Chapter Text
“Who the fuck put Logan on the cake?!” Virgil stood in the entryway to the living room, eyes scanning over the five potential suspects.
Logan was first to speak, already starting to stand up. “What are you talking about, Virgil?”
A minute later, all six of them are packed into Thomas’s small kitchen, huddled around the cake and talking over one another.
“Alright, everyone be quiet. We cannot make any sense of the situation like this!” Logan tries, but it is to no avail. Logan taps Patton on the shoulder, motioning for him to do something about the noise.
Patton steps out of the group, clapping his hands together. Everyone immediately shuts up, looking over to him curiously. “Hey there, kiddos. I was just wonderin’ if we could keep the talking to a minimum for a minute while we figure this all out, mk?”
The others, Janus included, reluctantly oblige. They all separate, Patton still at the front of the group. “Okay, so!” Patton begins, “Who put the er- image of Logan- on that ol’ uh…’Hear Me Out’ cake. Hm?”
Janus grins. “Well, Virgil was the last one to be alone with the cake,” he drawls. “Now I’m not saying anything, but…”
“I don’t like what you’re implying, Janus,” Virgil growls.
“The nerd isn’t even his type…” Roman mumbles.
Bemused, Patton decides to move on. “Well, alright. Uhm…maybe let’s just give helpful comments or suggestions, okay Janus?”
“Ugh…” Janus, seeing four others frowning at him, holds his hands up in defense. “Whaat? I never said I wouldn’t comply…” he smirks, shrugging when no one but Remus looks amused.
Roman steps forward. “Aha! Janus is a lying liar! This we know. What if HE was the one who did it and is just trying to blame someone else first?!”
“Now now, Roman. Jealously isn’t a good look on you…” Janus mockingly pouts, stepping closer as well.
“Wh- I- How dare you, sir!” Roman shouts, taking another step closer.
“I’m only saying be careful where you lay your affections…” Janus all but hisses, turning away from Roman.
Virgil has to physically restrain the prince.
Logan facepalms. “This is a waste of time. Will whoever did it just come forward? Obviously it was an attempt at a cruel joke which has has proven unsuccessful, as no one is laughing.”
“I dunno, it’s pretty funny to me.” Roman comments.
“Yeah, I second that!” Remus interjects, grinning madly and waving an arm around frantically. “Besides, it’s easy to tell who did it!”
All heads turn to Remus, which makes his grin widen (if that’s even possible). “Yeah I mean…it’s pretty obvious, guys. I thought you were the smart one, Logan.” He hums, pointing an accusatory finger at Logan.”
“Oh out with it, foul fiend!” Roman shouts, smacking Remus’s hand down.
“Patton!”
With that, a large clamor breaks out again, everyone talking over each other. (“How dare you!!” “What the fuck, Remus?” “Wait, really?” “This is outrageous! Patton would never.”)
‘I mean he’s clearly got the hots for our resident smarty pants. It makes sense.” Remus says matter-of-factly, nodding wisely.
Patton ducks out amid the chaos, hoping to not be noticed. But of course, Remus notices. “See! He’s leaving.”
More chaos ensues. Remus’s laughter and Logan’s distressed yells add to the cacophony of noise.
——
Remus ducks out a few minutes later, popping up in Patton’s room behind him. “Boo!”
“Jesusmaryandjoseph!” Patton shouts, tumbling off his bed. He stands up, rubbing the side of his head. “Remus? What are you doing here, kiddo?”
Remus sits down on Patton’s bed, crossing his legs. “It was me.”
“What?”
“I did it.”
“Did wh- oh.”
“Yeah.”
“So…do you um- are you and Logan- do-“
“Oh, God no! Ew. Gross. I just thought it’d be funny.”
“Oh, haha. Well uh…you made Roman laugh! I think…”
“Eh. Who cares what he thinks, anyway? I bet Janus liked it, though.”
“Right. Why are you telling me this anyway, kiddo?“
“I know you’re too nice to rat me out. You’d feel guilty if you did, anyway.”
“You know, you’re really smart sometimes.”
“Logan can’t have all the brains, now can he? It’d all go to his already-too-big head.”
Patton frowns. “That’s not nice, Remus…”
“I know. That’s kiiinda the point, Daddy.”
“I- wh- don’t call me that!”
“Oh yeahhh. Reserved for Logan, right?”
“Remus!”
“Whaaat? Don’t tell me you aren’t thinking about it-“
“Well I am now that you said it!” Patton whisper-shouts, more so in complaint than anger.
——
After the matter with the cake was worked out (chosen to be ignored) and Virgil and Logan successfully pried Roman off of Janus, everyone settled back down again. Cake and romantic entanglements forgotten.
Janus pulls Remus aside as the latter is making his way out to the living room. “You pulled that stunt.”
Remus cocks his head to the side. “That doesn’t sound like a question.”
“It wasn’t,” Janus deadpans. “I know it was you, Remus.”
“Aww, you know me so well!” Remus smiles, elbowing Janus in the side.
Janus fights back a smile, shoving Remus’s arm away. “Stop that. Now, next time you pull something like this you’re going to need more thought put into it; hence where I come in. This was…mediocre, for your usual standards.”
Remus rolls his eyes, but the next idea already starts forming in his mind.