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avery stares at his screen. reads the same lines over and over again. the last few lines are etched into his eyes at this point. if he blinked, he’d probably see an afterimage of this stupid google docs page, but he doesn’t. doesn’t blink. as if it was gonna make the page disappear. as if he was going to be pushed into the void again if he dropped his guard for even a second. his eyes hurt, his head is starting to, probably doesn’t come any close to how derek felt — derek? the name feels weird. his eyes are teary, he tells himself it’s because he seems to have forgotten how to blink.
in this letter, avery is called a friend. told to go forward always. he feels stuck, horribly so, like he can’t look away or else he’ll die. or else he’ll get confirmation derek died. will he ever get it? probably not, hopefully not.
he wants to scream.
is that it?
derek saved him, and he can’t save him back?
no, derek’s never been good with endings, and it shows. this ending is leaving avery staring still, blinking tears out of his eyes.
it’s january 1st, his computer tells him. “happy new year, i guess.” he whispers to himself, maybe to someone else who’ll never hear.