Work Text:
Robby looks up to see the door to the supply closet open, a shaft of light outlining a silhouette that he can feel staring at him.
“In or out,” Robby says, voice thick with exhaustion, hoping to be left alone again in the dark.
The person slips into the, admittedly large, supply closet and closes the door quietly behind them.
Darkness engulfs them both and Robby is glad he can no longer be seen like this. Pathetic.
He hears the person sit down against the wall opposite him, shoes squeaking on the linoleum.
“Dr. Robby?”
Of course it’s Whitaker. Who else would it be to catch him in a spiral?
“Fuck, kid,” Robby says tiredly, letting his head fall back against the wall. “Why’s it always you?”
“Uh… sir?”
“Never mind,” Robby says, waving a hand that can’t be seen. “Just wondering about the universe’s sense of humor.”
Dennis clears his throat. “Is that why you’re…”
Robby snorts. “Hiding in the closet? Not like it’d be the first time.”
He smiles at the choked off noise Whitaker makes.
“You’re…?”
“You really gotta learn to finish your sentences, kid,” Robby says. “But yes, I am.” He lets his voice harden. “That going to be a problem?”
“A problem? No! No, no,” Dennis hurries to say, Robby able to imagine the bright red flush on his cheeks. “No, that’s… I guess it’s… nice?”
Robby snorts. “‘Nice?’”
“I mean-! Uh… Me too.” Dennis lets out a breath. “Me too.”
Robby nods in understanding. Not necessarily surprising, given everything he knows. The friendship with Santos makes a bit more sense.
“Alright,” Robby says easily, letting them fall back into silence.
He knows he should get back to the ED. He has responsibilities, has to be present to talk to Jack during hand off about all the cases that came in and everything that happened.
But it won’t be the first time he’s skipped one of those. They both have before.
Jack would understand. The need for space, for a moment of quiet. For the world to just step back for a minute.
And he couldn’t go up to the roof today. Not after—
They had a jumper come in today. Young. Healthy. Supposedly happy. Good friends, good grades. A loving family.
Robby knows that for all the times he has stepped over the railing on the roof, he would never actually do it that way. It might be tantalizing to pretend for a few minutes, but he knows he is a coward when it comes down to it.
Jumpings were brutal. You had to do it right to make sure it stuck. And if you didn’t, the body took a beating.
He and the team had worked for hours on the kid. Stabilizing him, checking for spinal damage, checking for burst organs, checking for blood pooling where it wasn’t supposed to, checking for anything and everything under the sun that happened when a body went through a crush trauma like that.
It was always hard, of course. But this time he couldn’t get Jack out of his mind. That Jack could be the one found like that next. Jack with his face smashed to pieces, barely recognizable. Jack with a caved in rib cage, limbs at all the wrong angles. He couldn’t shake the haunted feeling he gets every time a jumper shows and Jack isn’t on shift.
“…Dr. Robby?”
Robby grunts in acknowledgment.
“Are you… okay?” Dennis hesitates, clothes rustling as he switches positions.
“Yeah, I’m alright, kid,” Robby says automatically, voice falling back into his reassuring cadence. The voice everyone trusted.
“It’s just…” Dennis wrings his hands nervously. “It would be okay, if, you know… you weren’t.”
Fuck, the kid was the most earnest person Robby has ever met. Even when trying to give Robby a fucking pep-talk after finding him hiding in a dark closet.
“Was it…” Dennis starts before switching tracks, “it was the kid, wasn’t it?”
Sometimes Whitaker is too smart for his own good.
Robby grunts.
“We did all we could, Dr. Robby.” Dennis shifts positions again. “There’s nothing more we could’ve done.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Robby asks tiredly.
Dennis shrugs. “Sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else.”
Robby blows out a breath and runs his hands through his hair.
He’s too tired for this.
But Whitaker is trying.
“I’m alright, Dennis,” Robby says quietly. “Just brought up some memories.”
“The jumper? What would— oh.”
Like Robby said, Whitaker was too smart for his own good.
“It’s the roof, isn’t it? Not the kid, but the method.” He’s quiet for a moment before a thought suddenly occurs to him. “You’re not thinking of…?!”
“Why don’t you run along, Whitaker?” Robby says tiredly, closing his eyes again. He so fucking exhausted. And Whitaker is so smart, and so innocent, that it feels like Robby is going to leave streaks of blood on him from grabbing on too hard if he lets himself.
“…are you sure, sir?” Dennis sounds worried. Like he would rather stay here and keep an eye on Robby than leave him alone with the siren song of the roof.
Robby nods. “Go tell Jack where to find me.”
“Who’s Jack?”
Robby snorts. “Dr. Abbot.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah, yeah I can do that,” Dennis says, standing up carefully so he doesn’t bump into anything. He reaches the door and opens it, stopping for a moment to look over his shoulder.
Robby can only see the outline of his body, the way the light makes his skin look like it’s shining.
“Yeah?” Robby asks impatiently, not wanting to be seen by anyone else.
“I just…” Dennis hesitates before seeming to gather his strength. “I just wanted to say that if you ever, I mean, I can—“
“Spit it out, Whitaker.”
“If you ever wanted to talk, or something. Or sit in the closet together. I’m happy to- I won’t tell anyone. Not even Trinity.” He nods firmly, as if having said what he wanted to say. “Just- let me know.” He nods once more before slipping out of the closet and shutting the door quietly behind him, the room once again plunging into darkness.
Robby sits in silence, stunned and a little in awe of Whitaker for daring to say all that to him. That takes guts. Especially knowing that Robby lashes out when confronted with things he doesn’t want to hear.
He shakes his head in disbelief. How’d someone as nice and heartfelt as Whitaker end up in the pitt of all places? And somehow thrive? And somehow care about Robby?
There’s a knock on the door before Jack’s muffled voice filters through. “I’m coming in.”
Robby watches as Jack slips into the room, a bright flash of light before the calming darkness covers them both.
Jack unerringly finds him on the floor, sinking down next to him with a heavy sigh. “So… that was something.”
Robby turns his head to the side even though he can’t see Jack. “What was?”
“The kid.”
“Whitaker?”
“That his name?” Jack teases.
“You know his name,” Robby says, bumping Jack’s shoulder with his own.
“Sure, sure,” Jack agrees easily. “He came and found me talking to Dana, said it was something personal.” He pauses. “Thought this was going to be another resident trying to score a date.”
“He wouldn’t do that,” Robby says.
“I don’t know, brother,” Jack says with a smile, “you haven’t seen the way he looks at you.”
“What way?”
“Like he’d get on the floor and kneel right there if you asked him.”
“Jack!” Robby tries to ignore the blush he can feel staining his cheeks.
It’s not that he’s never noticed the looks, it would be hard not to. It’s more that he hasn’t let himself think too hard about it. He knows that down that road leads somewhere not easily returned from.
“I get it,” Jack says, “I see the appeal.” He shrugs. “Surprised me when we got somewhere quiet and he told me how he had found you in crisis and that I should come check on you.”
Robby groans. “Please tell me he didn’t say that.”
Jack chuckles. “No can do. He was very sweet about it. Very worried. Said you were going to jump off the roof.”
Robby groans again. “I told him I was fine.”
“He’s smart enough not to believe you.”
“I’m not jumping off the roof,” Robby admits, voice tinged with exasperation.
“That so?”
“Promise.” Robby lets the silent sit for a moment before speaking. “He was good with the parents today.”
“Whitaker?”
Robby nods. “Yeah.” He sighs and lets his head fall back against the wall. “It was a rough one.”
“That why we’re here?”
Robby laughs tiredly. “Something like that.”
Jack hums in response, content to let Robby tell him in his own time.
Robby wishes he could see Jack. Could see the no-nonsense look he always sports- the one that disappears with his wry grin when something makes him laugh. He wants to see the steadfastness Jack embodies, the calm that he carries with him even when things go to shit.
He wants to see Jack and know that he’s worried about nothing. That his brain is spinning catastrophes where there aren’t any.
“You been to the roof lately?” Robby asks, hoping his voice sounds even. Disinterested.
He can tell immediately that he missed the mark by a wide margin.
Jack lets out a slow breath. “I’m not jumping any time soon.”
“You’re one bad shift away,” Robby argues.
Jack shrugs. “So are you. It’s the nature of the beast, brother.”
“Yeah…” Robby says quietly, letting his eyes fall closed again.
He knows. He knows he’s on the edge of breaking. He wouldn’t be good at his job if he couldn’t see the signs in himself. And even if he didn’t, Jack doesn’t pull punches. Hell, Dana doesn’t pull punches and would set him straight.
He’s just so fucking tired of it, is all.
“C’mon, Mikey,” Jack says quietly, reaching out and clapping his shoulder. “Let’s get outta here. I’m too old to be back in the closet again.”
Robby laughs. “I already made that joke with Whitaker.”
“Yeah?”
“He just about tripped over his tongue trying to figure out what to say,” Robby replies with a smile, standing and stretching before reaching out a hand in the dark to Jack. “Couldn’t seem to handle the fact I was joking about being gay.”
Jack grabs his hand on the second try and pulls himself up. “Seems like he was raised pretty conservative, from what I’ve gathered. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s just not used to it.”
“Around Santos, though?” Robby asks, releasing Jack’s hand and going to the door.
Jack hums in agreement. “True. Who knows? Maybe it’s just his crush on you.”
Robby groans and opens the door, blinking repeatedly to adjust to the bright lights. “He doesn’t have a crush on me.”
“Sure,” Jack says with a smile, clapping him on the back as they begin to walk down the hallway. “Keep telling yourself that.”
“You’re a menace,” Robby says, “spreading rumors like that.”
“Not a rumor if it’s true,” Jack sing-songs. “Just because I-“
A yell interrupts their conversation. “Hey!”
They both turn to look and see Dana with her hands on her hips, glaring at the two of them. “If the two of you are done playing hooky, we got some actual doctoring to do around here!”
Jack looks at Robby. “You heard the lady, I got some doctoring to do.” He bumps shoulders with Robby. “Go on home. I won’t go on the roof today.”
Robby looks at him and tries to see the truth in his eyes. “You call me if you do, okay?”
Jack gives him a messy salute before pushing him away. “Get some sleep, Robinavitch. I’ll see you bright and early.”
Robby begins walking backwards and shrugs. “You know me, it’s either home or here. No in between.”
“And what does your husband think of that?” Jack says back with a taunting smile.
“Wouldn’t you like to know, Dr. Abbot,” he teases.
Jack just laughs and jogs away toward the nursing hub. Robby lets himself smile as he turns around and heads towards the lockers.
He stops at his cubby and keys in his code. He has his backpack already in hand when he notices a piece of paper tucked under the lip of the cubby door.
He unfolds the paper and sees scrawled handwriting across the page.
Dr. Robby,
Sorry to be in your business, Trinity says it’s a problem I have. I just wanted to say again that if you need anything, or don’t want to be alone on the roof or in the closet or something else, I don’t know, you can come find me. Not that you need to! Or will— just. It’s an offer.
Sorry again,
Dennis
(Whitaker)
Robby shakes his head fondly.
He’s so screwed.