Chapter Text
The hum of the computer was inaudible to Avery’s ears as a torrent of tears fell from his eyes. Strands of his brown hair fell across his face as his hands also covered it.
Avery didn’t want to look at the screen.
Oh no.
He doesn't want to.
He didn’t want to look at that screen any longer, which had been displaying a single video since midnight. Yet Avery kept the sound on, listening over and over again to Derek’s words. As if possessed, he didn’t pause it, didn’t get up from his chair even though his back was screaming in pain.
In fact, his whole body was screaming in pain, but the cry of his heart, however, surpassed the others. His heart ached, as if being pulled from all sides to tear it apart bit by bit. His hands trembled, his body shook with an emotion so rare for him.
It climbed, clung, crawled beneath his skin, leaving only a rain behind it. A rain that had soaked the sleeves of Avery’s green hoodie, leaving a mark that would fade. Fade. Fade like D3rLord3, that damned Derek, had done. Then, he choked. Hiccups seized him, spasms making his head spin. The silence of his flat was broken by rapid breathing and sobs. Which echoed, like a clumsy melodic accompaniment to Derek’s words, playing on a loop :
- Shit, shit... He breathed.
He finally removed one hand from his face, the blue light of the screen reflecting a face consumed by despair, a sadness that was tearing him apart from the inside. He reached for the drawstrings of his hoodie, tugging them at an irregular pace :
- Screw it...
His sentence was cut short as he abruptly stood up from his chair. His legs buckled under the unexpected weight – the result of not having moved for 15 hours straight. Avery had to pull himself together. it was only Minecraft ! Just a game ! A stupid game with cubes ! His steps were guided by the sparkling lights of the fireworks passing through his windows. He gently opened the bathroom door, even though his mind was elsewhere, but God, he didn’t want any trouble with his neighbours. Old people who would look at him as if he were the next patient in a mental asylum, if he had to explain why he was crying. Maybe he was.
Why ?
That night, the word invaded his head, never quite abandoning him. The word hugged him, making him suffocate a little more, squeezing him tighter. Always squeezing tighter.
First his body, then his heart. The word squeezing him.
Again ! Again ! And AGAIN !
Squeeze him tighter !
Avery just was not able to do it. He couldn’t bring himself to accept something like that. He wanted to understand, to understand what had just happened.
Why?
Was the best word to describe his state, but it was so bad at doing that. Avery wanted to understand; like any human being, he was curious – oh, how curious he was. However, the shivers that made him look in the mirror as if a shadow were about to appear recalled him to the present.
He was afraid. Avery didn’t want to understand.
Deep down... All he wanted was one thing : to help his saviour, D3rLord3, Derek. Why did his heart grow so attached to someone so quickly ?Because he felt like he owed him something, felt bound to him. He didn’t want to understand, nor could he process what had just happened. Avery wanted just to see Derek again.
At least to give him a good slap for that betrayal, and for that final letter ! But mostly...
Oh...
But mostly, to see him again.
As he looked at himself in the mirror, lost in a trail of sticky thoughts that seemed to take root in his head. He splashed water on his face again, giving himself time to decide what to do next.
Avery wasn’t known for giving up, was he?