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now please don't go, it's you.

Summary:

rex tabino gets brutally assaulted, and it leads to a very, VERY painful recovery. In moments he wants to quit, jesse's there to keep him steady.

or: rex is injured and jesse takes care of him like always:)

Notes:

please note that this fic has very detailed mentions of assault, and also brief mentions of rape and childhood abuse. Also note that there will be a description of a death, following a relapse in leukemia. This fic is quite heavy in terms of memories, and angst.

please read at your own caution, it could be triggering.

other than that, enjoy reading my OC get traumatised yet again!! love to make my boy suffer..

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Jesse wake up
Have you seen the news???
Maybe stay off instagram
oh god his off season is ruined
Jesse wake up right now.
so much for winning wdc and wcc, cazzo

Jesse was woken up by the sound of her phone buzzing desperately against the wood of her bedside table. 

 

Kimi Antonelli (rex ICE)

 

She swiped answer, while scrolling through her missed notifications. 
"Jesse get to the hospital right now, post season celebrations went very wrong- Rex was assaulted for no reason" Kimi's voice registered in her mind and before she knew it she was sitting up in bed, no need for the slow waking up session that she usually did (which meant hitting snooze until afternoon). 

 

Jesse had opted out of partying last night, her eyes were barely able to stay open the entirety of that last race, so she decided to go to bed. Rex had wanted to sleep as well, but the mercedes crew had pulled him along to the club to celebrate Rex definitively being the season's world champion, and to celebrate mercedes winning the world constructor's championship by miles. And of course for one fucking two'ing that last race. Rex had been drained, he didn't want to go at all, but he was a people's pleaser, and he'd felt like someone needed to stay sober..

 

"Send me the location, I'll be there ASAP" Jesse said, before muttering a quick goodbye and hanging up. She got ready in record time, happy that her pixie cut didn't need much styling that morning. She curled her lashes and threw on some quick tubing mascara. For clothes she decided on a black pantalon and a white blouse. She still needed to look good, no matter the occasion; Paparazzi were relentless.

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

 

She checked in at the hospital's front desk before rushing over to the room her boyfriend was in. Rex Tabino. F1 driver. Teenage phenom. Vunerable and laid bare for the world to see. She'd seen clips, she couldn't escape them no matter how hard she tried. All her timelines were full with it, even her personal messages were filled with concerned friends and relatives, or mutual contacts who had sent it, asking if that was really Rex Tabino, the strongest driver in the bunch. From what she's seen, the videos were blurry, a guy half Rex's size (but double his height) had cornered Rex outside the club and Rex hadn't defended himself. Jesse saw pictures that the paparazzi took of her boyfriend being heavily supported by his best friend, bloodied, wrongly angled and pale. 

 

She was scared, she wouldn't deny that, but she also knew her boyfriend was strong, and wouldn't let some skinny punk ruin their lives like that. She opened the door and just started for a while.

 

Rex wasn't awake. A breathing mask was loosely attached to his face. His right arm was in a cast, his left in a brace. His neck was stabilised with a neck-immobiliser and his face was bruised, swollen and lacerated. His nose was broken and his legs had some bandages scattered over them. His ribs were supported by something that Jesse, even as a med school graduate, had never seen before and there were a multitude of IV's attached to him. As well as ECG lines and an oximeter attached to his left pointy finger.
"It's a lot, no?" Kimi's shaky voice registered in her mind for the second time that day. She let out a huff of air and sat down in the chair next to Kimi's.

 

"Understatement" Jesse mumbled, letting her hand stroke Rex's cheeks. She could feel the cuts, she could see the bruises.. All of it made Jesse want to scream. It was so unfair, there was no reason to hurt him like this. She could not think of anyone who'd even want to hurt him, because he was the people's princess of formula one. Except for Lando Norris fans. They hated his guts, even though the 'Rendo' beef was so one sided, Jesse almost pitied Lando Norris for holding a grudge for so long.

 

If anything, Rex was allowed to hold a grudge- Lando Norris had publicly shamed him, had privately accused him of drugs to the FIA, had pulled out the tubing of the Italian's insulin pump, had told the media that Rex was a weak wanker that 'couldn't handle a bit of abuse' after the video where Rex's father raped him at 8 got leaked, and even after all that, Rex paid him no mind. He just didn't seem to care that his reputation was being (unsuccessfully) torn down. Jesse let out a sigh.

 

"Do you know who did this?" She asked, tearing her eyes away from Rex's face, which was still beautiful despite the bruising and lacerations. Kimi shook his head solemnly.

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

 

Rex registered his throat being dry, he registered the hiss of air being pumped in his system. That feeling never warmed up to him. All he could feel was pain, his skull throbbed behind his eyes. He couldn't feel his body, he couldn't move his arms and legs. He couldn't force his eyes open, no matter how hard he tried. He heard a familiar Italian accent first, and then a familiar Canadian accent which had a mix of British. He loved that accent. Her accent.

 

"Doctors are still worried, he isn't healing properly" Kimi sounded worried out of his mind. Unusual for the 20 year old driver.

 

He heard Jesse scoff, and Rex knew that meant that she didn't agree. "He's healing fine, he has a traumatic brain injury, of course he'll take long" She sounded matter-of-factly but it made Rex feel terrible. He wanted to move, he wanted to race. He wanted to eat. Which was weird because he hadn't had an appetite for most of the season, his performance diet had really fucked him up. He could hear himself let out a pathetic groan. Great, so he wanted attention. Rex really hated himself sometimes.

 

"Rex?! Oh my god" Jesse practically threw herself into the chair next to his bed. Rex registered a hand on his cheek. It was soft, comforting. Comforting. Physical touch was comforting. He smiled a little.

 

"Hey.." He mumbled, his voice slurred even though he only spoke one word. "Guess Christmas will be spent in bed" He was barely understandable, but Jesse hung onto every word that spilled from his lips together with the mess of saliva that came with it. He felt gross. Probably looked gross. 

 

He didn't remember losing conciousness again.

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

 

Rex couldn't exactly remember what happened, but he for sure could remember the aftermath. After a week in the hospital, the doctors had let him walk. He hadn't been able to take more than two steps.

 

Two days later he tried again. Took a walk down the hallway but couldn't make it back without passing out.

 

Two weeks after the incident, he'd been moved to a hospital in London. The room had been cold and impersonal. He wanted to go home.

 

Three days before he was released he had a panic attack that left him puking violently. He'd somehow managed to play it off as bad post-concussion symptoms.

 

Three and a half weeks after the incident, he was home in his apartment, able to walk short distances without too much struggle now. 

 

He sat on the couch, watching as Jesse was playing with a 1,5 year old Noelle. Rex loved watching this, he loved being domestic. He hated being benched from it. He hated how dizzy he was. He hated how he hardly had an appetite yet his stomach growled miserably every few minutes. He hated how he hadn't been able to get up for the past 4 hours, drained after the little walk around the block Jesse had taken him and Nando on. Given his history, the doctors refused to prescribe him pain medication, and right now, he was angry at them for not doing so, because the ibuprofen he'd just taken had done nothing to cure his stabbing headache and the dizzying rotating of the room. His stomach clenched painfully.

 

"I think I'm gonna be sick" He announced to Jesse, who immediately rushed over with a bowl. Throwing up hurt his ribs, and he accidentally laid on his broken arm while moving to lay on his side so he wouldn't choke. Jesse's hand ran over his fevered skin, and urged his hair back after he finished. "Grazie Mille" He felt like the worst person ever. He could feel Jesse coaxing his arm back into the sling he'd been refusing to wear for the past few days. It brought immediate relief. Jesse could see his features relax.

 

"Just sleep, love" Jesse whispered, stretching her back straight and moving to the kitchen so she could clean out the bowl of puke Rex had left her with.

 

"I'm sorry" He could hear himself say, his voice sounding annoyingly hoarse. He looked at Jesse in the kitchen, the sound of the faucet drowing out whatever she replied.

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

 

Rex woke up in the dark, his heart gripped with cold fear. He shot up, his head spinning as he tried to make sense of what was happening.

 

"Rex just come along! It will be fun, I promise!" Toni's voice rang through the room. No. Not again, please not again. His breathing quickened. "Jesse doesn't need you in bed next to her, come on, just get drunk with us" Rex desperately wanted himself to say no, to say that he was gonna sleep, but the words left his mouth before he could stop them.

 

"Okay, fine, I'll come along, someone needs to be sober for you guys anyway" His voice sounded excited despite his usual flat tone, Rex wanted to scream and stop himself. 

 

The scene changed. He was back in the club, the music too loud, the sweat too sticky, the touch of strangers disgustingly hot. He felt himself moving outside, just to get some air. He saw his air come out as a small cloud and his breathing quickened.

 

Suddenly he was watching himself. Watching himself accept a cigarette from a stranger. He wanted to move closer, to warn himself, to drag himself out of there, but he couldn't. He was stuck and he couldn't wake up from this nightmare. He saw the man get closer, his face distorted, his face scribbled out but a scarily wide stitched grin appeared in the scribble.

 

Then it went fast, too fast. He let out a soundless scream, watching as the first punch landed. He could feel his stomach ache. Then the punches to his head, one right in his nose. Rex wondered how the stranger hadn't broken his jaw. Punch. Crack. A rib broken. Punch, crack, another rib. Grab. Twist. Crack. Arm broken. Why wasn't he fighting back? Screams came from all around him, blood spread on the floor. He could see himself drop to the floor before receiving continuous punches to the head, the assaulters knees pressed on his ribs. He could see himself spit out blood, wearily watching as Kimi dragged the punk off of his nearly lifeless body.

 

"Rex, hey, Rex? Stay with me Rex" Rex was back in his own body, watching as Kimi slowly got him off the ground. He groaned, spitting out the metallic taste of blood. He remembered feeling this pain. He remembered all of it. But this felt familiar. Almost comforting. Almost a reminder that he was allowed to be a useless sack of potatoes for a while. 

 

"M'arms.. hurt.. M'so dizzy.. Andy..." He slurred out, blood still coming out of his mouth and nose. His head was pounding, his vision swimming. 
"I know Rex.. you just need to stay awake.. just.. stay... awake"

 

"stay awake, Rex!"

 

"Rex!"

 

"Rex, wake up!" Jesse's voice rang out, snapping him out of whatever this was. Maybe a nightmare, maybe a flashback, maybe his brain trying to make him aware that he was valid for not being able to get off the couch. He let out a soft groan, sounding pathetic. 
"M'here.." He mumbled, cracking one eye open to look at Jesse. She was gorgeous. Of course she was. She was holding Noelle, the baby shooting Rex a wide smile. Rex tried to smile back but everything hurt. He frowned and Jesse quickly sat Noelle down next to her toys.

 

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" Jesse's hand moved a stray curl back behind Rex's ear.

 

"I.. I was back at the bar" He confessed, his eyes locking with Jesse's for a while before adverting his gaze again, now staring at the bookshelves that held awards and trophies both of them had won over the years. They needed another one, the trophies were nearly falling off the shelves. Rex made a mental note to do that once he didn't get ill from standing up for too long. He could see Jesse's expression morph into horror in his peripheral, but he couldn't bring himself to comfort her, nor himself.

 

He just wanted to get better. To not have a brain injury that might affect him for the rest of his life. The doctors had already told him that he would likely have even worse migraines now, and they might be more frequent too. Rex dreaded the day he'd have to sit out a session because of them.

 

"Shit. So you remember?" Jesse said after a little while of silence. Her voice was soft, worried, fearful. She clearly had been traumatised from seeing the blurry clips online.

 

"I thought I didn't, but I think my brain was trying to shut it out"

 

"You must've been scared"

 

"I don't remember. I was sort of watching myself get punched. Still don't remember the guy's name" He let out a feeble groan and moved a bit so he could sit up and eventually, when the dizziness stopped, stand up. Jesse helped, though she wasn't sure why her infuriatingly stubborn boyfriend wanted to stand up.

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

 

Rex had been dreading Christmas dinner. It would be his first time back in Florence after he moved to London. He wasn't sure when Kimi's parents had moved out of Bologna into Florence, but being there had stressed Rex out.

 

The headaches had been getting better, he could walk properly again but Jesse had insisted on a wheelchair. His right arm was still broken, but he could use his left arm again. His ribs didn't hurt anymore, which he was very grateful for. He hadn't told anyone about the frequent panic attacks he'd been having. Not even Jesse. He and Jesse had been sleeping separately again, he hadn't been able to bear Jesse's habit of sleeping with a night light on, it hurt his eyes too much. Before the concussion, he wouldn't mind, he was out cold before Jesse went to sleep anyway. After he'd gotten the concussion, he'd wake up from it with pounding pain in his eyes because of that fucking light. But sleeping separately had helped him hide his panic attacks from Jesse. He knew he shouldn't hide them, but he didn't want to worry Jesse more than she'd already been.

 

He still didn't have a therapist. He didn't want one now either, but he did want the PTSD to go away, so maybe he should find one. Right now, Jesse had parked his wheelchair next to a table in a café they used to go to all the time before they moved to London. They'd changed the menu, so he didn't trust anything but a plain avocado toast. He'd been allowing himself to indulge, to loosen up on his diet. He always did in the winter break, but a little more than usual, his doctor (Jesse) told him that he'd probably sit out at least the first two races, so he felt like he could eat a little unhealthier. As long as it didn't mess up his blood sugar, so it was mainly still healthy but he ate dairy, gluten, red meat and such again. 

 

He looked across the street. There was a white-tiles wall with a slight blood stain that everyone thought was red paint. They'd tried to clean it, but it was no use. The blood however, had been from Rex's head when his dad punched him. Rex had a lot more trauma than he let on. Jesse didn't even know half of it. There had barely been a day without his dad doing something toxic or abusive, even if they spent miles apart for their jobs. The Italian lawyer was locked up now, robbed of everything he used to have. Money was given to Charlotte, who passed away in april so that money had also been given away, and Serena, Rex's sisters. He was the middle child, perhaps that's why his dad only hated him. No, he knew why his dad hated him, he just didn't want to accept it. Suddenly the appetite was gone, exactly at the wrong time, because Jesse placed a plate of avocado toast in front of him.

 

"What's wrong, babe?" Jesse quipped, her eyes gazing over her pretty boyfriend. Rex was wearing a cap, maybe to hide his idea and the fact that the Rex Tabino was in a wheelchair,  maybe to cover his pale and tired face as much as possible. Maybe a mix of both.

 

Rex hummed dismissively, his hands moving mechanically to try and cut the avocado toast without looking like he was about to pass out from the sheer effort it took. 
"I'm fine," Too quick. He wasn't sure if he believed his own words, so Jesse probably didn't either. 

 

"No you're not, but we need to be at Marco and Veronica's in 20 minutes, so I won't press" Jesse said, her gaze fixed on Rex, who was desperately trying to keep focusing on his avocado toast, which was bland and barely had any flavour he liked.

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

 

Rex was planted on the couch, not able get up from it. He heard Jesse talk with Veronica Antonelli while setting the table before the guests came. He was tired, his head hurt more than it had the past few weeks and his vision was blacking out every few minutes. Not to mention the room spinning for 3 minutes whenever he adjusted his position. It was bad, and Jesse knew it, because it had been bad enough for Rex to tell her. Jesse had given him painkillers and a warm cloth for his forehead, they helped, but he wasn't up for talking or even sitting up, so the Antonelli's couch was a perfect refuge. 

 

A little while later he could hear Marco welcome a ton of guests, they had invited absolutely everyone that they knew. Jesse's family (grandparents added), the Leclerc's and their attached family, their son Kimi Antonelli, Rex's sister Serena, Kimi's grandparents, Toto and Suzie Wolff, associates of Marco Antonelli.. Rex couldn't keep up with the amount of people that came up to his couch and shook his hand with a pitiful look on their face. He hated it, his head was bursting now, the painkillers no longer working. He knew that Jesse had light sedatives, maybe he'd ask for those if it got really bad. For now he just faced the backrest and tried to drown out the sounds of forced smalltalk between Jesse's family and Kimi's family, considering the Canadians had never met the Italians before. 

 

Dinner started, and Rex stayed on the couch, no energy to get up and eat. He could hear everyone fall silent and he could feel all their eyes on him, gazing him with righteous concern, but he couldn't bring himself to reassure them. Jesse said something along the lines of going to check up on him and that conversations should be continued.

 

A beat later he could feel Jesse's hand on his arm, the touch like a million knives in his shoulder. Still, he didn't jerk away, his body not cooperating with his mind.
"Rex you're causing a scene, please just join us at dinner" Jesse whispered, her voice gentle but Rex could hear a bit of agitation. He couldn't respond with more than a pathetic groan, so he hoped all his feelings were buried in it. 

 

Somehow Jesse picked up on the fact that he couldn't talk just by hearing that groan.
"Can you squeeze my hand?"
With a lot of effort, Rex managed to squeeze Jesse's hand. It was slow. Deliberate. But it was there.

 

"Okay, one squeeze for yes, one squeeze for no. Do you have a migraine?"

 

One squeeze.

 

"Okay, squeeze on a scale from 1-5 for the amount of pain"

He squeezed more than five times. Jesse sucked in a breath. This was bad. Usually Rex wouldn't give anything more than a 2, no matter how bad the pain. And now it was off the scale. She hummed quietly.

"Okay, are you able to eat?"

 

Two squeezes.

 

"Do you want the light sedatives?"

One squeeze. That told Jesse enough so she quickly went over to her bag and got the sedatives for her boyfriend, who was desperately trying to cling onto consciousness. He didn't want to pass out, that would just make it worse in the long run. He waited impatiently until he felt the dreaded stab of the needle in his upper arm. Normally he would've gotten a panic attack from the needle, but now he was desperate for it. Then it came. He muttered a quiet thank you to Jesse before the Canadian left him alone and joined the dinner table again.

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

 

The sedative had worked it's magic. He was aware enough to be able to bear conversations, and the headache had lessened significantly. His vision was slightly blurry though, but he'd deal with that. He was still on the couch, holding slow and quiet conversations with whoever left the table to give the Fiorentinian boy some attention. They cared enough to check up on him, and that thought made his chest fill with unfamiliar warmth.

 

Maggie, Kimi's little sister, came up to him next, holding a small wrapped box. A shy smile played on her lips as she sat down on the carpet, in front of Rex's couch.

 

"Hey.. how are you?" He asked Maggie in Italian. He learned that the Italian conversations were much easier than the English ones. Maggie shot him a grin, and let out a soft sigh.

 

"Good, and you?" It was a stupid question, really. The small talk felt awkward with everyone else, but Maggie was his favorite from all the kids at the dinner table, so it was easier to talk to her. He was the bonus brother, being Kimi's little sister and all. He and Kimi were brothers, Maggie had stated once, so that made Rex her bonus brother.

 

"I have a headache, but it's okay.. How's school? Are they nice to you?" Rex asked, knowing the young girl had recently switched schools from Bologna to Florence. His old school. They hadn't been very nice to him at her age.

 

"I love school, history is fun" That's where Maggie was more like Rex, both of them loved history and anything related to geography and biology, and hated maths and languages. Kimi hated all of that, and loved languages and PE. Rex and Maggie's personalities were also a bit more alike than Kimi's. But only on the days that Rex was showing his emotions. And those had been rare ever since he turned 11. "The kids at school like me because Kimi is my brother, but I'm not sure if they like me for anything else" Maggie continued, her voice losing it's excitement. He could read her like a damn book, she was lonely at school. Just like he had been. He wanted to force everyone to like Maggie just for being Maggie, but that wouldn't make the loneliness better. The headache was coming back slowly but steadily, a sign that he was tired beyond the grogginess the sedatives gave him. The day really had been too much oh his plate. It didn't help that thinking was very difficult with the sedatives, and that he was doing a lot of thinking about what Maggie said.

 

"I'm sure they'll like you for being you soon" Rex managed, his arm instinctively going to cover his eyes from the bright lights that were hitting them. Maggie didn't notice his wince. "Maybe.. Eitherway, I have a gift for you" The Italian words rolled off Maggie's tongue with practiced ease that Rex hadn't been able to achieve for a long time.

 

Rex let out a soft huff of laughter, looking at Maggie from underneath his arm. A small smile played on his lips. "A gift? For me?" He asked, a genuine hint of surprise in his voice. The younger girl nodded eagerly, handing over the neatly wrapped box that she'd been holding their entire conversation. It was a bit weighted, but nothing heavy.

 

His trembling fingers slowly unwrapped the box to reveal a navy blue velvet box. He pried it open and stared at the contents in awe. A custom watch, an expensive looking one. One of those snake watches he loved, but engraved with those vintage Japanese art designs. It was gorgeous. Rex couldn't believe it. Sometimes nepotism was a good thing because he couldn't believe a 12 year old girl had given him the watch of his dreams but 10 times more beautiful. 
"Please tell me you didn't buy this yourself" Was all that Rex could manage to say, he was mostly speechless after that, mainly because of how tired he was.

 

"No, pappa helped me buy it" Maggie said proudly, but, fortunately for Rex, stayed silent after that, seemingly having noticed that Rex was tired. After a while of silence she stood up and left, maybe to fetch Jesse.

 

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He didn't remember how he got in bed. He could still hear conversations going on in the living room. Italian Christmases, at least at the Antonelli's and Tabino's, took until 4 am to finish (in both their families, which all lead back to the same great-great-grandparents, this had been tradition). Usually guests would stay for the night at the hostess, but there were too many guests so only Rex, Jesse, Noelle and Kimi stayed over for the entire night, the rest would slowly scurry back to their hotels in between 1 am and 4 am. 

 

He felt feverish, but couldn't sleep. There was too much going on in his all too sluggish brain. He hated it. He also hated that he had pulled Jesse away from her conversation, because she was now worriedly sitting next to him, adjusting the cold compress on his chest every once in a while. It helped, he wasn't sure how Jesse knew it helped. 

 

Rex hadn't felt this hopeless in month. The last time was the evening his sister died.

 

"I'm gonna sleep, Rex" Charlotte had said. Rex had mumbled an okay, his own eyes drooping.

 

He woke up being pulled away from a now-dead-body, his brain not fully realising what had been happening. He remembered yelling at doctors to bring her back. He remembered crying for the first time since the re-diagnosis. He remembered finding it unfair, how he was alive and his younger sister wasn't. He remembered pushing harder than ever after that. He remembered not looking back on that evening and just planning and preparing everything for the funeral.

 

His speech had been a long confession of him being suicidal He remembered it vividly. Yet he still didn't get a therapist. Everyone had brushed over it anyway, grieving the dead more than the living.

 

"Hey Charlotte. You believed in God, so I will as well, just for today, so that I know that both you and God are listening. You were cheerful, too cheerful at times. I don't know what life could have been for you if you didn't get leukemia, but I'm sure you'd get a job to match your whimsy."

 

That last sentence had gotten a few chuckles from the reception.

 

"No one talks about how hard it must have been for you to sit idly in a hospital bed, waiting for your big brother to return. Might have been like it was for me when I was waiting for mamma to come back after races. Eventually she stopped coming. She stopped showing up in my restless hospital dreams, just like you will one day Char."

 

He remembered needing to pause after bringing his mom's disappearance up. He had hallucinations of his mom whenever he was in the hospital for whatever reason after she died. Eventually his mind decided that he was old enough to go without his mother. He hadn't been able to sleep the first night that Victoria Tabino wasn't there.

 

"My dear Charlotte. You were too young. Too bright. Too cheerful to pass. To pretend to fall asleep while you probably knew you wouldn't wake up. Just to reassure me. Just to make me sleep for a while too. Charlotte, there's not a day that has gone by where I don't think that it should have been me. You should have been mourning me, your whole life ahead of you to get over it. To get over me. I should've died instead of you"

 

He remembered stepping away from the stand and kneeling down at the casket, continuing his speech despite his knees starting to protest in pain after a minute of hunching.

 

"Charlotte, you didn't get to turn 16. You didn't get to do all the fun things you told me you were gonna do. You didn't get to live out your lawyer dreams. Pappa's here too, he didn't know you wanted to become a lawyer but I'm sure he's proud of you" A quick glance to the crowd, locking eyes with his father, confirmed that statement. "You know, if you didn't get leukemia, there would be a steadfast presence in my life, a happy presence. Something to lift off the burden of a shit few races. Now there's nothing but emptiness. And I wish that it was me laying in that grave, not you. Never you. I have been wishing that I'd be dead for years now, the wish never came true. It might not come true for a few years. It will become a background thought, an afterthought that will not be mentioned a lot, but will never be forgotten. In the dark nights I am going to find myself wishing that it was me instead of you. In 20 years, I'm gonna die and still wish that it had been me instead of you."

 

He took a pause, making sure he still had everyone's attention.

 

"I wanted it to be me so badly. I couldn't bear another loss. I couldn't bear watching my father slowly deteriorate after the dementia diagnosis. I couldn't bear the thought of that happening to me. Though the doctor has now said that it's because the old man's unhealthy" He had winked at his father, who had forgotten about the abuse he had put his son through, and the older man had smiled.

 

"Dear Charlotte. Run in the fields of heaven peacefully now. Rest your heavy eyes. Enjoy feeling healthy. Enjoy your time with Jesus, I hope it's how you imagined it. I will live for you because you didn't get to. I will continue with my life until I drop. I will do the things you asked me to do. And I hope that one day we are reunited, even if you're at the edge of heaven and my torment in hell is watching you and mamma, and eventually everyone I love. It's my turn next, and we all know it. Maybe pappa first" 

 

He remembered feeling numb when he went back to his seat to watch the rest of the funeral, just mechanically going through the motions of it. Helpless. He had felt helpless for weeks after that, his only distraction had been formula one. He planned his weeks full of brand deals, advertisements, interviews, more racing, more training- Anything to drown out the sorrow that had overshadowed him. It hadn't worked. 

 

Eventually Charlotte had stopped showing up in his dreams just as Rex had predicted, but he still felt like sometimes, just sometimes, the girl was watching.

 

But how could he explain that that was the same hopeless feeling he was having right now? How could he explain to Jesse that he was feeling the same right now as when his sister fucking died? She'd laugh, maybe. She'd call him dramatic. Realistically speaking, Rex knew she wouldn't do that. Jesse was the sweetest girl in the world. So emphatic that it was choking at times. 

 

"Hey, Rex.. I love you, yeah? Just try to sleep" Jesse mumbled after a while, seemingly almost falling asleep herself. Rex reached his arm up to slowly usher Jesse's head to his chest. She fell asleep quite quickly after that.

 

Rex followed 3 hours later.

 

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Recovery was hard. He was making it work, but it was hard. The races went on without him, points scored, races won. Mercedes was dominating, their reserve driver putting up better results than expected.

 

He didn't top Rex, of course. People were sure Rex wasn't gonna return this year. He was wearing sunglasses at a nightrace for god's sake! He would sit in the garage, watching the cars zoom past with a type of pain in his eyes that even the psychologists of F1 couldn't explain it with another word than yearning. His hands were folded in his lap every time. His eyes were focused on nothing but the cars.

 

5 races in, Rex's doctor reluctantly let him try a free practice session.

 

He drove 15 laps before he hurried out of the car to puke violently.

 

8 races in he did his first full weekend. He won. He was behind on everyone, but he was gonna win the season. He needed to win the season.

 

At the Silverstone Grand Prix in 2027, Rex Tabino proposed to Jesse Thompson, wearing sunglasses, a blouse and tie and sweatpants.

 

He was ahead by the summer break. He had maxxed out his points.

 

At the end of the 2027 season, Rex Tabino had won the world championship with 461 points, had broken multiple records and had managed to get maximum points in the races he had participated in. He'd gotten the most victories of the season, the most poles and the most comebacks from lower positions. Rex had really only done that to make it fun for himself.


Yes, he'd had migraines so bad to the point of throwing up and being unable to move throughout the season, but never during sessions. His body knew when it could give up on him. It was all calculated. Yes, his wrist hurt more than once during a race. Yes what is being described is scarily unrealistic, but he's Rex fucking Tabino. If he sets his mind to something, there's no stopping him. Even if it kills him. He'd had time to take breaks during the 2 weeks off between double/triple headers and there had been a 4 week break between the last 2 tripe headers. And of course there was the summer break he spent sleeping for 15 hours nearly every day. 

 

People hadn't seen him much outside of the paddock. He spent most of his time in the gym or sleeping, trying to recover as fast as possible while also taking the rest his body needed. He wasn't a monster to his own body.

 

After the season, a few days before Christmas, Rex Tabino and Jesse Thompson became Mr. and Mrs. Tabino. They'd said yes, obviously. Jesse had worn a Vivienne Westwood dress and looked gorgeous in it, as always. Rex had "aura farmed" as the media called it, by wearing vintage Balenciaga and the custom watch he'd gotten from Maggie (who had cheered excitedly when she spotted it).

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

 

REX TABINO'S GROWING LIST OF RECORDS AS OF ABU DHABI 2027 :

- youngest driver to win the world championship

- youngest driver to score points

- youngest driver to debut in a professional f1 race

- youngest driver to get in the top 5 on debut

- youngest race winner ever

- youngest podium finisher ever

- youngest polesitter ever

- youngest back-to-back victories

- youngest to get back-to-back wdc's

- youngest to get to the 400 point mark

- second highest win-percentage (as of Abu Dhabi 2027) standing at 42.9%)

- driver with second most wins in a season (17/24, whereas Max Verstapppen had 19/22)

- most consecutive wins (Qatar Grand Prix 2027 - undecided)

- most wins in rookie season (shared with Hamilton and Villeneuve)

- most consecutive poles (Qatar Grand Prix 2027 - Austrian Grand Prix 2027-> 9 poles)

- youngest driver to break a lap record

- most podium finishes in a season (23/24 in 2026)

- second most consecutive podium finishes in a season (Miami Grand Prix 2026 - Abu Dhabi 2026, 18 races, wheras Michael Schumacher has 19)

- second most points scored in a season (461 whereas Max Verstappen had 575 points in 2023)

- youngest race leader

- fewest FULL seasons to get a first wdc (1 full season, 1,5 actual seasons)

- youngest driver to drive for Mercedes Petronas AMG f1 team

- youngest driver to drive for Scuderia Ferrari f1 team

- second most sprint wins total

- second most sprint pole positions total

- most wins not starting from pole position in a season

- youngest to basically do everything in formula one !

 

we hope to see more from the Italian prodigy!

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

 

It was hard not to be proud. It was hard to stay humble. It was hard not to gloat.

 

But Rex Tabino had been declared the GOAT of formula one after his 3rd full season in formula one. Rex Tabino won 2 wdc's with diabetes (not too difficult), a chronically fucked up knee (a little more difficult) and a TBI (very fucking difficult), so it was hard not to call him one of the greatests. People were sure that Rex Tabino would get more than 8 championships. People were sure that eventually all records would be broken by Rex Tabino. (except for the 'most races without..' or 'oldest to..' records, he'd never beat those).

 

Rex Tabino was going to be a big name in formula one long after he died.

 

And Jesse would keep gloating about Rex Tabino being her husband.

 

They'd break the records together. She'd be at his side until one of them died.

 

Realistically that would be Rex.

 

But for now, they enjoyed raising their kid together while still being young enough to have a long career in F1 and music ahead of them.

 

21 and 22.

 

Rex Tabino and Jesse Thompson-Tabino.

 

Don't ever leave, it's you.

 

it's you

 

it's you.

 

˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

Notes:

hope you enjoyed !!
this has not been beta-read so if there's mistakes you caught... my bad....... um yeah idk hope you enjoyed and hope you guys can ignore the fact that this is so scarily unrealistic.. but aren't all fics unrealistic....

please leave kudos if you liked it!

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