Chapter Text
Leo Valdez was at the 8th gigantic family gathering this week. It was his mother's aunt's daughter's 2nd half birthday. Or his aunt's mother's daughter's 22nd 3/4ths birthday? Or his daughter's aunt's mother's 222nd birthday? Wouldn't that be his abuela, then? Whatever, it was someone's number 2 birthday. Loud people, large family, small house, good food and his favorite (and only person his age) cousin made it slightly not as chaotic. Nyssa, who's Leo's step cousin on his dad's side (deduced after many calculations.), was late, unfortunately. Her father had some car shop conundrum and she said she might not make it.
5:47 pm - Nys: "I'm sorry, Leo."
5:49 pm - {You changed 'Nys's' contact name to 'No-Show Nyssa'}
5:52 pm - No-Show Nyssa: "Hey! Don't ignore me! I can't control my dad's appointments!"
5:52 pm - Me: "Nyssa, steal the car, and just drive here! GO! You've done it before!"
5:52 pm - No-Show Nyssa: "Yeah, but that was important!"
5:53 pm - Me: "So is this! I'm going to be by myself! I love my family, but it's either talk to a 6 year old or a 66 year old!"
5:53 pm - No-Show Nyssa: "..."
5:53 pm - No-Show Nyssa: "Grandma always has good stories!"
5:54 pm - Me: "NYSSAAAAA"
Leo groans, and shuts off his phone. Then turns it right back on to stare at the background picture. It was a picture of Leo and Jason, at a froyo place on a totally-not-date-just-friends-hangout. It was not a date, because Piper was there. She was the one who took the picture about 5 seconds before Leo put ice cream on Jason's face and they ended up and a very awkward pose that Leo kinda liked.
"Aww! Look at my little Chiquito!" His grandmother on his mom side, Abuela Alita, came toddling out. Leo liked her much better than his other grandma. After the usual comments about how tall and old he is, and how he doesn't eat, and the repeated kisses, she slipped a hundred dollar bill into Leo's hand. He had no clue where she got the money from, and how she got enough to give hundreds away at leisure, but he wasn't complaining.
"Ay, Leo?" His mom calls.
"Que pasa?" Both him, and a 6 year old yell back. His other cousin, Harley, had a twin sister named Leonora, who insisted on going by Leo. It wasn't a problem until they got together, then it was always a problem.
"Big Leo!" His mother replies. "Come to the kitchen, please!" The usual overwhelming, but comforting barrage of spices floods Leo's nose as he walks in. "Leo, stir that pot of Frijoles Puercos for 5 minutes, then plate it and bring it out." Leo looks over at the pot, stirring the spoon in the smooth dip.
"Mamá, this much beans? Baby Charlie's gonna sh- I mean, poop himself." Leo complains as he stirs the pot.
"Well, he'll have enough food in him to poop, then, Leo." His mother comments back. "And what is he supposed to eat now, discada? He barely has enough teeth for beans." The umami, savory scent of seasoned beans spreads as Leo stirs, then spoons as much dip into a serving bowl as he can, bringing along chips, and a tiny bowl for the baby. And he almost loses all the dip to the terror twins that are Harley and Leonora. They speed past him, into the crowded kitchen, and almost instantly get kicked out. A girl didn't look 22, let alone 222, was being carried around in a shirt that 'Cumpleaños de Me!' and was giggling hysterically.
"Feliz cumpleanos, Selena, amor!" Someone calls from somewhere.
Selena. His mom's aunt's daughter was turning 2 today. That's who it was!
About 2 hours later, the house was fuller, Nyssa and Leo had been bed-rotting, and the food has been almost ready for 45 minutes now. Nyssa has been talking about this cute girl in her workshop class that has asked her out for the past 15 minutes, but the conversation had originally started with the topic of calculating how many cousins and relatives they had.
"Yeah, Nyssa, I love living vicariously through you and your love life, but weren't we trying to figure out how many 'cousins' we have downstairs are actually our cousins?" Leo looks up from the notebook of the family tree they had sketched. Forest, more like.
"We were," Nyssa replies. "But that'd kinda be pointless, and you have no love life, so I have to contribute." Leo sighs, leaning back and almost falling in his chair. After a few minutes, Nyssa looks up. "You know that game we used to play, that we made up... No Pienses, Solo Habla, it was called."
"Mhmm. We made that when we were 8. What's that got to do with now?" Leo looks up at the ceiling.
Nyssa smirks. "Whoever loses does a dare."
"Sure." The rules were simple. You agreed on a topic, then you had to list as many things under the topic as you can think of. No repeats, no pauses longer than 5 seconds. Leo sits on the floor, Nyssa joining him. "What topic?" They're quiet for a minute.
"Family members. That'll help us with our goal." Nyssa suggests. Leo shrugs.
"No Pienses, Solo Habla, mi familia!" They chant, and they start.
"Harley!"
"Leonora!"
"Leo!"
"Nyssa!"
"Esperanza!"
"Abuela Alita!"
"Selena!"
"Tia Calida!"
"Uh, um, hmm-!" Nyssa's stuck.
"Yes!" Leo cries. "I win." Nyssa groans. "You're feeding Charlie!" Leo says with a smirk. They go more and more rounds.
"Energy types!" Nyssa won that one. Leo had to do a 20 seconds handstand. No wall to help. He bruised his tailbone.
"Kitchen Utensils!" Leo destroyed that one with 'Grape scissors.'
"Grape scissors don't exist!" Nyssa yelled.
"Google is your friend here!" Leo shot back. (They do exist.) Nyssa had to text the girl she was going out with and move the movie date a week earlier.
Then, "Types of Light!" Nyssa says, smirking.
"What? O-Okay?" Leo raises an eyebrow.
"No Pienses, Solo Habla, tipos de luz!" They chant, and they start.
"LEDs!" Nyssa starts.
"Bioluminescent!"
"Incandescent!"
"Ahh, uhh, ambient?" Leo didn't make it through 2 types.
"Nope! I win!" Nyssa laughs. "I go through your phone for 5 minutes!"
Leo hands over his phone. Nyssa instantly opens it. She says nothing on his background. There is silence. Then he realizes she's going through his camera roll. He doesn't even have time to justify, defend, or create an argument.
"You have a lot of pictures of this blonde guy. He's even in your background." Nyssa turns the phone to show Leo, the devastatingly handsome Jason, his total not crush and just best friend.
"Yeah?" Leo scoffs.
".... Is he your boyfriend?" Nyssa asks.
'No. No. No. No. Just say no. He isn't. He probably won't ever be-.'
"Yep." Fuck.
And that is how Leo Valdez got himself a boyfriend in 2 sentences.