Nice Bold Steam Engine

Shik, Shik, Shik!

Maya cut across the ice at full speed, Sjef and Yfke on her tail, wind flowing through her air at chilling temperatures. Even despite the icy air that bit at her ears, the burning flame of excitement in her heart kept her body burning at full speed, even as her opponents raced just behind her.

“URRRAAAH! I WON’T LET YOU WIN, MAYA!”

Sjef shouted, pressing off the ice, accelerating until he was neck and neck with Maya.

“Have you ever... skated with your life on the line?!”

He screamed, voice hoarse with fatigue, as he pressed even harder. At full speed, he started towards the finish line on the final lap. Yfke, too, joined, moving with such refined motion that not an ounce of energy was wasted.

“420, 69... Numbers of divine power, MLG and Illuminati... I’ll no-scope the finish line with–wait, ___ __ _ _______ (how am I talking)?”

Yfke paused, scratching her chin while still accelerating. Maya shook her head, a wide grin on her face as her legs burned with fatigue. It was time for her to kick her Nice Bold Steam Engine into full gear.

“Hah... I won’t let you win, Sjef! Compared to me, your skills are like A Faded Tulip!”

Maya turned to the camera and winked, which confused Yfke and Sjef since they were, in fact, words on a page rather than actors on a screen. They didn’t have much time to be confused, though, seeing as Maya was finally kicking it into eleventh gear.

“Graah! Darn it, she’s moving faster than me! Once I conquer this Ongezellig: Battle Stage, 1 person will be at the top, and it’ll be me!”

Yfke shook her head, throwing out a peace sign.

“You both are pathetic. I can’t wait–____ __. _ ___’_ ____ __ ___ ___ ______ on your faces!”
(“You both are pathetic. I can’t wait–damn it. I can’t wait to see the MISERY on your face!”

The banter between them faded, now that the finish line was rearing its head. The Search For Maya’s talent was a long, hard-fought Project... maybe even a Project Ongezoid, that resulted in her body reaching 120% of its potential. Truly, now, Maya was unstoppable! As they reached the finish line, Maya pulled ahead, much to Yfke and Sjef’s despair.

“Damn it! It’s like Maya Regains Her Ability To Fly!”

Sjef shook his head, clenching his fists.

“___’__ _____! __ ____ ___ ________ _______ ___ ____ __ _ _______’_...”
(“You’re right! If Only Our Terminal Velocity Was That Of A Feather’s...”)

As they inched towards the finish line, the crowd cheered loudly. Coco and Mymy stood at the sidelines, hands in the air.

“Hoi Maya! You’re doing so good, I Wish I Could Skate like that too!”

Coco cheered, and Mymy whistled.

“She’s racing like a Gorehound! Once she wins this race, we’ll be Singing In The Rain!”

The crowd cheered louder, and Roos rested forward on the railing.

“Go, Sjef! You can do it! Verliezen niet!”

Stan and Adam stood, arms crossed, near the finish line.

“Jeez, he’s really surpassed us... It’d take 10 Dutch Days and a Reunion of our skills for us to match Sjef... But still, that Maya... It’s like Maya’s Good Day transformed her overnight!”

Adam mumbled, and Stan held up a thumbs up.

“Maybe, if Death & Reborn happened, we’d be reincarnated as equals... It’d take The Downward Spiral of Maya Schoppenboer: The Two-Faced Charade for her to lose now...”

Stan shook his head and sigh, and suddenly, a loud roar came from the crowd. As Maya, Sjef, and Yfke turned back to see what caused it, they saw a shiny bald head charging towards the finish line at blinding speeds.

“DEEEERRRR! I’M GUNNA WIN YEEEYYY!!!”

The Voice of Koos, the baldest racer in history, echoed through the air. It was instantly apparent what the difference between them was... Koos’s big ass, bald ass head made him incredibly aerodynamic, such that not even Maya’s aerodynamic fin of a bun could match it. It was like he had the aerodynamics of a bunch of Letters to Frances, and they all had the aerodynamics of a Golden Throw Blanket.

In a single fell swoop, Koos shot past Maya to the finish line. Koos was in first, Maya in second, and Yfke in third. Sjef, unfortunately, managed to come in last.

“Noo!!! I can’t believe I lost! Now, my Bad Mother is gonna beat my ass!”

Sjef yelled, falling to his knees on the ice. He then, promptly, slid off the track into a pile of snow. For no particular reason, a Steamed Stroopwafel fell from the air and landed on his rear, burning his ass.

Maya skidded to a halt, next to Koos, while looking down at the mentally challenged baldy. Koos looked up at her, smiling.

“Der... Stand Proud, Maya... You & Me... are the EXCEPTION!”

He called out, holding his hand up triumphantly.

“Thank you, Koos... Or should I say... Mayas Old Friend?”

Koos smirked, looking up at Maya.

“You know me so well...”

Koos reached up to his forehead and started pulling off his bald cap. Long, lush flowing black hair flowed from his head.

“Wait... are you... Eiko’s Remorse?!”

Eiko shook her head, reaching for her forehead.

“No, Maya...”

She pulled off the wig once more to reveal a bouquet of flowers.

“I am The Flowers That Bloom!”

The bouquet called out before falling to the ground. A series of Tulips poured out onto the ground and froze to the floor. Yfke skated over, arms crossed.

“...You fought well, Maya. This really was... an epic duel!!”

Maya nodded, holding up a thumbs up.

“You’re right–wait, how can you talk?”

Yfke scratched her chin, and then smiled.

“Oh, yeah! I went to Yfke’s Speech Therapy!”

Maya smiled and dapped up Yfke. The resulting clap was so perfect that it caused the ice beneath them to crack.

“You know what... Det Er Okay. It’s Just Another Day, even if the race was Comfortably Uncomfortable...”

They then skated off into the sunset while Coco ran off to go give Yfke flowers...

“Oh, by the way, Maya.”

Yfke said, turning to her.

“Th-Thank you, Ice Cold Steam Engine.”

Maya’s jaw dropped, and she was awestruck. A peculiar warmth fluttered in her chest.

“...Ice Cold Steam Engine?!”

A bead of sweat dropped from Yfke’s forehead.

“Because... um... you’re ice cold... and you race like a steam engine...”

Maya furrowed her brow.

“That’s... a dumb joke...”

(Also, the Steamed Stroopwafel killed Sjef. Mostly because he was Lelijk, Slim En Jong Zijn)