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In the dream, he was yelling. He was screaming and waving his hands but no one around him was reacting. He was at the lab, in biology class in school. His frog had cancer and no one had told him what to do if that happened- he’d never seen anyone with cancer. He kept shouting and raising his voice but when he looked at the back wall- the whiteboard replaced with a mirror wall- Dennis only saw himself. His mouth was wide open but no sound was coming out-
He sat up sharply and felt a heavy weight drop off. The room was hot and dry. He pulled at his t shirt and pushed the blanket off his legs, and also the legs of the other person in the bed. Robbie.
Dennis was at Robbie’s house and he’d had a nightmare. Okay. That happened when he slept at new places sometimes; and apparently Robbie wasn’t actually an exception. A grumble in his stomach stole the attention from him- he was starving. Oh, fuck.
Robbie had told him to make himself comfortable. He’d also said he’d make grilled cheese. Dennis wondered if the offer was still valid, but as his eyes zeroed in on the alarm clock, he realized it was almost 4 am. He could just tough it out for a few more hours and then Robbie had said he would feed him breakfast on the way back to school. It would be fine. He laid back on the bed and wiggled closer to Robbie. He tried to slow his breathing, focusing on the air conditioning, the far off sound of the water line filling the ice dispenser. He focused on all of those and not the hollow feeling in his belly.
“Baby? What are you doing?” Robbie’s speech was heavy with sleep and Dennis winced.
“I’m sorry I woke you up. I had a bad dream.” He explained quietly. “But I’m okay now. I’m just trying to fall back asleep.”
“You want me to hold you?” Robbie asked. “Come here.”
“You sure? I don’t want to interrupt your sleeping, I know you have to be up for work soon. You can just go back to sleep-“
In the stark silence, the rumble of Dennis’ stomach sounded like a siren. He was grateful for the darkness at least.
“Was that your stomach? Are you in gastrointestinal distress?” And Dennis wanted to be annoyed for teasing him but he considered it- Robbie wasn’t actually teasing him. He was probably genuinely asking.
“No. I think I’m hungry. Really hungry.” Dennis admitted. “I was just gonna tough it out until breakfast-“
The bedside lamp turned on and suddenly Robbie was sitting before him with the sleepiest, saddest look on his face. “You don’t have to tough it out. What are you hungry for? I’ll make you anything.”
Dennis’ eyes burned. “I said stop being so nice to me.” He said, crawling to his arms. “I was thinking about grilled cheese but I would really eat anything you made-“
Robbie picked him up and carried him swiftly just down the hall to the kitchen. He sat Dennis at the round table in the middle and washed his hands. Dennis watched as Robbie moved with precision and attention. What it would be like to be under his care?
Soon, the smell of melting butter and toasting bread filled the small kitchen. Dennis’ feet swung from the bar stool. The stove clock display read 3:32. Robbie mussed his hair as he walked to the fridge.
“What cheese do you like? I have Swiss, Munster, American, Provolone.” Robbie said, sliding the cheese drawer open.
“Mmh. Can you do American and Provolone?” Dennis asked, sitting up against the bar.
“Of course I can.” Robbie grabbed two slices and carried them back to the stove. He washed his hands and walked over to Dennis. “I like when you tell me what you want. Grilled cheese at 3am? Always. Always, baby.” He pushed the curls back from Dennis’ face.
Dennis snuggled against his chest. “I just didn’t want to be a burden.”
“You’re not. And I’m sorry you’re worried about that.” Robbie said. He stepped over to the stove and turned the sandwich over. “Can you get some water for us?”
Dennis nodded and hopped down. He filled two glasses of water and sat them on the table, before moving to wash his hands. He leaned against the counter, watching Robbie slice the sandwich diagonally and slide the pieces onto a plate. “That looks delicious.”
“Come eat.” Robbie encouraged, carrying it to the table for him.
Dennis obeyed and moved to sit on his chair, blushing as he saw Robbie patting his lap. “Did you want me to sit with you?”
“You usually eat better when I feed you, I’ve noticed. Do you want to sit on there?” He asked, glancing to the seat.
“No I want to sit with you. But I can feed myself. I’m actually starving I think.” Dennis mentioned, climbing into Robbie’s lap.
“Is it harder for you to eat when you’re not really, really hungry?” Robbie asked, rubbing circles on his back.
“I kind of developed a strategy for ignoring when I was hungry. I couldn’t afford extra meals at the dining hall but if I don’t save at least one meal for both days of the weekend, it gets really bad.” He sighed. “Next semester it should be easier, I should get a raise at work. I never ever miss and I have the fastest time for checkout.” He reached out to touch the bread on the sandwich and found it was cool enough. He picked up the sandwich and bit the corner. “Oh, it’s so good.”
Robbie shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to do that. One meal a day- Dennis, that’s not healthy.”
“I just used my dollars really early- I had to do all my school shopping and groceries at the the school store- felt like a company town situation. If I had been able to spread them out or bought like- meals with them, I’d feel better.” Dennis explained, embarrassment souring his stomach. “I didn’t have a job when I moved here.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, I just feel bad.” Robbie insisted. He didn’t say anything else but Dennis couldn’t help but think about his earlier offer- Robbie paying Dennis so he could focus on school. What a dream. “You should eat though so you can go back to bed.”
Dennis nodded and reached instead for the water glass. He didn’t want to admit it but the talk about his poor choices and lack of funds made him nauseous. “Love the water out here.”
“The water? What about the sandwich baby?” He asked, picking up the corner of the plate. “The cheese is melting together in there.”
Dennis nodded. “It looks really good.”
Robbie rubbed his side. “Baby. Did I hurt your feelings?”
“No, it’s my own fault. I talk so much.” Dennis sighed and picked up the corner of his sandwich. He ripped the crust off and chewed it up. It tasted good, but it felt like sandpaper. “Sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s gonna be okay. Just have a bite. No one here is mad at you, everyone here really likes you.” Robbie encouraged.
Dennis picked up his sandwich and nibbled the corner and the edge. It was good. He relaxed into Robbie’s arms and ate the other corner. “Is this Texas toast?” He asked.
“Yeah baby. Do you like it?” He asked, rubbing Dennis’ hip.
Dennis nodded and ate the middle of the sandwich. “Perfect. So delicious.
Robbie kissed Whitaker’s head. “I’ll wrap this side up for you, unless you want to eat it right now.”
Dennis shook his head. “I could take it home?”
“Of course. And I’ll get you groceries today if you’re interested. You can just tell me what to order and I’ll have it sent to the front of your building.” Robbie offered, sliding Dennis over to the chair.
Dennis shook his head. “That’s too nice. My roommate would be like ‘where’d all this food come from’.”
“I’d be happy to. Food is a necessity, it’s not good to starve your brain.” Robbie got the aluminum foil out and wrapped the other triangle nicely in foil. “It’ll be here when we wake up. You ready to go back to bed?”
Dennis nodded, sliding out of the chair. “Yes sir. Thank you for that. I love 3 am grilled cheese.”
“Back to bed then.” He scooped Dennis up and tossed him over his shoulder.
Dennis giggled and kicked his feet. “Do you go to the gym?”
“Sometimes. Not often enough but I might have a new reason to go.” Robbie said, carrying him down the hall. He flopped Dennis onto the bed and climbed up next to him.
“We could go together. I want to get top surgery before I turn 150 years old and I want it to be easier on the surgeon.” Whitaker replied. “I want to be able to lift a lot. Throw people around like you do.”
“Well, I have a lot of practice.” He shrugged, pulling the quilt up over them. “Close your eyes baby.”
“I think I’m too awake. Can I wait by you until I fall asleep?” Dennis asked, sitting up on the bed.
“You can do whatever you want baby boy. Just stay by me. It’s good to lay still for a while if you can’t sleep.” Robbie wrapped his arms around Whitaker’s waist and rubbed his face against his belly.
Baby boy. Dennis shivered all over. “Yes sir. Good night sir.” He looked out over the bed and saw his teddy bear at the foot of the bed. He didn’t mind it- at least he hadn’t fallen off the bed. And besides, he had the real thing to snuggle.