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Stars...or what one would attribute to stars, cascaded light upon an opulent ballroom. The flames were only reserved to be nothing more than an accent to the wealth around him. The wealth he was entrusted to protect as his own. His roots would never allow that. Akito disliked these events, preferring to watch dancing swords instead of dancing nobles. As if his opinion held any weight in his duties.
That and he found himself more afraid than he should be of his position. Akito had become antsy as of late. Usually stationed beyond the walls of Inexorabalis Nox, he had never encountered the royal family, had never seen the man who wielded the winter storms with a mere thought. And of course, in his wondrous peasant mind, he found his eyes lingering on the prince far more than he was willing to admit to. At first, he believed it was because of the shock of seeing him in the flesh. Anyone would behave that way when such a power was met in person. However, that logic unraveled itself every time he passed the castle, and the last few threads were inevitably unable to keep hold of itself. He had no choice but to accept an obnoxiously large part of him wanted the prince to be stepping out of those obsidian doors again. He was so helplessly captivated when he first laid eyes on him, and he was certain he would have melted if prince Toya had looked his way. His heart still fluttered at the thought of sneaking another glance at the prince, and if he let his mind wander, a giddy smile would form. Perhaps one day he’d run a hand through his hair, allowing his eyes to catch the light. He could only fantasize about that pretty sight. It wasn’t wrong to look at him, but it felt wrong, like he was indulging in some taboo desire. His heart would race and his body would thrum with irrational nerves even though he knew he was never going to get his attention.
Eavesdropping on gossiping nobles was the only solution Akito had to keep his eyes from wandering. Another story of an affair between two nobles, the same cookie-cutter excuses they spew out from their unapologetic tongues.
Then they stilled as the ballroom doors opened. Akito’s heart went back into overdrive. He was attractive, so unreasonably attractive it was unbearable. The Inexorabalis Nox crest was displayed proudly over his heart, and the black suit with royal blue accents looked dashing on him. What a fool Akito was for him, it was pathetic. He was a knight, not a fluttering maiden.
Toya walked with an air of authority and grace, his ever-present stoicism only drawing more eyes as he made his way to the center of the ballroom. Right, the first dance, the one that would likely make Akito’s heart ache.
Oh, how his heart ached unabashedly as Toya glanced in Akito’s direction. He wanted to cast aside his sword and spill out his heart to rid himself of what can never be. He wanted to confront whatever mistress of fate had coerced them into burdening Akito with this.
Toya locked eyes with Akito. He wanted to sob at the cruel agony of it all, he was going to dance to someone nearby. It could never be him, of course. His mind was simply feeding him delusions of a childish, selfish, senseless possibility-
The prince approaches him. He’s standing a few feet away, and every second Akito became more and more convinced he-
“Would you dance with me, Sir Shinonome?”
Was there another reality swarming his mind, had he gone mad from his affection? He couldn’t believe this; Prince Aoyagi Toya was asking him to-
Toya had said something and, in a moment of pure panic, Akito stammered.
“Sounds lovely!” Ah, of course when it mattered the most, his voice would falter in a way that drew eyes, expecting some kid instead of him. Humiliating. Mortifying, even. “Ahem, w-well, if you are inclined to be in a closer proximity to me….I wouldn’t be opposed….” The awkward silence after did not help the blatant tension either.
The prince’s face faltered for a moment, an odd glint in his eye that he considered uncharacteristic for someone as stoic as him. Warm? Amused, perhaps? Instead of waiting, Toya stepped closer, and closer, until each step felt like the seconds of a clock counting down. A gentle tick that made him want to crawl in a hole and die. Time moved forth, and now the prince was nearly touching him with how close he was. He leaned his head down just enough so he could speak into his left ear.
“I do not mind being close, Sir Shinonome, but..” a gloved hand grazed his wrist, his slender fingers splaying to intertwine with Akito’s. “Would that have not already been apparent given such a request?”
Akito bit his lip as he listened. “Yes...my apologies, your highness…” he mumbled, relaxing his hand.
Another hand rested on his waist. “Sir Shinonome, please do not be afraid to touch my shoulder. It will be difficult to dance if you are stiff.”
Akito nodded, though he couldn’t bear looking him in the eye as he did so. The cool, crisp scent of the prince didn’t help him much either. His fingers twitched against the suit.
“Is this comfortable for you?” Toya murmured. If only Akito had it in him to say no, then maybe he could put some distance between them before he let himself indulge too much.
“Yeah...thank you…”
Their interlocked hands raise as Toya leads them away from the edge of the ballroom. Fabric tousled with harmonious chords, yet all Akito could hear were Toya’s assured steps. The floor was masked by the twirling dresses, but they seemed to flawlessly mesh among them. Of course, the prince would be a remarkable dancer.
“You’re still nervous…” Toya mumbled, his unreadable expression lingering on Akito’s flushed face.
“I mean, it’s only natural when someone dances with a royal,” Akito said as he tried to dismiss the truth that was hellbent on making him anxious.
“Maybe, though...your expression when you watch me at a distance is nearly identical…”
“h-ha?!” Akito stutters, nearly losing his footing. A million questions had never dissipated from his head so quickly from one comment before. His mind was reeling. Did he notice him this whole time, or only for a few occassions? Did anyone else notice him? How did Toya feel about this, about him?
Toya looked at him as if he somehow had the answer to his own question. He sighed softly. “No matter, that is not my sole reason for being so forward with you, Sir Shinonome. I wanted to ask for your opinion on a matter.”
Akito blinked. “What could I ever know more of than you?”
Toya steps them into another turn. “It isn’t necessarily that you know more than me, rather you know something in a different light. I’m looking for...a perspective, I suppose.”
“Alright, I can’t say that my voice is one you will want, but I am willing to answer,” Akito agreed. “What is it you’re thinking of?”
“How would you define love?”
The question gave Akito pause. How would he define love? Had he even experienced it? No, that isn’t why Toya asked him. He didn’t want a perspective from a person, he wanted his.
As they eased into another song, Akito cleared his throat.
“Love is...a lot. It can feel like every emotion, honestly. It has stages and sometimes it really hurts, then other times it makes you feel like everything you’ve done was worth it. I don’t think we’re destined to be with a person, but we’re meant to look and find it ourselves. Experience meeting someone, encountering new sensations and understanding, even if it doesn’t always work out….you still love.”
Toya was silent as they moved. He felt closer now. When he spoke again, that unreadable warmth was in his eyes.
“You are not from nobility, yet you speak with such...tenderness. I….I wasn’t expecting…” the prince seemed at a loss, yet he didn’t shy away. He leaned in to meet Akito’s eyes with a curious expression. “And I’ll ask only to understand, not because of any personal grievances… how do you hold such...affection for love? I’ve tried to interpret the minds of so many yet...I can only conclude an origin, some godly connection. To me...I have struggled to consider it.”
“I can only provide my perspective, your highness. To assume it would be the same for you would be improper, as you have your own feelings and affections.” Akito couldn’t push his perspective on anyone like that, it felt inconsiderate of his own values.
Toya tensed slightly, his grip on Akito’s waist firmer. “But...it must be the same if it’s…” Toya cut himself off.
“Your highness...I don’t understand…”
Toya removed his hands. Akito couldn’t hide the sadness in his eyes, opting to look away. “Follow me.” He stated, already walking and forcing the ballroom to make a path.
Akito let himself be pulled along, his face heating at the secure hand holding his. He opened a balcony door and led him outside, drawing the curtains before closing the door. The moon was bright, making Toya’s eyes glimmer as he turned to face Akito. Akito felt caught, so he looked away, ducking his head slightly.
“Why is it now you’re hiding from me…?” Toya spoke softly. “I...I apologize if this is too forward, but you always act like me seeing you is a problem. I try to understand and I adore your voice, your eyes, but you’re always looking away when I want to meet your gaze.” Toya sounded hurt, but the words were so tender that Akito’s heart melted. He couldn’t lie to him.
“I’m not one to be adored, I’m a knight, a man who serves you, a man who yields his tongue and defends your kingdom’s honor with my sword. There’s no world where I-”
“Akito.” Toya’s voice cracked, the prince stepping closer. “Don’t hide behind your strengths to push me away. Let me see you.” He whispered, taking Akito’s hands into his own. “Please. I want nothing more right now.”
Akito swallowed, his hands sweating as he met Toya’s gaze, his eyes unable to act unaffected by him.
Toya sighed. “You’re always glowing when you look at me. When you’re trying to be subtle, when you confront me, when you’re close...you always look beautiful.”
“Y….your Highness…” Akito mumbled out, his heart racing too fast for his head to think clearly.
“Akito, is there any way I can be more than this to you? I want you to tell me about love, to assume I’m a clueless fool who needs your words to ring true for me. I want to be the receiver of your affections, if you’ll let me have that.” Toya confessed, his eyes pleading with Akito.
“Oh gods…” Akito let out a shuddering breath. “You-….Toya...how long have you been thinking…?”
“Since you saw me in the concert hall...you were watching me play piano...you looked so mesmerized and...and I wanted you to stay longer, but when you heard another guard, you ran off. A part of me hoped if I kept showing you new parts of me you might stay a little longer…” Toya shook his head. “Certainly childish, but I was hopeless and just wanted more of your attention, I-”
Akito hastily wrapped his arms around Toya. “Toya, if you keep saying such sweet things I may have to resign to a life in solitude…please for the sake of my heart just shut up...”
Toya was frozen in place, but slowly he smiled as he realized Akito was hugging him, accepting him. “Akito!” And he hugged him bag, arms holding Akito close.
Akito grumbled into the embrace, but he liked it. Knowing that Toya was okay with him giving this affection, he let himself indulge. At least for a moment.