Chapter Text
pegandcheese added laffytaffy, eliza_is_satan666, angelofdeath, hamilburger, johnfkennedy, headlesshorseman, and maria.the.meme.lord to the group chat
angelofdeath : ok but why
laffytaffy : aw yay
laffytaffy: i love group chats so much omg
hamilburger: yooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo
headlesshorseman: not again
headlesshorseman: do you know what this means ???
headlesshorseman: y’all are gonna break my phone with nonstop notifcations
headlesshorseman: AGAIN
pegandcheese: sorry
pegandcheese: jk im not
johnfkennedy: MY DUDES
maria.the.meme.lord: lit
eliza_is_satan666: oh gosh
laffytaffy: i am living
hamilburger: um
hamilburger: liz ??
eliza_is_satan666: yep?
hamilburger: why the hell is that your username
johnfkennedy: heh
johnfkennedy: get it
johnfkennedy: why the HELL
johnfkennedy: cuz satan is from HELL
johnfkennedy: GET IT
johnfkennedy: lololololololololololl
angelofdeath: jawn stfu
eliza_is_satan666: ask peggy
pegandcheese: hehehehehehhee
pegandcheeese: it’s your own fault eliza
eliza_is_satan666: whatever
laffytaffy: explain ???
pegandcheese: so basically
pegandcheese: eliza wanted me to set the whole app for her and i said “what do you want your username to be” and she said “i don’t care you just pick one” and so i did
angelofdeath: and your first thought was eliza_is_satan666 ??????
pegandcheese: ofc
hamilburger: reasonable
` johnfkennedy: ^^
maria.the.meme.lord: i approve
headlesshorseman: ok you’re just proving my point
headlesshorseman: literally nonstop notifications ok
maria.the.meme.lord named the group chat non-stop notifications
headlesshorseman: i hate you all
angelofeath : wait
maria.the.meme.lord: waiting
hamilburger: just you wait
laffytaffy: wait for it,,,,,,
maria.the.meme.lord: still waiting
eliza_is_satan666: angelica???
laffytaffy: wait for it,,,,,
eliza_is_satan666: are you dead?????
angelofdeath: ok so alex and john are dating
maria.the.meme.lord: boi
pegandcheese: u just gettin this ?????
laffytaffy: they literally eyefuck all the time
eliza_is_satan666: ang you ok??
hamilburger: you broke john
hamilburger: he wont stop laughing
angelofdeath: just hear me out
hamilburger: oK BUT JOHN IS STILL LAUGHIGN
angelofdeath: and eliza and maria are dating
maria.the.meme.lord: boi
eliza_is_satan666: should i call 911 ?? is she dyimg ???
angelofdeath: and pegs and laf are dating
pegandcheese: um yes
laffytaffy: im lost
angelofdeath: and herc is single as fuck
headlesshorseman: ok see i was gonna ignore this group chat bc im bitter but wOW THANKS A BUNCH ANGELICA
angelofdeath: so everyone’s bf/gf is included in this group chat
angelofdeath: ‘cept for mine
angelofdeath: im raising my eyebrows btw
angelofdeath: ahem
angelofbreath: where’s my boyfriend
angelofdeath: why isnt he here
hamilburger: bc he’s a disgusting macaroni fucking piece of trash and i gotta go take a shower bc now im thinking about him
pegandcheese: ^
johnfkennedy: ^^
maria.the.meme.lord: ^^^
laffytaffy: ^^^^
headlesshorseman: i tried to ignore y’all again but ^^^^^ i must agree
eliza_is_satan666: ok let me just say in angelica’s defense
eliza_is_satan666: that she has dated worse men
eliza_is_satan666: well actually just the one worse man but still
angelofdeath: wow thanks so much eliza i love you too
hamilburger: you cant name anyone worse than thomas the bag of shit jefferson
eliza_is_satan666: aaron burr
laffytaffy: i think burr and jefferson are equally horrible
headlesshorseman: ^^yeh
maria.the.meme.lord: basically
hamilburger: ew now im thinking about both of them
hamilburger: now i REALLY need a shower
johnfkennedy: guys
johnfkennedy: GUYS
johnfkennedy: he’s actually going to take a shower
pegandcheese: wow i hate him
headlesshorseman: omfg
maria.the.meme.lord: i’m not even surprised
angelofdeath: typical
johnfkennedy: be back in a bit ima go join him
eliza_is_satan666: JOHN NO
headlesshorseman: john i s2g if you come back and start tellin us bout your shower sex
laffytaffy: brb killing myself
pegandcheese: #stopthesin2k16
maria.the.meme.lord: i despise them
eliza_is_satan666: same tbh
eliza_is_satan666: OK ITS BOTHERING ME
eliza_is_satan666: HOW DO I CHANGE IT
angelofdeath: if by “it” you mean ALex and John’s personalities then i ask myself that same question every day of my life
eliza_is_satan666: NO MY USERNAME
pegandcheese: NO ONE TELL HETR
pegandcheese: DOIT OUU FUCKING DARE
pegandcheese: ANYONE WHO TELLS HER WILL DI E A VRY PAINFUL DEATH AT MY HAND S
pegandcheese: I KWNO WHERE YOU AL LIVE MOTHERCUCKERS I SWREAR TO GOD
angelofdeath: well looks like you’re outta luck liz
laffytaffy: sorry but i ahve to live with her so im not too keen to upset her
headlesshorsemane: i’m too young to die sorry lizard
eliza_is_satan666: maria you’re my gf
eliza_is_satan666: tell me now
pegandcheese: maria just remember you were my friend before you were eliza’s girlfriend
pegandcheese: bros before hoes
pegandcheese: pals before gals
maria.the.meme.lord: sorry babe i love you but this is pretty hilarious so i gotta side with peggy on this one eeehhhh
eliza_is_satan666: MKTHERFUCK
maria.the.meme.lord: sry
hamilburger: yoooooo
johnfkennedy: we be back
headlesshorseman: ew
pegandcheese: sinner alert
laffytaffy: how was your shower sex?
angelofdeath: LAFAYETTE
maria.the.meme.lord: laf i thought we all agreed that we didn’t wanna know about john and alex’s ~~~sinning~~~
laffytaffy: well i for one am curious
pegandcheese: well i for one am triggered
hamilburger: our shower sex was great, since you asked
angelofdeath: ew
pegandcheese: ^
maria.the.meme.lord: ^^
eliza_is_satan666: ^^^
hamilburger: liz ya know you can change your username right ???
pegandcheese: ALEX
eliza_is_satan666: HWO
eliza_is_satan666: HOW
pegandcheese: DONT TELL HER OR ILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE IN THE MIDLLE OF THE NIGHT AND XUT YOUR DICK OFF
pegandcheese: THI IAZ WHY YOU GOTTA CATH UP ON THE MESSAGES YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE SINNING
pegandcheese: I S2G IF YOU TELL HER HOW TO CHANGE UT YOU WILE WISH YOUD NEVER EEN BORJ HAMILTON
pegandcheese: YOU KNOW I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE SO JUST KEEP RHAT IN MIND AS YOU PROCEED
hamilburger: ,,,,,sorry liz i wanna survive so like
hamilburger: i cant help you so sorry
johnfkennedy: im kinda frightened
johnfkennedy: kind fearing for our lives a lil bit rn
headlesshorseman: what’d i miss i was making me a sangwich
laffytaffy: peggy is threatening lives again
headlesshorseman: so basicallu i didnt miss anything new
angelofdeath: nope
headlesshorseman: nice
johnfkennedy: alex bby you’re still naked
hamilburger: im aware thank you
johnfkennedy: well put some pjs on and come snuggle
hamilburger: uuugggggghhhh
johnfkennedy: N O W
hamilburger: fine
maria.the.meme.lord: couldn’t you have just
maria.the.meme.lord: like
maria.the.meme.lord: had a verbal conversation?????
hamilburger: we could ahve
eliza_is_satan666: but ???
johnfkennedy: but its so nice and quiet here i didnt wanna ruin it
johnfkennedy: yayyyyyyyyyy<3<3<3<3<3
laffytaffy: ?
johnfkennedy: alex is snugglin wit me:):):):):):)
angelofdeath: aw
headlesshorseman: otp
pegandcheese: parents
johnfkennedy: true and true :D
eliza_is_satan666: um
eliza_is_satan666: herc
eliza_is_satan666: you told me that me and maria are your otp
headlesshorseman: ,,,,,uh
pegandcheese: wait just one motherfuckin second
pegandcheese: you told me that me and laf are your otp !!!!!!
headlesshorseman: wellllllllllll
laffytaffy: :O
maria.the.meme.lord: T R I G G E R E D
hamilburger: well this is awkward
angelofdeath: #exposed
headlesshorseman: you’re all my otps
pegandcheese: hercules it literally stands for one true pairing
pegandcheese: ONE
pegandcheese: you can only have ONE
pegandcheese: so pick ONE,,,,, now pls
laffytaffy: ^^^^
eliza_is_satan666: fr
hamilburger: you should def pick me and and john tho
johnfkennedy: i second that ^
angelofdeath: well this is quite a pickle youve gotten yourself into herc
headlesshorseman: oh dear god
maria.the.meme.lord: ok ok ok as the meme lord and the queen of tumblr im gonna have to defend herc on this one
maria.the.meme.lord: even though peggys technically right and otp stands for one true pairing i have never actually come across a person who actually has one single otp above all others that is their one true pairing and i bet none of you have either
pegandcheese: ,,,,,eliza your girlfriend forfeited the competition
eliza_is_satan666: GODDAMMIT
pegandcheese: ok herc its between pegayette and lams
pegandcheese: whose it gonna be hm
laffytaffy: :):):):):):)
headlesshorseman: uh
headlesshorseman: lams
laffytaffy: :(:(:(:(:(:(
pegandcheese: WHAT
johnfkennedy: YES
hamilburger: HAHA WE ARE DA BESTEST
johnfkennedy: WOOOOOHOOOOOO
pegandcheese: BUT THEY HAD SHOIWER SEX AND TALKED ABOUT IT
headlesshorsemen: thats all well and good but you aRE YELLING AT ME
angelofdeath: guys
headlesshorsemen: AND THEY ONLY TALKED ABOUT IT BECASUE LAF ASKED ABOUT IT SO IM MAD AT THEM NOT ALEX AND JOHN SO LAMS WINS
johnfkennedy: this pleases me
angelofdeath: guys
hamilburger: ya know what else pleases him??
maria.the.meme.lord: DONT
hamilburger: my
angelofdeath: gUYS
hamilburger: PENIS
maria.the.meme.lord: fuck you
headlesshorseman: i take it bak
headlesshorseman: never mind
headlesshorseman: i dont need an otp
johnfkennedy: DAMMIT ALEX
johnfkennedy: WE WERE WINNING AND YOU RUINED IT
hamilburger: :( sorry bby
angelofdeath: GUY
johnfkennedy: its ok i forgive you
johnfkennedy: but only cuz i love you lots
angelofdeath: IF SOMEONE DOESNT FUCKIN ANSWER ME
laffytaffy: sup ang
angelofdeath: it’s almost 11:30pm
maria.the.meme.lord: yep
hamilburger: yeah? and??
eliza_is_satan666: here we go again
angelofdeath: and,,,,
angelofdeath : someone is at my door