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“Hi, I’m Briar. But you can call me yours.” Briar’s pupils were dilated, eyes red as she stared at Myki from the comfort of her shoulder. Her head was resting on it, arms wrapped around her waist as she giggled at her own joke. Myki’s brain was fuzzy, Briar’s eyes boring into her soul in a way that probably should’ve made her uncomfortable but only served to make her kiss Briar’s head repeatedly. She could watch her face light up for hours, a serenity on Briar’s features that she would almost never catch.
The weight against her was nice, Briar’s body curled against her side. She was practically melting into her, eyes half lidded in her high state.
“Hi I’m Myki, but you can call me Myki.”
The fit of laughter that ensued from that made Myki pause to wonder about her own comedic genius. Briar appreciated every overdramatic thing she did, maybe she had the soul of a theatre kid under all the blase attitude she regarded musical theatre with.
“You’re so pretty.” Briar broke the cacophony of her giggles to study Myki’s face, she leant up, warm breath hot against her skin. Her fingers twitched, slowly and shakily lifting a hand to cup her cheeks to better angle her face as if that could help her commit every inch to memory. Briar’s tongue poked slightly out of her mouth in intense concentration, humming idly to herself every so often as she scrutinised Myki.
Her blue eyes were disconcerting at the best of times, Briar’s lack of eye contact at all was a good thing. If she ever held her gaze for long enough Myki would tell her anything she wanted to know. She was too far gone to attempt to weaponise that, simply observing. Her head tilted to the side like a puppy, smiling to herself as she let out a thoughtful hum.
“You’re prettier,” Myki poked her cheek, delighting in the way Briar’s consciousness jumped back into her body at the sudden contact. She slowly leant in, leaving their lips barely an inch apart for a beat too long before the brunette pulled her by her in with a grab of the collar of her sweater.
“Fuck, I’m feeling so much.” Briar squirmed as they broke apart, scrunching her face up in disgust at the sheer concept of having emotions.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Myki couldn’t help but laugh to herself, Briar’s repulsion at anything too sappy or any heavy moment that she couldn’t break with a joke was one of her favourite things about her. Everything stayed interesting with her around.
“I don’t know what it is!”
Myki nodded, pulling Briar into her lap as the black haired girl tried desperately to process her thoughts. Her eyes darted around the room, analysing
Myki was content to zone out, eyes cast on Briar’s laptop which was playing some film she wasn’t really paying attention to. Her gaze flicked back to her girlfriend. Briar’s brow furrowing as she felt Myki’s gaze move over to her face.
“Why are you looking at me?” Briar was accusatory, somewhere between confused and annoyed. Myki knew better than to assume she was actually mad, that was just her natural state.
“You’re cute.”
“Oh. Teehee.”
Briar beamed as Myki pressed a kiss to her cheek. As Briar continued to melt into her she pondered how the hell they had both gotten there. Half of her time was spent in Briar’s dorm, the mutual crush quickly spiraling into a relationship faster than either of them was prepared for. Briar was even more forward than her, bluntly asking what she wanted out of it within the week. The shorter girl’s heart swelled as she watched Briar’s gaze focus on the laptop, smiling to herself at the constant contact.
“Myki?” Briar poked her cheek to get her attention, blinking rapidly as if slowing down would make her forget whatever she was about to say.
“Yes?”
“Fuck.” Briar hung her head in shame, forgetting whatever was bubbling at the surface of her mind within a second. She cuddled up further to Myki after a few seconds of that, nuzzling her head against her neck.
“Do you ever wonder if you weren’t made to be alive this long.” She spoke up again after a beat, Myki gawking at her in absolute disbelief. Briar would just come out with the most intense thing and laugh it off a second later. She didn’t know if she would ever get used to that.
“Can’t say it’s crossed my mind. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I mean, like not in a bad way. I just didn’t expect to get this far?
“If you didn’t I'd be upset.”
“I can’t believe you like me, that’s crazy. I love you, that’s crazier.” Briar laughed to herself, a sound that still made Myki’s stomach flutter even if she was utterly bewildered by the conversation. She balked at her, Briar either unabashed by it or completely unable to read her expression.
“You know that’s the first time one of us has said it.” The words had an intense effect on Myki, who the hell wouldn’t feel everything at that. She tried to play it cool, internally a mess of things that Briar wouldn’t know how to deal with. Maybe it was the weed, but she could’ve sworn Briar would not have said that sober. Her chest tightened, anxiety starting to grip her as she realised how badly this could go if she didn’t respond quickly.
“I love you. What's so major about that?” Briar blinked back like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it was to her? How she managed to be so nonchalant about everything hurt Myki’s head to think about.
“I love you too Briar.” The tightness lifted the second the words came out of her mouth, Briar staring back at her in processing for a solid thirty seconds before a blush crept onto her face and she lightly shoved Myki.
“Fuck I’m feeling things again make it stop.” The black haired girl buried her head in her hands, grunting when Myki tried to pry them from her face and gloat in making Briar flustered.
“Are you confused because you’re feeling emotions?”
“Yeah. I don’t like it.”
Briar’s grimace only made Myki snicker, connecting their lips but parting as she tried to deepen the kiss.
“I hate to break it to you, but there’s more where that came from.”
“No, you can stop it.” Briar growled at the concept, and the lack of them making out. She nudged Myki, prodding gently at her arm until she got another kiss.
“Briar, I can't stop you from having feelings.” Myki decided to fight fire with fire, poking at Briar’s side as she responded.
“Yeah but when I’m with you it doesn’t really matter. You’re staying the night right?”
“I am not about to leave you alone when you’re contemplating the purpose of yourself.” Myki laughed dryly, Briar prodding at her a final time with an innocent smile, batting her lashes coyly. She knew what she was doing, she knew it shouldn’t work. But Myki felt powerless when Briar shifted her body to straddle her lap, legs either side of her torso, only serving to make her practically drool.
Her hands guided Myki’s, connecting and deepening their kiss as she brought her hands to her waist. She took the initiative, moving her hand down to grab her ass. The other made its way to her hip to steady herself.
Briar’s tongue made its way into Myki’s mouth without hesitation, the taste of the blunt still readily apparent. They broke apart to catch their breath, her blue eyes heavy with lust.
Myki gripped her waist, lazily taking her finger up to trace her curves as Briar’s face twisted in a poorly concealed attempt to hide laughter.
“Myki that tickles!” She squirmed in Myki’s lap, muffling her laughter into her hands. Every time she tried to compose herself the routine started up again.
“Do we need to stop?”
Briar’s lack of seriousness somehow hadn’t interrupted anything intimate. Usually she knew how to get into the moment, joking around but focused in a way that drove Myki crazy to ever see from her. The way her eyes narrowed, face and body deadly still when she really concentrated on something? She was a moth to a flame, Briar’s beaming smile ready to burn her up no matter the situation.
“No, I want to.”
She tried, she really did. Myki knew that. But Briar’s red eyes stared at her in such desperation to will herself into any form of focus that she couldn’t help but join in her amusement.
“You can’t look at me without laughing!” Myki laughed, pressing a kiss to the tip of Briar’s nose, delighting in how her face scrunched up.
“Sex is so weird when you think about it though!”
“Then stop thinking about it?”
“I can’t!”
“Briar.”
The use of her name only made her laugh more, shifting herself to be sat in Myki’s lap, head resting against her shoulder as she stared up at her girlfriend.
“I like it when you say my name. You should only ever talk to me.” Briar kissed her cheek, the weight of her body against her making Myki finally feel grounded,
Myki hummed in acknowledgement, reciprocating her cheek kiss. Briar grinned at her. lovingly or manically, she couldn’t tell which.
They both stayed silent, content to just exist in each other's space. Myki noticed Briar’s eyes starting to close, stroking her hair as she smiled blissfully.
—
Briar stirred back to reality in a mild alarm, her body feeling weighed down against Myki’s shoulder. How she’d gotten there from her lap was a question she didn’t care to answer. Her brain started working on overdrive, replaying every word she’d uttered that night at mach speed. She poked Myki, desperate for some form of reassurance as her girlfriends gaze stayed unfocused.
“Myki?” Briar tried her best to not sound alarmed, biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from spilling far too much emotion out at once. Myki liked her, she wanted to keep it that way.
“Hmm?” Her head turned to face Briar, tilting curiously as she studied her face.
“I don’t like this.” Her voice came out muffled, shoving her face into the crook of Myki’s neck the second she got a modicum of attention.
Her mind only sped up, what the hell was she doing? Myki wrapped her arms around her, running one through her hair as Briar’s breathing quickened against her neck. She wondered what Juicy would think if she saw her in this state. She’d be embarrassed surely? Someone could only be so kind or like her for so long. Everything that she ignored and moved past decided to rear its head at once.
She didn’t care what others thought. But the thought of anyone perceiving her was making her stomach churn. She couldn’t help but squirm, growing restless in how her body wasn’t responding and only made her feel more sluggish.
Then there was Myki. She was everything Briar wanted. Kind, didn’t take herself too seriously, neurotic and anxious in the way that she understood to her core. Myki could do better than her, that was obvious the second they kissed.
Was she feeling this correctly? Was it too quick to say she loved her? What even was love, not something someone like her deserved. For as nice as she tried to be it couldn’t be genuine if it was a conscious choice. Right?
Before that thought could end, her mind ran to the thought of her neighbours. Myki started to whisper comforting words. They would’ve worked if it wasn’t for her loud thoughts.
“Briar? Are you okay?”
Every word to ever exist vanished from her brain, mouth feeling dry and fuzzy in a way that made her stomach churn in nausea. She tried to communicate in any way that worked, frowning before shaking her head slightly as Myki stared at her in concern.
Was she even there? Sure she was a soul in a body but her hands started to feel foreign. Every movement was too forced, not natural enough to be a person. Her eyes blinked manually, breathing painfully aware of every inch of her body.
She grabbed Myki's hand, squeezing it with a pleading gaze. She didn’t know what she could reasonably do, but she sure as hell couldn’t handle herself.
“Do you wanna go on a walk?” Briar prickled at the suggestion, mind filling with scenarios of someone trying to talk to her and every single way that could go wrong. The concept of someone other than Myki or Juicy seeing her like that sent another dizzying wave of nausea over her that made her squeeze Myki’s hand tighter and shake her head.
Myki had another idea, pulling Briar into her lap. Her body was practically limp, a puppet the brunette was controlling rather than a conscious being.
Her hands ran through her black hair, scratching gently at her scalp in the way that always made Briar come undone. She leaned into the touch, letting Myki’s hands start to untangle the knot that was her mind.
Euphoria washed over her, tingling from her scalp to her feet. No other thoughts could puncture the state of bliss she was in. Every hair on her body stood on end in the best way. The only noise in the room was her letting out a long, relaxed hum as Myki kept up the routine. The film was long over, a comfortable silence falling over them as Myki's eyes grew hazy. Autopilot took over, only semi cognisant of Briar’s occasional noises. When Briar finally shifted herself to look up at Myki, her gaze falling onto the end of the bed.
“Thanks.” The first word she’d spoken in nearly an hour. Briar’s voice was soft, almost hoarse as she leaned over to sip at her long discarded and flat diet coke.
“Whatcha thinking about.” The second part came out clearer, blinking rapidly as if that would send her back into her body. She was still floating mildly out of her body, only partially tethered to reality. Even then, it was much better than the building dread and unease that had taken over her before.
“You.”
Briar’s stomach fluttered at that, the concept of her having a schoolgirl level crush on her own girlfriend was something she could ponder over later. Myki thought about her, that made the messiness of her short existence worth it.
“Aaaaannd?”
“Nothing, just that we probably smoked too much.” Myki finally tore her eyes from the spot they were drilling into at the end of her bed, smiling fondly at Briar as she watched her with growing intrigue.
“Yeah, next time we can split one.” Briar hummed in agreement, her mind finally quiet enough to enjoy their closeness without anything else attached
She jumped, whipping her head around to the source of the noise before realising Myki had called out to her. Her body felt light, eyes begging to shut as she nestled herself back against her girlfriend.
“You’re falling asleep on me again? Am I that boring?”
“Yeah.” Briar barely held back a laugh as Myki stared at her in mock offence, hand over her chest being the tipping point for her to let out a small cackle at the dramatic flourishes.
“You never got to sleep before 3?”
Briar was thankful Myki’s sleep schedule was as dysfunctional as hers, 8am classes were barely ever made on more than four hours of sleep. She glanced at her phone. barely reading past 1am as she yawned into a response.
“I’m tired, let a woman sleep.”
“No. You’re gonna fall asleep on me again and I'm not gonna be able to move.”
Briar didn’t respond, closing her eyes and focusing her breathing to be as steady as possible as Myki gently shoved her.
“I know you’re faking.” Briar cracked an eye open, glancing at the disbelief on Myki’s face before continuing to pretend to sleep.
“Briar, you need to get ready for bed. Brush your teeth or your breath is gonna stink and I’m never gonna kiss you.”
“Yeah you will.” Briar’s smirk earnt her a flick on the arm, snickering as Myki tried to maintain her displeasure and not crack at how amused Briar looked.
“Yeah I will. But still, I have to pee! Let me move.” Myki tried to push her off, Briar not budging under her grip. Her face lit up, gleeful in their competition.
“No.”
That earnt her another shove, moving slightly before shuffling herself right back into the same position.
“I swear to god i’ll cut one of your dolls hair”
“You wouldn’t dare!”
“Wanna bet?”
Despite her desire to continue their back and forth, Briar felt Myki lift her, arms wrapped around her waist to steady her grip as she got to her feet. She just watched on, biting her lip as the brunette put her down.
Myki raised an eyebrow at the shift in her demeanour. Heat rushed to Briar’s face, unable to tear her gaze from Myki’s arms. The slightest flex of her muscles was enough to pull her from any thought, the act of lifting her kicking all of that into overdrive.
“You lifted me.” She tried to keep her tone even, mouth slightly agape as Myki laughed at her plight.
“You’re 5 '2. Anyone could lift you.”
Begrudgingly, Briar relented and followed Myki up, looping her arms around her waist to follow her every move. She let her girlfriend pick everything up, pressing chaste kisses to her shoulder and neck in appreciation.
The dorm bathrooms were not her favourite place to be, sharing a few toilets and showers with an entire floor of girls would never be appealing, but in her current buzzed state the act of being there with Myki was exciting, pulsing her body with restless energy. The smaller girl went into the stall as Briar brushed her teeth, propping herself up on the counter to wait when she finished.
Her legs swung as Myki made her way out of the stall, grabbing her face to press a kiss to her cheek.
“Do you two ever stop?” The sound of Jane’s voice made both of them jump, staring at the pair like they’d rather be anywhere else. Briar passively wondered if they ever went anywhere without a beanie and button up shirt. They saw each other in the halls occasionally, greeting each other politely. But every time she saw Jane, they were dressed in a zany button up combined with jeans and a beanie covering their mullet. If there was a floor wide contest to look the most nonbinary they would sweep it.
“Have you seen her, how could I?” Myki grinned, pressing her lips to Briar’s cheek in a way that made her cheeks hurt with how widely she smiled.
“I’ve seen you.” Briar batted her lashes, poking the smaller girl in the shoulder. She hammed up the flirtation just to annoy Jane. Snickering as they shook their head, going into one of the stalls without a word.
Myki was mostly focused on washing her face, brushing her teeth as Briar continued her rush of affection. Her hands caressed her arms, pressing fluttering kisses from one cheek to another. In her half dazed state, face flat as she zoned out doing her routine on autopilot, Briar found her beautiful.
Her chest fluttered, even Myki not really responding to her touch, glancing up at her briefly before going right back to her powered down state.
“Myki. Mykes? Microphone?” As she stood idly, staring blankly at the counter, Briar started to gently prod her, tilting her head to the side as Jane dramatically sighed from the inside of the stall.
“Huh? Yeah?” Myki’s head shot up, furrowing her brow in confusion before she remembered what they were doing.
“You two reek of weed by the way.” Jane grimaced as they watched the exchange.
“Shit? We do?” Briar could feel her face growing hot, realising then and there that Jane could absolutely report them and get them into serious trouble.
“I won’t snitch, just stop making out in the toilet.”
Briar smiled wryly as her and Myki let out a synchronised sigh of relief. She squeezed her shoulder, finally hopping down from the sink as Jane approached to wash their hands.
“You know, Juicy won’t be back until tomorrow.” Briar’s fingers ran across Myki’s jaw, delighting in the way her pupils dilated at the thought.
“Where is she anyway?” Myki hummed in thought, Briar barely held herself back from connecting their lips as she remembered Jane in her peripheral vision. They were nice all things considered, she wanted to throw them a bone.
“Dunno, she said she was going to someone’s dorm but wouldn’t say who. Jane, have you seen her?”
“If I do, I'll let her know you were nosing around.” Jane blinked in shock, straightening their back at the mention of her roommate.
“Thanks!”
It was only as they got back into the room that Myki perked up, desperate to say something she’d clearly been holding back.
“Is it me or did Jane seem weird? Like they were hiding something? The second you mentioned Juicy they got all wide eyed.”
“I think Jane’s just an anxious person. I doubt Juicy would be in their room.” Juicy clearly was into whoever she’d gone to see, that was the only explanation for the way she smiled as she got dressed. She deserved it, Briar had heard enough times that she wanted whatever the hell had developed between her and Myki in the span of a few weeks.
“She has to be hooking up with someone you both know for her to be this weird about it.”
“I dunno if Jane is her type.”
“What is her type?”
“I mean we hooked up when we first met but I don't think so.”
Briar cocked her head to the side when Myki’s eyes widened, she was cute when she looked so shocked, earning her body weight in kisses. Whatever shock was in her somewhat subsided at the act. Briar could kiss her forever, imprinting her lips on her skin wouldn’t even be enough. Something about Myki’s face was built for affection, she tucked a dark brown strand of hair behind her ear as her girlfriend finally spoke up.
“I’m sorry what?”
“Didn’t I tell you? Who cares, I’m all yours now.” With that, Briar pulled Myki back onto her bed. She threw herself on top of the brunette, nestling her head against her shoulder rather than her pillow. The bed sure as hell wasn’t built for two people, she just needed to conserve space. Myki was more comfortable than her pillow anyway, smelt better and kept her warm? Win of the century truly. She was lucky to have her, watching as Myki started to doze off as she pulled the duvet over both of them.
She bid her a quiet goodnight, breaths slowing within a few minutes. Her brain didn’t want to shut down just yet, studying every detail of Myki’s face with an expert's precision. She couldn't wait to take up next to her, nuzzling against her shoulder again before finally letting the fatigue take her over too.