Archive of Our Own

"Ikaw nanaman?" sabi ni Jake habang tinuturo si Ethan. "Namumuro na ako sayo ha? Ganiyan mo ba ka crush tatay ko? Mahiya ka nga ayokong maging other dad ka" sabi ni Jake habang iniirapan ito.

"What do you mean other dad? Alam mo stop taking things out of the context." Sabay hablot nito kay Jake at pinaupo sa table and chairs sa labas ng KFC. Ethan has been, let's say, always after Jake. Ethan has his reasons why and he swore na valid yun. Jake is just a little over-dramatic and love's taking things out of the context. Ganiyan ba mga theater arts student? 

"Eh so kung hindi. Why always mo siya hinahanap sa akin? Do I look like a lost and found station?" Pataray na sagot ni Jake habang naka crossed arms ito at naka taas ang isang kilay kay Ethan.

"Sino pa ba iba kong tatanungin eh ikaw yung anak. Usual ba order mo?" At nag sagutan na nga ang dalawa habang inabala nalang ni Ethan ang sarili sa pag tingin sa telepono nito. 

"Edi you contact him yourself and yes my usual lang pero order ka bucket fries share tayo" tinignan lang ni Ethan si Jake, hindi talaga nito ma-gets yung isa. He then proceeded inside para umorder.

Ethan has been after Jake for a couple of months now. Ganun na katagal and Jake is still the same. Still acts like a brat, still di niya makuha ang loob. You see Ethan's mission is to give his tito the rest his heart deserves. And this is the only way Ethan could successfully do this. He either goes home successfully or successfully. Ganun siya ka desperado. And this little setup he has with Jake will take him a step closer to his goal. But then again, Jake is a menace. Literally and figuratively.

Routine na ata nila yung ganito. Magkikita, magbabangayan, sabay kumain, magbabangayan ulit, tapos ihahatid ni Ethan si Jake sa sakayan nito (eg. grab or taxi). Pa ulit ulit lang.

It was already night time and Ethan is preparing to sleep na. Being miles away from home will exhaust you. Si Ethan who decided to attend school in Manila in hopes to find his tito's subject in every art form he does. May it be in poetry or his uncle's old paintings. 

Yet Ethan wondered why the two parted that way. Ano ba talaga ang nangyari sa kanilang dalawa for his tito to be in this cycle of pain for far too long while Miguel seems to have already let go. Considering that this Miguel guy has his own family na. Kahit maging successful ang muling pagkikita ng tito niya at tatay ni Jake. It will never change the fact that along their drifted parts and different journeys. Miguel moved on and made his own family. And the new found love of Miguel is in the form of Jake. Ethan was afraid his tito's heart would get broken over the father of the guy Ethan swore was as pretty as his daddy and could probably go beyond. Afraid that Jake, the guy he potentially likes, will break the heart of his forever loved tito.

Although Ethan is prepared and ready for this whole thing, he is still afraid of whatever the outcome will be. Because no matter what Ethan will do, pain is gonna be inevitable. 

Ethan keeps shifting from his left to right side trying to find the right spot to sleep. And kung kailan he was ready to close his eyes so sleep could overpower his system may tumawag sa phone nito.

"Jake, gabi na. Why did you call?" He then heard a sniffle. One after another and a whimper of 

"What do I do?" 

"Hey, Jake. Anong problema?" worried was evident in Ethan's voice.

"Ethan, can we meet? I don't think I can let this pass until tomorrow"

"Okay sunduin kita sa labas ng subdivision niyo"

"My tatay. His full name is Miguel Santiago. He is an architect and owns Primis Artem Architects. And I've always wondered why Primis Artem? My tatay named a firm after me, that is what I always thought." Kwento ni Jake habang tumutulo ang mga luha nito. Nasa isang park sila ni Jake naka upo sa bench habang magkatabi at nakatingin sa mga tala.

"Jake is the name I got from the orphanage and I've been using it as my nickname. But on the papers I'm Primis Artem Santiago. I am my tatay's first and only son." Shock was evident on Ethan's face. He clearly did not expect it. Jake is adopted?

"My tatay adopted me when I was barely even a year old. And it wasn't his firm that was named after me but it was me who was named after it. If that makes sense" Jake then looked at Ethan who was already looking at him.

"And that firm was named after my tatay's greatest love. Primo Elise…Alcantara. And you know him, right? You’re an Alcantara, you know him diba?" Jake was already crying. Crying his heart out at the mention of Primo's name. His tatay told him he was adopted elementary pa lang siya and he may have cried after knowing that but he was grateful it was his tatay who chose him, really. This is the second time he cried about his father though. All the pent up emotions of his tatay, all the hidden scars and pain made him cry.

"Primo Elise is my uncle, tama ka. And there's a reason behind why I wanted to talk with your tatay, Jake. I have so many questions and favors because of my tito. Well, my tito still loves your tatay so much. And…" Ethan was then cut off by Jake's loud cry and na bigla siya sa biglang pag yakap ni Jake sakaniya.

"My tatay went home kanina, drunk and wasted. And that is the first time he did."

"Did he hurt you? Kaya ba lumabas ka?"

"My tatay will never hurt me. Never once did my tatay raise his voice or hand on me. But I was hurt with my tatay's revelation about Primo Elise. Ethan, I was so hurt and I don't know why. I wasn't even there when they were together or when they broke up" Jake looked so miserable crying on Ethan's shoulder. Crying for the love his tatay could have had only if the world was in their favor. 

"My tatay he's so kawawa. He was so helpless hugging me telling me his regret crying his heart out. Kasi after all these years my tatay never stopped loving Primo. Oh how I wish I could take the pain away from my tatay. I wiped his tears away the same way he did when I was just a kid. And I hugged him tight like this." Kasabay nito ay ang paghigpit ng yakap niya kay Ethan. 

"Thinking my hug will remind him that he has me. My tatay fosters me with so much love. To see him break broke me too, Ethan. So if you can help me reconnect my tatay with Primo I will be happy" And that made Ethan cry too because finally, his plan will work the same way he had initially thought. 

"Jake gagawin ko ang lahat para sa ikakasaya ng tito ko. And I know that is what will make my tito happy." Ethan shed a tear or two with Jake in his arms. How badly Ethan wished for this. For his tito's heart to stop longing for home and peace.

A few days after Ethan and Jake's little crying session, things have indeed changed between them. They no longer bicker as often as the old times. They enjoy talking na and well, enjoy each other's company.

"So you're telling me that your dad and Tito Primo are siblings but they got separated because nag separate rin ang parents. Eh why magkasama kayo ngayon sa iisang house?" Sabi ni Jake while munching the fries he's holding na binili niya from KFC. 

“Si papa ko siya ang napunta sa mama nila while tito Primo sa papa nila. Tas yun Twenty-six years ago, may nangyari sa tito ko. So as the immediate family si Papa ko yung kinontact ng ospital talaga. Despite being separated si papa at tito di naman diniprive sa interaction” sagot ni Ethan at umupo sa tabi ni Jake sa damuhan.

“I really like Tito Primo’s name. It’s so pretty and all. Eh si Papa mo, ano yung full name niya?”

“Si Papa ko naman second child edi matic Dos Aethan Alcantara yun siya tas si Mommy Alex Alcantara lang”

“Wow so why are you named Liber and not Alex?” bakas ang pagtataka ni Jake sa mukha

“Seryoso? Mommy is a lawyer and she really likes that one motto “De oppresso liber" which means "To Free the Oppressed." 

“Eh? That’s why your course is legma. So boring ha” tumawa ng kunti si Jake upon seeing Ethan’s face na gustong sumumbat pero di maka salita “Oh you can’t say anything to my name no kasi it's from your Tito. Primis Artem is a pretty name and I thank Tatay for naming me it”

“Google mo nalang yung meaning. Also, ‘lam mo ba my tatay has some sort of degrees when calling me by my name. Like Jake is casual everyone calls me that. When he calls me Temtem maglalambing yan siya. But if it's Primis, “go to my office we need to talk.” sasagot na sana si Ethan at mag k-kwento rin tungkol sa tawag din sakaniya ng pamilya niya ng biglang pinahinto ito ni Jake.

“Oh wag ka na magshare. Kwento ka about kay tito Primo, dali.” 

“Hay, okay. Ito na makinig ka”

First year fine art student Primo was new to the big city. Heck, he had his dad with him on his first day of school because his whole life he was content with the life sa probinsya nila. Hatid sundo muna siya ng tatay niya for a week or two probably to give him some time to know the place.

“Dad thank you po sa paghatid”

“Take care, okay? Text ka nalang mamaya” sabay nito ay ang pagtaas ng car window at pag alis ng sasakyan sa harap ni Primo. When faced the other side he was welcomed with the enormous gate in front of him. 

Primo at Eighteen was scared but that is where everyone starts before they will know how amazing their journeys will be. Sabi nga nila you’ll never know unless ikaw mismo ang maka experience.

Bitbit ni Primo ang schedule nitong pina print niya pa kahapon. “Mutien Marie, 405” pa ulit ulit ni Primo na sinasabi ito sa sarili. Kahit may orientation pa naman ang mga first year sa coliseum inaalala na ni Primo ano ang unang room na pupuntahan nito.

Once inside the coli umupo ito sa designated seat nila as under the College of Fine Arts, Architecture, and Design. He sat there peacefully ng biglang may tumabi sa kaniya.

“Pwede maki upo? Miguel po pala” sabay abot ng binata ng kanyang kamay.

“Okay lang sige. I’m Primo” Primo then accepted the hand that was presented sa harap nito.

“Ano course mo?” 

“Ah nasa fine arts ako. Ikaw?”

“Architecture akin. Grabeng pakulo nila ngayon sa mga first year no? Wala to last year eh”

“Bakit mo naman alam?”

“May loyalty award na ako sa school na to eh. Kinder hanggang ngayong college ba naman”

“Ah so may merit ka na?”

“Di lang yan. Alam ko na lahat ng pasikot sikot dito. Bilyaran? Inuman? Computer shop? Sabihin mo lang ako bahala sayo” nakangising sabi pa ni Miguel.

“Actually kakaluwas ko lang galing probinsiya and I’m really not that knowledgeable dito. I will ask your help pero para sa ibang pasikot sikot sana like sakayan, kainan, or mga mall” nahihiyang banggit ni Primo. 

“Uy walang problema. Akong bahala sayo” nakangiting sagot ni Miguel kay Primo. 

“Yan dapat ganyan din first approach mo sakin. Ang gentle naman ni tatay ko” inirapan ni Jaek si Ethan sabay nguso nito.

“Di yung first approach mo sakin “Kilala mo si Miguel Santiago? Pwede mo ba akong tulungan na maka usap siya?” Ang weird mo nun ha” napatawa nalang din si Ethan at patuloy na tinititigan si Jake. He then noticed the hair strands na naka tabon sa mata ng isa kaya dahan dahan niya itong inayos pa gilid sa tenga ng isa.  Their eyes met at biglang bumalik si Ethan sa sarili.

“Uhm anyways, we have to plan how to make tatay and your tito meet again. What if this Friday? No class, we can luwas naman tapos I won’t contact tatay the whole time edi magaalala yun siya tapos he will call me several times after three or four phone calls sasagutin ko tapos sasabihan ko siya tapos I will cry pa medyo “Tatay I’m here sa Baguio, can you please come?” Of course he will come and then magkikita sila ni tito mo and they will talk. Easy right?”

“Naka plano ka na ata eh. Bat mo pa ko inaya mag plano.”

“Para di ka ma left out”

“Hay. Pero Jake parang di naman kasi okay na ipapaworry mo pa yung Tatay mo. Pwede naman natin sabihin yung totoo”

“Eh I want thrill” with Jake’s pouty lips and begging eyes, sino ba si Ethan para tanggihan yung isa.

“Magpapaalam tayo para kampante tatay mo. Tapos pag nasa bahay na tayo yun na yung time na gagawin mo yung gusto mong thrill sa buhay”

“Galing okay kwento ka na ulit hihi” 

Talaga naman si Jake oh.

“Nay Nena available ba special sisig niyo? Dalawang serve nga po” sabi ni Miguel sa tinderang si Nanay Nena. Ang karinderyang ito ang kinagisnan na ni Miguel at hanggang sa ngayon ay dito pa rin ito kumakain. 

“Aba oo naman, nak. With malamig na Mt. Dew to?”

“Ayos sayo Mt. Dew? Baka coke gusto mo”

“Sprite nalang yung akin. Salamat” tugon ni Primo at umupo sa bakanteng katabi ni Miguel.

“Nay isang Mt. Dew at isang sprite. Dalawang extra rice na rin. Salamat ho”

“Kamusta first day mo dito? Masaya ba?” tanong ni Miguel sa isa. Naghiwalay silang dalawa pagkatapos ihatid nito si Primo sa classroom niya. It was one way of Miguel showing courtesy to the latter. 

“Okay lang. Nakilala ko na classmates ko and I actually liked it na we are a block section. It feels easier that way”

“Naks naman. May tatanungan ako sa kabilang course about sa profs natin. Ah nga pala patingin uli ng sched mo. For future purposes” nakangising sabi ni Miguel kay Primo habang nakalahad na ang kamay sa harap nito. 

“Ba’t naman. Magkikita pa rin naman tayo”

“Sinisigurado ko lang na hindi ito pang first day thing”

Primo heard what the latter said but shrugged it off after giving his said schedule sa isa. Nanay  Nena, as to what Miguel had called the lady earlier, went back to their table at dala na nito ang order nilang softdrinks and sisig.

“Mga anak ito na order niyo. Enjoy kayo ha”

“Sa wakas, the best sisig in town” Miguel proclaimed. Halatang ready na itong kumain.

“Tikman mo sobrang sarap nito”

Upon Primo’s first bite, this will probably be the food that he will have in his entire college journey. Walang halong biro. Let’s not forget the person who introduced sisig to Primo. Probably the person who would Primo eat sisig with for the rest of their college journey. Hopefully.

“I haven’t tried sisig. I wanna have some too” Jake said pouting. Ethan just told him a story of his tatay and tito Primo. Only the bits or the parts that Primo was more than willing to share.

“Unang dating pa lang ni tito sa bagong school niya SEx kaagad binida ng tatay mo.” Ethan said really did not think too much about his statement. Nasanay kasi ito sa barkada niyang ginawang inside joke ang short term ng Sisig Express.

“T-they had sex there? I did not need to know that.” Jake said wala na ang pout at ang tanging makikita mo sa mukha niya ay gulat na gulat. Halatang hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ng isa.

“Eh ikaw naman nagsabi na mag kwento ako. Tsaka si tito ko mismo nagkwento sakin niyan”

“That’s TMI don’t you think? Ethan you’re so dumb. How will I face Tatay with this information? First year college student Tatay had sex oh my god. This is too much, nasusuka ako” 

Jake never once thought of it this way. Never in his life did he think someone would share this type of information. Heck his Tatay was what 17? 18? What the fuck did Ethan meant when he said  they had sex at that raw age. How was Jake supposed to digest that information?

“Ethan, ang bastos bastos mo. You should have left that part unspoken. I don’t think I will like your tito as much as I said I would. He tells you his sexual innuendos? That’s so low!”

And everything finally comes into place. Ethan realized he had worded it all wrong. Na trauma pa ata si Jake sa kanya. 

“N-no not in a sexual way. Jake, SEx is the short term for sisig express. Sorry ang weird pakinggan para sayo. Hahaha god I won’t get over this” Ethan said laughing. He really got the guts to laugh it off while Jake looks so pissed.

“Now you have time to laugh. Huh I’m gonna go na nga save your kwento next time sa byahe natin pa Baguio. I hate you!” Padabog na lumakad pa alis si Jake stamping his feet cutely. Ethan got up and went after the latter. “Jake, wala kang sundo diba? Wait hatid kita”

A year of friendship and something more in-between. Second-year Miguel and Primo made it through the whole first two semesters of their college journey. But along their journey inside the academy are the shared experiences outside of it. Truth to be told, Miguel knows a lot of pasikot sikot. 

“Eli, nasa comp shop pa ako. Akala ko 12:30 pa labas mo” a phone call between Miguel and Primo is currently happening. Hinahanap kasi ni Primo kung nasaan si Miguel.

“Early dismissal. Matagal ka pa diyan? I’m hungry na”

“Punta ka gate 6 kita tayo dun. Palabas na ako sa comp shop. Ingat ka ah”

“Hmm’ Primo then ended the call. This is it, the in-betweens they both share along with their friendship. A year and they both know something is going on between them. Pero hinahayaan lang muna nila, ang tanong hanggang kailan?

Nakatayo si Primo mag isa sa shed katabi lamang ng gate. When suddenly  a hand covered his eyesight. He then heard Miguel laugh after he tried getting the hand off his face. 

“Tawa mo diyan. Kain na tayo” 

“Galit agad si Eli eh. Tara na kay Nay Nena baka madami na yung tao doon” sabi ni Miguel habang kinuha ang iban bitbit na libro ni Primo. Encircling his arm to the latters shoulder as they cross the road. 

“So a year after their friendship naging complicated yung relationship nila. Now I’m wondering who confessed first. I bet it’s my Tatay. He sounds way too in love” Jake said as he leaned his head on the window sa tabi niya. It's already Friday and here he is with Ethan on the way to Baguio. 

“Kwento ko mamaya. Put your extra bag here para comfy ka. Malayo byahe natin ngayon” Jake did as what he was told. Matapos nito ilagay ang bag ay tinignan niya si Ethan directly onto the others eyes.

“Does your tito look like you?”

“Hindi sobrang magkamukha pero maraming nagsasabi na hawig ko siya pero mas kamukha ko yung daddy ko eh dami nagsasabi magkamukha sila”

“Ah so your tito is pogi rin hihi” bulong ni Jake sa sarili habang pinipilit na itago ang kanyang tawa.

“Ano yun? Ay nga pala ano sinabi mo sa tatay mo at pinayagan ka kaagad? Akala ko pa nga sasamahan kita magpaalam”

“I did not wait for his reply. Kanina lang ako actually nagsabi. I made sure he was showering tapos nag shout lang ako sa labas ng shower room niya and then I did not wait for his reply” 

“Jake baka magalit ang tatay mo. Tawagan natin siya ngayon magpaalam ka ng maayos.”

“Eh no na it's all good. I promise. Kwento ka na?” Jake said, giving Ethan his puppy eyes and smile.

“Iniiwasan mo ko, Eli” sabi ni Miguel habang hinaharangan si Primo.Nasa hallway sila ngayon ng Solomon building at maraming estudyante ang dumadaan kaya napatingin si Primo sa paligid at hinawakan ang kamay ni Miguel at hinatak ito papuntang sanctuarium. 

“Eli, kausapin mo naman ako. May kasalanan ba akong nagawa?” Primo held a one deep sigh before he stopped walking at binitawan ang kamay ng isa.

“Ang hirap kasi iexplain, Miguel. Kahit ako naguguluhan ako” napakunot naman ng noo si Miguel. He is frustrated kasi ilang weeks din siyang iniwasan ng isa and Miguel really can’t remember a single thing para hindi siya kausapin. He remembered the day before the latter started ignoring him they went to the oval, bought some street foods, and tumambay. That’s it. 

“Edi pag usapan natin mula sa simula. Let’s talk it out, step by step”

“I-i don’t think I can”

“If hindi pa kaya edi sa susunod. Just don’t left me hanging again”

“Y-yan. I think yan ang problema ko” Primo said, stuttering now having the courage to look directly at Miguel's confused eyes. 

“This thing I feel inside, Miguel. Nakakatakot siya. I’m so used to doing things alone not until I met you. Biglang ayoko gawin yung mga bagay na kaya ko naman sana kahit wala ka. Instead, I wanna do it with you.” unti-unting tumutulo ang luha ni Primo, he really can’t believe he will be confessing at this very moment. 

“I started waking up excited for the day kasi I  know I will be meeting you. Every time I want to draw or paint mukha mo ang nagiging laman ng canvas ko. And I got scared especially when I realized I like you, Miguel”

And those three words got stuck inside Miguel’s head far more than he thought. He was just standing there dumbstruck with what his Primo Elise had said. “I like you” sounds so nice, he thought.

“Ngayon ikaw naman yung hindi nagsasalita. Aalis na lang ako, I’m sorry for the sudden confession” Primo was crying and was more than ready to go. Nang biglang hinawakan ni Miguel ang kanyang kamay at pinaharap muli sa kanya.

“Eli ko, have you ever thought about my feelings? Sure ako, I like you too”

“Eli ko sounds so sweet. I did not know tatay is this corny and cringey” Jake said muffling the sound he is making sa neck pillow niya. 

“Oh no. Mas naging cringe sila when they got official. Kahit ako hindi mapigilan yung gigil ko when tito told me about it. Yun din yung part ng kwento when I observed Tito is being jollier than he usually would when telling me story” Jake leaned his head on the latter’s shoulder Jake can now probably feel the tiredness in his system.

“Kwento that to me too please” Ethan smiled looking back on the younger whose eyes are so close to closing.

“Nasaan ka nanaman ba, Miguel? Every after dismissal ko need pa talaga kitang hanapin. Oh nasa comp shop ka? bilyaran? sabihin mo” Primo said on the phone call again. Miguel was supposed to be in the AVR kasi nandito yung last class ng isa bago ang dismissal. But Primo has been standing there waiting for about 15 minutes and hindi niya nakita. 

“Wala ako diyan, Eli. Hahaha cute mo”

“Nakakainis ka ah. Where are you?”

“Nasa likod mo” 

When Primo looked back there stood Miguel holding a small bouquet of acrylic paints. Really Primo was not expecting that. Heck, who would think of something like this in the first place?

“ Hello, Eli ko” Nakangiting bati ni Miguel sa nobyo at nilahad kay Primo ang dalang bouquet nito. 

“Totoo ka ba?” Mangiyak-ngiyak na saad ni Primo. He wished he could pull Miguel for a hug. Primo held Miguel’s hand secretly and held it tightly.

“I love you, Miguel” Six months into the relationship and it was the first time Primo said I love you to Miguel. It wasn’t a quick transition but rather a gradual one. Sigurado silang hahantong din sila sa ganito but they were still feeling their emotions. 

Miguel smiled, holding the latter’s hand tighter. “Mahal din kita, Eli ko”

Pabulong man ang pagsigaw nila sa pagiibigan na meron sila ay ayos lang. Hindi naman kailangan malaman ng buong mundo kung ano ang meron sila. Sapat nang silang dalawa lang ang nasa mundo nila.

Ethan looked back to the man on the side already sleeping. Jake probably wasn’t able to listen to the whole story he just told,  but it's alright, marami pang next time. And so he closed his eyes too dahil malayo pa ang byahe nila ni Jake papuntang Baguio. Malayo pa.

Three hours in and Jake is restless. He wasn’t fond of long rides kasi hindi siya comfortable na umupo lang for so long. Gusto niyang tumayo, lumakad, at tumakbo kahit ano basta makagalaw lang yung buong katawan niya. Jake keeps squirming and huffing clearly annoyed sa position niya ngayon.

“Jake, may problema ba?” Tanong ng isang Ethan na sobrang sanay sa ganitong byahe. He prefers taking bus going home to Baguio especially pag mabilisan lang yung bakasyon niya or walang pasok. He only rides his car going back to Baguio pag matagalan ang kanyang stay. 

“I wanna run” seryusong saad ni Jake. 

“Ngayon mo pa naisipan yan eh nasa kalagitnaan tayo ng byahe. Maya maya may stop over dito hintayin nalang natin para makapag stretching ka” Jake let out a big sigh, sumandal uli ito kay Ethan while silently praying for the stop over to happen already. But it only came after another hour and a pouting Jake is glaring at Ethan.

“Sabi mo maya-maya. So tagal naman ng maya-maya mo” Jake said as he started jogging in place once he and Ethan found a place sa gilid lang din ng bus na sinasakyan nila. Maraming pasahero rin kasi ang bumaba para umihi at kumain.

“Sorry na. Baka nagugutom ka or nauuhaw bili nalang muna tayo dito ng foods and drinks” 

Tinawag ni Ethan ang  mga nagbebenta ng iba't ibang pagkain.

“Gusto ko itry yung quail eggs and bili tayo C2 na red hehe”

And so they did pagkabalik nila sa loob ng bus although si Ethan mostly ang nagbalat sa quail egg and ang tanging ginawa lang ni Jake was eat and drink. Sobrang tagal ng byahe nila but because it was full of kwentuhan ang laughter they did not really mind the tiring and exhausting journey that they have.

“Siguro maliban sa parents ko yung love story nila isa sa mga paborito ko” Ethan said smiling softly while looking directly kay Jake who was sipping his C2 red using a straw.

“They sounded so in love nga. I never knew that version of tatay existed. Their break up must have been something” Jake now dulled because he realized now what is the very reason why he is going to Baguio today. 

“Bago ko ikwento yung break up nila. Gusto mo ba makita picture nila noon?” Ethan asked para naman maging familiar si Jake and could visualize what his tatay and his lover looked like.

“Tatay… he looks so young and–” Jake reached for Ethan’s phone to have a clear look sa picture na pinakita ni Ethan sa kanya.

“Nag-iisang picture ito na tinatago ni tito. Pinakita niya saakin ito naka lagay sa maliit na pouch na lagi niyang hawak hawak”  Ethan said as he observed the tears that are falling from Jake’s eyes. Siya na mismo ang pumunas sa luhang patuloy ang pag agos sa mukha ni Jake gamit ang handkerchief niya.

“Ethan, he looks so happy. L-like genuinely happy. They look so good together” Jake said with a faint smile kahit patuloy ang pagtulo ng luha niya. Jake then leaned closer on Ethan’s shoulder at binalik ang phone ng isa.

“Can you now tell me why they broke up?”

“Mahal, don’t turn your back on me please”

“Paanong hindi, Miguel?”

“How can I not turn my back on you? M-mas kailangan ka nila”

“At ikaw ang kailangan ko. ‘Wag mo naman akong pagtabuyan kasi ikaw ang mahal ko. Mahal na mahal kita, Primo”

The two are arguing face-to-face sa loob ng kotse ni Miguel. How did they end up in this situation? Primo’s goal is to break Miguel’s heart, break it today para hindi na mas sumakit pa in the long run. 

“I’m begging you, wag ganito” Miguel said crying as he reached for Primo’s hand, he then kissed it gently.

“Mahal din kita pero ayoko sa paraang ganito. Sa paraang may nasasaktan tayo” Primo kept all his tears inside ayaw niyang makita siya ni Miguel na umiiyak.

“ Ikaw at ako lang naman ang importante sa relasyon nato. Ba’t kailangan pang isali ang iba?”

Primo can no longer keep it inside. Hindi sila pwede because Miguel is bound to have his own family. Hindi kayang ibigay ni Primo ang pamilyang deserve ni Miguel sa hinaharap. Hindi sila pwede kasi hindi rin naman tatagal kung ano ang meron sila kasi pareho silang lalaki.

“Dalawang taon, Primo. Sa tingin mo madali lang kalimutan ang lahat ng to? Bakit parang pinaparamdam mo that I’m not worth fighting for?”

And that was Primo’s breaking point at umiyak na rin siya. Heck, Primo would fight for whatever he and Miguel have. He treasures their relationship so much. He loves Miguel to the point that he is willing to compromise for Miguel’s better future.

“Nakakapagod lumaban knowing that all of this is not fair, Miguel. We are fighting against an unfair world. Hindi tayo pwede and that’s it. I can’t give you the future you deserve kahit gaano pa kita ka mahal wala pa rin. Miguel, lalaki ako at lalaki ka–”

“Wala ka bang katiting na tiwala sa atin? Does it have to matter eh ano kung lalaki ka at lalaki ako. Mahal kita as you are. Yung hinaharap na deserve ko ay ang kasama ka. Di naman sila kasali sa kung ano meron tayo. It's us or nothing, Eli. Walang saysay ang hinaharap at habang buhay na sinasabi mo kung hindi ikaw ang kasama ko” Miguel said as he tried holding Primo’s shaking hand.

“God knows, Miguel. He knows I will forever be in ruins without you. But if I have to pick the struggle between having you miserably or letting you go for a chance for you to be happy, alam mo kung ano ang pipiliin ko” said Primo as he held Miguel’s face. He is memorizing Miguel’s face because after this break up he is sure that he may not be able to see this face again. One of Primo’s fears when creating a portrait is missing a single detail. And he will never forgive himself kung sa lahat ng subject sa gawa niya ang paborito pa niya ang makakalimutan  niya.

“We have to part ways sooner or later and you know that”

“I want to give us more chances of love, Eli. I still want a lot for us. Hindi ko kaya I don’t want us to break. I-i don't care what my family will say dahil alam ko sila ang issue mo. I-i can leave everything for you”

“But I don't want you to do that. This is inevitable, we have to let go of each other.”

“But please Miguel tandaan mong mahal na mahal kita”

Right after saying those words Primo kissed Miguel’s lips for the last time. He then got out of the car walking  mindlessly. Primo is prepared na masasaktan siya but he prays that Miguel will get through this. Mahal na mahal siya nito and he feels it. God, Primo never felt so much love until Miguel came. He never felt the highest of life until he was loved by Miguel.

“So it was my tatay’s f-family who can't accept my tatay for falling in love with another man?” Jake said sniffling. Pati siya ay naiyak kasi tatay niya ang pinag uusapan. Jake never felt a dull moment with his dad mahal siya nito at ramdam niya, he is so full of it. To hear stories like this about his tatay, the side of his tatay he never witness shatters him deeply. 

“P-parang ganun na nga. Di naman natin alam yung buong kwento pero yan yung sabi sakin ni tito. Mahal na mahal niya ang tatay mo kahit siya ang nakipaghiwalay. H-hanggang ngayon, Jake. He regretted it so much ” 

Pagkatapos mag kwento ni Ethan tungkol sa break up ng tatay niyang si Miguel at dating kasintahan na si Primo ay natahimik si Jake. Hinayaan na lang din ni Ethan na sakupin sila ng katahimikan kasi mabigat din para sakanya ang kwentong ito. Muling naalala ni Ethan ang sakit at iyak ng tito niya noong kwinento ito sakanya. Alam mo yung iyak at hinagpis na nakakahawa, na pati ikaw ay mapapaiyak at masasaktan. Kaya gagawin talaga ang lahat ni Ethan para sa kapayapaan ng tito niya, sa kapayapaan ng puso nitong patuloy na nagmamahal.

Nasa taxi na ang dalawa patungo sa bahay nila Ethan. Nasa backseat ang dalawa at nakasandal si Jake sa balikat ng isa. Hindi makapaniwala si Ethan na ang madaldal na katulad ni Jake ay walang imik hanggang ngayon. Nakakapanibago.

“Jake? Inom ka muna ng tubig oh. Malapit na rin naman tayo” kasabay nito ay ang pag inom ni Jake sa bottled water na binuksan ni Ethan. 

“Kapag may oras pa ililibot kita rito. Dadalhin kita mismo sa farm namin”

“Y-you have a farm here? Like strawberries ganun?” sa wakas at nagsalita na nga ang isa.

“Oo tama tas katabi ng farm namin eh flower garden. Try natin dun tas kung may gusto kang puntahan pwede rin natin bisitahin”

“Uhm sure. I’d love that. Thank you, Ethan” Jake smiled softly after that. Hindi alam ni Jake kung ano ang totoong nararamdaman niya o ano ang dapat niyang maramdaman sa nalaman niya.

“Dito pala bahay namin. Medyo malayo sa syudad pero maganda dito. Halika” sabi ni Ethan sabay hawak sa kamay ni Jake. He tapped the doorbell at maya-maya may bumukas na babae sa gate.

“Tantan, buti naman at safe ang byahe niyo” sabi nito sabay hug kay Ethan. 

“'Mi, si Jake pala yung sinabi ko pong kasama ko. Jake si mommy Alex” pakilala ni Ethan sa dalawa.

“Hi po tita Alex. Nice meeting you po” Ethan's mom smiled at Jake as she tapped the latter’s shoulder. All of them proceed to enter the house na. Padilim na rin kasi at halatang pagod ang dalawa.

“Kamusta ang byahe? Gusto niyo kumain muna kayo? Mag early dinner nalang kayo nak para makapag pahinga na kayo”

“Uhm pwede naman po ‘mi. Lagay lang namin mga gamit sa taas” sagot ni Ethan at inaya si Jake papunta sa taas bitbit ang mga gamit nila.

“Be comfortable Jake ah. Happy kaming nandito ka”

“Your mom is so nice. I like her” Jake said as he settled down sa loob ng guest room nila Ethan. Typical guest room lang naman ang style ng room. May sariling CR isang twin size na kama, may empty cabinet, at bintana.

“Gusto mo maligo ka muna?”

“Uhm pwede rin. Can I borrow a towel? I did not bring any eh.” ani ni Jake habang inaayos ang dala kanina. 

“Meron na nasa cabinet lang sa loob. Yung tungkol sa tatay mo, text mo siya na ako ang kasama mo.”

“I will do that. Tomorrow morning I will call him and make him go here asap. Thank you, Ethan” Jake said, smiling lovingly towards the other guy.

“Uh s-sige mag aayos na rin ako”

“Kain na kayo dito ‘nak” tawag ng mommy ni Ethan sa dalawa nang makita silang pababa na sa hagdan. Nang maka upo ang dalawa ay agad naman silang nag kwentuhan. Happy si Jake dahil hindi niya naramdaman na hindi siya included. He is so welcome.

“Si daddy, ‘mi?”

“Nasa kwarto ng tito mo. Alam mo naman yun pagka dating doon agad ang punta. Kakatapos ko lang din kasi asikasuhin si kuya. Kung gusto niyong pumunta muna sa kaniya eh dalian niyo nang kumain kasi matutulog na yun maya-maya”

Jake is scared and at the same time excited. Hindi siya mapakali at dali-dali na ring kumain. Kinalabit niya si Ethan at ngumiti.

“Dahan lang. Pagkatapos nito pupunta tayo kaagad.” Pagkatapos niyang sabihin ito ay biglang may pumasok na lalaki sa dining area. Biglang tumayo naman si Ethan at pumunta doon, nagmano ito at pinakilala si Jake.

“Magandang gabi, Daddy. Si Jake nga po pala”

“Good evening po, tito.” Sagot ni Jake at nagmano ito.

“Anak ka ni Miguel?” takang tanong ni Dos, kapatid ni Primo.

“Uhm yes po. You know my tatay p-po pala” He then tapped Jake’s shoulder as if saying “I know him well”

“Welcome ka palagi dito, Jake.” after sayong those ay umalis na ito papunta sa taas. Probably to rest din kasi galing pa ito sa trabaho.

“Jake, punta na tayo kay tito?”

Ethan knocked on the door three times. Actually kanina pa nagtataka si Jake bakit parang hindi lumalabas si Primo mula sa kwarto nito. Bakit parang lahat ay inaasikaso siya. Everyone seems to be walking on an eggshell. The moment they entered the room bumungad kay Jake ang mga painting na nakasabit. According sa kwento sa kanya ni Ethan, this really shows that Primo loves art.

“Tito, I’m home” sambit ni Ethan na dali daling pumunta sa isang lalaki naka upo sa mahabang upuan sa terrace. Bukas pa rin ito at ramdam mo ang hanging pumapasok. The room is cozy. Ang daming nakasabit na artworks. Meron din namang mga ganito sa bahay nila ni Jake. Even the ones made by his tatay are displayed inside his room. But this here feels so different.

“Kamusta na ang tantan na yan, hmm? Masaya ba sa Maynila?”

Jake froze. That was the most soothing voice he had heard next to his tatay’s. Jake still can’t believe he is meeting Primo, his tatay’s first, greatest, and last love.

“Masaya po. Andami ko pong nakilalang tao at natutunan sa school”

“Ang abogado namin oh” malumanay na saad ni Primo sabay hawak nito sa mukha ni Ethan na animoy kinikilatis ang bawat parte nito. 

“M-may ipapakilala po ako, Tito. Kasama ko po galing Maynila”

“Mabuti naman at may ipapakilala ka na sakin.” kasabay nito ang mahinang tawa na iginawad niya. Agad namang sinyeyasan ni Ethan si Jake na lumapit. The man in front of Jake is beautiful, he can vouch to that, he can’t deny that. The only thing is, Primo has his eyes closed.

“M-magandang gabi po. I’m Jake po, Ethan and I are f-friends” Primo held out a soft chuckle. Inabot niya ang kamay niya kay Jake na tinanggap naman ng isa.

“Magandang gabi din ho. Ako po si Primo” That was Ethan’s cue to leave the two. He sat down on his tito’s bed as he looked at Jake encouraging him to initiate the talk. But Jake can’t seem to open his mouth as he realized that the Primo Elise, na mahal na mahal ng tatay niya is blind. 

“A-anak po ako ni M-miguel Santiago” Naramdaman ni Jake ang paghigpit ng kapit ni Primo sa kamay niya.

“Can I touch y-your face?” Jake leaned in bringing Primo’s hand to his face. He felt tears falling down from his eyes as he looked closely at the man in front of him. The Primo he saw in the photo na pinakita sa kaniya  ni Ethan is now right here. He felt Primo’s hand wiping his tears. How soothing that feeling is.

“I’m Jake but my tatay named me Primis Artem” Primo stopped wiping Jake’s eyes, he became stiff at the mention of the name. That very name that Primo cherishes ay pinangalan ni Miguel sa anak niya.

“Adopted lang po ako ni tatay. And I have been wondering for years why he gave me that name. I-i believe it’s because of you po.”

Primo cannot speak hindi niya alam ang dapat niyang maramdaman. Miguel, oh Miguel, he never fails to surprise people.

“A-anak ka ni Miguel?” Tanong niya kay Jake animoy hindi narinig ang sinabi nung una ng bata.

“O-opo”

Then right at that moment Primo opened his eyes, a tear falling down his face.

“Miguel”

“Primis ang pangalan mo? A-and you were adopted?”

“O-opo I was named after my tatay’s firm. He is an architect po he has this architectural firm Primis Artem po ang name and and he named me after that I’m Primis Artem too. I love my tatay po I really do. H-he is my everything po and and” Jake just started crying holding onto Primo’s hand that is wiping his tears.

“And h-he is the best father k-kasi he made sure I am loved and– and well po”

“My tatay he– he still lov–”  but a hush sound from Primo made Jake quiet

“Shh” 

“Miguel, he was my everything and he still is” Jake looked directly onto Primo’s dull and gray eyes with tears pooling and each falling down slowly. 

“Hindi ko alam what Ethan has already told you but tama ka he is the best person I know that is suitable to become a father. He is meant to h-have a family of his own” 

“B-but my tatay doesn’t have a wife, he only has me, his son. And it's just the two of us since forever”

“Miguel he– hindi siya naghanap ng asawa? T-that can’t be h-his mom will be mad”

“My tatay went out of their home po during his college days. I am not even close po sa family ni tatay”

“M-miguel”

Primo cried loudly this time realizing what the outcome of their break up had turned out. Hindi ito ang iniisip ni Primo na mangyayari. He did not expect that Miguel would go beyond the measures of defying his family all because of him? Miguel probably tried reaching out but he could no longer be reached kasi Primo himself ran away from everything too. He stopped going to school, he went back to the province and had an accident that led him to this situation.

Primo can taste the bittersweet feeling in his mouth and thought of all the what could’ve, would’ve, and should’ve been them. Thinking of all the chances they missed dahil duwag siya. That he caused Miguel too much pain and he knows he can’t heal those parts ever again. And it hurts him more to know that they really had the chance in love but because of him nothing ever truly found its place.

“I am actually here b-because I found out about you and tatay. I’m so sorry if I am involving sa inyo po b-but I meant well. My tatay doesn’t know I am here and if its okay po, please, tell me about you two from back then”

“Ethan if i-if tatay and Tito Primo  meet again is it possible if they get back together? I don’t know like stay together again?” Jake asked Ethan who is seating in front of him sa kama ng kwarto ni Ethan.

“Jake m-may gusto akong sabihin sayo”

“Huh? What is it?”

“Actually my tito at b-bakit ako desperado makita ang tatay mo ay–” Ethan took a deep breathe.

“Tito Primo is dying. A heart condition that he got after his accident kasama na yung blindness niya. T-tito was going home from Manila to Baguio when it happened. Akala ni daddy mamamatay na si tito because of the impact, he was lifeless when they found him.”

“Huh?” Jake

“But when he was found he was clutching a pouch y-yung sinabi ko sayo na may picture nila? Hinahawakan niya yun na parang doon nakasalalay ang buhay niya”

“When did the accident happen, huh?”

“A-after their break up”

“What the hell is that the reason why tatay can’t find him anywhere?”

“Kaya nga last wish niya ang makasama ang tatay mo k-kasi anytime now he can die”

“What do you mean? Huh? Why didn’t you tell me! So I-i’m gonna break his heart again? Bakit, bakit now mo lang sinabi?” Disappointment can be heard from Jake’s voice. He is exhausted after everything he learned today, after everything he experienced. He traveled from Manila to Baguio, he just got to talk with his tatay’s first love, and now this? 

“First, you didn’t tell me that he is blind and now sasabihin mo he is dying? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I’m s-sorry Jake hindi ko ma explain pero ang hirap hirap sa part kong sabihin sa ibang tao that my tito is dying. Na sa buong pagsasama natin hindi ko kayang sabihin ang kalagayan ng tito ko k-kasi nadudurog ako. Sorry, Jake, I do acknowledge my fault here pero sana you’d take this one with me kahit papaano” Ethan wiped Jake’s tears. Looking at Jake so devastatingly beautiful.

“S-sorry kung ngayon ko lang nasabi lahat sayo kasi h-hindi ko pa rin tanggap na mawawala na yung tito ko”

At doon na naintindihan ni Jake ang pinanggagalingan ni Ethan. That Ethan is probably holding onto with the little time he had to find his tito’s greatest love, to accept that his tito is dying, the anticipating loss, he now gets it.

“I’m s-sorry, I understand it now too”

Jake pulled Ethan closer to him. Niyakap niya ito ng mahigpit habang siniksik ang kanyang ulo sa leeg ng isa. He inhaled Ethan’s scent that helped him calm down. This is what he needed. Siguro nasanay na rin siya sa presensya ng isa that he is really comfortable with the other now. Jake felt Ethan holding him tighter as they basked into the night.

Kung pwede lang ibalik ang nakaraan at bigyan ulit ng pagkakataon ang pagmamahalan ng mga mahal nila sa buhay, magkikita ba sila sa kalaunan? Kung hindi ganito ang sitwasyon nila ngayon, may pagkakataon din ba silang… maging sila?

Sobrang makasariling pag-iisip ang unahin pa ang kung ano man tong namumuo sakanilang dalawa. Kaya hahayaan na nila ang tadhana kung ano ang patutunguhan nila.

“You’re so pretty po”

“I wish I could see your pretty face too, Primis”

A bittersweet statement from Primo. He really wants to see Primis just to see the love that made Miguel endure it all. To see the little one that stayed with Miguel all through it all. The one who did his part of loving Miguel for the world and not against it.

“Thank you for coming to your tatay’s life” Primo said as he munched on the pancake that Jake just gave him.

“It’s actually the other way around, I thank tatay everyday for choosing and loving me.” 

Jake looked around Primo’s room looking all through his displayed arts.  A few landscapes here and there, sketches, buildings, and some poetry but at one corner inside the room there’s one portrait that did not leave Jake’s eyesight since last night.

It was his tatay’s.

“When did you– uhm when po y-yung portrait ni tatay ko ginawa mo po?” Jake rumbled, scared but curious. 

“Oh t-that. College pa kami niyan. Hindi pa kami when I made that. Your tatay was the subject of everything I made back then. He was my everything.”

“Alam mo Primis,I wanna be honest with you. I can’t remember your Tatay's face anymore. Not as clear as I used to a-and I may never get to remember it clearly again. Pero matagal ko nang tinanggap ‘to.”

“I wish there was something I could do.”

“Love and take care of your tatay and if he ever hurts you which I doubt he would do, magsumbong ka saakin, that will be enough for me”

Jake laughed a little still feeling somber but at least he feels better. Everything went back to the comfortable silence they shared as they look over the beautiful view in front of them habang nakaupo sila sa harap ng terrace ng kwarto ni Primo. The silence wasn’t deafening but it was all they needed at 7AM in the morning.

Ilang minuto lang ang nagdaan when Primo started coughing hard that alarmed both Jake and Ethan.

“Tito, ano po kailangan mo? Shit shit shit Jake samahan mo muna si tito tatawagin ko si daddy”

“Okay okay I’m here I’ll stay here” Jake went beside Primo as Ethan went out screaming for his mommy and daddy in the hallway.

“T-tito what’s wrong po? Do you need water?” Kinuha ni Jake ang isang basong tubig at binigay kay Primo pero pinigilan ito.

“Primis, iisa lang ang hiling ko a-ang makita muli si Miguel. Yun lang” 

Ethan’s dad went inside together with his mom. Ethan guided Jake out of his Tito Primo’s room to give his mom and dad some space to help his tito and cater his needs. This is not new to Ethan but it has been awhile since he started studying in Manila.

“We need to call tatay. I need my phone!” Jake is frantic after what Primo has told him about hoping to see Miguel again, his father, he needs to do something. 

“Jake kalma ka muna, okay? Huminga ka muna ng malalim.” Ethan held Jake’s hand as he instructed Jake to follow how he breath.

“I’m okay really but we have to call tatay na, please?”

Jake hastily got his phone from the table and called his tatay who answered the call by just the first ring.

“Anak, where are you? Sabi mo overnight pero you spared tatay the details. Please let tatay know how are you”

Jake sobbed upon hearing the voice of his tatay. He is overwhelmed but just by hearing his tatay’s voice he feels better, he seeks for his dad’s comfort.

“Tatay–”

“Anak, why are you crying, hmm? May nangyari ba? Please tell tatay anak baka makatulong ako. Kung kailangan mo si tatay pupunta kaagad ako, anak please?”

“Tatay I’m here po sa Baguio. Please come here I-i am here at Primo’s place. Please tatay come here please po… please”

“D-do you have someone with you anak? Primo what do you mean? Why are you there? Anak?”

Jake is hyperventilating at this point that Ethan has to intervene.

“Sir this is Ethan po at pamangkin po ako n-ni Primo. Sir, Jake is safe and okay I assure you that po p-pero if pwede pong pumunta po kayo dito ngayon mas okay po sana. Sasabihin ko po ang lahat lahat sa inyo pag nandito kayo. Hindi lang po si Jake ang kailangan ka ngayon pati po yung tito ko” Ethan said it all in one breathing. Takot siya, oo, pero mas kailangan siya ng mga taong mahal niya ngayon. If this is the day his tito will finally meet the love he missed all these years then so be it. It's such a shame that it has to be this way.

“Send me the exact address at pupunta ako diyan ngayon. Give me your number too para ikaw ang macontact ko mamaya. Kung ano man ang rason niyo ni Jake for doing this I’d spare it now pero kailangan niyong magpaliwanag mamaya and before I hung up please take care of my child kasi buhay ko yan. And Ethan, I–” 

There was a pause in the middle of Miguel’s rambling. Silence that was a little too deafening.

“I hope your tito well”

“Salamat po, Sir”

Jake grabs his phone from Ethan’s clutch and puts it on his ears. Still crying, Jake managed to say something to his tatay.

“Tatay, take care please po. I love you tatay ko and- and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry tatay”

“Temtem, I love you more anak. Please stay with Ethan, hmm? There is nothing to be sorry about”

Umupo si Jake sa bakanteng upuan after ending the call with his tatay. He can finally feel the weight of everything that happened and will happen. Ang bigat ng nakaraan ng tatay niya kasama si Primo at ang hinaharap na walang kasiguraduhan para sa kanila. Takot si Jake especially for his dad, the least thing he would want from the world is for his tatay to break apart.

“Will Tito P-primo be okay?”

Ang katahimikan mismo ang sagot sa mga tanong ni Jake. Hindi na kailangan pa ng isang sagot na “oo o hindi” dahil lahat ng kailangan sabihin, lahat ng sagot sa tanong niya ay nasagot na. Hindi na niya kailangan pang mag isip o mag maka-awa mula kay Ethan na ibigay ang sagot na gusto niya kung ang katotohanan ay nakalahad na sa harap nila. 

It was nearing 3PM and Primo was now resting inside his room. You can feel the gloom looming over their home. Hindi man nila sabihin alam na nila kung anong ang mangyayari. Alam nila na dadating yung araw na ito, matagal na nilang inaasahan na dadating din tong araw, pero masyado pang maaga. Masyadong mabilis ang mga pangyayari na ang hirap tanggapin na ito na ang katotohanang kailangan nilang harapin ngayon.

Nakaupo lang siya katabi si Ethan sa sala ng bahay nito. He is leaning his head on Ethan’s shoulder and Jake hated the silence that covered the house.

“When will tatay arrive? It’s almost sunset na”

Bigla namang nag ring ang cellphone ni Ethan, someone is calling him.

“Hello? Sino po to?” tanong ni Ethan kasi number lang ang nakalagay sa caller ID

“This is Miguel and I believe nandito na ako sa labas ng bahay niyo”

“Sir! Sandali lang po” Ethan turned off the call and immediately looked over at Jake whose pout was visible. Nainip kasi ito sa biglaang pag galaw ni Ethan kaya ay nakasimangot siya ngayon.

“Nasa labas na tatay mo”

Jake abruptly sat up and went to the front door with Ethan tailing him. The moment he opened the door he ran as fast as he could to the gate. Nang makalabas at nakita na niya ang sasakyan ng tatay ay naluha nanaman ito. His comfort and peace is finally here.

“Tatay!” mahinang sigaw ni Jake kaya’t mabilis ding lumabas si Miguel mula sa sasakyan nito.

“Anak ko you are safe”

They hugged, that’s the one that they need right now. 

“Sir magandang hapon po”

“Tem, I don’t know what is happening pero seryoso na nag-aalala na ako sayo.”

“I am okay, tatay. I promise. Ethan takes care of me so well” Miguel looked over Ethan who looked so tense.

“Anak, can you please tell me what’s going on?”

In the little time they had Jake and Ethan told his tatay everything he needed to know without missing one beat. And that is all Miguel needs to make up his mind. To stand from his seat and see Primo.

“Tatay, I’ll be here. I-i promise you” Jake said, eyes filled with tears as he hugged his tatay tightly. Whatever it is that will happen tonight Jake makes sure that at the end of this all, his tatay still has him. 

Miguel leaned in and gave his little Primis Artem a kiss on the forehead. This very child that he considers his whole life.

“Thank you, anak. Tatay will be fine”

Upon seeing his tatay go up the stairs towards Primo’s room shatters Jake’s heart a little, he is not ready for the inevitable. He is not ready for anything that is bound to happen.

“Ethan, I’m scared” Ethan doesn’t know what to do in their situation too. He doesn't want to think anymore but Jake’s cries and the hollow in his heart made him vulnerable too. So he pulled Jake close in his arms and shed some tears with him, even when this whole mess is breaking him too.

“Nandito lang ako, J-jake. Hindi ako aalis.”

Miguel stood outside Primo’s room. Hindi niya alam kung handa na ba siyang pumasok because it's been twenty-six years. Dalawampu't anim na taon na ang nakaraan ng huli niyang nakita si Primo, the man he loved the most. Hindi madali ang lahat ng nangyari, ipinagpatuloy niya ang buhay kahit na masakit. He was fighting a lost battle against the world, he lost before he could even put up everything he could offer.

He was lost the last year he had to finish college without Primo by his side because why is he alone fulfilling the dreams they both promised each other they would accomplish? Pero kahit ilang taon na ang lumipas, hindi kaya ni Miguel na umibig pang muli. Siguro yan ang sumpa na binigay sa kanya dahil nagmahal siya ng sobra. 

Walang ginawang mali si Miguel dahil nagmahal lang naman siya, it was the world who painted that the love they had was wrong when it was genuine and pure.

Miguel let out a deep breath, he held the knob and opened it slowly. What he saw upon entering the room was the paintings on the wall that he knew by heart. Alam niya ang lahat ng ito because he was there when all of this was made. Some of it was even made by the two of them. 

He slowly looked around checking the interior of the room, everything about it screams Primo that he can’t take his eyes off. His eyes wandered to the open terrace and there he saw Primo sitting basking over the sunset with the pink and orange hues covering the sky. He walked over to where Primo is. 

He sat down quietly taking the space beside Primo who did nothing but look forward toward the great scenery. Ngayon lang ulit niya nakita ang mala anghel na mukha ni Primo. His heart shattered at the view he has now. This was his dream. This was the future he was looking forward to back then. Na ang una at huling makikita niya araw araw ay ang mukha ni Primo, na gigising at matutulog silang magkayakap. 

“Dos?” Primo finally felt someone sitting beside him and he thought it was his younger brother.

“M-my heart hurts, Dos. I don’t think I can make it” 

“E-eli”

“Huh?”

“Eli, I’m here. M-miguel is here”

“M-miguel?” Primo reached out his hand towards Miguel where the sound was coming from his side. Miguel grabbed his hand and led it towards his face. He kissed the knuckles of Primo’s hand and made each kiss linger. 

“I’m here, Eli ko.”

“Y-you’re here”

Miguel pulled Primo in a hug where their tears slipped heavier. Twenty-six years is such a long time to move on but none of them did. Their love persisted over distance and time. In those twenty-six years that they have lived separately they got used to the space that has divided them. They get to live so many moments where neither of them got to witness. Miguel had a child, Primo got to be with his family. Two different worlds they were living in. At some point, they got used to living without each other.

But being used to doesn't mean there is no grief and longing. They cried on different days, different cities, different lives. They poured their heart into different things. And they can’t let this grief turn into anger and sadness so they turned it into love, and all the love that Miguel and Primo have has been poured to the people around them. Miguel had Jake and Primo had Ethan. 

The sun was warm and it hugged them tight. No words were needed, the silence itself was enough to convey all the stories they missed and make each other feel the love they have stored for years. They are okay now that they are in each other’s arms.

That is all they need, this is where they were meant to be.

Primo leaned his head on Miguel’s chest. There, his breathing gradually became stable as his cries stopped. Miguel engulfed him in a side hug, keeping each other warm and close. Maybe in another life they were meant for greater things and not only loving each other in a manner that only them will understand.

Hindi man para sa kanila ito ngayon sapat na ang na kasama, nakilala, at minahal nila ang isa’t isa. Kahit baliktarin o ano man ang mangyari sa mundo, sa isang sandali, may panahon at oras na inilaan para sa kanila. Sapat na muna ang naintindihan nila ang isa’t isa. Sapat nang maranasan nilang magmahal ng wagas. Sapat na ang sandali na binigay sa kanila.

They’d reach the highs and the lows, hand-in-hand, together.

Siguro sa susunod na buhay na meron sila mas pipiliin na nilang manatili sa mundo nila, na kahit anong pagsubok ang ibigay sa kanila ay mas mananaig na ang pag-iibigan nila. Wala nang panghihinayang, walang pag-aalinlangan. Hindi na magiging sikreto ang meron sila dahil gagawin nila ang lahat nang makakaya nila para harapin ang mundong hindi nila pagmamay-ari upang ibahagi na mahalaga at hindi mali ang pagmamahalan nila.

Para kay Miguel, masakit mahalin ang isang Primo. Masakit mahalin si Primo kasi mas iniisip ni Primo ang kinabukasan niya, mas inuuna ni Primo ang iisipin ng iba. Masakit magmahal sa taong kaya kang iwanan dahil ito ang sabi ng mundo. Ngunit mas ikakamatay niya kung hindi niya ito nakilala. Mamamatay siyang puno ng pagsisi kung hindi niya ito nilapitan at ginawang mundo, kung hindi niya minahal. Kasi dahil kay Primo naranasan niya ang lahat ng bagay na hindi niya inaakalang mararanasan niya. 

Hindi lang pagmamahal ang inalay sa kanya ni Primo. Tinuruan siya nitong mahalin ang buhay, na bigyang pansin ang maliliit na bagay, na hindi naman pala masamang maging tao. Kasi si Primo ang naging kasama at kaagapay niya sa lahat. Hindi niya kailangang maging Miguel na maasahan at masayahin dahil kay Primo naranasan niyang maging siya, maging si Miguel na nakakaramdam ng pagod at galit, ng kalungkutan. Napagtanto niyang hindi mali ang maging mahina. Hindi masama kung hindi niya kayang harapin ang lahat kasi mabigat. Pinaramdam ni Primo sa kanya ang lahat ng emosyon sa buhay nang hindi pinaparamdam sa kanya na hindi na siya mahalaga kasi nagkamali siya– napagod siya. Pinaramdam sa kanya ni Primo na kahit hindi siya perpekto pwede pa rin siyang mahalin.

Dahil sa tanang buhay ni Miguel, sa mga panahong yun lang niya mas minahal mabuhay.

At para kay Primo, habang buhay siyang magsisi dahil mas piniling niyang maging duwag. Makasarili siya sa paraang siya na ang nag-isip para kay Miguel, na siya na ang nag desisyon kung ano ang makakabuti para sa kanila. Kasi akala niya tama siya, na siya lang ang masasaktan dahil siya naman ang lalayo at mang-iwan, na kargo niya ang konsensya na siya ang nagparaya para sa kanilang dalawa. Inisip ni Primo na yun na lang ang naiwang pagpipilian niya na kung sa tutuusin– pwede naman nilang piliin ang isa’t isa at magmahalan nalang. Pero para kay Primo noon, hindi sapat na mahal lang nila ang isa’t isa lalo’t hindi sang ayun ang mundo sa kanila.

Si Miguel lang ang tanging minahal ni Primo at mananatili ito hanggang sa kanyang huling paghinga. Kung ano man ang nangyari sa kanya ay nararapat lang na maranasan niya. Ang takot niya noong hindi na muli pa makita si Miguel at maalala ang bawat detalye nito, ang pagkalimot niya sa sining, at ang nalalapit na paghinto ng kanyang puso. Kasalanan niya kaya aakuin niya lahat ng to. Ang dating kinatatakutan niya ay siyang naging reyalidad niya ngayon.

Kasi sino nga ba si Primo para saktan si Miguel at ipadamang wala lang ang lahat ng ‘yun.

“I’m sorry, Miguel”

“Don’t be, mahal. It’s okay” Miguel said looking forward towards the sunset with his tears continuing to fall. 

“I- my heart hurts.”

“Y-you have me here. Nandito lang ako” Miguel pulled Primo closer, kissing his temple with his lips staying in that position.

“M-mahal kita, Miguel” 

“Mahal na mahal din kita, Eli ko”

The sun is no longer in the scene but Miguel and Primo remained in their position, magkayakap. The moon looms over them and the breeze turns cool, what once was warmth now turns cold. The faint sound of the wind ghosts over their skins, the sound of nature has turned over, and along the soft sound of the world, the beat of two hearts suddenly turned one.

Just another typical para sa dalawang arts student, mag date sa museums. Miguel and Primo have opposite personalities but they share a fondness for love in arts. That’s one thing that made their relationship stronger.

Primo was walking, looking at all the pieces around him. Sa bawat sining na nakikita niya, na nasa paligid niya, alam ni Primo na iba-iba rin ang pinagmulan ng mga to. Samu’t saring kwento ang pinapahayag, ang pinapahiwatig. Mayroon tungkol sa politka, sa kahirapan, sa paligid o kalikasan. Ang iba ay kwento ng buhay, sakripisyo, kamatayan, kasiyahan, kalungkutan, at pagmamahal. 

“Mahal” rinig na tawag ni Primo sa kanya ng nobyong si Miguel kaya agad itong napatingin pabalik sa lalaking kasama. Ngunit nabigla ito nang may biglang nag flash sa harap niya. Kinunan siya ng litrato ni Miguel sa gitna ng museo kasama ang iba’t ibang sining. 

“Ganda mo, Eli” Miguel flashed his infamous canine smile as he showed Primo the photo he took. 

“Bolero. Tara na nga” they then held each other's hand as they stroll along the hallways of arts.

“Mahal alam mo ba my mom still keeps the very first drawing I did. Chapel pa ni Lasalle yun sa school, elementary days. Nasa may coliseum ako nun eh tapos hinihintay ko si mommy na sunduin ako” Miguel shared as they walk through the depths of art.

“Hmm, I haven’t seen it though. But wow, elementary pa lang you got that artistic skill in you”

“I’ll show it to you next time. Promise”

“Alam mo the very first drawing I did was a landscape of our backyard back in Baguio. Sobrang sarap ng hangin sa likod namin tapos ang ganda lang ng view” Primo said dreamily, reminiscing his younger days back to his hometown.

“I named it Primis and it just means first. My very first art.” The two stop for a while to look at an art piece that got their attention. Hindi nakalagay kung sino ang gumuhit nito but it has a description.

“To love you freely is a dream,

to die in your arms is a dream come true”

“That’s something, don’t you think?” Primo asked Miguel who was still looking at the wide painting.

“It’s something else nga. When you look at the painting alone ang gaan lang, just two people basking in each other's warmth with the sun setting down. But when you read the little poem here you’ll understand the details.” Miguel said as he circled Primo’s waist with his right hand.

“The sunset reminds me of the one we have back home. One day, I’m gonna bring you there and we will look over the sun as it sets. Lovely idea, right?”

“Lovely nga” said Miguel as he stared right into Primo’s face

"Mahal kita, Eli'

"Silly, mas mahal kita"