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Oliwia runs off into the forest, her heart pounding so much it hurt. Her chest felt tighter and tighter, squeezing around her chest. She shuffles herself into a little hut made of sticks.
"It's okay...It's okay...stop hurting.." she rubs her chest "Why are you still hurting..-"
She curls her knees in.
"Oww.." she cries to herself, tears forming as she starts to shake.
Her mind begins racing and she looks through her tear filled eyes, searching around for something. Something to hold. Something she could stroke. Not seeing anything, she takes to ripping up the grass, anything to not pull out her hair or rip up her shirt. But then she realises how pathetic she looks, so she stops.Her glasses beging sliding down her face, so she pushes them up. And they slip back down. And she shoves them back up. And they slide down. And she push- tears them off and slams them into the grass (probably damaging the lens).
She lays her head on top of her knees and sobs into them, taking her hands and running them through her poofy hair. Then, she just cries.
Footsteps approach from the distance.
No..no...don't approach me..no I want to be alone...!! God why are they approaching. Please leave..don't notice me..don't notice me..maybe they'll just pass bye..Stop. Stop crying you pathetic. If you cry they'll hear you."
She attempts to stifle her tears and wipes her eyes, lying her heavy head into her weak, quivering, knees.
Bouncy footsteps approach; they crouch next to her.
"Oliwia?..Are yoooouuuu ohhhh-kay-ayy?" Ren's words echo.
Her head stays tucked between her legs and she rubs her head repeatedly.
"Oliwia..? Argghy youghyh awake?"
She props her head up with her hand and vaguely looks in Ren's direction.
"Goood. I waghnted tuh mackeuh sure youurgh alright. Doouh yough feel sick?"
Oliwia hides her face away, covering her ears gently. She rubs her fingers over her eyes, her head starting to hurt and feel weighed down. Ren leans forward to check if Oliwia has a fever but she immediately retracts, making a nervous sqeak. She pulls up her jumper to cover the bottom of her face.
"Amm gounna ghet yough ah coconut tah drienk. Oughkay?"
And just like that, Ren pops back up into the trees and swings around looking for coconuts. On the other land, Oliwia, having hardly understood what Ren has been saying to her, feels more overwhelmed than before and the tears begin again. She doesn't care who sees; she's too afraid and uncomfortable.
"Hey hey! What's happened? Its okay!" their voice finally comes into focus.
They kneel next to Oliwia with the coconut.
"Are you crying because you're hurt?"
Yes. My head. It's my head, and my chest it hurts. I'm gonna black out..I'm gonna I'm gonna..."
"Oliwia..are you hurt? In your head? Your stomach?"
Oliwia turns her head and looks at Ren with her lidded eyes and flush, dampened cheeks. She gives them a focused stare.
Why...why are they not..my head, it really, I feel horrible please...please help..oh gosh they're just staring..please..understand...why am I not saying anything.- I want..please?..help?
Nothing her lack of response, quickened breathing and how she is nervous biting on her shirt, Ren adapts their tactic.
"Are your words feeling a bit hard right now?"
Her head nods every so slightly -a tiny movement of the eyes up and down.
Words..stupid words. Why can they never come out when I need them. I want help. I want to speak. Say something you idiot, you know how to talk!!
"That's okay, Oliwia. I find words difficult sometimes too. :)"
They wait for a moment, seeing if that helps ease Oliwia's tension. She smiles a tiny bit but slumps down, exhausted. Her hands rub harshly against her eyes.
"Tired huh? Here..have some coconut milk" they hold it up near her head, supporting her head up a bit, "Have a little sip, it always helps me sleep"
Oliwia takes some sips of coconut milk through the pink straw, wiping her lips. She holds the sides of her head and begins slumping towards the floor.
"Oh! Careful...I've got you" Ren lowers her down softly to the grass.
"I take it your getting a bad headache?"
Oliwia opens her eyes to nod but the intense fuzziness hurts her brain so she stops herself and just covers her face with her hands, almost starting to cry again.
"It's alright, how about you try and nap it off eh?" Ren reassures her and strokes the poof of hair on her head.
Oliwia fiddles with her sleeves as she tries to sleep, and despite feeling SOOOO exhausted, it isn't coming easy. All the strange sensations keep bringing herself back to consciousness.
"Just try to relax, I'll sit with you here tonight. No one will give you grief with me around." Ren keeps stroking her hair rythmically.
I'm not...alone? They want to stay with me...no..no I'm..I'm confused...they wouldn't sit with me all night. I should tell them to just go
While Oliwia's mind sparkles everywhere, Ren begins quietly humming carnival tunes, the ones they echo to themselves to calm down. This catches Oliwia's focus and she listens in for a moment. It's loud enough to hear but not enough to shoot through the brain. It's nice.
She gradually begins falling into a restless sleep. And for 4 hours, that's what she got, with Ren right beside her.
"No!- You couldn't have thought we were friends? A Virgo like you!? Two people ruled by Mercury could never get on!!" Audrey's mangled words shout in her dream.
"Ah!"
Oliwia jolts awake and her eyes open, stinging yet again at how blurry everything is.
Ren yawns, "Oliwia? You okay?"
You're awake Oliwia, that was a dream..yes. Just a dream. Hellooo Earth to Oliwia's nervous system it was a freaking dream!! Wait I need to respond to Ren..God I'm hopeless..
"Bad dream.."
"Ah, no luck huh?"
She shakes her head slightly.
"..where are my glasses..my eyes hurt..."
"Your glasses? Ah they're just over here!" Ren sets Oliwia up against a tree and bounces over to where her glasses are.
"Here, put them on!"
Oliwia looks at Ren, the world now less harsh, everything looking softer and less stabby. She rubs her head again.
"Headache still not giving up?"
" 'm just tired...sorry.."
"You're okay..it's exhausting having meltdowns like this..I would know.."
Anddd her focus slips again.
They...understand?..That can't be?...No one gets overwhelmed like me when someone says mean things. They just get over it. I'm just weak.
"Oliwia? You with me..? Your staring into nothing and biting your nails-"
"Sorry!- I er, got distracted.."
"That's fine, we have plenty of time till morning, did you want to just try and sleep again?"
" -I can't sleep..my brain it's too..scrambled..? I can't relax.."
"Oh no worries. I get that. How about we wander to where the sea is and watch the waves?"
"No!-"
Oliwia looks down, "I mean I errm...I don't want to be covered in sand..it's too gritty..it makes me want to rip my skin off..heh..."
Ren nods and moves beside her to hold her back. They sit together for a moment.
"If you want...you can just leave..I don't want to keep you from doing something you enjoy.."
"Oliwia.-"
She shudders at the seriousness in their voice and her hands clasp together nervously in front of her chest, her thumb rubbing over her hand.
They soften their tone "I won't leave you if you need support. You're scared and so you deserve someone to sit with you and scare the monsters away? Yeah?"
"For me...?" 🥺
"Why wouldn't I?"
"I'm such a freak...no one ever wants to be my friend..I'm too...I-I don't even know...they don't like how I talk about...the the.." she loses her wording.
"My..my hobbies...they don't like my hobbies. They shun me away and say I'm weird..I'm sick in the head...I hate it when they say that..it makes my..stomach feel bad and I...........I don't know..........."
She stares into the ground and turns herself to face the tree, mostly her back facing Ren.
"Do you like hugs?"
"People don't give me them often..I think I like them..."
Ren hugs Oliwia's tense body, not squeezing tight but keeping her close.
"You see..people made fun of me too. Always saying I'm too hyper, that I'm too loud too excitable too this too that. I was always too much for them. But, I was enough for me, and I knew what I needed. Because the second I tried to shun my inner carni I became incredibly miserable..."
"You will find your people, okay? And right now you have me."
"You...? I'm your friend?"
"Mmhhmmm :>"
" Wow...."
Tears well up in Oliwia's eyes again, building a warm fuzzy feeling. Ren gives her a reassuring squeeze, leaning her against them.
"You feeling sick again?"
"No..no.. I mean I am um very tired but I um...it's...nice having a friend.." she tries to explain.
"Do you not have friendssss, like more than one?"
"Mm..no..."
"I thought you were all buddy with Aubrey?"
"Oh...yeah..but she's gone...so what's the point..."
"There you go! You have friends :D"
"I- yeah..." Oliwia quietens, fidgeting with her hands again.
Ren rubs her side, sensing her rising anxiety. Oliwia stares down at her hands, her eyes slowly falling shut.
"I.." her sentence trails off.
Ren waits for her to continue. She doesn't.
"Hm?"
Oh no!Oh No!! I said something. What did I even say- I was just thinking. I don't- Arghhhh
"Did you want something?"
They're asking what I want..come on Oliwia speak..tell them you're tired. They already know you're freaking tired!! Tell them you need more sleep. You're too tired. Oliwia, tell them you're tired. You're too tired.
"I um..."
"I.......I'm just uh...too..tired.. I erm..."
Ren gives her a second to finish off her sentence. They smile at her.
Sleep. You want to go back to sleep, even if it takes ages to fall asleep
"I um- sleep. I'm tired..?"
"Ahh you want to go back to sleep? Fair idea, you must be exhausted"
Oliwia nods, lying herself down on the grass again, curling in on herself. Ren shuffles over and leans against the tree in front of Oliwia, close enough to look at her but not watching her, because that's off putting to someone trying to sleep.
"Sweet dreams. I'm going to sleep as well. It's been a long day"
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The sun glares right into Oliwia's eyes, waking her up by blinding her yet again.
"Ow!"
"Wait...why am I sleeping in my glasses.."
"Morningggg!" Ren announces, dangling from a tree.
"not so loud please...my head..." Oliwia whispers.
"You say something?"
"Um...can you........be a little more...quiet? Your noise is hurting my ..head"
"Headache again?"
Do I say yes..? I mean I don't but..would or would not Ren make fun of me if I said I "just felt sensitive". Would or would not they not understand. So hard to know...
"Oliwiaaaaa, zoning out againnn"
"Sorry!- I erm...my head is sensitive to..noise?
Argh! That probably doesn't even make sense!
"Oh goodness of course it would be! How silly of me to forget-"
They jump down from the tree.
"Sorry for being loud. I forgot how taxing they are. The aches don't go away instantly do they?"
Oliwia shakes her head, but smiles at their apology. She felt, appreciated, for the second time. And it definitely felt more genuine than...well..last time.
She sits herself up, running her hands through her hair to get it just how she likes it. She adjusts her clothes and stretches, waking herself up. Ren smiles to themselves, seeing how much more comfortable Oliwia is. And that confidence shatters the second Oliwia's stomach grumbles loudly, and she immediately flushes pink and looks away. Ren knows they have to approach it carefully or it would lead Oliwia to be mortified and never talk to them again.
"Do you want to come with me up some trees to pick fruit?"
"Oh I don't know...."
"I could be up in the trees and you catch them at the bottom?"
"O-okay"
Ren begins bouncing off everywhere, finding fruit trees. Oliwia gets lost off behind them.
"Wait!" She pants. "Where'd you go..."
"Upp hereeeee!" ✨️✨️
"Ah! You scared me..."
"Sorrryyyyy!"
Oliwia positions herself under the tree and holds her hands out to grab the fruit.
"I'm ready..."
Ren begins dropping oranges into her arms. One starts falling an angle and she dodges to the right.
"Um!-"
Ren pauses and peakes down at her.
"You um...nearly hit me.." she looks at the floor.
"Oh sorry! I'll try to be more careful"
They move through the trees, collecting oranges and apples.
"..What do you want me to do with them.."
"We're going to share them with Nura and Dunia!"
"Oh...okay.."
"You okay with that?"
Ren hops down from the tree.
"Yes..of course.." Oliwia masks a smile.
"Here, let me carry some.."
Ren takes roughly half of the fruits, leading Oliwia to where their alliance sits. She follows them nervously.
Do they like me? I haven't spoken to them before..they'll probably hate me because I sabotaged the challenges...Oh why did I do that..
"You ever met Dunia or Nura?"
Oliwia shakes her head.
"I know Nura comes off as..abrasive..but she is soft inside, you just have to get to know her and give her time"
"O-Okay.." she looks down at the fruit.
"Dunia is really nice, you don't need to be scared of her, just don't get on her wrong side"
Just be nice to her. Don't get on her wrong side. Okay. Don't mess everything up like you always to. Just sit and be..nice..
"Uhh Oliwia it's this way-"
Ren nudges Oliwia in the right direction.
"Oh, sorry."
"Eh you're all good"
Ren walks them over to the alliance:Nura and Dunia sat in comfortable silence. They stand beside each other,Oliwia looking down, ashamed.
"We got fruit for brekkie!" Ren does jazz hands around the fruit, Oliwia still avoiding anyone's gaze.
Why thank you" Dunia says, while Ren sets the fruit down in the centre of where they are sat.
Oliwia just stands there, arms folded in front of her chest, still looking down. Ren lightly nudges her.
"Come sit!"
She follows their lead, moving slightly robitically. She takes a seat but doesn't take any fruit, unlike the others who dive in to the juicyness.
"Do you not want anything, honey?" Dunia asks.
"I'm..I'm okay.."
"You sure? We don't bite.."
Great. She thinks I'm stupid. I know you won't hurt me, otherwise you wouldnt pass the screening
"psst- here Oliwia" Ren gives her an orange.
She just holds it, "I'm not hungry..."
But Ren knows she is. And she knows she is, but she can't eat with everyone staring. She lifts her head up and she realises everyone is so engrossed with their own thing they don't notice her. Or maybe they're purposefully ignoring her to be nice. [ Ren is up a tree again, Dunia making mini representations for her altar, and Nura is just falling asleep]
Oliwia eats her orange and even though no one seems to be interested in what she's doing, she feels..cared for? In a way where no-one bothers her and spirals her into a panic attack. Maybe someone actually likes her...maybe..