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  1. Toujours a Twat! by

    Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling  

    25 Apr 2026

    Tags
    Summary

    3000 words. That was all. Sirius just had to get this essay down to 3000 words.

    3120 words, said his psychology essay’s word count, rudely.

    Fuck you, he said back to the word count.

    You’re so sleep-deprived, you’re hallucinating an argument with Microsoft Word, the word count replied wittily. Also, you want to shag men.

    Bollocks. The word count was right.

    -

    After realising that he’s probably at least a little bit gay, Sirius Black falls into a prolonged spell of bad luck.

    This is definitely because of some big fuckoff cosmic reason completely unrelated to him, and not just because he’s a bit of a twat.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    65,931
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Comments:
    260
    Kudos:
    417
    Bookmarks:
    135
    Hits:
    6,724