Chapter Text
Felix sat in the meeting room, unsure why he and Chan had been summoned. He glanced at him, but he didn’t make eye contact. He sighed; it hurt, and he didn’t understand how they had gone from the closest friends to awkward coworkers.
Two of the managers walked in, and they both stood in greeting. “The video of you two fighting at the award show has gone viral,” Manager Kim explained.
He tilted his head, “What video?”
Chan sighed, sounding annoyed, “How could you not have seen it?
He hunched, flinching at the rebuke. Manager Park cast his phone to the TV, “Here, I’ll play it.”
The video started with Chan angrily pulling Felix down a hallway. The video quality wasn’t great, but they were recognizable, and it was clear it was them when they began talking.
“How could you act like that?” Chan snapped.
“Like what?” he asked, sounding exhausted.
“Like you are so fucking desperate for attention.”
“Chris…what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you being all over Lisa.”
“What? At the Louis Vuitton event?” He paused. “I wasn’t all over her, I think we hugged, once? I don’t know why you’re mad. You know I’m gay, so it’s not like something happened we need to cover up, and I haven’t seen any dating rumors about the two of us pop up.”
“Do you hear yourself? You’re such a cunt. God, sometimes I wish I didn’t have to deal with you. Pd-nim was right to eliminate you.”
“What the fuck, Chris? Are you fucking serious...”
Static filled Felix’s ears, the sound of the video fading to the background. He had blocked out Chan saying that to him. His breathing started coming fast, and he pushed back from the table, needing to escape. He heard someone call his name, but he didn’t stop as he ran out of the room. He slammed into something solid and started sobbing as the warm scent of Jisung’s cologne wrapped around him. Steady hands helped guide him to the ground.
“Baby, I need you to breathe,” Jisung whispered.
“Sungie,” he sobbed, choking as he tried to talk. “I didn’t know about the video.”
He sucked in a breath, “Fuck Lix,” he said, tightening his arms around him. “We’re going to figure it out, ok? But I need you to follow my breathing.”
He closed his eyes, trying to match his breaths and calm down. He could hear lots of noise and voices around them, but he buried his face further into his friend's neck. He didn’t know how long it was before he felt calmer. “Sorry,” he whispered, feeling his neck and ears turn red.
He squeezed him, ”Don’t apologize.” He pressed a kiss to his temple, and Felix relaxed slightly. “What do you need right now?”
“I don’t know,” he said shakily. “Minho-hyung? Maybe?”
“Jagi,” Jisung called, and sighed as he was ignored.
Felix lifted his head, realizing they were in the practice room. He wasn’t sure if he had run all the way here or if Jisung moved them, but he was grateful for the privacy. He looked around and found Jeongin and Hyunjin sitting close. Hyunjin smiled weakly when their eyes met and reached for him. Felix let himself be passed to his lap, settling with his back pressed against his friend's chest. Jeongin reached out and laced their hands together, offering his quiet support. He squeezed his hand gratefully. He looked around for the others and saw that Minho had Chan pressed up against a wall on the other side of the practice room, Seungmin and Changbin behind him with their arms crossed. “Hyungie,” he called, wincing as three pairs of eyes landed on him.
Minho hurried over, pressing their foreheads together. “I’m sorry, kitten. With all of your schedules, we were hoping you hadn’t seen it. I wanted to tell you together, before practice. Not in a fucking meeting room with staff around,” he said pointedly. Felix let himself relax against Minho, taking comfort from him as he stroked his hair, before he sat back and settled against Hyunjin. “Do you need to call your family?”
“What? Why?”
Minho winced, “Because you got outed.”
“Oh,” he said, shrugging. “I’ve been out for years. I knew I was gay when I moved to Korea, so my family has known forever. And even though the company likes to try to hide it, I’ve been honest with Stay about it before.”
He could feel his friends relax around him. “Tell Hyung why you’re so upset, Bokkie.”
He frowned; he didn’t understand why they didn’t already understand. “Chan-hyung said he thought I should have been eliminated! That I shouldn’t have been part of Stray Kids this entire time.” Tears started streaming down his face. “How can I face Stay when even our leader thinks that about me? Do all of you agree with him? Is that why you didn’t say anything?”
Minho’s face went red. “He said what?” He started shaking. “I’m sorry, Bokkie, hyung got caught up on the other part. I didn’t even hear what else he said to you.” He took a deep breath. “He’s wrong. We would not be Stray Kids without you. You are meant to be with us. You have to know I don’t believe that. You are my maknae, your dancing brings so much to the stage. We would be so lost without you. Can you imagine Hyunjin-ah and me trying to teach the rest of them dance without you?”
“We’re fate,” Hyunjin whispered, squeezing him tight. “Bokkie, we wouldn’t have made it without you. You know how much we all need you.”
“He was a dick for saying that,” Jeongin said. “I know he doesn’t believe it. None of us believes it. You add so much depth to all of our songs.” He paused, searching for words, “You know how hyung gets, he lets everything build up until his anger explodes. He says all sorts of shit when he’s like that.”
“He’s never done it to me,” he said sadly.
“Welcome to the club,” Jisung teased.
Felix laughed, but his previous thoughts caught up to him. “Do you think they’ll make me…”
“Don’t,” Hyunjin snapped. “Do you think any of us would stay if they put you on hiatus?”
“Jinnie…” he said hesitantly.
“It’s not the same Bokkie. We didn’t have the power to make demands like that when they did it to me. But we were the second-highest-selling artists in the world last year. We can run things how we want now. And we won’t let you go on hiatus.”
Minho hissed, “I’ll fuck Jisungie in front of every reporter in Korea before that happens.”
“Kinky hyung,” Jisung said with an over-the-top wink. “But they have all of us or none of us, Lix. We all support you.”
Jeongin squeezed his hands, “I can’t do this without my favorite hyung, and I don’t want to.”
Felix felt more tears well up; he was extremely grateful for his brothers. Chan walked over, “Lix,” he said gently. “I’m sorry. I should have known you wouldn’t have seen it.” He hesitated, chewing on his lip. “We have to go back to the meeting.” He stuck his hand out, ready to help Felix stand.
He hesitated, and was saved when Hyunjin stood, lifting him to his feet as well. “We’re all coming to the meeting. They don’t get to make any decisions without us.”
Chan frowned but didn’t say anything. Jisung and Hyunjin wrapped their arms around Felix’s waist, guiding him to the door. “You deserved that,” Seungmin spat, pushing past Chan to join them.
They all entered the meeting room to find the managers pacing. Once they were all seated, Manager Park nodded to him, “I apologize, Felix-ah, that was insensitive of me.”
“What happens now?” He asked, too stressed to reassure the man.
“The response from the public has mainly focused on the invasion of privacy. There has been some negative press here, about you saying you were gay, but you’ve said it before, so it’s not causing huge waves.”
He took a deep breath, “Ok, that’s good. I was worried you’d say hiatus was on the table.”
The managers winced, and they all tensed. “Not for you.” He hesitated, “There’s a lot of outrage over how Chan-ah spoke to you. Especially the comment about the elimination. Twitter has been… ugly.”
His jaw dropped, “You’re talking about a hiatus for Chan-hyung? You can’t do that. He’s our leader.” He looked down at his hands, “What he said isn’t fine, but friends fight.”
“It’s just one option.”
“What’s the other option?” Minho asked tersely.
“We announce that Felix-ah and Chan-ah are in a long-term relationship, and the argument was a lovers’ quarrel,” Manager Kim said.
The room went silent, tension growing rapidly. “No,” Hyunjin said. “We can say that Bokkie is in a relationship with me, that Hyung was being overprotective because I’d been upset.”
“Or we’ll announce that the three of us are together,” Jisung said, throwing an arm over Minho and Felix’s shoulders. “That hyung didn’t fully understand poly relationships, and he was mad on our behalf about a boundary we don’t have.”
Manager Park shook his head, “The fans see Felix as Chan’s favorite. They won’t believe he’s that upset if he didn’t feel betrayed himself.”
“Does it really help if fans think that Chan-hyung throws Lixie’s elimination in his face whenever he gets upset?” Seungmin asked, eyebrow raised.
The managers exchanged looks. “It’s not ideal. We would have to rely on Felix-ah to convince everyone that this was completely out of the ordinary for Chan-ah,” Manager Kim said.
Chan sighed, “I was the one acting like an asshole, don’t make this Felix’s problem to fix. I can do a short hiatus.”
“You can’t go on hiatus,” Jisung and Changbin said sternly.
Felix’s mind was racing, and he opened his mouth. Hyunjin’s hand on his arm stopped him. “Don’t do this, Bokkie, there has to be another way.”
“You’re just going to get hurt if you’re playing at a relationship with him,” Jisung added.
“Let us fight this.”
“It’s Chan,” Felix said desperately, and they both nodded sadly. “Chris,” he said, and waited for him to look over. “Are you willing to do this?” He asked in English.
A myriad of emotions washed over Chan’s expression. “Lix,” he said, “This is my fault.”
“All of us or none of us, Channie. Let me help,” he begged.
He studied him for a long moment, “Ok,” he said softly. He turned to their managers, “We’ll do it. What’s the timeline?”
“Looking at your public history, we think it’s best to say you got together during Kingdom. Chan-ah’s jealousy is a storyline we can run with, so we say he was afraid of losing Felix-ah once he saw all the attention he was getting on the show, and he confessed.” Changbin snorted, trying to turn it into a cough when everyone looked at him. “Felix-ah, on the other hand, had had a crush on you since the survival show.” He bit his lip hard and could see Hyunjin fighting not to react. “Since he’d liked you for so long, as soon as you confessed, it was very serious between the two of you. This means you’ve been together for over four and a half years. You say that you’ve been going through a rough patch, but you love each other and are committed to making it work.”
“I think we should let Chan-hyung and Lix work out the details from there,” Seungmin said.
“Fine. We’ll issue a statement tomorrow addressing the video and announcing your relationship. You two will do at least two interviews this week, and the editors are putting together a behind-the-scenes video from the last few years. Clips of you talking about each other that didn’t make it into official content. We might need to film some fake bts of this last year, as you have barely interacted.”
Felix flinched; the confirmation that others had noticed the shift in their relationship hurt.
“Enough,” Minho said. “We need to discuss this together now that you’ve given us a framework.”
The managers both had pinched expressions but nodded and left the room. It was silent, no one knowing what to say or how to ease the tension. After a few minutes, Felix sighed, “We are not saying we’re going through a rough patch in our relationship.”
“Felix,” Chan admonished.
“No! I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I don’t think my crying in an interview over our rough patch helps us. Doesn’t it just make it seem worse? Besides, it’s too close to what’s been happening.”
“Felix.”
“No Chan! Even our fucking managers see the wall of ice you’ve put between us. And no matter how hard I’ve tried to fix things, you just push me away.” He shook his head, taking a deep breath. “We say that as we’ve gotten older and more successful, we were more protective of our relationship, less willing to share any part of it without being able to not be a secret.” Chan stared at him, eventually relenting with a nod, and he let out a sigh of relief.
“That sounds like you, Lix-hyung,” Jeongin said, quick to reassure him. “I think you should post some pictures on Instagram or Bubble of you two together, before the announcement. That way, Stay will know that you approved of the statement tomorrow, and your relationship isn’t being outed without your consent.”
“That’s a really good idea, Innie,” Hyunjin praised. “I think we take some staged candids. Make it seem like they’re pictures we’ve all secretly taken and sent you over the years.”
“Before we do that, I think we should talk about the interviews,” Seungmin said. “I have some friends from MC-ing that I’ll ask to do your first interview, so you have an ally. But they’ll probably ask about when you realized your feelings for each other.”
Felix stared at his hands, “Mine’s easy, just has to be during the survival show. I know what I’ll say, and it’ll be Hyung's first time hearing it too, as I never wanted to tell him due to how much longer I had feelings for him.”
“Good plan,” Jisung choked out. “Chan-hyung?”
He rubbed the back of his neck, “God’s menu. Lix had that undercut, and when he walked on set, I realized he’d grown up. And it wasn’t too long before Kingdom.”
“You did look hot in that video, Bokkie,” Minho said, obnoxiously wiggling his eyebrows. He laughed, leaning around Jisung to push him.
“How did Hyung confess?” Changbin asked, a slight smirk on his lips.
“In the studio,” Felix teased.
Chan nodded, “I didn’t know how to say it, so I wrote you a song. We hadn’t spent a lot of time together because of the unit stages, and I needed to see you, so the night after sports day, I invited you to the studio. I played you the song, and you asked me if it was about anyone, and I said you.”
Felix nodded, staring at his hands and willing himself not to cry. He and Chan had spent the night after Sports Day in the studio, and he had played him a love song. Except that when Felix had confessed and asked who it was about, Chan had said Stay. He hated that it could have been their story if only Chan had been brave enough to love him.
“Great,” Hyunjin said, voice strained. “That’s probably enough backstory planning for now. Let’s take some pictures. We can trade in and out clothes and hats to make it seem like the pictures were taken over a few months at least.”
“If I’m such a jealous boyfriend, would I want Felix wearing any of your clothes though?” Chan said wryly.
“There’s already too much content with me in other people’s clothes. And you’re not jealous of them. You know they’re my brothers, and even if you get jealous of other people, you trust me.” Felix said stonily. Their eyes locked, and they stared at each other in silence.
“This is going to be a fucking disaster,” Jisung said, awkwardly laughing. They both looked at him, and he forced a smile. “Let’s go take photos!”
Hyunjin led them to the practice room first. He had them pretend to relax during practices and posed them in a few different ways, swapping out their hats and hoodies. When he was satisfied, they all went up to the studio. “Ok, Chan-hyung, I want you to sit at your desk and work, and we’ll pose Bokkie in various places around you.” Chan sat with a giggle, and Felix roamed around, draping himself over the couch and then the back of Chan’s chair. He hesitated, “Just a few more,” Hyunjin encouraged.
“Come here,” Chan said, pulling his wrist until he was sitting in his lap. Felix repositioned himself so he sat sideways. “Relax,” he whispered, and Felix let his head rest on Chan’s shoulder. He pulled out his phone, pretending to be casually scrolling. “Lix,” he whispered. He tipped his head back so they were making eye contact. “I’m really sorry.”
“For what?” he asked, trying to say it gently.
Chan flinched and took a deep breath. “I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that at the award show. I had no right to yell at you; you were only doing your job at the LV event. And I never should have said what I did. I’ve never, ever thought you shouldn’t be here.”
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“I need you to know that I’ve regretted it since I said it. It hasn’t left my mind at all. I…” he hesitated. “I didn’t know how to approach you about it. But I should have anyway. And I’m sorry.”
“I needed to hear that. I tried to tell myself you didn’t mean it, but it’s always been hard for me to believe I belong here.”
“I know,” he pulled him so they were sitting eye to eye. “I was hurt and upset, and I said the thing that I knew would hurt you the most. I think you’re so incredible, I always have. Stray Kids wouldn’t be us without you, your voice, your dancing, your presence. We need you. We always have.”
“Thank you, Chris,” he said, blinking away his tears. “I’m sorry that the company is putting us in this situation because of one stupid fight.”
He shrugged, “I don’t mind. If we can do this for a few months and show there really are no negative repercussions, maybe Minho and Sungie will be able to announce their relationship.”
He chuckled, “I don’t think they’ll ever officially confirm it. Min will just act more and more obvious until it’s undeniable.” He thought about the other part of what Chan said. “I didn’t think about how long this is going to last.”
He flinched, “Is that ok?”
“Of course it is. I hope you know that I would do anything for you,” he said earnestly. Chan looked away, and he sighed. “Can we talk about what’s been going on with you this past year? Why are you shutting me out? I miss you.”
His expression shuttered. "I don't know why you keep asking when you know what you did to me. Stop acting so fucking perfect."
Felix’s heart clenched; he had no idea what he could have done to make Chan treat him like this. His phone buzzed, and he glanced at it, noticing it was a text from Hyunjin. He glanced around in confusion, “Did you realize they’d all left?”
His head snapped around, and when their eyes met, they laughed, “I had no idea.”
“Should we look at the pictures? Jinnie said he curated an album of his top picks.”
“Of course he did.” They scrolled through them, highlighting their favorites, and Felix forwarded them to Chan. “I’ll probably post on Bubble too. Maybe a selfie of the two of us?”
“Good idea,” he said, standing. He pulled off his hat and hoodie. “Do you have another hoodie in here?”
“Yea.”
“Ok, take that one off, and your hat.” Chan did as he said and grabbed an oversized black hoodie from under the desk. He went to put it on, but Felix stopped him. “I’m going to ‘fall asleep’ on you, and you’re going to cover me with it like a blanket.”
Chan nodded and sat down, Felix climbing back into his lap to the previous position they’d been in. He lay his head on Chan’s shoulder and closed his eyes, trying to seem as relaxed as possible. Chan laid the hoodie over him, and he could feel him move to take the picture. After a few minutes, Chan tapped his arm, “These are really good,” he said.
They scrolled through the photos together. “This one,” he said, favoriting it. Chan was doing finger hearts with his free hand, and it had jostled Felix’s head into a more natural position. “For Instagram, try to keep it as normal as possible, and weave a few of the pictures of us into it. I’ll have to figure out my post; the only people on my page are brand execs.”
“It’s just to reassure Stay.”
“So I’m overthinking.”
“Unlike you,” he teased, giggling.
“Yea, yea.” He glanced at the time on his phone. “Dinner?”
Chan looked away, “I’ve got a track to work on.”
He tried to hide his disappointment. Whenever things felt a tiny bit normal, it was as if Chan enforced the wall between them even more. He stood, quickly grabbing his things. “Ok, don’t forget your posts.”
“Felix,” Chan said when his hand was on the door. He turned around, feeling hopeful. After a long moment of silence, he sighed. “See you tomorrow.”
Felix nodded and hurried out of the room. He walked home in a daze. It had been a crazy day, and his mind felt way too full. His hand shook as he unlocked the door, and he started crying as soon as he saw Jisung, Hyunjin, and Seungmin waiting for him. He threw himself at them, and they caught him. “This was a horrible idea,” he sobbed. They didn’t say I told you so, just held him as he cried, and he was so grateful for them.
When he calmed down, he explained the conversation that he’d had with Chan after everyone had left. Jisung shoved a bowl of seaweed stew at him. “Minho made this for you, eat,” he said. Felix nodded, taking a few bites. “I don’t know why Chan-hyung has been so cold to you, but I am sorry for not talking to you about it earlier. I could see it was hurting you.”
“It’s ok,” he said, shaking his head. “We’re all adults; we let each other sort problems out themselves.”
“I heard back from one of my friends,” Seungmin said. “They’ve agreed to do an interview; they just need you to confirm the details.”
“Thank you, Minnie,” he said, trying to smile. “Having someone we know isn’t out to get us will help.”
Hyunjin took his hand, “Bokkie,” he said seriously, “I need you to promise me something. Whenever you and Chan-hyung are in public or around cameras, you need to remind yourself that you are acting. You can’t let yourself feel like it’s real. I don’t want to see him hurt you. More than he already has.”
He handed Jisung his bowl and threw his arms around Hyunjin’s neck, hugging him tight. “Jinnie, I’m going to try really hard not to let it hurt me.” Hyunjin studied him and nodded, knowing it was the best he could do. “Can you do my Instagram post for me? I can’t figure out how to make it work aesthetically, and I honestly need a break from my phone.”
“Of course! Can I go through your other photos, too?”
“Sure,” he shrugged. “I haven’t slept with anyone in forever; there’s nothing scandalous to see. I’ve had no reason to take nudes recently,” he fake cried.
“Angel! I know we’re not hooking up anymore, but I always want to receive nudes from you.”
“I am creating a group chat right now,” Jisung said seriously, typing away at his phone. “We can all gush over each other before we send them. Or if you just need an excuse to take them, Bokkie. Minnie, do you want in?”
“Why not,” he laughed, “I always talk myself out of it before I send them.”
“You are too gorgeous to do that,” Hyunjin said seriously.
Felix’s phone buzzed, and he looked at it, laughing. “You added your boyfriend to this?”
“Minho is allowed to appreciate beautiful things!” Jisung said.
“Just encrypt this chat,” Seungmin said. “I don’t want to find out how Channie-hyung would react if it leaked that we were all sending each other nudes.”
Hyunjin snorted, and it set them all off. “Enough,” Felix giggled, “I’m going to take a bath, it’s been a fucking long day. I was literally in another country a few hours ago. Thank you all, love you!” They squeezed him into a hug before he gave Hyunjin his phone and made his way to his room.
He filled the tub with the hottest water possible and sighed as he relaxed in the silence. He stayed in until the water was cold, then finally got out. He got dressed and went to his room, his phone on his pillow where Hyunjiin must have left it. He had a ton of notifications, but he opened his messages from Hyunjin first.
Jinnie
Post is all set, attached the photos I used
Caption is simple
#felix #stay #straykids #comingsoon
Do Not look at Instagram tonight
I will monitor the comments 😘
Chan-hyung did a good job with his post
He used these photos
I love you, angel
You are so good
Felix
thank you Jinnie
i love you
i hope in the end
this will help the rest of you
be honest about your relationships
if you want to
Felix scrolled through the photos Hyunjin had attached, nodding in approval. He was tempted to check Instagram, but knew it was a bad idea. Announcing a relationship as an idol was hardly ever done, and it being with a group member scared the fuck out of him.
He scrolled through the rest of his messages. So many friends and acquaintances had reached out. Most of them he could get away with having never told about his relationship, but there were a few close friends who seemed hurt. He shot off a few messages saying he’d explain the next time they could get together in person.
He hesitated for a minute and then opened TikTok, unable to help himself. He searched the Chanlix tag, eager to know what people were saying. The first few posts were pretty lighthearted, joking about their second divorce era and how it would work itself out the next time they were on stage together. He snorted at the videos from the Maniac tour of him sobbing in Chan's arms, and wished it were that simple this time.
He froze as he watched the next video. It was a compilation of all the reasons Chan was right to say he should have been eliminated. Times when he had made a mistake on stage or sat out because of his injury. He opened the comments and could feel tears well up as he read what people were saying about him. They spilled over as his algorithm continued to show him video after video of people being on Chan's side.
The door to his room slammed open, and he looked up to see Seungmin frowning at him. “Oh, Lix,” he said. He climbed into the bed next to him, holding him tightly. "You need to breathe."
He choked as he realized how hard he was crying, his breath coming fast and uneven. He felt Seungmin take the phone out of his hand and shoved his face further into his neck, trying to calm down. "I'm sorry," he whispered after a few minutes.
"You know better than to look at this shit," he scolded gently. "Don't let your algorithm fool you into believing everyone thinks this. You are our Bokkie, and we would be so lost without you."
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“And, the Internet was so mad at Chan Hyung that even the company thought about sending him on hiatus. If that doesn’t indicate people are on your side, I don’t know what could.”
He nodded, eyes closed. “I don’t like any of it Minnie. People being on my side or not, it hurts.”
He squeezed him tight, “I'm always here for you.” Felix let himself relax, exhausted from the extremely emotional day. Seungmin's hand carded through his hair, but right as he was on the edge of sleep, he heard him whisper, "How could Chan fucking say that." He grumbled something but was quickly shushed, and within seconds, he was asleep.