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There was now a baby in the house.
It didn't hit Stu that they were taking home the baby from the hospital when he was carrying the car seat with the baby buckled inside. He didn't realize it as he fastened the car seat into the back of Nina's car, and certainly not when he was carrying said car seat with the baby inside into their home. No, the realization smacked him after Nina took the baby out of the car seat, laid him down in his crib, and went off to make him a bottle. Stu stood there, staring at this small baby that lay on his back and was crying his head off. It was an ear-piercing screech of a cry, but Stu didn't react to it. It wasn't that the cry didn't affect him, but it was that it paralyzed him into inaction.
What should he do?
How does he get the crying to stop?
What if he picked up the baby, held him wrong, and then injured him?
So he chose to do nothing. When Nina came in with the bottle, she didn't glance at Stu as she stood beside him, picked up the baby, and made gentle shushing sounds as she carried him over to the rocking chair, sat down, and gave him the bottle. The room was suddenly so quiet, save for the suckling noises the baby made. Stu turned around and watched Nina. Her eyes focused on baby Damon while her feet barely moved to give her the momentum to rock in the chair. Without thinking, Stu took his cellphone out and snapped a picture. When Nina heard the shutter sound, she looked up and chuckled.
"I wasn't ready."
"You're always ready."
Stu put his cellphone away, walked over to Nina, and then sat down in front of her. He watched as the baby finished the last of his bottle and Nina shifted to resting him against her body so she could burp him. It was with fascination that he watched this unfold in front of him. He could never imagine himself going through these motions so effortlessly like Nina was, and he didn't know if he would be able to. He wasn't meant to be a father. He barely had himself sorted out, so how was he supposed to take care of another living being? Stu leaned forward, resting his forehead against Nina's leg. Instinctively, Nina reached down to place a hand on top of his head.
"What's wrong, Stu?"
"Nothin'. Just restin'."
Nina hummed thoughtfully before replying, "You're a bad liar, but I won't make you tell me."
Stu sighed, "Thanks."
Nina patted the top of Stu's head before adjusting her hold on baby Damon. Stu scooted back a bit to give Nina room to stand up and go over to the crib to place Damon down on his stomach. She grabbed his blanket, tucked him in, and then left the room. Stu stared at the crib before getting up and walking over to it. He watched as the baby slumbered, watching his back slowly rise and fall with each breath.
This was an innocent person who knew nothing about the world.
What if he taints him?
What if this baby became a casualty because of him?
Stu reached forward and gently placed his hand on the baby's back. His whole hand almost took up the baby's back, and he wondered if, when this child grew up if he would have inherited his height. Will he have straight hair like his or curly hair that his mom used to have when she was younger? Stu doubted that his hair would be blue, as his hair was that color because of an accident, not because of genetics. How would this child's voice sound once he started saying words? What would his first words be? Would it be mama like most babies or would it be something different?
Stu had a lot of questions and no answers.
Stu used a finger to trace along the baby's back and down his shoulder until his finger rested on top of his tiny hand. Stu leaned down and rested his forehead on the edge of the crib.
"I don't know what I'm fuckin' doin."
Something was holding his finger. Stu looked in the crib and saw that the baby was still asleep, but now he slumbered on while having the tightest hold a baby could muster on his finger, and in that moment, everything became clear. Stu didn't have to know how to handle a baby. As long as he was here for Damon, everything else would fall into place, and he intended to do just that.