Work Text:
You never would've guessed this would've happened in your boring, pathetic life.
But here you are, getting chased down by the so called "Kira" himself.
The background of this mess is... You wrote absolute hardcore smut about Kira, published it, and he happened to see it.. and it apparently damaged his ego in a way, and he's seeking to immediately silence this person.
I mean, come on, his reputation has been partially damaged by this! Well, in his head at least. His curiosity was greatly piqued by this, too. Just who is this person? And why did they capture his character so well?
In the meantime, L spotted Kira's usual "work" has been slowed down, assuming something was going on. So he used his megaballs brain and thought about the ultimate idea.. "Was this fanfiction I totally accidentally stumbled upon two days ago the cause of this?"
So, he used his megaballs brain again and texted you, the creator of the fic, who was greatly surprised...
"Yo homie wsg" L sent a text to you, interrupting your hardcore Minecraft gameplay. And since you are chronically online and never saw the light of day, you responded in no time.
"Sup" You didn't question who this person even was.
"Work with me yo"
"Ok"
These two buckaroos start a top secret group called "Jonathan Porker & Papa Gregor's Sewer Hole" and they start their ultimate investigation... Your job was to gather resources to find the end portal to beat the Ender Dragon, and L's job was to gather gear for it.
So, you go on an adventure to trade for ender pearls and massacre blazes for blaze rods, causing mass extinction in the process but then you decide it's the time to finally find the stronghold after making enough eyes of ender.
In the meantime, L was gathering gear for the fight and fumbling greatly to trade for a mending book and deciding that interrogating the creator of Ao3 is a much greater plan..
While you absolutely buttfuck and demolish 548 players in Combat Warriors on Roblox, you suddenly noticed that L dipped and didn't gather gear to beat the ender dragon, so you utterly destroy and burn down the headquarters.
These two being homeless now decide that it's time to turn to hope! Nagito Komaeda, Hajime Hinata and Makoto Naegi start aggressively throwing it back and as their cheeks clap together like drums in the wind and create a soundwave so hard that Mozart from his grave heard it and got inspired, they created a hopeful symphony in morse code that only 4% of people with brown eyes can only hear and it goes something like this tnnnnn tnnnnn and all you need is my uhn tiss uhn tiss uhn tiss.
You and L absorb the hope and start reproducing by going through mitosis from the sheer amount hope being presented.
So you both go back to interrogate Ao3's founder.
"Listen here, buckaroo." L brought his fist up menacingly in front of the founder's face.
"You tell us who has seen this fella's fics in the past two days!!" L pathetically threatens the guy, and he nods
"Ok.." The founder breaks the cuffs nonchalantly and pulls out his phone and shows the Jonathan Porker & Papa Gregor's Sewer Hole group who did it..
"Look at this fella." L conveniently points at "Light Yagami" and suspects him
Next day you two beat the ender dragon with cheats and then go and do your daily "butt and soap rubbing ritual" and got to work.
You were making a new hardcore smut fanfic, but this time using Kira's suspected full name...
"Let's see if Kira will make a difference in his killing pattern." L said evily
Meanwhile, Light Yagami was tweaking and screaming at his phone, expecting L to hear him or something.. before he started causing mass extinction of the human race as a simple threat. He claimed it was all part of his master plan.
This didn't go unnoticed, because you and L disconnected from your Minecraft server because an apocalypse was happening. But luckily Leon Kennedy was there to save us and bless us as we went on and published who Kira was!
Unexpectedly, Light killed everyone but Liu Kang started making a different timeline where Light doesn't cause mass extinction of the human race.
We're back where we capture Light because he's a bum and we tie him up.
"WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT LIGHT??? THIS IS MY PERFECT VICTORY!!! THAT'S RIGHT, I WIN" L breaks the timeline by stealing a line but Pomni puts a bucket over Kinger's head so he saves us all with his awesome skills.
The whole power rangers squad hold Light down as he sobs and cries pathetically
L tries to convince Light to give him the Death Note because L used his megaballs brain again and figured out the death note exists.
"Waaah!! Shut up bum I'm not telling you!!! WAAAH!!" Light refused to comply, so we threaten to turn him into a femboy and broadcast it worldwide like we broadcasted your own latest smut fic over the biggest screen ever made.
Light starts going utterly despairful, which summons Junko Enoshima, who then proceeds to spread despair with her new organization called "Monokuma's Soggy Underboobs" and destroy the whole world!!!
But that's where Light, L and you step in and make your own group... Oh, and Matsuda is the head of it.
"BALLS, TITS & SACKS UNITE!!!" They all started transforming into magical hope girls and use the cheek clap method to absolutely demolish Junko Enoshima and her gang.
Light and L now live happily married, Matsuda is not an idiot anymore, and the Death Note is safe in your hands.
...
Before you get corrupted by it's powers and kill everyone ig.