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Blood splattered the old floors in small specks as Will coughed, feeling the red liquid dripping from his mouth. He wiped it away with his fist, only serving to smear it more, before turning to Mike with gritted teeth. “You’re such a dick.” He seethed.
“Rather be a dick than a psycho.” Mike huffed, holding his bloody nose with a pained expression. “What did I even do? Get your mood swings in check, freak.”
“What did you do?” Will asked in disbelief, “You ate the last bit of food that we were supposed to split.”
“Psh, no I didn’t..” He mumbled unconvincingly, glancing off to the side. “Even if I did, it's not like you’re gonna die. I’m the bigger one, so I should eat more. Besides,” he poked the center of Will’s chest, “I think you could stand to lose a few pounds anyway.”
Will socked Mike right in the mouth.
Mike fell back with the force, immediately groaning in pain. “You’re fucking crazy-“ He couldn’t even finish that statement before Will was on top of him, punching him again. Most of Will’s blows ended up on Mike’s arms as he shielded his face, but Will didn’t care, he was just so angry. He couldn’t even hear anything coming out of Mike’s mouth, but he was sure it was pleas to stop.
He kept hitting him until Mike finally managed to land a blow of his own, moving his arms from his face just quick enough to punch Will in the eye, shoving him off and onto the ground. Pain shot through the back of Will’s head as it hit the hard, stone ground, but Will didn’t get up, he didn’t even lift a hand to feel his definitely bruising eye, he just lied there, staring up at the paint-peeled ceiling. He half expected Mike to get up and start attacking him, and he would let him, but Mike didn’t.
For some reason Will was disappointed.
He wanted back the same energy, to know that he drives Mike as crazy as Mike drives him, but he knew that wasn’t true. Mike has always been the one thought consuming Will’s brain 24/7, and to Mike Will is just… A convenience, at the very most. Mike doesn’t love Will as much as Will loves him, he doesn’t even hate him as much as Will does either. God, that hurts, even more than Will’s busted up face.
He missed when he and Mike were younger terribly, things just felt much simpler then. Mike was actually kind of nice… Maybe? Come to think of it, Will isn’t sure if Mike was actually nice or if that was just his young naivety mistaking better treatment for good treatment, because, believe it or not, compared to how he’d been living before, Mike was an improvement. Or maybe it was just because Will had idolized Mike from the very beginning, since the day they met on the first day of kindergarten.
A few kids had been picking on Will all day, petty things like pulling his hair and stealing his crayons, and the, of course, teachers didn’t care. Will wasn’t surprised, he’d already learned that adults aren’t to be relied on, even at such a young age. That didn’t make it suck any less, but he put up with it. He hadn’t even noticed Mike for half of the day, for a little while he was just another face in the sea of people Will believed wouldn’t ever want to be his friend, so there was no point in trying to talk to anyone. Mike had actually been pretty quiet at first, not in a shy way, but in a creepy way, like the little kids you see in horror movies. So the teachers were clearly a little weary around him right away, and in the end they were kind of right to be, because he certainly came out of his shell during recess later that day.
Will had been on the swings (so that nobody could get too close to him without getting kicked in the face), when all of the sudden he heard a commotion off on the playground. Will stopped swinging and just watched as Mike pretty much picked off all the kids that had been picking on him one by one—shoving one off the slide, pushing the other down and kicking dirt into his eyes, and finally tackling and just straight up attacking the last one. All the other kids stood around watching, likely not standing up for them because they too had been picked on by the same kids. It took their teacher a good five minutes to look up from her crossword puzzle and intervene, and even then all she did was pull Mike off and scold him, and he was put in time out for the rest of recess. Will remembered how Mike didn’t even look upset or guilty, just irritated at the teacher's punishment, and Will could’ve sworn he looked even a little proud.
Will’s instincts had told him to steer clear of Mike, as any sane person would, but, Will wasn’t entirely sane to begin with, not even back then. He wondered if maybe Mike had attacked them because they were bullies, and that made him very curious. So, once recess ended and they went back into their classroom to learn the alphabet or some shit, Will sat down next to Mike in the large empty space left around him by the other kids on the colorful carpet. Mike had looked at him suspiciously, but without any contempt, and neither of them said anything for a while, not until Will mustered the courage to ask in his small, quiet voice,
“Why’d you hurt them..?”
Mike had stared at him for a moment, before letting out a small laugh, and without any remorse answered, “You gotta fight the toughest kids first to make sure you’re on top.”
So it was a power thing, not something noble or heroic, but Will could work with it. No matter the reason, he had seen the kids that had been mean to him get beat into the dirt, and before he realized it he was smiling. That smile had been the very thing that set their friendship in stone, because it made Mike realize that Will wasn’t another one of the normal kids. He was messed up too, and Mike got comfortable.
Will had to admit that initially he only agreed to be Mike’s “henchman” back then for his own benefit. Mike had gotten everyone to fear him, so by associating with him nobody was brave enough to mess with Will anymore. It was for protection and nothing else, because in all honesty, Will was a little disturbed by Mike too, despite being less than stable himself. But, of course, depending on Mike for protection grew into depending on Mike for affection. He couldn’t get it anywhere else, back at home his dad was too busy beating them, his mom was too busy drinking, and his brother was too busy avoiding home like the plague. So, Will’s bar was (and still is) pretty low, and the scraps of care Mike would show occasionally were everything to Will, and he’d spend weeks just thinking about them, while to Mike they were nothing more than an offhand gesture, something he never put any thought into.
But it was clear that at some point Mike had realized how desperate for love Will truly was, and he’d basically hit the jackpot. Mike loves control and everything that comes with it, and he pretty much found a person he could keep under his foot like a piece of gum on the sidewalk and they would thank him for it—that person, obviously, being Will. And it was true, and it remains true, Will lets Mike do whatever and behave however he likes, and in the end he knows he’ll never leave. Even when Will had realized that no matter how much he sucked up to Mike he’d never be his equal, he was far too deep. He was terrified that without Mike he would have nothing, he wouldn’t have left even if Mike had sat him down and given him the choice to.
And sure, Will didn’t remain that naive his entire life. By now he’s grown plenty of resentment towards Mike, and their relationship is less of Will doing whatever Mike says without second thought and more of Will doing whatever Mike says after arguing and fighting, which is basically the absence of improvement. But now he feels less like some pathetic puppy and more like a rabid dog with a shock collar, which doesn’t sound a whole lot better, but while the puppy is more likely to be rewarded, at least the dog fights back. It makes him feel more in control (or maybe just gives him the illusion of it), but it pains him to see how much Mike’s psychotic behavior has rubbed off on him. He has always been mentally ill, but he was never this crazy before Mike entered his life.
And the worst part is, he can’t even find it in himself to entirely blame Mike for the way he is. Will had picked up pretty quickly that Mike also had a very dysfunctional family, when he stayed over at his house for the first time they didn’t even try to hide it, like they weren’t even ashamed.
Mrs. Wheeler was passed out drunk in her bath with the door wide open, and Mike’s younger sister, Holly, only a toddler at the time, was trying to wake her for food. Mr. Wheeler was downstairs on his chair drinking beer and listening to the radio, shouting for Mike’s older sister, Nancy, to come down and make dinner because their mother was drunk again, to which Nancy had yelled back down in refusal, leading to a upstairs-downstairs screaming match. It had overwhelmed Will, but Mike was completely unphased, simply dragging Will down to the basement, which, unlike the rest of the home, was untainted by conflict. It was an area purely for Mike, somewhere he felt more comfortable in than his own bedroom. He never actually confided any of that in Will, but he could just see it in Mike’s eyes. Unfortunately, that had humanized Mike to Will, and with that on top of Mike’s painfully relatable home life, Will lost the ability to truly hate him.
Though there was one glaring difference in their households—Will was afraid of his family, and Mike’s family was afraid of him.
Will remembered how Nancy had pulled him aside that same day he came to the Wheeler house for the first time. She warned him with nothing but seriousness in her eyes to stay away from Mike, that he wasn’t broken like the rest of them, but just wrong. That whatever was off about him didn’t come from his messed up life, he was just born that way, the whole family could apparently feel it the day he was brought home. Will still wonders how true that might be every now and again, or if maybe Nancy had been in some kind of psychosis—which was entirely possible considering their circumstances. It does make Will question how much of Mike’s flaws can truly be tied back to how he was raised, or if there really were just a few loose screws in his brain from the very beginning.
But, like the idiot he is, Will ignored it. He needed Mike too badly to let the words of his sister, who clearly already didn’t like him, to get between them. And it only got worse when Will finally realized he’d fallen in love, or, at least what he assumed to be love.
The realization had been horrific, not just because his father had pretty much beaten the idea of homosexuality being a sin into him, but because it was Mike.
It had been a completely normal day, and Will was in Mike’s basement with him. Will was sitting on the ground drawing and Mike was on the couch reading a comic book. Mike had teased Will for art being “easy,” so Will had told Mike to prove he was better at it. Mike had crawled down from the couch and sat on the ground beside him, leaning over to grab a crayon and for a split second Will felt Mike’s breath on his cheek. It gave him a weird feeling in his chest that he couldn’t identify at first, not until Mike had finished scribbling and held up his, clearly worse, drawing of a squid. Mike found the comparison so hilarious he couldn’t stop laughing, and watching Mike buckle over with laughter, showing off the small gap between his teeth with tears pricking his eyes and his face bright red, had filled Will with a feeling he almost instantly recognized to be butterflies.
Back then it was scary, sure, but also warm. Because as crazy as Mike is, when they were younger he was just a bit nicer, and only to Will. It made Will feel special, like maybe he meant something more to Mike than others did, but now he has no idea if it was ever genuine or just some kind of manipulation. He wants to believe it was real so bad, it felt real.
But now things are different.
Mike used to be affectionate, but overtime he cared less and less. He rarely hugs Will anymore, rarely touches him at all unless it’s in the form of punches. And it’s so frustrating because sometimes it feel like Mike’s playing with his heart. He knows how Will feels about him, and Will is scared that Mike is only pretending to be “on the fence” about it so he can lead Will on and use it to his advantage. He just wants a solid answer, even if it’s no, some part of him hopes it’s no, because if he says yes then Will, without a doubt, will happily entangle himself further into the mess that is Mike Wheeler. He’s never looked out for his own best interest, he’d let Mike treat him like dirt if it meant he could just live with the knowledge that they’re boyfriends, whether Mike acted like one or not. He’d keep deluding himself until he’s completely convinced there’s something meaningful somewhere in their relationship.
And even now he found himself smiling at the thought.
He breathed out quietly, finally lifting a hand to gently touch his sore eye, feeling where the bruise was likely already visible in its corner. He licked his dry lips, tasting blood, and slowly turned his head over to Mike, who was lying beside him at a distance (although, he hadn’t been there before, did he move while Will was lost in thought?).
Will stared at Mike, taking in how battered he left his pretty face, until Mike slowly looked over himself, meeting Will’s eyes. There was a long silence, before Will quietly, weakly asked, “…If I kissed you right now, would you hit me?..”
Mike’s expression didn’t change, but Will could see in his eyes that he was thinking.
“Eh..” He eventually uttered. Neither yes nor no, which was very telling of the fact that Mike himself wasn’t sure.
Will was willing to take that gamble.
He pulled himself up from the ground, grimacing in pain, but pushing through it. He was left panting a bit as the pain in his body slowly began ebbing away again, he waited for a moment until all the was left was a dull ache, then looked down at Mike, who was keeping his gaze off to the side, as if he didn’t want Will to see something behind it. Will scooted beside Mike, pushing his hair out of his face in the softest of caresses, then he forced Mike to look at him with a grip that belied the gentle, fondness in his heart. Mike stared up at him with a mix of offense, anger, and reluctant anticipation, while Will, despite his rapidly beating heart, was sure he was staring back down with little expression at all.
Slowly, Will leaned down. He opened his eyes just a split second before their lips met, to see that Mike had shut his own and had tilted his head up ever so slightly to meet Will’s kiss—the tinniest act of reciprocation, one that didn’t go unnoticed by Will. Pleased by this greatly, Will finally closed the gap between their lips.
It lasted longer than Will thought Mike would’ve allowed. Mike didn’t exactly kiss back, more so lied there while Will kissed him, but he didn’t pull away either, which, to Will, was an amazing achievement. It was lifeless, it lacked passion, it was dry from dehydration and tasted like blood, but it was everything. And finally, after what felt like minutes (but was likely only some seconds) Mike placed both his hands on Will’s shoulders and pushed him away, he didn’t hit, but he pushed, and almost gently too, without the intention of getting him away, but just to break the two of them apart.
Will brought a hand up to his mouth, still feeling the ghost of Mike’s lips. He was sure his face was red, but he was shamelessly giddy. Mike on the other hand looked… conflicted, maybe. The slightest hint of pink was visible on his pale cheeks, but his expression was one of confusion and irritation, not at Will, but at himself.
Slowly, Mike sat up, and Will backed up to avoid their heads bumping together. Mike ran a hand through his messy, slightly tangled hair, keeping his eyes down and away from Will. He thought long and hard, before silently standing up, wiping the drying blood from his nose with his sleeve, leaving a dark black stain on the blue fabric. Will remained on his knees, watching Mike as he turned to walk away. Will was compelled to grab onto him, to keep him close, but he didn’t. Instead, he muttered simply,
“I love you.”
For a moment he saw Mike tense, but it was barely noticeable. Still, it thrilled Will. He knew then, as Mike disappeared down the hall, that he really didn’t care how real it was, he was just as content playing pretend if it meant he could have Mike.
He doesn’t need anything else.