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Shinra can’t sleep.
This revelation shouldn’t concern Arthur in the slightest. He doesn’t even know why he’s even making a mental note of it.
Or the fact that Shinra seemed to have been asleep before and now suddenly isn’t. Or that the other boy tossed and turned at least 16 times in the past ten minutes. That instead of deep even breathing in the background to act as white noise he’s finding himself worried that the damn devil is getting enough oxygen to his lungs to not end up passing out.
The longer he listens, because listening is all Arthur can do, the more Shinra’s breaths sound more like gasps, air hitching on nothing, and spluttering like a dying flame. At the rate Shinra’s going, he’s going to suffocate himself.
Why does he care?
Arthur needs sleep. What he really needs is to ignore all of this. Roll over and forget he was even awake in the first place. Who even cares? It’s Shinra’s problem. It’s Shinra’s problem if he spends his whole night stuck in a panic attack and doesn’t sleep. Not his problem. Not his problem to solve. Not his to deal with. Not his-
“For crying out- Shinra breathe!” He doesn’t mean to snap but his voice comes out louder and harsher than he meant it too. Arthur blames the otherwise stillness in the room on that, he could have whispered and it still would have sounded sharp.
The room goes dead silent for a moment.
Arthur curses to himself.
“I said to breathe- not to stop all together.”
He thinks he’s being ignored and Arthur’s about to turn over and leave the other to his own misery, when he catches the smallest voice he’s ever heard Shinra use. “Can’t. I can’t.”
His voice sounds raw.
Arthur takes a deep breath to stop from snapping. Not his problem, but also not his to make worse. “Yes you can.”
Everyone else must be asleep, otherwise Arthur would be finding someone more capable of dealing with whatever this situation is that he found himself in, staring at the ceiling above him and trying to walk Shinra through breathing exercises.
“You’re okay. Keep breathing, slowly, deep breathes before you run out of oxygen completely,” Arthur instructs. “Idiot.” He tacks on last second because he’s sounding too soft. Too caring, and too emotional for someone who’s supposed to be his rival.
“Hurts.” Is Shinra’s reply, voice cracking and horse and it sounds suspiciously like he’s been crying.
A hundred different responses settle just on Arthur’s tongue. ‘No duh. Idiot.’ ‘What are you even talking about?’ ‘Because you sent yourself into a panic?’ ‘Is all this about what we just saw? Really? Get over yourself. How do you think I feel?!’
He doesn’t say any of that. It feels too harsh if Shinra has been crying after all. Arthur’s not sure what to say. He’s not good at this, not without a personality and role to fall behind, but Shinra doesn’t need a ‘knight’… he needs a friend.
He thinks of that little girl crying for her parents. There was nothing he could say to her to cheer her up and stop her tears from flowing. There was nothing any of them could do. The captain handed her a picture frame from her collapsed house, an item that probably held more value now than it ever had previously. It wasn’t enough. Her parents weren’t coming back for her. Her dad could not be saved. They couldn’t offer her the one thing she needed.
“Yeah. Yeah it does.” Arthur settles on saying, because he doesn’t have anything else to offer.
He wants to apologize. For what Arthur doesn’t know. Apologize that they both had to see that? That life was so horrible they wound up here instead of in a home with their real parents, sleeping in their childhood beds? That everything did hurt and it just might stay that way forever?
Shinra is quiet again but at the very least he’s breathing steadier now, if only by a fraction.
Eventually Arthur’s too late to say anything more and the silence is awkward and still neither boys are asleep, though Arthur is more than happy to pretend to be.
Sleep will come to him eventually after all and now he won’t have to feel so guilty about not at least trying to help and-
“Can’t sleep. I want my mama…”
Fuuucc-
Arthur presses the palms of his hands into his eyes and tries to remind himself how to breathe, resigning himself to getting absolutely no sleep tonight.
They both need rest. It’s not going to come with either of them like this. So Arthur gets out of bed, standing up and taking finally taking a look at the other soldier.
Shinra looks like a mess, sniffling, eyes rimmed red and puffy. He looks like a child- like that little girl he couldn’t comfort, hiding half behind the bed’s blanket rather than a picture frame. Arthur might have failed her but as a knight- he won’t make the same mistake twice.
“Come on.” He holds out his arms towards the top bunk, Shinra blinks down at him. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s a knight’s job to carry a prince, and if I let you climb down on your own your liable to fall and start crying again and I just can’t handle that.”
Shinra blinks as if in a daze and Arthur is waiting for the protest. It never comes. Instead he slides to the edge of the bunk, half dropping, half falling into Arthur’s arms. They nearly both end up on the floor- but they don’t so Arthur counts it as a success.
When he’s sure Shinra’s not going to topple he lets him go to stand on his own two feet.
“Come on.” He tugs Shinra’s hand to get the other boy to follow along behind him, leaving their room altogether.
He never had a baby brother- he’s barely older than Shinra is to even be considering the thought- but the other boy looks so… small. Shinra never got to be a proper older brother anyways- so Arthur can think of this as setting an example or something…
“My mom and dad used to make me a snack when I… couldn’t… sleep…” That hadn’t been for years now. Arthur hadn’t even thought of that small memory until now. It hurt. The memories all hurt. Shinra was right, everything hurt-
“You ‘kay?” Shinra asks, head tilted to the side.
Arthur shakes his head. They’ve stopped in the middle of the hallway… for how long he’s not sure. Shinra’s still holding his hand, squeezing his hand softly in worry.
“Yeah. It’s… let’s just hurry up I’m tired and need sleep.”
“‘Kay.”
Food feels daunting once they’ve actually stepped into the kitchen, even then the thought of preparing a light snack, neither boy actually wants to eat. Still Arthur grabs a carton of milk from the kitchen’s fridge and pours them each a glass and warms them in the microwave.
“Careful, or you’ll spill.” Arthur says, steadying the other boy’s hands for a moment when he sees how bad they’re shaking.
Arthur downs his in one go, any excuse to go back and bed where currently memories of the past threaten to drown him. But for Shinra he’d manage if the other wasn’t ready to try sleeping again so soon.
Shinra’s crying again by the time Arthur puts down his own glass.
“Hey! What?!” He’s baffled by the reaction. It’s milk for heavens sake what is triggering about milk?!
“I- I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Shinra apologizes, wiping clumsily at the tears running down his cheeks.
“Stop you- you didn’t do anything wrong. We did everything we could to-“
“Not that! Mama!”
Oh. Huh. This was probably something Arthur shouldn’t be handling. Something deep, and ugly, and painful.
“Failed them. Failed my mama, failed Sho-“ Oh. Oh Arthur’s so far in over his head. This is more than a knight’s honor at stake, more than playing the role of family, older brother, or no, whatever this is he can’t find the right words to make everything alright again.
He wonders if Shinra even knows what’s going on right now, mind hazy and lost in some smoke filled past that’s left him in a rather childish state of himself.
“I didn’t do it. Didn’t. Didn’t mean to.” Shinra’s breathing is doing that hitching thing again, his mouth pulled in a tight grin that has to hurt now that Arthur thinks about it.
“Breathe Shinra.” He rubs Shinra’s back if not awkwardly, cursing because really, why wasn’t anyone else up to help? Someone better at all of this. It’s no matter. No one’s coming to save him. “If it’s any consultation, I believe you. I know you didn’t. You didn’t ask for this. You would give anything to have your family back. I know that.” His stomach feels sour. He blames the milk and lack of sleep. He wants to sleep. Forget about this. Go back to bickering and fights and daydreams come morning.
“Really?” Shinra asks, voice soft and wavering and he’s looking up at Arthur with an innocence that doesn’t seem possible after everything.
“Course, knight’s honor.” He raises his hand in a small salute over his heart.
Shinra rolls his eyes, but giggles, clearly amused. “Not a knight”
“Right I forgot, knight king.”
“Noo!”
Arthur grins, doesn’t pay any attention to the whining. “Finish your milk, it’s way past your bedtime.”
Shinra pouts- actually pouts and Arthur can’t help but laugh.
They don’t bother cleaning up. They’ll deal with the scolding from that in the morning, but Arthur concludes it’s just a couple cups and a little spilt milk, so it won’t be that bad. And besides, Shinra keeps yawning, looking bleary eyed and about to topple over at any moment.
“Want me to carry you?” Arthur asks, although he knows what the answer is going to be.
“No.” Shinra pouts.
“Right. Your choice. If you fall that’s on you.” Arthur says, turning to leave.
He keeps a very careful eye on Shinra as he stands. He’s shaky, walking like a newborn doe, unsure of his steps and footing in the world.
Arthur sighs, and grabs Shinra before he can fall, lifting him up in a bridal carry before he can protest.
“Come on little prince.”
.
.
.
Climbing to the top bunk with Shinra in his arms feels like an impossible task to complete without tripping and hurting both of them. The next best option, which is the one Arthur goes with, is to dump Shinra into his own bunk and simply change spots for the night.
What he isn’t expecting is for Shinra to grow clingy.
“Damn devil- let go of me.” He half snaps, trying to pry off a surprisingly strong grip the other has on his arm.
“No. Stay.”
“You don’t know what your saying- now unhand me beast before I-“
Shinra whines again, eyes teary as he looks up at Arthur.
A knight’s job isn’t to cause tears but prevent them, Shinra must somehow know this as he’s clearly using it to his advantage. Must know how much Arthur has already failed at that one task tonight and isn’t willing to let history repeat.
And so Arthur relents, “Move over.”
It’s a tight fit, the bunks weren’t exactly made for two people to share. They end up pressed against one another- though Arthur is starting to think that’s on purpose what with the way Shinra clings to him, mumbling something sleepily.
“I swear…”
There’s a small smile on Shinra’s face, soft and peaceful and so very rare Arthur thinks he might be imagining it due to sleep deprivation.
He’s only meaning to stay until Shinra falls asleep. Apparently the little devil is able to read minds.
“Arthur stay.” Shinra says, looking up at him with a pout.
“Yeah. Yeah I will. You just promise to sleep. No more thoughts.”
“Easy for you, you never think…”
“Excuse me?!”
“Sleepy…” Shinra buries his head back down again.
“You can’t just say that and ignore me after,”
“Yes can, is sleepy. Hush now. Sleepin’”
Arthur rolls his eyes, “Whatever,” and settles himself to try and get some sleep.
.
.
.
Arthur wakes up to the sound of giggling and whispers. He blinks back sleep, noting how ridiculously warm he is as memories of the night before come to his mind slowly.
He rolls over, only to be met by four pairs of eyes staring at them. “Huh? Why are you all in our room…”
Maki is grinning like a Cheshire Cat, Iris watches with a small smile of her own. And captain Obi has a camera-
“We came to look for you two when you didn’t show up for breakfast.” Maki explains, not losing the sly grin even as she looks to their captain, “Please tell me you got a picture of that.” She’s far too excited.
“Hey wait a second that’s blackmail!” Arthur shouts- suddenly very awake and leaping out of bed before any more pictures could be taken.
“Family album material.” Hinawa says, sounding barely concerned and also sounding fond.
“Same thing!”
Iris is cooing over how adorable they both look while Arthur is trying to get his sleep addled brain to catch up how in the world he slept in long enough to be found in this situation.
With all the noise one would think Shinra would have been up before now, but he just stirs once Arthur is gone, linking and rubbing at his eyes.
Shinra stares blearily at the group as though trying to comprehend where he is and what’s happening.
“Ah looks like sleeping beauty is up now.”
Shinra still looks a bit unsure of the world and his place in it in Arthur’s opinion. He still looks small…
“Well hi there. Glad you could join us.” Obi says, and it’s that tone of voice he uses when he looks at them as his kids rather than his underlings.
“Mmm hi…” Shinra mumbles.
Obi ruffles his hair. “We’re still waiting on breakfast with you two- if you hurry the pancakes will only be slightly cold.”
“Pancakes!” Shinra gasps and the excitement is enough to get the subject changed and company 8 moving on to the day’s tasks.
Arthur’s ready to leave himself when he feels a small tug on his pajama sleeve.
“You stayed?” Shinra sounds so unsure of himself.
“Yeah of course I stayed.”
“Oh…”
Arthur thinks that’s going to be it, till Shinra leans forward, bumping his head against the other’s back. “Thanks,” he whispers.
“Any time.” Arthur replies and finds himself meaning it.