Work Text:
My pronouns are she not her,
because I'll never be her.
‘her’ whom my parents compare me to.
“‘Her’ all A's for her exams you know? Then you look at your marks! I know you have a smart brain, but you always looking at your phone!”
Yes i know, i know my phone's the problem.
No it's not because my ability is lesser than hers, and no definitely not because i studied all night.
‘Her’, my older cousin.
“Look at your marks again, how can only 刚刚 pass your Math ah? you and your phone!”
I can't help it, can i?
“It's Amath ma, Amath is very hard you know?”
The tears welling up in my eyes almost fall.
I bite at my too short nails, i pick at them for some sort of relief.
‘Her’, who i used to look up to.
I don't loathe her, i never will
but the pressure is high.
“ Jie jie ‘her’ got accepted into the top college you know?”
YES, i want to shout.
YES I KNOW, WILL YOU JUST STOP?
but i can't, they're my elders.
Always ‘Her’, never my siblings.
So because Guinea pig 1 and 2 were unsuccessful, you think the third time is the charm?
At this point i want to scream.
Scream at Mother to make my point.
Your children were always unsuccessful in studies but they got great jobs!
Ok but i have to admit studies are important too…
I just can't keep up.
But i have to
right?