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Dying is agony. He would never tell Avery how much it hurt to burn, taking the King in Yellow down with him, but he isn’t going to lie to himself. Dying hurts more than anything he has ever felt before and the King raging in his head does nothing to make it better.
But Derek allows it to happen anyways, never revoking his words, and allows himself to admit that maybe he’s a little scared to die. But that’s okay. Avery gets to live, and it’s not like he could live much of a life staring at a screen playing Minecraft for the rest of his days. Avery won’t get it but Derek was kinda dead anyways. He was just delaying it, blindly reaching for food and knowing eventually, his fridge would run out.
As far as deaths go, at least it had meaning. He can live with that. Or, well, not live but… You get the point.
His death is agony, until it isn’t. One moment he’s there, then he’s nothing, taking the King into oblivion with him.
And there is nothing.
And there is nothing.
And there is nothing.
And there is nothing.
And there is—
There’s—
Derek’s vision returns to him suddenly, like a rubber band snapping back into place. His head reels, whirling with too much information, too much sensory input to process, too much—
“-ly frick is that— did it actually work? Don’t tell me it’s a trick, please don’t be a trick…”
All at once, his focus zeroes in on who’s in front of him. A familiar minecraft skin, a slime in a floral shirt. Beyond it, Derek can picture a worried but hopeful face, holding his breath in anticipation, waiting for a confirmation of some kind.
It anchors him in reality. For all his infinite knowledge, Derek didn’t expect this. Or maybe he did but burning up with an incomprehensible being in your head makes you forget a few things. How would he know? He’s not even in his actual body right now, he’s in Minecraft.
His character model can’t show it, but Derek finds himself smiling. It’s easy to smile with Avery here, though trying to gather all his thoughts when they’re still running off on their own is harder than it used to be. At the very least, he doesn’t have a headache about it anymore.
He has no keyboard to type with but he doesn’t need one. All he needs to do is think hard enough and his text will appear.
d3rLord3: Avery.
Behind the screen, Avery’s eyes light up. His character in the game jumps for joy before he rapidly starts typing, keyboard clicking in an otherwise quiet room.
TheMostMayo: Holy frick
TheMostMayo: Is it you?? Is it actually you??
TheMostMayo: Did I actually do it?????
Derek reads the text fondly, something warm curling in his being, or whatever’s left of it. Despite how little they got to talk in person, Derek remembers everything he learned about Avery. To say he knew him better than he knew himself would be accurate. Derek isn’t sure what’s going on with him in that moment— or more accurately, some part of him knows what’s going on with him in that moment, his mind is currently just too weary to grasp the infinity of it all— but he knows Avery. Avery is familiar.
Avery makes it a little easier to not get lost in his own, untethered head.
d3rLord3: It’s me.
d3rLord3: You found me again. You’re becoming an expert at that.
From the other side, Avery stares at the screen in disbelief, breath shallow and eyes wide and unblinking. They’re bloodshot, like he’s been staring at a screen for a while. How long has it been? How long has Avery been sitting at the computer?
If his head were less scrambled, he would already know the answer to both of those questions. As it stands right now, Derek can only try to ask for himself.
d3rLord3: Avery, when was the last time you slept?
Avery jolts like he hit the nail on the head, grimacing slightly to himself. He moves to start typing again but Derek is faster.
d3rLord3: You don’t have to type.
d3rLord3: I should be able to hear you if you speak out loud.
“What?” Avery blurts out, freezing mid-sentence and staring at his text in shock. Derek laughs internally. “You can hear me? Like actually?”
d3rLord3: Yep.
d3rLord3: Perks of infinite knowledge.
d3rLord3: Nice voice btw. It suits you.
Avery laughs in disbelief, hand on his forehead and mouth hanging open in a huge smile. “Oh my god, it’s really you. It’s you, it’s— Derek, I… I’m so glad you’re here. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I had to do something and the world— it was so badly corrupted but I— I got something out of it. It wasn’t much but… You’re here.”
d3rLord3: Trying to save anything from that world was dangerous, Avery.
d3rLord3: I know you know that.
Avery sighs, looking away. “I had to try. And clearly the risks were worth it, I mean— look at you! You’re you!”
Derek pauses at that, frowning internally.
d3rLord3: I’m not so sure about that.
Avery’s smile drops. “What do you mean? Is something wrong? Is… Is he still there?”
d3rLord3: I don’t think so. But that’s just it.
d3rLord3: My real body is gone, Avery. I don’t know what part of me is talking to you now but I can’t even say if I’m really me.
“You sure sound like you.” Avery furrows his eyebrows at him. It’s a little funny to hear from someone who hasn’t known him for all that long but then again… They’ve seen so much of each other. Avery tried so hard to save him and in some way did succeed. He thinks Avery knows him in all the ways that matter.
But how much of him is really left? How much of this version of him is him?
d3rLord3: I might be nothing more than an echo of who he was. Is that really what you want?
“You—” Now he looks offended by the comment, on his behalf. “You’re more than just an echo, Derek. You’re talking to me! You sound like you! Why are you acting like you’re not?”
d3rLord3: Have you ever heard of the Ship of Theseus, Avery?
Avery’s eyebrows furrow as he tries to think. “Iiiii think so? Something about… Replacing something a bunch of times.”
Actually not too far off.
d3rLord3: It’s the question of if you replace all the parts of a ship, every single thing that makes it what it is, if it’s even the same ship anymore.
d3rlord3: I don’t know how much of me is him. I barely know what I am in the first place. I might be just a memory left behind in the game, not a person.
He earns a scowl out of him for that. “Okay but— you're thinking about this, right? Questioning your own existence and stuff? Doesn't that make you a person?"
d3rLord3: Cogito, ergo sum.
d3rLord3: I think, therefore I am.
“Exactly!” Avery gestures at the screen. “And listen, I thought you were totally gone for a while there, so the fact that even a ‘Memory’ of you could be here is something to celebrate. I’ll take what I can get, be grateful for what you have and all that.”
Another internal smile. It’s a shame Avery can’t see them.
d3rLord3: Still stubborn, I see. Good to see not all that much has changed in my absence.
“It’s only been two weeks. I mean, it was a long and horrible two weeks but,” Avery shrugs weakly, the strain of his work suddenly seeming to weigh down on him. “It just got better, so I’m not complaining.” A pause. “If you don’t have a body anymore, are you stuck in Minecraft forever?”
d3rLord3: I might be able to invade the rest of your computer.
The thought feels plausible enough at least. He doesn’t feel tied to the game, more so tied to… Avery, maybe? His devices? It warrants further testing.
Avery cracks a grin. “Are you saying you could become my shimeji?”
d3rLord3: Would you want me to be?
He means it to be teasing but Avery falters a bit, as if realizing something. Slowly, his grin drops and his face becomes solemn. “It’s, uh… It’s kinda hitting me that you actually died. That you are dead and you can’t do regular person stuff. And now I feel kinda bad reducing you to a virtual desktop pet.”
d3rLord3: We both know that’s not what you’re doing.
d3rLord3: I did die. I still am dead in a lot of ways. But I’m here too, even if I don't know how much of me is me.
d3rLord3: As far as I know, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. And honestly, there’s no place I’d rather be than with you.
Avery’s eyes look a lot more watery than they did before. He sniffles, trying to wipe them discreetly, sucking in a breath.
d3rLord3: There’s nothing wrong with crying, Avery.
“Did your infinite knowledge really tell you that I’m crying?” He lets out a shaky laugh.
d3rLord3: Yes. But also I can see you.
He jolts at that, looking alarmed. “You— noooo, dude, I look terrible! I know I do! It’s a good thing you can’t smell anything through the screen because let me tell you, it is rancid in here.”
Derek laughs silently to himself. His infinite knowledge could probably give him a pretty good idea of it but he’ll spare Avery the embarrassment.
d3rLord3: You’re fine lol
d3rLord3: You pulled what’s left of me out of death, you’re allowed to be a little stinky.
“Yeah but… Ugh,” Avery rubs his eyes wearily. “This is a horrible first impression.”
d3rLord3: Not a first impression. I’ve known what you looked like since I received my infinite knowledge.
d3rLord3: The curls look good on you.
If you asked Derek if he said that specifically because he knew Avery would get a little flustered by it, he’d plead the fifth. It’s a good thing no one can tell how much he’s smiling when he’s like this or it would be a lot harder to keep any semblance of a facade of innocence.
Derek can’t help that he’s fond of Avery. He’s known him from the moment his mind was burdened with knowledge, every little detail about his life, every road he could take, and how they would inevitably meet. He knew how kind and stubborn and brave he was, even if Avery didn’t think of himself as such. He knows him, completely and utterly, and it’s hard to know a guy like that and not want to sacrifice yourself to ensure he lives. To not want to do everything to keep him safe above all else.
Derek saved Avery, and now Avery has saved him. Whatever’s left, whatever he is.
He wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his existence by his side, even if he’s trapped on the other side of a screen. In fact, Derek hopes he can stay with him. That he can keep Avery company for as long as he wants it.
“Dude,” Avery chuckles, a hand patting his curls as his face remains flushed, “You’re making my head spin and I only just got you back.”
d3rLord3: My bad lol
d3rLord3: Thank you for all this. It’s really good to see you again.
“Yeah…” Avery breathes out, smiling softly. “You too. We’ll figure whatever this is out, alright? Maybe we can figure out how to move you to my phone so I can take you places, or I can move the computer monitor around all day, or… I don’t know, I’ll get you a little tamagotchi for you to ride around in? Whatever sounds good and hopefully not humiliating to you.”
To this, Derek answers him honestly.
d3rLord3: All of those sound good.
d3rLord3: Like I said, there’s no place I’d rather be than by your side.
“Don’t make me cry again.” Avery warns, already looking dangerously close. “It’s been a rough month.”
d3rLord3: Neither of us need infinite knowledge to know you’re going to cry again anyways.
Avery chokes on a laugh, starting to wipe his eyes. “Yeah, okay, you’ve clocked me.”
Fondness ripples through his being again. Avery has it right; one way or another, they’ll figure this out together and make the most of it. Despite how complicated it is, Derek thinks— no, knows— it’ll be okay. How could it not be?
They’re a force of nature when paired together. With what remains of Derek’s knowledge and Avery’s sheer stubbornness, this can work. They can be happy in the aftermath of what happened. They can find their own way through— rebuilding something that was destroyed.
It’s a brand new year, after all. Or two weeks since it started more like. Whatever, semantics.