Chapter Text
Cliff knew something was going on with roz, something he just couldn't get out of him. He'd tried. And he knew it had something to do with Montreal Jane.
Over the years, he'd pushed, pried, and begged for something- anything- about that girl. He barely got it out of Roz that she had freckles. Obviously she had freckles.
(“C’mon, Roz. Just one thing, that's it. You can't hide her forever. She got freckles? We all know you can't resist a girl with freckles.”
“Yes, Marly, she has freckles.”)
He was always texting her, smiling and blushing at her responses, and Cliff loved to tease him about it
Then it stopped. And Roz was Fucking miserable. He was always snapping at the team, getting too drunk, and being generally self destructive.
Cliff noticed it too, he was Roz's best friend for fucks sake, but no matter what he did, he couldn't get the captain to open up about her.
So when the team was in Montreal, and Roz desperate to find a club, and presumably a fuck, the team was more then down. He knew Jane and Roz were…fighting? broken up? Roz had been terrible this last month or so, and he was definitely taking it out on the team.
(“Just because your suffering doesn't mean you gotta take it out on us, Roz.” The comment that got the whole team doing bag skates til they puked)
And Jane was the only thing that could really sway Roz's emotions like that for such a long time, positive or negative. Not those phone calls from his brother begging for money, or his demented father forgetting Roz wasn't in Russia, not even that pretty Russian girl Roz saw so much could make him smile the way he did while texting Jane.
The team went out to a nice club in Montreal, full of other celebrities. Even Rose Landry is there, from X Squad.
He saw Roz dancing with a pretty looking blonde, feeling relieved. Good he thought roz’ll get laid, then we’ll be able to breathe again. He tried to keep an eye on him, for the most part at least, and eventually, it was clear Roz was ready to go. He assumed he'd leave with that blonde he'd been dancing with all night, but no. He had left alone with a scowl on his face.
Practice was worse after that night, for days at least. And Roz stayed miserable. Cliff had insisted on having him crash at his place for a while, he did this whenever he felt like the captain could use a little help. Ever since that night they both got really drunk and Roz had opened up about his mom.
(“My mom's been on my ass all week about missing family dinner. Doesn't she understand how important practice is to this job?”
“At least you have mom to be on your ass about dinner, Marly, we are not all so lucky”
“What? Is your mom…”
“Da. Dead.”
“Shit, when? And how?”
“When I was twelve. She took whole bottle of pills, did not wake when I found her.”
“You found her? Shit, Roz I'm sorry”)
Cliff had a cousin who had attempted, it turned out his aunt had too. That was when he learned mental illness could be hereditary.
The captain seemed to be easing up on the team, but not himself. He was still getting too drunk, overworking himself, and isolating just about as much as Cliff would let him…up until the all stars game.
When the captain came back from florida, there was some new found whimsy or some shit. It was like a switch was flipped. Honestly? For a little bit he thought Roz was really going off the rails, that he was really going to hurt himself, but…Roz was genuinely happy.
So Cliff decided to bring it up.
“I see you got your mojo back, Roz.” He said, peering over his shoulder at his phone and seeing…Jane. He was texting Jane. “Montreal girl finally hit you back up?”
“I have no clue what you are talking about, Marly,” Roz said, with a grin on his face.
“Uh-huh. Sure buddy. Keep that energy when you refuse to celebrate with us after our next win in Montreal.”
Nobody was celebrating after their next win in Montreal. If they could even call it a win.
On the ice, he had barrelled into Hollander at a weird angle. The sound of him hitting the ice was sickening. It always sucked to see someone get badly injured, but nobody would wish that on Hollander. He was probably the nicest player in the league, had only ever been in one fight, and had even offered Roz his condolences at the start of the game.
But it was the look on Roz’s face when Hollander didn't get back up. The way he was yelling at the refs, refusing to go to the bench.
The realization hit him like a truck.
Jane…Shane. The secrecy, the rose Landry, the all stars. The pieces didn't so much fall into place, more like they launched at mach 9 and solidified on cliffs brain.
The rest of the game was shit, he played like shit, Roz played like shit, every single voyager was more focused on getting him hospitalized too instead of the game.
They still won, but how could they classify it as such?
In the locker rooms, Roz was already dressed, staring at his phone and sitting silently on the bench. He waited til everyone else had left, only he and Roz were still there.
“I'm sorry.” He started
“For?” Roz wouldn't even look at him.
“Hollander. I really didn't mean to-”
“Is hockey. Will happen.” Roz cut him off, still not looking.
“It's him. Isn't it?” Cliff asked. That got Roz to look at him
“What?”
“Jane,” he saw his body tense up and clench. “It's Hollander. Jane is-”
“Shut the fuck up, Marlow” Roz stood, getting in his face.”you don't know what the hell your talking about”
“Roz- please, I-” he saw the wetness in his captain's eyes…it was nauseating. “I don't care about you and Hollander- I just- I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to.” He reached up and put his hand on Roz's shoulder, but it was jerked off
“You might've ruined his career! He could be left with disability because of you!” Roz yelled at him.
“I know- I'm sorry.”
“Fuck!” Roz slumped back down onto the bench. “I will go see him tomorrow. In morning.”
“I'm coming with you.” Cliff said without thinking. He, for one, needed to apologize. And for second, he'd been trying to meet Jane since 2014.
“ No.”
“Yes.”
“Marly-”
“Ilya. C'mon, I have to apologize…and meet the guy who's had you on a leash since…I don't even know when.”
“Summer before rookie season. Was when we met.”
“Summer before- that long?”
“Da.” Roz nodded slowly.
“C'mon, let's get back to the hotel and head to bed. We can visit first thing in the morning.”
Roz nodded again, pushing himself off the bench and gathering his stuff.
And that's what they did. They'd made it to the hospital that Shane was at a little after 9am.
Cliff let Roz go in first, giving them a few minutes of privacy before going in himself. And what he saw when he did? He wasn't sure wasn't to cry or tease. It was sad, yet adorable. Roz was sitting close, with Hollander's hand in his.
Then, equally as adorable, hollanders little “uh oh” when he saw him.
“No, no, is okay, moya lyubov, Marly is friend. Good friend” hearing Roz speak so softly caught him off guard for a moment
“I just wanted to say- I'm so sorry, Hollander. I really didn't mean to hurt you” he said, but Hollander just shook his head, wincing a little.
“All part of the game, concussion and a broken collar bone, out for the play off, but I'll be back next season…more upset about you ruining my plans for yesterday night” Hollander said, slurring over his words a little, Probably from the meds, and glancing over at Roz.
“That's good- well- that you'll be okay,.not that you're out of the playoffs- that sucks. And I'm sorry about your plans.”
Hollanders nodded in agreement with a wince, Roz's hand coming up to stop him “your head, solnyshka, don't move your head”
Hollander opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by the door swinging open.
“You!” An angry looking woman, with a calmer man behind her, said as Cliff turned around. She pointed an accusatory finger at him “who the hell do you think you are? Injuring my son, then coming here to- what, rub it In?” Oh. These are Hollander's parents.
“Mrs.Hollander, I c- OW!” His head jerked to the side, his hand coming up to his face to where Mrs. Hollander had just slapped the ever loving shit out of him.
“Yuna!” The man behind her, presumably Hollanders Dad, grabbed her shoulders and forced her to step away from him as he felt Roz behind him start to push him out of the room.
“Get well soon, Hollander, see you next season.” Roz said quickly as he ushered Cliff out.
Back in the rental car, Cliff was rubbing his face, and Roz was laughing at him.
“Jesus Christ…that woman is fucking strong. That fucking hurt.” He said, pulling down the mirror and looking at the red mark, that would probably bruise, on his cheek.
“Bozhe moy, Marly, that was hilarious. I am so glad I let you come with.”
“Shut up, Roz, that fuckin’ hurt.”
“Da, I am sure, you should have seen look on your face.” he made his face into a more exaggerated, mocking version of cliffs face when Mrs.Hollander hit him.
“Whatever man,” Cliff rolled his eyes. “I still have questions for you, dickhead. You said…before your rookie year? How the hell did that even…come to be?” He asked as Roz pulled the car out of the parking garage.
“It was Prospect Cup. He comes up to me, shakes my hand, tells me no smoking, introduces himself, tells me how great I am, then, Marly, he shakes my hand again. I was smitten.”
“And- what? You exchanged numbers there and started meeting up?”
“No, no, I made CCM commercial shoot happen. We had both been signed to sponsorship, I told them ‘bring Shane Hollander, you will make so much money' and they agree. This is when we first hook up.”
“I remember that commercial. That's really what that was? You've got some real game, Roz.” Cliff chuckled.
The captain nods. “We don't see each other for 3 years after that, or, not really at least. Then not again for another year. Then we see each other as often as possible, which is not much, only when teams are in same city.”
“How did you hold onto that for so long?”
“I didn't, I mess up in 2016, talk about Svetlana, tell Shane is nice to have girl to depend on, then I call him Shane for first time-”
“What? For the first time? What were you- no way you two only used last names for the first like- 6 years of knowing each other? What about when you were…y’know? That doesn't make any sense.”
“Da, only last names. I call him Shane, then he runs off and finds Svetlana of his own.”
“Rose Landry”
“Da.”
“Shit, well it makes a little more sense now, why you were acting like that…then the All-star game?”
Roz nodded. We meet during all stars, talk, admit things…then my father dies, and I tell him I love him…he doesn't know. I said it in russian.”
“awe, you coward.”
“Da, I know, but I was not…I was going to stop this tonight, tell him we cannot see each other anymore…”
“What? Why? You still love him, right?”
“I do- more then anything- but, c'mon, Marly, he and I cannot be together. Not in this world. Will not work.”
“ so your telling me this went on for like- 7 years? And you still refuse to accept it? Fuck if it works or not, Roz, your way to far gone”
“He asked my to go to his cottage this summer, before you came into room.”
“...and you said abso-fucking-lutley?”
“I said Maybe. I cannot go to cottage, Marly you know this. I just- couldn't tell him no…not in that hospital bed.”
“Damnit, Roz, come the fuck on!” Cliff threw his hands up.
“We will never be able to be with each other, Marly, we cannot be men in love, we cannot be hockey player men in love, I cannot be Russian man in love with another man!”
“Oh, yeah, because you've always given so much of a fuck about what people think of you.”
“No- Marly, fuck! We could lose jobs. No teams would sign us, I would lose visa and have to go to Russia as a national disgrace. I will be arrested for propaganda, or worse!”
“Propaganda? What?”
“Russian laws. If I am found out, my existence is illegal in Russia…’promoting non-traditional values’ whatever that means” Roz scoffed.
Cliff stayed quiet for a minute. He had nothing for that. No answer, no solution, not even any comfort for Roz. “Shit.”
“Da.”
The rest of the drive was quiet, it stayed quiet for a while. Until they got back to the hotel and started packing for their flight back to Boston.
“Marly,” Roz started. “Thank you.”
Cliff raised an eyebrow. “What for?”
Roz rolled his eyes, and his wrist with a gesture to the air. “For not being asshole. For being friend.”
Cliff grinned “no shit, man, that doesn't deserve any thanks.”
“Da, maybe, but not everyone would be so…accepting. Not of bisexual, not of Shane, some people would be…not so nice.”
“Oh. Yeah. I guess you're right…nearly a decade of supposedly hating each other but secretly being together…some people would not like that.” Cliff agreed. “i think you should go.”
“Hm?”
“With Hollander to the cottage. It's not like you're going back to Russia this year.
“Maybe, we will see.”
“That's a bitch answer and you know it, Roz. Go to the fucking cottage. Tell him to Let me come down there one day, let me meet him for real, off the ice, and the meds.”
“There is too many risks, Marly…I can't.”
Cliff only scoffed and shook his head.
Cliff doesn't bring up the cottage again. He doesn't have to, Roz brought it up first.
After he picked his jaw up off the floor, from seeing Scott Hunter win the cup and kiss a man live on TV, he immediately called Roz
“Did you fucking see that?”
“Yes. And I called Shane and told him I am going to cottage.”
A wide grin spread across Cliff's face. “Hell fuckin' yeah you did, Roz. Tell him to let me come up there one day.”
“I would have to tell him you know about us first.”
“What? You didn't tell him as soon as he sobered up?”
“I did not want him to panic.”
“Jesus Christ, Rozanov.” Cliff was shaking his head, even though Roz couldn't see.
“I have to go, I have people over.”