Chapter Text
Lance held Keith's hand. It was so small now. He felt like if he were to squeeze any tighter he would break it. His skin clung to his bones like a sheet on a science skeleton. It was grey, almost like a rain-cloud. His eyes were dark and sunken in. His cheekbones looked like they could cut through at any moment. His bald head was always covered by a red beanie with a blue stripe at the bottom. Lance had bought him that hat two years ago.
It was Keith’s twenty-third and he had insisted he didn’t want anything but that didn’t sit well with Lance, he had to do something for Keith. So he took Keith to a carnival. It had been a complete surprise to Keith and he loved every second of it. At the end of the night they had fireworks and Lance drew him to the side while the dark night sky was full of colour and he kissed him. He held his waist and supported his neck, Keith's hand was in his hair. He felt the fireworks in his heart as they kissed.
“Pick a present.” Lance ordered at the end of the night, he had his hand around Keith’s waste.
“But you paid for everything today!” Keith said laughing and trying to drag Lance away from the stall. “And I don’t need anything-”
“That’s beside the point Keith. Pick a present and we can go home and then we can take off our clothes and-”
Keith clamped a hand over Lance’s mouth. “There are children Lance” He laughed. “Okay, Okay I’ll pick something just wait here.” He disappeared into the throng. Lance thought about how much he loved Keith. How happy he made him. He reappeared. “Alright. I've chosen, come here.”
He pulled Lance along and pointed to a beanie. “You sure?. You can pick something more expensive, if you want.”
“Nope. It has our favourite colours.” Keith said, picking it up. “Blue for you and red for me.”
“You’re too cute.” Lance said, his insides jumping with joy.
He wore that dumb hat all the time.
Even if he closed his eye’s Lance could tell how sick Keith was. His slow, ragged breaths were always audible and every one grated at Lance’s ears. He felt himself wince at each clawing breath.
“So,” he began, once again swallowing his urge to cry, “How are you feeling today?.”
“Better.” Keith said, smiling. It was barely even a smile, the edges of his mouth turned up in a small way but Lance could tell by the soft look in his eyes that he was smiling. “A lot… better.”
Lance knew he was lying. He hadn’t been getting better for a few months now. His first bout of chemo had worked and it looked like he would live a full life, but a year after his first all clear he was diagnosed with inoperable stage three lung cancer. It had come back, only this time it was worse.
Lance had never had worse news in his life. It had crushed him, he cried, he wept… but Keith had smiled. “Stage three,” He had said. “That means there’s still hope.” but in Lance’s mind there was no hope, though he kept himself positive for Keith’s sake. For once, lance wouldn’t have minded being wrong. But he had been right. Aggressive chemo, five sessions every three weeks. It had been more than an uphill battle, but together and with the help of Lance’s family, they had gotten through it. Only to find on the other end that it hadn’t worked.
Lance could never forget Keith’s eyes that day. He something inside him break, but only for a moment before he turned to Lance and smiled, “There’s still a chance… after I recover a bit from this I can do some more chemo-”
But Lance couldn’t watch him like that anymore. Hopelessly hopeful. He got up and stormed out, raging at the world, the chemo, the cancer, anything and everything. He punched a hole through the bathroom wall before he cried it out, blood dripping from his fingers. Then he got up, wiped his eyes and went back to Keith. Because he needed him then more than ever.
The thing was, Keith never got better. Only worse. Lance thought that the day they found out that Keith’s chemo hadn't worked was also the day that he began to fade. He had already lost all his weight and colour from the chemo. Now he began to lose his brightness. His spark. The fire that made him Keith.
So they were there now in the hospital, Keith hooked up to a drip and an oxygen tank. They were waiting for a doctor's visit. That meant he either had very good news or...
“Lance.” Keith’s voice was gravelly and harsh. He could only speak in short sentences. “Remember our wedding?... I’m glad we got married.”
Lance did squeeze Keith’s hand then, it didn’t break. Keith squeezed back with hardly any power. “Yeah you idiot.” Lance replied fondly. “Of course I do.”
“Let’s get married.” Lance said one purple dawn, they had sat up to watch the sunrise from their bed in their lofty apartment. Keith lay naked next to him, only their cotton sheets covering him. He had looked over at Lance with wide eyes and the brightest smile he’d ever seen.
“Really!?.” He asked.
“Yes.” Lance giggled.
Keith pounced on Lance and hugged him tightly then kissed him forcefully on the mouth. Then a few more times on his jaw. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
They were married the next year. It was a huge celebration, courtesy of his mother who had said, “Finally why did you not ask him sooner!?.” and proceeded to plan the whole thing herself, but neither of them minded.
Their wedding had been by no means a small affair, it was big and bold and more colourful than anything they’d ever seen. It was full of smiles and laughter and just all-around joy. He remembered the cheers from his family as he’d said his vows. “Keith, tu eres mi sol, tu eres mi luna, tu eres mi luz, te amo.”
But out of everything that happened on that day he’d never forget the wonderful smile Keith gave him as he walked up the aisle. Their eye’s had connected and it felt like they were the only two in the room.
“Lance.” Keith had said shyly after the pair had consummated their marriage a few times and lay atop overly opulent purple satin sheets. “I’m glad that you can be my family… I never had a proper family before.”
“Keith, you idiot, you’ve been in my family for years.” Lance said, kissing Keith once. “And don’t you ever forget it.”
“I won’t.” He said, kissing him back.
He looked away when Keith started coughing. It was a violent coughing fit. They happened frequently and there was nothing Lance could do to help, so he held onto Keith’s hand until the coughing died down. When Keith stopped coughing he said “Will you… read…”
“Of course.” He lifted the tattered old book that lay next to Keith’s bed and held it in one hand. It was ‘Watership down’ By Richard Adams. It was the reason they first met.
He opened the book, turning to the first browned page and began to read.
Lance reached for the book but just as his hand touched the edge another hand brushed his “Hey-” He said as he turned to face the person. He felt himself blush as he looked on. He was nearly the same height as him and had jet black hair and the most captivating blue eyes Lance had ever seen. “ Hey.” He said, wiggling his eyebrows at the stranger.
The stranger furrowed his brow at Lance. “Uh, do you need this book or can I take it?.” He asked.
Lance lifted the book from the shelf. “I’ll give it to you if you tell me your name.”
“My name’s Keith.” He said, holding his hand out for the book. Lance handed it over and he turned to leave. Lance hurried after.
“I’m lance.” He told him. “Why are you checking out ‘Watership down’?, do you have an assignment?”
“No.” He replied as he checked the book out. “It’s my favourite. I lost my copy on campus”
“Oh that’s awful.” Lance said.
“Yeah…” he said. “I have to go.”
“Bye.”
He watched him leave and was sure he had a crush. Lance spent the entire weekend searching for Keith’s lost copy of ‘watership down’. He hadn’t any idea of where even to start but he was determined to find it. He nearly shouted when he saw the corner of it poking out from the top of a shelf in the study hall. He found Keith’s dorm room two hours later by asking around and knocked on the door, his heart a bundle of nerves.
“Yes?.” Keith said.
“Is this yours?” Lance said, holding up the book.
He watched as Keith’s face went from surprise to pure joy. He hugged Lance and grabbed the book. “Where did you find it!?”
“Study hall.” Lance said.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” His eyes were welling up. “My grandfather gave me that book, I thought i’d lost it.”
Lance knew then that he was in love. It was only a few months later when Keith discovered he was in love too.
“Mr McClain?” Both Lance and Keith looked up. A nurse stood at the door. “The doctor is ready for you, can he come in?.
“Yes. Please.” Lance said, exchanging a look with Keith.
The doctor came in and shook their hands one by one. He sat in the chair and looked at them. Lance knew what he was going to tell them before he even opened his mouth. “I’m sorry I have to say this, but he could go at any moment now.”
Lance bit his lip, hard. The metallic taste of blood covered his tongue. Despite his efforts tears welled up in his eyes and ran down his cheeks. “There’s nothing we can do?.” He asked, his voice cracking in the middle of the sentence. He knew the answer to that too.
“I’m sorry.” the doctor said, “You fought hard Keith, we all admire you so much. You’ve been a great patient. You have to make the decision. Do you want to spend your time at home or here?.”
“Home...” Lance whipped his head to face Keith. “With Lance.”
“But, mi amor, you’ll be so much more comfortable here where they can take care of you properly.” Lance said, now using both hands to hold Keith’s.
Keith looked at him with that same almost-smile and said; “At home… With you.” He nodded. Case closed.
“If you can’t make arrangements you can contact-” Lance wasn’t listening anymore. His eyes were locked with Keith’s. It was as if, again, they were the only two people there. This was it. This was really it. It had never been so certain before. Here it was. The beginning of the end. Keith’s last days.