Chapter Text
It was still my first month on the job when the system finally showed itself to me.
Although I never read those types of novels myself, I was certainly familiar with the concept of a game-type system ruling over a character, or even an entire world; whole realities bending to the whim of some unseeable entity… From the outside, it was a cool trope.
I just never thought I'd be the victim of one.
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[SYSTEM] Work instructions from your ‘superior’ have arrived.
▶ Assistant Manager Kim, you wouldn't want to be written up for insubordination, would you? Get this task done and report back to me by the end of this week.
[SYSTEM] The KPI ‘Kiss 15 people’ has been assigned to ‘subordinate’.
▷Deadline: C.O.B Friday, April 3rd 2XXX
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… I had never been an assistant manager before.
I stared at the holographic screen.
‘S... system? Is that what you are...?’
It hovered silently.
‘System, I was a pharmacist in my home world. I haven't—’
A loud beeping sound cut my thought short.
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[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
▶Assistant Manager Kim, are you questioning your orders? You do know you're just a temporary hire, right?
▶ Fine, since you're being so difficult...
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The screen glitched for a moment.
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[SYSTEM] ‘Personnel Disadvantage’ has been assigned to ‘subordinate’ due to failure to meet final KPIs.
[SYSTEM] ‘Performance Reward’ has been assigned to ‘Subordinate’ for meeting final KPIs.
[SYSTEM] ‘Personnel Disadvantage’ will be notified.
▷ Loss of ‘Kim Soleum’ and forced employment in ▊▊▊▊▊▊▊▊▊▊▊▊▊.
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This..! What?!
The screen stopped reacting.
...What the fuck was happening?
‘Wait… ‘Performance Reward’? What does that entail?’
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[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
[SYSTEM] ERROR
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‘Shit! Alright, I get it!’
...
Did I even know 15 people?
It turns out that I did know some people. Approximately 11 of them. The others, I would have to improvise.
1. Go Yeongeun
2. Assistant Manager Eun Haje
3. Supervisor Park Minseong
4. Section Chief Lee Jaheon
...
I sighed.
5. Baek Saheon…
6. Security Captain J3
7. Jang Hoeun
8. Assistant Manager Jin Nasol
9. Supervisor Lee Seonghae
10. Kang Yihak...?
Fuck. Who else...
...
No…
........
11. K... Kwak Jekang...
...
I had a working relationship with only half of these people. I couldn't stand the rest. Many were my superiors.
How was I supposed to do this?
‘System, would you please consider lowering the passing threshold...?’
...
— Friend.
— May I volunteer the help of your good friend Braun?
Ah!
12. Braun
...The list didn't look any less dreadful. I'd need to find a few unlucky volunteers.
Well, there was no time like the present.
I gently tugged Braun out of my pocket and held him in front of me.
"Um," I coughed. "Braun, may I kiss you?"
— Haha! Of course, my dear friend.
I puckered my lips with great hesitance and planted them on the space between Braun's fluffy ears.
— Oh, how ticklish!
There, I think that's it.
Still cradling Braun in my palms, I checked the floating screen once more.
...
0/15 kisses achieved.
Argh. Aaaaargh.
Please...
—If this humble Braun may make a suggestion?
Yes, please.
— When you consider Darknesses and their intrinsically perverse, voyeuristic natures… What do you imagine, Mr. Roe Deer?
...
Ah.
When you think of kissing people… does your mind see lip-to-lip contact?
Mine certainly hadn't.
‘… I see.’
15 kisses… on the mouth.
I would rather it not be true…
‘ I think you're right, Braun. But you don't have a mouth…’
I brushed away the fluff on his face, bringing him closer to me to peer at it carefully.
'Oh, but... This stitch, it's your nose, right? Then, the one below it...'
—I'd say you've found the correct spot! Try again, Mr. Roe Deer.
... It felt silly.
Even though I was in my room, I took a surreptitious scan around me.
When there was no excuse not to continue, I huff a silent sigh and pressed a kiss against the tiny line of thread that made up Braun's plush doll mouth.
Instantly, a chime resounded in the room.
I pulled away from Braun and placed him by my bedside before checking the screen.
As expected...
1/15 kisses achieved.
...
‘14 more…’
Now... who would be the easiest to convince...?
Section Chief Lee Jaheon stared at me after I finished explaining the situation to him.
I cringed internally.
Although he wasn't the type to dismiss his subordinates' concerns, I still forced myself to meet his eyes, just as his forked tongue came out to lick one of them.
'...Ugh.'
"You will go to the Fox Counseling Office."
Did he really think I was contaminated? Again?
I wanted to protest, because this was unlike anything I'd read in the wiki, but he grabbed a hold of one of my shoulders and began pushing me forward. I had no choice but to let myself be steered.
— Why, I never! What a brute!
...is probably what Braun would've said, had I not left him behind in my room. He had been more than a little disgruntled by my reasoning, but I couldn't help but feel self-conscious; I wouldn't have been able to function properly if he'd subjected me to a running commentary on my unpolished lip-locking technique.
Lee Jaheon led us to the same door as before and held it open for me as he forced me through it.
"I will be here," was all I heard before it slammed shut between us.
I begrudgingly turned around, expecting to find the fox from last time, but...
On one of the two armchairs positioned in the center of this innocuous room, Director Ho sat staring at me.
My heart began to beat a frantic rhythm.
He got up and approached while I stood frozen, feeling my stomach drop.
"I hear you've found yourself in a predicament, Kim Soleum-ssi."
...Please, no.
I unclenched my teeth, only noticing the pain in my jaw then.
"Yes, sir."
I wondered how he'd known about it, seeing as Lee Jaheon was the first... person (?) that I'd told.
Director Ho took another step closer. I was beginning to feel like prey.
"Fortunately, it seems that you are not contaminated."
I was 85% sure about that already, but I still tried to look reasonably surprised to conceal the wave of dread that had just washed over me.
"Fret not." Director Ho smiled faintly. "Although this situation is unaffiliated with Daydream Incorporated, we feel obligated to assist one of our rising stars... just this once."
Though I hadn't considered their involvement, I was beginning to rethink that...
Without warning, Director Ho grasped my chin.
"May I?" He stared down at me, the curve of his lips as professional as always. He was close enough that I could already feel his warm breath puffing against my lips.
"..."
I desperately wanted to ask about any caveats... but his proximity made my mind malfunction. I couldn't string together a comprehensible thought, even though I was trying very hard.
I gave up and nodded. He wasn't even on my original list, but if he was offering—
He pressed our mouths together firmly—a perfectly perfunctory peck. He released me as soon as I heard the system chime as it had earlier, with Braun.
The reality of my situation seemed to hit me then, because I began to feel literally hot under the collar; the sweat I could feel forming on my back was also probably not my imagination...
Lost in my embarrassment, I also missed what Director Ho was saying.
"—informing willing colleagues of yours about this mission. Your deadline is near; those on short expeditions will contact you once they return. Return here if you require additional support."
Oh, fuck.
'God, please, if you're out there... Don't make me kiss Kwak Jekang! Please! Fuck!'
I made sure to bow deeply before exiting the room—definitely out of respect and not to conceal the twisted expression I was surely wearing. Immediately, I found Lee Jaheon where he had stationed himself against the wall across the hallway.
I cleared my throat as I got closer to him.
"Sir."
But the gravity of the situation made me falter.
"Uh. I'm not contaminated."
Irritated at my own stuttering, I pursed my lips as soon as I finished speaking.
"I see."
His scales seemed to shine under the ceiling lights.
"..."
'...I don't want to ask if I can kiss him...'
We stared at each other for a fraught few seconds.
He seemed to finally take the silence at the end of our conversation, because he turned away, but I grabbed him by the bicep. His very firm bicep.
"Sir, could you please help?" I breathed, then released him as quickly as I possibly could. I forced the rest of it out in much the same manner, "I still need to... kiss 13 more people and—"
I cut myself off.
'If Lee Jaheon was the Darkness entity he appeared to be, he would still count, right?'
I'd done a few experiments with Braun the night before to test the boundaries of my task:
1. As previously established, the kisses had to be on the mouth.
2. Only the first kiss with an individual counted; attempting multiple was not only useless, but also embarrassing.
3. Braun counted as "people".
Of course, I smooched on a few other plushies I had lying around to check whether the "kiss" prerequisite overrides the "people" one... to no effect.
To top it all off, I couldn't make sense of the failure penalty.
'The 'loss' of... me?'
Thus...
'I'm doomed.'
"Soleum-ssi." His impassive face soothed me a little—the familiarity of the blankness was grounding—until he continued, "do what you must."
...Ah.
AHHHH...
'...Let's get this over with.'
"Excuse me," I said, raising my hands to cup his face. The texture was as rough as I had anticipated, but his scales were warm. I searched for an adequate place on his lizard-like face to... 'do what I must'.
Director Ho's face flashed in my mind. Somehow, in my memory, the details of his face seemed more clear than they had in the moment.
'Ah, maybe I should've wiped my mouth?'
But it was too late. I'd already committed myself to kissing my boss.
I braced, lifting onto my tiptoes, before pressing my lips to the seam of his mouth.
Ping.
Heughh.
I tried to lower myself, but I suddenly became intimately aware of something assisting my descent.
Lee Jaheon retracted his hands as quickly as they'd appeared.
I'd just started, but I was ready for this mission to end.
"Thank you..." I managed to say, still caught up in the warmth his hands had left behind on my waist and back.
I didn't have much time to ponder on it.
"Roe? Chief?!"
One of the voices I had dreaded hearing the most in this circumstance rang out from behind me.
Rigidly, my head turned towards the sound.
Assistant Manager Eun Haje and Supervisor Park Minseong stood behind us.
Though the latter seemed to be torn between glee and horror, Eun Haje was glaring daggers at something behind me.
'This isn't sexual harassment!'
I knew I needed to nip that in the bud before Eun Haje's full fury could bloom, but I evidently have the worst luck of anyone in the world.
"Assistant Manager Eun Haje. Supervisor Park Minseong," said Lee Jaheon. His flat tone seemed to rile Eun Haje up further, until he said, "We require your assistance."
"It's not what it looks like," I added, croaking in my haste to get the words out.
'...I should've just kept my mouth shut.'
Both of my superiors sent me pitying looks.
Fuck.
They changed their tune very quickly after we sat them down in our squad's office.
Eun Haje at least had the decency to turn her face away; Park Minseong had laughed in my face.
And then they'd both frozen when they realized the kind of 'assistance' I would need.
"...Please."
I swiveled my chair around to release my nervous energy, but it made me feel nauseous.
I kept doing it anyway.
Park Minseong blinked rapidly, then darted his eyes between Eun Haje and his lap, before finally looking at me.
"Of course we'll help you, Roe."
Eun Haje nodded along, the furrow of her brows growing more intense with each word. Then, she clapped, stood up, and started walking towards me.
I stopped swiveling just as she reached me.
Just as I had done to our Team Leader, she pressed her calloused palms to my face and kissed me.
Another chime. Another pound of stress off my chest.
My co-workers swapped places within the blink of an eye. My kiss with Park Minseong was over even quicker.
Ping.
I could have cried from the relief that swept through me at that moment.
While 15 people had seemed insurmountable, 10... was hardly better. But I began to feel hopeful about my continued existence.
"The Director said he'd find you more people, right?" Eun Haje asked, leaning against my desk.
I nodded.
"I think a lot of employees are dispatched currently, so he said he'll send them to me when they return."
Which... part of me doubted. It felt wrong to rely on his help, considering how off-putting he'd always been.
I'd have to scour what I remembered from the wiki—I sincerely wanted to avoid owing Director Ho anyway.
My superiors probably had the same thought as me, because Park Minseong said, "I know someone who can help!"
He looked towards our Team Leader.
"Sir, would you mind if I took Roe down to the Security Team's office?"