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1.
Jun arrived early, though she had wanted to be late. She was caught between nerves and longing, between wanting to show she didn't care and not wanting to betray just how much she wanted this to work out, whatever this was.
They'd had a few meetings already, mostly business after the first one, and Jun knew she was laying the attitude on a little thick. It was just that she'd only this year shed her baby fat and childish eagerness to please, and she didn't want to slip back into that just because she'd known Ohno a long time and felt comfortable around her. Maybe that was why she hadn't talked to her at school before now, because Ohno knew who she was, and Jun was trying to be someone else.
On the other hand, she'd been laying the attitude on a little thick during their newspaper club meetings, and Ohno didn't seem to care at all. She still held Jun's hand sometimes, even when that clingy Ninomiya could see, and she always smiled when she saw Jun, like she was happy to be reminded they were together in the same room again.
Jun and Shoko had fought a couple times, mostly because they both had a lot of ideas for the newspaper, ideas that they thought were right, but also because Jun thought Sho was who she'd want to be if she were smarter, nicer, a little less... and she didn't want to be like that, she wanted to be, well, a lot of things, things that didn't include the word nice, but it was hard not to see that Sakurai Shoko had everything going for her in a way that Jun did not. It was only due to Ohno's easy nature and Aiba's cheerful disposition that they hadn't yet come to blows. (Nino, it seemed, hated when people fought and could barely look up when Jun and Sho were shouting at each other.)
"Jun-chan!"
Jun sighed and flipped her streaked hair back as if to arm herself. This was the problem with coming early: she would now be alone with Aiba Masaki for the first time, and if she didn't watch out she'd make a fool of herself.
Aiba came over at a jog, long ponytail bouncing, eyes alight at seeing her new friend, and Jun hated her for a second. The first time they'd met, Jun had been so overwhelmed by all the goings on, all the people and pressure and emotions, that she hadn't realized how doomed she was by her future close proximity to Aiba.
Masaki was beautiful, there was no way around it, and she was so friendly, so sweet... occasionally perverted, occasionally airheaded, but always endearing, and Jun was horribly endeared.
She was fighting it as best she could. She wanted to stand out in their school for how much of an individual she was, for her work in the drama club, for her attitude and her fashion and how little she cared about what people thought. She did not want to stand out in school by being publicly besotted with another girl, a popular girl who probably dated a popular boy on weekends and thought of Jun as a friend, or even just a fellow club member.
"You look amazing," Aiba said sincerely, and Jun sneered as best she could, heart racing at the compliment. Maybe she'd spent a little extra time trying to look good before coming over, thinking of Masaki's bright eyes taking in her clothes so unabashedly.
The next moment Jun's heart nearly stopped as Aiba took her hand and tugged her toward a booth, chatting all the way about the newspaper and her next basketball game and how much she was looking forward to the five of them being together again. How could she say something like that out loud and not feel painfully exposed?
Still, Jun didn't pull her hand away. She reasoned that she'd set a precedent by holding hands with Ohno, so it wasn't weird for her to do it with Aiba now.
Somehow, though, it felt different with Aiba, and Jun tried desperately not to let that show. When Ohno and Ninomiya showed up, hand in hand themselves, it was a relief and a disappointment.
*
2.
Jun wouldn't be caught dead going to a school basketball game.
Shoko had suggested the four of them go as a group to support Masaki, but Jun refused, and since Aiba hadn't been there to tip the balance, Jun had gotten away with her refusal.
Somehow, though, she'd found herself standing off to the side of the gym, mostly hidden by the bleachers, and snapping pictures as an alibi in case she got caught.
If most of the pictures were of Aiba, well, no one needed to know that either. Masaki was glowing, partly from sweat and partly from an unmistakable joy in playing basketball with her teammates, and Jun couldn't take her eyes off her. She wanted to feel like that, just once; she wanted to be the reason Aiba felt like that.
After the game, she leaned against the wall outside the gym and pretended not to be waiting for Aiba.
Aiba, of course, came out in a crowd of people, all of them jostling each other in friendly fashion and laughing over--something, Jun wouldn't know what popular jock girls laughed about. Jun tried to fade into the shadows, tried not to be seen, but then Aiba was shouting, "JUN-CHAN," and leaving her teammates to come over and peer at Jun from beneath her bangs, eyes curious.
"Why weren't you with Leader and the others, if you were here? Did you see, we won! Hey, do you play any sports, Jun-chan?"
"I only came to take pictures for the paper," Jun said shortly.
"We're going to get food, do you want to come?" Aiba asked, reaching out with her hand, and Jun turned away, shaking her head.
Masaki looked at her for a second, quiet and considering, and Jun wanted to disappear, preferably into flames.
Aiba called back to her teammates, "Go on without me, okay? Maybe I'll meet you there later!"
When the group of giggling girls had left, one or two having complained loudly, comfortably, at Aiba staying behind, Aiba reached out again and this time didn't let Jun evade her hand.
"Leader says you're good at dancing," she said cheerfully, pulling Jun along with her as they walked. "Can you teach me? I know a good karaoke place near here!"
*
3.
Jun was sitting on the stage with her eyes closed, imagining what the sets would need to look like for the drama club's next play, when someone blew in her ear.
She jumped, and when she saw it was Masaki, she smacked her on the head, nearly growling in her irritation.
"Sorry, Jun-chan," Aiba said repentantly, rubbing fingers through her wavy hair. "You just looked so far away."
Jun's snarl faded a bit as she looked at Aiba, who didn't seem to shine quite as much as usual. Jun had been avoiding her as best she could since their trip to karaoke, when Aiba had been so terrible at learning choreography but so skilled at inadvertently winning Jun's heart that it was hard to think about without feeling horribly embarrassed. "What are you doing here, Aiba-chan?"
"Jun-chan, do you think Oh-chan and Nino are dating for real?" Masaki asked abruptly, leaning back on her hands and looking out into the empty seats of the auditorium.
Following suit, Jun opened her mouth, then shut it again. Finally she said, "What do you think?"
"I think Sho-chan might be weirded out if they are," Aiba said despondently. Then she perked up a bit, saying, "But don't you think they're adorable together? I think they're together for real, I really do."
"Idiots," Jun said feelingly, and Aiba looked like she'd been hit. Feeling wretched, Jun muttered, "If they're for real, they should hide it better."
"Are you weirded out too, Jun-chan?" Aiba asked carefully, and Jun saw, to her horror, that her eyes were filling up.
She felt cornered, trapped, as if how much she liked Masaki was written all over her face, and she pushed her way up to her feet and snapped, "Who wouldn't be grossed out by those two? It's like they're in heat, the way they grope each other."
She saw her blink, like that wasn't the answer she'd expected, and then Aiba asked more directly, "But is it gross because they're both girls, Jun-chan? Even though they're so adorable?"
"People could hurt them if they were found out," Jun said, crouching back down though she didn't sit, just hugged her knees and told herself she could run away whenever she needed to. "There are people who would hurt them, hurt Leader because of the way she feels about Nino."
Masaki's tears spilled over, and she reached for Jun's hand. They sat there for a second before she smiled weakly and tried to look like she felt better. Despite that, she was still holding tightly onto Jun.
Jun clutched back, saying low and fierce, "I'll protect Oh-chan."
With a more natural smile, even a bit of a chuckle, Aiba returned, "I'll protect Nino-chan, then."
The moment wavered, like one of them might say something else, but Jun closed her lips tight and didn't meet Aiba's eyes. She could protect Ohno, and she could definitely protect herself, but there was no way she was going to put Masaki in harm's way, not if she could help it, especially not if the reason Masaki could get hurt was Jun herself.
*
4.
Jun was forgetting herself, forgetting who she wanted to be, but she was having so much fun that it was hard to care. Later, she knew, she'd look back on these moments, this sleepover with her four best--only--friends and flinch at how open she'd let herself be, at how stupid her big smile must have looked, at how her laughter must have grated on her friends' ears, but right now she could only watch as Aiba pretended to be an "Italian cannon" and laugh until she nearly cried.
Ohno had toppled over next to her, shaking with mirth, and Nino's laugh rang out high and clear, so happy that Jun felt, for a second, that they were the same. Shoko, coming back from the bathroom, said, "What, what? Aiba-chan, do it again!"
"No..." Ohno said weakly, holding up a hand as if to stave off the repeat performance, but it was too late. Masaki obliged, with even more vigor than the first time, and Jun laughed even louder when she saw Sho collapse on the floor like her legs couldn't hold her up in the face of such a ridiculous joke.
"Leader," Jun said eagerly, forgetting not to join in too much, "you try, too."
Nino sat up and locked eyes with Jun, beaming at this brilliant idea, and they each grabbed an arm and dragged Ohno to the middle of their squashed together futons to try to replicate Aiba's gag.
Masaki was sprawled out, practical pajamas seeming stylish when combined with her graceful figure and obvious happiness, and she laughed as hard as anyone when Ohno imitated her only three feet away.
Later Aiba painted Sho's toenails, then Ohno's, and when Nino refused, she turned on Jun with a hopeful smile as Ohno and Sho tried to bully Nino into gold sparkly toes. Jun was a little self-conscious about her feet, and she definitely didn't want Masaki's gentle hands holding them, skin to skin, so she said she'd paint her own. Aiba pouted, but didn't protest. Jun painted her toenails a purple so dark it was almost black.
The five of them talked until Aiba's grandparents came down to shush them and make them turn out the light. Jun settled down to sleep on the futon she'd chosen on the edge of the five squished into the room, then heard a rustle of movement to her side.
She looked over, trying to make out what was happening in the dimness of the night light Aiba had brought down from her own room, and then she heard a breath, a pleased sigh, a squirm of movement, and she knew it was Aiba.
Jun had deliberately chosen to sleep next to Ohno, and now her heart beat so fast she felt like she was going to pass out.
"I asked Leader if I could sleep next to you," Masaki whispered, seemingly not caring that everyone in the room could hear her. Jun couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, and when a hand came questing over in search of hers, she turned on her side toward the wall and gave Aiba her back instead.
*
5.
Jun walked languidly through the empty halls, practicing making her gait loose-limbed and devil-may-care. Her boots had a tendency to clomp if she didn't pay attention, but Jun was getting good at not letting her new self slip.
Her latest favorite song was echoing in her head as she made her way to the exit late enough that she'd definitely be scolded when she got home. She'd been listening to music as she worked on theater sets and knew, though she'd have to act at least a little repentant, that the alone time with her thoughts and the beat and her sets, which she could control completely, were worth the trouble she was in.
Without thinking about it, she stepped forward cockily and slid a foot around to execute a smooth spin, jutting her hip out afterward like there was a crowd watching and screaming for her.
Applause echoed through the deserted building. Jun jumped, spinning much less gracefully, and spotted Masaki sitting by the end of the lockers. Her long legs were sticking straight out in front of her as she clapped and clapped, and even her feet seemed to get into her appreciation with the way they bobbed side to side in her scuffed black shoes.
"What are you lurking for," Jun sniped, fervently hoping she'd only made a Michael Jackson cry in her head and not out loud.
"I was waiting for you," Aiba said, finally leaving off her racket.
"For hours?" Jun said, staring down at her. She was bewildered at the thought of Aiba sitting there for so long just to see her on a day they didn't even have a newspaper club meeting. Before she realized what she was doing, she held out a hand to help Masaki up.
She regretted it, of course, once Aiba had latched on, but instead of levering herself to her feet, Aiba pulled Jun down to sit by her instead.
Jun went reluctantly, overwhelmed by Aiba's dark eyes and long legs and impulsive warmth, but did her best to snatch her hand away once safely seated.
Masaki didn't let her go, and Jun coolly brushed her free hand down her over-long skirt as if she hadn't tried in the first place.
"I was talking to Leader," Aiba said abruptly, and her fingers seemed to squeeze tighter as she spoke.
"A shocking development," Jun drawled, wondering if her voice was low-pitched enough to carry that off.
"She was telling me about when she met Nino-chan. It's a good story, you see, but--but I guess I'd thought it'd been easy, you know? With the way I feel, it's hard to imagine anyone could deny when they're in love."
Jun looked down at their entwined hands, wondering if she were listening to the beginning of Masaki rhapsodizing about some unworthy boy she'd fallen for. If she had to listen to that, she told herself, she would cut up all her skirts tonight and put them back together with safety pins as a reward for not exploding--or crying. She was definitely not going to cry.
"But Leader said that sometimes, one person has to make the effort, because the other person doesn't understand what's going on, even though it's perfectly obvious." Aiba's voice was matter-of-fact, almost too loud for the empty space and how close Jun was sitting, but Jun thought she heard a hitch in her breath as she waited for her words to sink in.
Jun snorted. "You're saying Leader put the moves on Nino? Leader made the effort, because Nino was being dense?"
"Oh, no!" Aiba said, startled, then laughed like a hyena. "Leader was the dense one, of course! Oh my gosh, imagine Leader putting the moves on Nino-chan, it'd be like a sloth trying to woo a fox."
"Very compelling image, Aiba-chan," Jun said, smiling despite her fretting. "Well, as much as I've not enjoyed hearing more about their sappy relationship--"
Aiba put a finger to Jun's lips, surprising the words right out of her head. She leaned in, huffing out a nervous breath that had her bangs lifting for a second.
"Jun-chan, I don't know if you like me, but if you do... you're being dense. Okay? Because I like you so much I could just explode every time I see you, and I want to hold your hand all the time, and if I don't kiss you I think I might die."
Jun stared into Aiba's panicked eyes, feeling like she might be having a dream she never wanted to wake up from. She was freaking out; she was seriously freaking out; she didn't think she'd ever been so happy. If someone had snapped a picture of her right then, she thought she might be glowing.
"I wouldn't want you to die," she said slowly, finally dragging her eyes away to look insolently away across the hall. Aiba, the dolt, gasped audibly, and made a dive for Jun's lips that Jun only just arrested in time to stop them from a painful collision of foreheads.
She held Masaki's chin, feeling her quick breath rushing out so close to Jun's mouth, and said firmly despite her giddy, glorious high, "We're not going to be like Leader and Nino, Aiba-chan. If you so much as hold my hand in the hallway when other people can see, I will end you."
Aiba's scrunched up lips were trying to stretch into a smile, Jun could just tell, and despite Jun's hand and her own smile, she also seemed to be trying to say something.
Sighing, resigning herself to the consequences, slightly dizzy with the idea that she might be about to have her first kiss and with Aiba, Jun let go of Aiba's chin.
"We," Aiba said joyously, and then she leaned in and pressed her mouth against Jun's.
Jun felt the slide of their sweaty palms as Masaki shifted her weight into Jun's body, knobby knee pressing into Jun's skirt. Their kiss tasted of cafeteria curry, of nerves and hope and some sort of fruity lip balm, and Jun leaned forward, forgetting to breathe, feeling like she might be okay with staying just like this forever even though Aiba was already starting to giggle.
Breaking away, heart thumping, Jun muttered breathlessly, "Why are you laughing, honestly."
"I'm just happy," Aiba whispered back. "Oh Jun-chan."
Jun looked at her radiant face and blinked back moisture in her eyes that was definitely not tears. "I have to go," she blurted, then quickly edited at the worry in Aiba's eyes, "I have to go home, I'm late already and my parents are going to be pissed."
"I'll go with you," Masaki said happily, trying and failing to pull Jun up after her as she got up like a wobbly colt. She laughed, embarrassed. "I've been waiting for a while, I guess my legs fell asleep."
Jun looked at Aiba's lean, sun-kissed legs, flushing hot and trying not to let her feelings show, and got up with slightly more agility. "You'll go with me? You're not coming home with me, you know."
Aiba rubbed her palms on her skirt, shrugging apologetically. "To the train station, then? I should get home, too."
Wanting to hug her so much she nearly lurched forward and wrapped her up in her arms, Jun swiveled around and headed for the doors rather than answering.
Once they were both outside, it felt like the last ten minutes had been an illusion, and Jun swallowed hard against renewed tension in her belly. Aiba caught up with her but didn't speak.
They walked in silence nearly all the way to the steps that went down to the main street as Jun tried to decide whether she was already messing this up. Finally, she decided that she'd rather screw it up by doing what she wanted to do rather than holding back, especially when Masaki had been so brave for the both of them.
She took a deep breath, then reached out and took Masaki's hand. "Thanks for walking me, Maa-chan."
The jubilant, skirt-billowing twirl that Aiba spun them into ended in them both nearly falling down the steps, but Jun caught her up just in time. She held Masaki close as she scolded her, and then, unable to help herself and not wanting to anyway, stopped her laughter with a kiss.