Chapter Text
Dedede groaned as he read a piece of paper given to him “A HUNDRED THOUSAND?!”
”you see triple D” started customer service “we have the top best television programming in the whole universe, and that entails high princes”
”but a hundred thousand for some documentaries and cooking shows? That’s disgustingly excessive”
”prices are prices, if you don’t like it then feel free to buy cheap bootleg copies of our show from some scam artist from the edge of the galaxy” said the customer service before shutting the call, making Dedede grit his teeth in anger.
”YOU KNOW WHAT? ILL DO EXACTLY THAT!” Dedede shouted in rage as he grabbed Escargoon by the neck “find the cheapest guy you can find to replace whatever is costing me a hundred thousand, NOW!”
”but sir, what about my telenovela?” Asked escargoon.
”Do I look like I care about your telenovela?” Asked Dedede.
”you cried on my shoulder when Angelo died saving his adopted children during his wedding” Escargoon said.
“Shut up!” Dedede threw escargoon across the room and grumbled for a second “on second thought we’ll wait for the ending of the tele novela, then we’ll cut it off”
A month later
”what do you mean Dedede cut off my telenovela from the programming?!” Asked Lady like in exasperation.
”he said that since the show ended then there wasn’t anything worthwhile in that channel… or most channels for that matter, so he cut most of them” Sir Ebrum explained.
”but I liked the sports channel!” Tuff said, a bit bummed out by this choice.
”yeah, not a fan either but he did say he’ll be replacing it, in fact the replacement should be airing right about now!” The father said as he turned on the TV.
”Dedede most likely replaced it with a cheap show on black and white he paid thrice the actual price for” said tiff, and would you know it… she’s right!
we start with the sight of a dark night sky… in black and white, as a disembodied voice narrates what’s happening “There's trouble in Dream Land!”
“a show about dreamland?” Asked tiff as her eye arched, wondering if dedede did make a original show instead of getting scammed to broadcast some cheap shows.
”King Dedede and his soldiers have stolen ALL the food in Dream Land!” The narrator said as dedede ran across the night accompanied by waddle dees, Doos and Tac’s, all carrying food with them. They dropped some so dedede ran back and literally inhaled the food into his gut.
“Wait, dedede would never- knowingly- portray himself as the bad guy!” Shouted tiff.
”ha! Then he did get scammed like you said sis”
“Didn’t know Dedede could inhale like Kirby” Lady like said “but I’m not really surprised, seeing how jealous of Kirby he is and how he eats Im not surprised he would rather copy Kirby’s eating habits than his kindness”
the night turns into day and that’s when the pink puffball walks into scene “Here comes our hero, riding in on the spring breeze.” The ball jumped into the sky and was caught by the warp star “Some call him... Kirby.
Let the adventure begin!”
”well, whoever made this doesn’t seem to have made much of a investigation. Kirby can’t summon the warp star by itself” Tiff mentioned.
”they probably deleted you from the show… wait, was I deleted from the show?” Tuff wondered.
meanwhile somewhere else, Dedede is screaming at escargoon “WHAT IS THIS ANTI-DEDEDE PROPAGANDA!!!” He roared as he chased after Escargoon with his hammer.
”YOU TOLD ME TO HIRE THE CHEAPEST GUY FROM THE EDGE OF THE GALAXY I COULD FIND!” Screamed Escargoon as he escaped from Dedede.
Kirby jumps off the star into a green green pasture, chasing after an orange butterfly before a pack of them chase him off.
“At least it’s accurate with how pathetic little pink is!” Dedede chuckled.
Kirby is then faced by a waddle doo which he immediately eats, gaining the beam ability
”what?!” Dedede shouted “The pink runt never got an ability like that!”
”and I’m pretty sure he never will because I ain’t letting it take a bite out of me” Waddle doo said as he looked at the screen with a bit of fear.
Kirby then flew with the warpstar into the forest, crashing down into the floor but quickly shrugging off the crash as a new enemy approached “well, if it ain’t the new ball in town? Kirby, is it? Prepare to face an explosive end!” Said Poppy bros Sir, who threw a bomb at Kirby.
”Did we ever get a monster that looked like that?” Dedede wondered.
”no but I remember it seeing it on a ad, but smaller and without arms” Escargoon answered as he slowly approached to the king who seemed to have calmed down.
Kirby used the wand on its hand to destroy the bomb poppy threw with an energy whip. Kirby then shoot a giant magic blast that poppy sir dodged by jumped out of the way, Poppy was about to throw another bomb but Kirby attacked first and with a magic blast threw poppy off balance. “Ouchie!” Said poppy sir.
Poppy shot another bomb at Kirby but this time the round hero shoot a strong magic attack that blasted through the bomb and hit poppy sir in the face once more, knocking them down. Allowing Kirby to get rid of the beam ability and then absorbing Poppy sir to turn into Bomb kirby.
“Uh” muttered meta knight in his room, surprised at the skill Kirby is showcasing here.
”wow, Kirby absorbing abilities and getting rid of a preexisting one without being told to by someone? That’s a view we don’t always have” Sword knight said in a strong accent.
Bomb kirby fought through the forest, throwing bombs at Cappies and giant Hamsters that worked for dedede.
”are you sure this ain’t propaganda from the king? Why else would Kirby be attacking cappies?” Blade knight wondered.
”Dedede wouldn’t have made Kirby be called hero at the beginning of the story, he isn’t smart enough to make Kirby seem like a greater evil… or non petty enough to not call Kirby evil from the get go” meta knight explained as he watched the screen.
that’s when Kirby stopped on his tracks, and he did so because a tree on its way came to life “the others you told me you rampaged in here, what do you want pink ball?” Asked Whispy woods.
Kirby pointed at something next to Whispy, a shiny floating star that sparkled smaller stars.
“The sparkling stars? No way! This is what feeds dedede’s army!” Said Whispy as he groaned at Kirby “I won’t let you take it!”
”So Whispy is working for Dedede in this series? Quite bizarre change” Meta knight said as the fight broke on.
”sparkling star?” Wondered sword knight.
”probably whoever made this just saw how Kirby is connected to the warp star so it made more star related Mcguffins” Blade knight hypothesis.
Kirby utterly stomped Whispy woods in a fight, Whispy shoot tornados that Kirby dodged by floating, then dropped apples on Kirby who easily shrugged them aside. Before Whispy could do anything, Kirby blew eight bombs on whispy’s face “alright alright! You win, just take the sparkling stars” and the forest spirit gave the pink demon a sparkling star, and Kirby did a cute dance before moving on to the next area.
”this interpretation of Kirby sure is more ruthless but competent than the real deal” meta knight commented.
Kirby is then shown fishing in some kind of archipelago, taking a fish out of the water and inhaling it but accidentally biting his own bait.
”ha! Being competent doesn’t make it any less like Kirby”
Kirby then eats knuckle joe, who has the similar albino and redder colors to the time he first arrived to Cappy town instead of his blonde and blue colors. Gaining the fighter Kirby ability.
”wow, that Kirby beat knuckle joe effortlessly!” Tuff pointed out.
”Hope the real deal doesn’t find out, otherwise she might get mad” Tiff mentions.
Kirby flies over the waters, destroying walls to reach secret passageways until Kirby finds something… a lollipop, Kirby takes a bite out of it and starts glowing intensely.
Kirby then runs across the islands, entering a cave steam rolling all enemies in said cave, going out of the cave and arriving to a closed room that resembles a colorful castle, and a humanoid walrus called Mr. Frosty stands in Kirby’s way “I’ll freeze you in your tracks pink ball! We heard what you did to Whispy-“ and can’t even finish the phrase before Kirby runs over him.
“Hey guys” said Lalala who flied into the room, closely followed by her brother.
”what are you doing?” Asked Lololo.
”Dedede got rid of most channels and replaced it with this Kirby show, and it’s actually pretty good!” Tuff explained to the duo.
”really? Are we in it?” Asked Lalala.
”not sure, so far a lot of things are missing, like me and tuff just… don’t exist in this show” tiff explained.
Kirby then landed at the outside of a castle, inhaled a bomb looking enemy’s with a skull print on its side but didn’t get any copy abilities. Then walked inside the castle. “Stop right there!” Said Lololo “this is the end of the line Kirby! You might be a little round guy!” Said Lalala “but we are two round little guys, so we are going to-“
Kirby then blew up like a nuke and shot the two of them out of their own castle, with the explosion even brewing Kirby out of it as well, then Kirby took the sparkling star and danced victoriously.
”oh my…” said lady like while covering her mouth.
”did Kirby use the copy ability he used to destroy those mutant dinosaurs?!” Asked tuff.
”it seems like it but he didn’t even get a hat!” Tiff argued “although this adaption has been pretty inaccurate all things considered”
Kirby then found itself in a bubbly clouds, his sneezes making the nearby decorative stars fall off the clouds… then a star fell on Kirby’s head.
In Kawasaki’s restaurant, some of the townsfolk were watching the show as well.
“seeing Kirby hurt isn’t the most fun thing, but this show is a riot!” Chief Bookem said out loud.
”I don’t know, it just seems like another of Dedede’s schemes” Gus argued.
”If it is I’ll give both of you a free dish each, but if it isn’t the two of you have to give me a big tip!” Kawasaki offered with a large smile.
”we’re on!” Said Gus.
”wait, I didn’t agree to this!” Argued the policemen.
Kirby first eat an enemy that kinda resembled sword knight (but he was blue) to turn into sword Kirby, then jumped from cloud to cloud, then into a castle built on said clouds, but Kirby’s path is stopped by a small floating eye surrounded by equally as small clouds.
“hey, wasn’t there a cloud monster that had one eye?” Gus mentioned “is that it?”
”maybe but he was hidden in the clouds almost all the time so I can’t exactly remember how it looked like” Kawasaki said while he cooked.
The eye attacked first, by shooting cannonballs at Kirby but the puffball ran past them into a safe area then rushed to attack. Shooting forward with his blade when the cloud attacked pounced towards them.
the attack made Kracko Jr flinch and allowed Kirby to slash at the cloud monster until it stopped mid air and exploded, Kirby then rode on a warp star to the top of the sky castle.
”I think the minions are supposed to be monsters Kirby has defeated?” Bookem said.
”maybe but I don’t recognize any of them, maybe it was some of those monsters Dedede brought directly to Kirby instead of roping us into it” Gus hypothesized.
Kirby flied across the now night sky, flying to the moon and walking into it, then free falling before hitting a comfy floor made out of clouds.
”this is getting really weird” Kawasaki said as he wiped a sweat.
that’s when Kirby was faced by a big strong gorilla like enemy, it was Bonkers (Kirby’s friend) but was green instead of purple. “The king told me to Crush ya! So I’ll crush ya!” And Bonkers threw explosive coconuts at Kirby but the puffball cut them in mid air before slicing forward, getting behind Bonkers and slicking his back.
the brute turned back and tried to smash Kirby with his hammer, Kirby tries to dodge it but the hit was strong enough to disarm Kirby. Bonkers tried to crush Kirby again but Kirby re-inhaled the sword, but instead of turning he shoot it at bonkers in the shape of a star projectile.
”can… can Kirby do that?” Wondered Gus.
”no idea” admitted Kawasaki.
The attack knocked Bonkers cold and allowed Kirby to absorb him, turning into hammer Kirby. And it didn’t take a second for Kirby to find the third sparkling star, however its guardian quickly arrived.
It was Kracko Jr who evolved into his final form “You’ll pay for that! No one walk into my territory and walks out alive!” Said a angry cloud as he sparkled with energy, shooting a lightning since the beginning.
“did the monster grow like he does in this show?” Wondered Bookem.
”why are you asking me? I wasn’t even there” Kawasaki points out.
However Kirby jumped out of the way of the lightning, then smacking Kracko with the hammer right in the eye which made the cloud monster flinch and then drop a waddle doo to attack Kirby who then smacked said waddle doo away.
”is that how waddles are born?” Wondered Gus.
“Does that mean the captain is a newborn?” Wondered Kawasaki.
”wouldn’t be surprised if Dedede did made his army work on child labor” said Bookem.
Kracko tried to rain on Kirby with drops that flew as fast and as strong as bullets, but Kirby dodged them and smacked Kracko in the eye once more.
Kracko dashed towards Kirby one last time before getting smacked in the eye, pushing him back and making him roar “ILL NEVER FORGET THIS YOU LITTLE PARASITE!!!” The cloud said before exploding.
”he swore revenge after dying?” Wondered Kawasaki.
”that’s just how bad guys act, they’ll cry you a river then insult your mom and threaten to kick you in the teeth… then they die, like most of dedede’s monsters” Gus said.
Kirby took the sparkling star, did its dance, and then flew with the warp star to the last location.
MT. Dedede, an giant Rocky Mountain with a very angry looking castle in top of it. Both named after its owner: KING DEDEDE.
”that looks nothing like my castle!” Dedede protested “Although I like the idea of naming the hill we are on after me”
”gotta say your majesty, the castle’s apperance does matches your personality” said Escargoon looking at the Castle’s perpetual ugly frown, Escargoon then hit him with a mallet.
Kirby crashed through the castle walls, running over some minions before entering through a singular door into a dark room.
”well well well, so you are the blob everyone is been yapping about?” And the lights turned on.
it was a giant boxing ring! Surrounded by some familiar faces (Cappies, waddle dees and doos, noodles, Scarfys, Squishy, chilly, etc) some new ones (blade knights, broom hatter, sparky, snooter, walky, bomber, etc) plus a couple of foreigners (a princess, a different race of mushroom people that wasn’t cappies, three plumbers [red, green and yellow] and a Turtle king)
And the only one on stage was the king of dreamland, KING DEDEDE.
”wait, has the king actually tried to fight Kirby on a fair 1v1?” Wondered Kawasaki.
”nop, but the show is already taking many creative liberties so it’s no surprise that they would make dedede able to fight for a good finale” Gus theorized.
”the name is GREAT KING DEDEDE, and you have surely being making a ruckus on my kingdom!” Said dedede as he pulled out his hammer “and It seems you don’t know how things work around here” Dedede hit the floor with his weapon, making the floor shake “in dreamland the strong rules over the weak, AND IM THE STRONGEST THERE IS!”
Kirby stood his ground and pulled out their own hammer, preparing to get the last sparkling star and save the day.
”Is it me or the king seems… larger on this show?” Sir Ebrum thought outloud.
”I think you mean fatter, and he kinda does… that or Kirby is smaller” Tiff answered.
Dedede tried to hit Kirby but the hero ran back before dashing at dedede with a spinning hammer swing, dedede took the hit and inhaled Kirby by surprise, before spewing the puffball to the other side of the arena.
”yeah me! Show that dumb pipsqueak how it feels to be inhaled!” Dedede shouted at the screen “wait- could I learn to inhale like Kirby does?”
”probably but knowing ya you’ll first try to prove your theory by inhaling fire” Escargoon then got hit in the head with a mallet.
Dedede ran towards Kirby, but the king stumbled and fell to the floor with his face sliding on it and accidentally head butting Kirby.
Dedede rushed back to his feet “that was totally planned!” Then got hit in the back with a flaming hammer flip.
”this is wildly inaccurate” said Gus.
”because of the flaming hammer?” Asked Bookem.
”no, because DeDeDe hasn’t folded and ran like a baby yet” Gus said half joking and half serious.
Dedede got back up and jumped in the air several meters high with his super dedede jump! Kirby dashed out of the way as Dedede’s weight hitting the floor caused the arena to shake and the dust on the arena to form into giant clouds.
Kirby took a second to breath and was then inhaled once more by dedede who sent them flying to the other end of the arena once more.
”This dedede surely is more adept in combat than the real one, our dedede would have lost even against Kirby at his most inexperienced” Meta knight pointed out.
Dedede chuckled and ran towards Kirby, stumbling and sliding once more but the pink puff learned from their mistakes and started floating out of the way of dedede’s head slide.
Kirby then fell back down and took the chance to hit dedede one, two, and three times with his mallet. Finally making dedede visually appeal at the damage done to him, however when Kirby went for a fourth hit the king attacked first and hit Kirby square in the face.
and this time Kirby dropped their hammer which fell out of the arena “what are you gonna do now, punk?” Said dedede between chuckles before he jumped into the air and started trying to crush Kirby.
”this might not be the real Kirby but I still feel bad seeing him get bullied by the king” lady like expressed.
”Hope this isn’t dedede propaganda, otherwise things might get ugly” tiff said out loud.
kirby kept dodging the king’s assault, and then noticed something- the star dust clouds that appeared everytime dedede hit the floor could be useful! So Kirby inhaled the dust cloud and waited for Dedede to get tired.
”what the matter punk? You look- actually you look like you have a swollen wound” Dedede pointed out.
Kirby then blasted Dedede with a giant start, sending the king through the ceiling and into the sky while he screamed “WROOOOAUGH!” And his castle gained a sad little face.
the whole family laughed at the dumb sound Dedede made after being sent into the sky by Kirby “welp, that settles it! Dedede would never show himself hey bested by Kirby”
meanwhile Dedede threw a hammer at the screen.
Kirby then did one last dance while surrounded by the sparkling stars, using their power to inflate itself (just like a ballon) and carry the castle around dreamland to drop the food back into the hands of the people.
the credits started and for some reason all the characters were tagged as themselves instead of actors, all but the director “Magolor” and the company name “Merry Magolor productions” deviated from this.
“So it wasn’t made by holy nightmare enterprises?” Wondered blade knight.
”that’s good! That means we won’t have to worry about this show having any ulterior motive” sword knight commented.
”while that’s true, we still have to worry about how a company could know about Kirby? I thought nightmare bought Kirby’s rights and made a show out of their life, they would normally sue whoever made this and shut the project down like the greedy scum bags they are, but this is too high quality for it to be a amateur flick” meta knight explained “and I know no company would like to face Nightmare’s lawyer ninjas”
meanwhile in throne dedede’s room.
“CUT THE CONTRACT AND CANCEL THIS WHOLE THING!” The king shouted while grabbing Escargoon by the neck.
”but sire! We can’t do that!” The snail protested.
”WHY NOT?!”
”because the signal comes from the other side of the galaxy, it took me months to reach that company and I’ll take me another month to contact them! By that point all the episodes would already be put on air” the royal advisor explained.
Dedede then promptly groaned and threw Escargoon across the room, throwing a tantrum now that a show that protected Kirby’s image was on the same TV’s he sold.
Kirby went back to his normal size before letting the sparkling stars carry the castle, falling onto a stage and dancing one last time in front of a crowd of happy waddle dees while food rains from the sky.
So Kirby, the one who only says poyo, giggled and danced with the Kirby on the screen.
”Welp that sucked” said tokkori.
to be continued…