’m so sorry, I didn’t know the- the bathroom was occupied.” What the fuck what the fuck what the-
The Bambi boy stares, almost like he doesn’t understand what Fourth is saying.
Is he…drunk?
“I think I should…go. Yeah. Sorry,” Fourth halts for a couple of seconds, but turns around to find the door.
Please say something, anything, plea-
“It’s okay,” his small voice echoed in the bathroom. If they weren’t in here, he doubts he would be able to hear what he said.
Thank fuck.
“You can…stay.” He blurts, “I don’t mind.”
Fourth lets out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding, his back still turned against the boy.
“Uhm… Okay.” He turns toward him, finally taking in all his features, having the opportunity to study.
The Bambi boy looks…small. Smaller than he remembers him to be. He sits there inside the tub, curled into himself, with his knees tucked beneath his arms. He wonders whether he feels comfortable there; the cold, hard marble must make him uneasy. The worst of all is that, when Fourth checks his face, he finds sadness in there. He wonders how long he has been sitting here, all alone.
He takes a step forward, not wanting to disturb him, but at the same time aching to close the distance. He still can’t believe the Bambi boy he's been looking for the past weeks is now standing in front of him.
“Are you…okay?”
The boy raises his eyes, looks at him, confused. He nods his head and motions for him to sit down. In front of him, in that crooked bathtub.
Fourth raises his brows, his mouth open wide. He stares for a few seconds and then moves to sit where the boy pointed.
Okay. This is…not nice.
The bathtub is so small that two people can’t fit in it, but they somehow manage to. They sit face-to-face, their legs separating them yet making contact at each point. A sudden rush of warmth courses through where they make contact and reaches Fourth’s body, and he feels it everywhere.
“It’s annoying, right?” The Bambi boy lets out a chuckle, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Too crowded.”
“Yeah,” Fourth agrees, “I was looking for some place to breathe.”
“Then you made the right choice,” he raises his brows, teasing, “This is the perfect spot.”
“I can argue with that,” Fourth smiles.
That makes the Bambi boy chuckle; this time, it is actually there. “Yeah, bathtubs are…” he looks around him, “Kinda not the perfect thing to sit on.”
“But it is quiet,” Fourth checks it too.
“Yeah,” the boy is now quieter.
Fourth isn’t sure if he should push him to talk to him right now. He seems upset, his features painted with a gloomy expression. Fourth realizes sadness does not suit him at all. He wishes to erase everything that is bothering him, take his hand, and leave this crooked place.
“Quiet isn’t always good, you know,” the boy says, his voice barely above a whisper as he fidgets nervously with his fingers, twisting them together. “It makes me feel all alone, like there’s no one to talk to, no one who would actually listen. That really sucks,” he huffs out a shaky breath, his head resting against the cool wall, the weight of his thoughts visibly pressing down on him.
Fourth feels a strong urge to say, I’m here now; you can talk to me, you can share what’s bothering you, but he hesitates, fearing it might come off as awkward. They’ve only just met properly, and he wants to leave a positive impression on the boy with the gentle, deer-like features.
“Do you ever feel alone?” he inquires softly, hoping to encourage him to open up.
The boy pauses, brow furrowing in contemplation, before shaking his head decisively. “No, not at all.” His eyes shine with sincerity as he continues, “I have friends who love me deeply, and my mom… she means everything to me,” he smiles briefly, the warmth illuminating his expression, but then his voice falters. “And I,” he trails off, a hint of uncertainty creeping into his demeanor, “I have someone I’m seeing, but-”
His words hang in the air, and the confidence dimmers as he turns his gaze back to his hands, once again lost in thought.
“It’s complicated now,” he finally admits, the heaviness of his emotions evident in his voice.
The words I have someone I’m seeing hang in the air. A chill runs down Fourth’s spine, and he mentally kicks himself for developing feelings for someone who’s already taken.
“But that doesn’t mean you’re not feeling lonely,” Fourth argues instead, trying to redirect the conversation.
Fuck my life.
The Bambi boy lifts his head, his eyes sparkling in a way that makes him look even more adorable.
“What do you mean?” he asks, his curiosity piqued.
Fourth stares, and clears his throat. “I mean, you can feel lonely despite having so many people loving you. You can still feel lonely even when you are with other people,” Fourth looks at his eyes, “Especially if they make you feel like you are not worth it.”
That makes the boy pause, breaking eye contact. He looks confused, and his features shift, as if he is weighing options in his mind.
“But they-” he stops himself, “I know they love me. Should anything else matter beside that? I mean—” he gulps once, and continues. “Isn’t love enough not to feel lonely?”
Now Fourth knows they are not talking about the same topic. For a second, a flicker of pain and confusion passes through the boy’s eyes.
“Would you be sitting here, all by yourself, if it were enough?”
That causes the Bambi boy to snap his head to look at Fourth’s face.
Why do you feel so lonely if you have so many people loving you?
The question hangs in the air like a thick fog, heavy and palpable between them. Neither of them dares to reach out and touch it, yet both are acutely aware of the answer looming just beneath the surface. Fourth watches, his heart racing, as the Bambi boy hesitates.
“Because I’m not happy,” the Bambi boy’s small voice trembles, breaking the silence once more. “I’m not happy with how things are right now,” he admits, his tone almost teary, pulling at Fourth’s heartstrings.
“I-” the boy swallows hard, feeling the weight of the moment settle heavily in his chest, “I hate this situation.” Despair washes over him as he covers his face with his hands, exhaling a deep sigh full of frustration.
“Did you do anything to stop it?” Fourth asks cautiously, his voice soft and hesitant, wanting to probe without pushing too hard.
“I mean... I guess,” the Bambi boy replies, uncertainty dripping from his words.
“You sound like you didn’t,” Fourth teases gently, trying to lighten the mood.
“Ugh, it’s not that easy,” The Bambi boy’s frustration bubbles over, his cheeks flushing slightly as he flicks his gaze away, struggling to contain his emotions.
In that moment, as he pouts in exasperation, Fourth can’t help but think how adorably cute he looks, even surrounded by annoyance.
“I tried to talk to her, tell her about us, and how it’s not working anymore. But she doesn’t listen,” at the mention of the said partner, Fourth flinches once again, but he doesn’t show it.
“She keeps saying that we can fix it, that she loves me. She wants us to take some time, but I know those are not the actual answers.” His shoulders sag, almost as if all the conversations they had were weighing them down.
“I know we are slowly falling out of love, and I want us to stop whatever this is before we start hating each other.”
Fourth nods, showing he understands where the boy is coming from.
“Falling out of love is... hard, I guess.” He adds, wanting to fill the silence.
“Yeah,” the boy finishes, and for a while, they sit and listen to the faint voice of the party coming from downstairs.
“How did you even end up here? You don’t seem the type to go to a party,” the Bambi boy is back, with his big eyes and a faint trace of a smile on his lips.
“Am I too readable?” Fourth chuckles, and the boy also joins him.
He sounds so freaking cute.
“Well, as you can see, I’m here against my will,” he explains. “My friends forced me to. Saying it would be good for me to go out,” he shrugs.
“And don’t tell me they convinced you ‘might meet someone special’ tonight?”
That causes Fourth to look up, eyes wide.
“Ha. I knew it,” the boy is now laughing out loud, the soft sound of it melting Fourth’s insides.
Needing to explain himself, Fourth opens his mouth, “I mean…they have been trying. But-” he raises his hands on both sides, “Here I am. A lost cause.”
The boy smiles, “You?”
Fourth doesn’t understand the implication behind his words. “Uhm-”
“I mean, just look at you,” the boy begins, his eyes scanning Fourth from head to toe. “All dolled up and ready for the world.”
A blush creeps up Fourth’s neck, swiftly igniting his cheeks in a warm crimson hue. He curses under his breath, regretting ever listening to Phuwin’s advice or stepping into this party like this. Naturally, the Bambi boy finds it all utterly absurd, and now Fourth feels embarrassed.
“Hey, don’t take it the wrong way. I didn’t mean to offend,” the boy says, his voice softening as he reaches out, lightly resting his hand on Fourth’s arm. The touch sends a rush of warmth pulsing through him, igniting something he can’t quite name. “What I meant was, you look so incredibly handsome and charming. Honestly, I don’t understand why you’d ever think you’re a lost cause.”
Fourth’s mouth hangs open, and for a second, he feels the urge to pinch himself to wake up.
“But you should be downstairs to find someone, not scoop up here with me like a loser,” he pulls his hand now, and Fourth already misses the weight of it.
“You’re not a loser,” he blurts out, “For wanting to choose yourself. You are human too, you know. With feelings and thoughts. So, I don’t see a problem with wanting to choose your happiness instead of sticking in the same place, drowning in sadness.” He doesn’t know what came over him at that moment, but the words suddenly left his mouth. Now, the Bambi boy is looking at him with open eyes, disbelief, and something like hope pouring out of them.
They lock eyes and examine one another’s features with a mix of curiosity. Fourth feels a magnetic pull, an urge to lean closer and ask if the boy remembers him. But the uncertainty in the boy’s gaze lets him know that he doesn’t. So, he retreats into silence, savoring this brief connection instead.
Eventually, this moment will dissolve like mist once they leave this place, just as their first meeting did. The thought lingers painfully in his mind.
The boy opens his mouth, as if to say something, but he is interrupted by a loud knock on the door.
“Fourth, you here?” Phuwin’s voice breaks the moment, “Satang drank too much, let’s get him back home.”
The boy turns toward Fourth, whispering his name slowly, as though he is testing it. Fourth stares at him a bit longer before answering, “I’m coming,” to the door.
He tries to get up, gets out of the bathtub, and fixes his clothes. He feels the Bambi boy’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t dare look at him right now.
“Will you be out of here any time soon?” He asks instead, voice teasing.
“Yeah, I-” the boy stops, caught staring. “I’ll enjoy the marbles and the interior design a bit more, I think,” he chuckles, and it makes Fourth crawl back into where he was sitting before, drink all the sounds the boy is making.
“Uhm- okay then. I should go,” he motions to the door, but he doesn’t move.
“Okay.”
Fourth stands there for a few seconds, and then turns his back to the Bambi boy once again tonight.
So this is it, he thinks.
I didn't even get to know his name-
“Fourth.”
The sound of his name rolled out of the boy’s tongue like music, resonating in the bedroom.
“Yeah?” He turns his head, not daring to move, afraid he will do something foolish, like rush back to the Bambi boy and kiss him senseless.
“Thank you,” the boy says sincerely. “I appreciate you listening to me and for the advice. I’ll think about it.” His voice grows more determined.
Fourth nods in return. “Okay,” he takes one last look at the boy, “I hope everything works out for you guys.”
He hears the boy murmur something low, but the words don’t quite reach him. Just then, there’s another knock at the door, and this time, he can hear an angry Phuwin outside.
“I swear to God if you don’t come out right now-”
“Okay, I’m here,” he opens the door, and comes face-to-face with him. Phuwin tries to look inside, over his shoulder, sensing another person in the bathroom. Fourth grabs his arm and drags him out of the bathroom. “Let’s go. Where is Satang?”
Phuwin tries to get out of his grab, “Huh? Who was that?”
“No one, what are you talking about?” Fourth tries to dodge the question, dragging him with more force.
“I could have sworn I saw someone in the bathtub.”
“God, just how many drinks did you guys have? I was gone for five minutes,” he tries to drag him away, not making eye contact. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”
“Strange,” Phuwin mumbles to himself, but returns to walking.
As he steps through the threshold of his home, a wave of exhaustion washes over him. He sinks onto the bed, the cool sheets embracing him as he closes his eyes. Instantly, his mind floods with memories, the picture of the Bambi boy flashing vividly before him.
Among the images, one memory pierces through with striking clarity.
As he pulled Phuwin away, he couldn't resist glancing back one final time. In that fleeting moment, he caught sight of the boy, his low chuckle ringing out in the bathroom like a clear bell.
And in a playful gesture, the Bambi boy tossed him a wink, a silent recognition lingering in his eyes.