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Oh, I don't have you here with me
But at least I have the memories
I tried to make it through the night
But I can't control my mind
-Thinkin Bout You, Ariana Grande
Got these thoughts in my head
Ain't no way to forget
Got me losin' my breath
Nobody got me the way that you did
-Thinkin Bout You, Ariana Grande
Percy was laughing as he made his way off the dance floor. The song had started to slow down and this was the perfect time to grab a drink of some water and rest his feet. He and Elio had been killing it on the floor. So had Blue. Deja and Jamie were sitting at the little table they had chosen to watch everyone's stuff while Cam went up to the counter and ordered a round of water for everyone. It was nice, it had been a hard few weeks since they had all hung out.
Who's fault was that, hm?
Looking around the collective group, Percy's eyes tracked and fell on Blue. Blue who looked stunning. Blue who was wearing a cropped and ruffled white shirt with the tightest light wash jeans he had ever seen them in. They had to be new. Percy was trying really hard not to stare too long, but Blue looked good and Percy missed them. Missed them like a limb, like an organ. He wanted to apologize, to take it back and go back to the way things were, but he couldn't. He couldn't because this really was for the best.
Taking a sip of the bottled water Jamie had been watching for him, Percy felt the first real smile come over his face of the whole evening. He missed this, missed everyone just existing in the same space. Sure, there was a bit of tension between him and Blue, but that would go away after awhile. When they realized that he was right and they were better off without him. It was merely a matter of time. Just as he was taking another sip, a shadow fell over the group and a person with dark eyes and short dark hair appeared from the dance floor. Their face was flushed a bit and they had a smile on their face while they looked at… Blue.
Percy felt sick.
"Hey, I saw you dancing out there and you looked like you were having a lot of fun." Blue smiled something plastic and insincere as they nodded along. "Um, I'm Zell he/him. Would you like to dance with me? Just for a song or two?" The plastic-ness of their smile fell away a bit as Blue looked him over, top to bottom.
Percy's stomach was rolling.
He caught the small glance that Blue sent his way, before they turned fully to face this Zell guy. "I'd love to, I'm Blue they/them." Percy's hand tightened around his bottle briefly before he forced himself to let it loosen up. He didn't get to do this. Didn't get to have a say in who Blue danced with anymore. Looking away from Blue and this guy walking away, Percy met Elio's eyes and felt his stomach clench around itself again.
"You could ask them to dance, you know?"
"I don't get to do that anymore."
"You could, if you just—"
"No, Elio. We've been over this."
Except… except friends danced with each other… it wouldn't be so horrible if he just asked them to dance as friends would it? He could do that couldn't he? Just a friendly dance.
His hands on their hips, their body moving in time with his and his face buried in their neck. Or their face in his, he wasn't very picky. Then maybe just a kiss or two, just something to take the edge off both of them.
Shaking his head, Percy found Blue and the guy on the dance floor. His hands on their waist. Their hands wrapped around his neck. The two of them dancing together in time to the music. Percy's grip on his water bottle tightened again. He saw Deja and Cam exchange a look out of the corner of his eye, but he couldn't look away from Blue and their dance partner.
I'm just thinkin' bout you. I'm thinkin' bout you.
Percy couldn't do anything but think about Blue. How their last trip to the club has ended up with the pair of them rolling around laughing in bed together. How they had whispered 'I love you' when they thought Percy was asleep afterwards. How tired they were the next morning and the sleepy kisses that followed. God, Percy missed them.
He missed them so much it hurt and ached and fuck he was so glad to see them doing okay again but… but he wanted to be the one with them on the dance floor.
Never before had he regretted what he did. He knew it was the right thing to do. Someone else could love Blue more than Percy could. Could adore them more than Percy could. Could be better for them in ways Percy couldn't. No, Percy had done the right thing…
Why did the right thing make him feel so awful? Why did it have to hurt so much to do? Why—
Percy watched as Blue's head tilted to the side while they laughed. A laugh that Percy craved hearing like it was the oxygen in his blood. Looking away from the pair on the dance floor, Percy felt something deep in his gut rebel and protest the notion of Blue being with someone else. Except… Except isn't that what he wanted? Didn't he want someone to love Blue how they deserved to be loved, love them better than he could himself?
A tightness in his throat made itself known as he tried to swallow a drink of water. His eyes drifted back to Blue and their dance partner. His hands clenched along with his stomach and Percy tried to ignore Elio's hand on his elbow. A hand meant to comfort or restrain, Percy wasn't entirely sure which one it was for or which one he needed it to be. The song came to an end and Blue stayed on the floor with the guy. Deja and Cam joined them, but Elio didn't leave Percy's side.
"Perce?" Elio's voice was cautious and low, so low Percy almost missed it entirely. Percy pulled his gaze away from Blue's hips where their partners hands were and looked into Elio's eyes. "You need to breathe, Percy."
Oh.
He hadn't realized he hadn't been breathing.
Sucking in something close to a breath through his teeth, Percy felt his lungs scream alongside his mind. "You know," Jamie's voice cut through Percy's mental downfall. "you could go ask them to dance as friends, but if you do that I'd wait until they were done with someone who actually wants to be with them." Percy didn't wince at Jamie's words, but it was a near thing. It wasn't about want it was about what was right and Percy wasn't right for Blue. Not when they needed care and gentleness and someone to love them in an all consuming way. Percy couldn't do that anymore. Wouldn't let himself feel that again.
Still, he had to suck in another breath through his teeth as Jamie took a drink of whatever was in his hand. Elio winced for a second before shrugging a shoulder in resignation. "You could ask. They might say no, but you could ask." Percy's fingertips tingled as he looked back to where Blue was dancing. The guy was whispering something in their ear and Percy saw red. A sharp, painful breath came through his mouth and down his throat, burning and cutting the lining of his lungs, deep into the bones of his ribs.
Setting down his drink, Percy made his way out onto the dance floor. Slinking between people and coming up right behind Cam and Deja. Sliding behind the pair, Percy came up behind Blue's dance partner and tapped his shoulder. "Mind if I cut in?" The guy's head turned a bit with his eyebrow raised before looking back to Blue. Blue who was already looking at Percy. Blue who looked livid.
"Percy, what the fuck are you—" The guy stepped away and Percy cut around him to pull Blue into his arms. They fit so right in that place. Fit like Percy had never done anything to pull them away from him. "Zell—" But he was already gone and Percy couldn't find it in himself to feel even a little bad.
Spinning Blue in his arms, Percy stepped up in front of them and held on for dear life. "Blue—" Large green eyes looked up at Percy through thick lashes and Percy… he's never claimed to be a smart man.
The music changed and Percy leaned down.
Blue's lips tasted better than ever before.
Blue's lips parted under Percy's. He felt them lean into him, felt his own hands grip their waist and pull them closer. Felt his heartbeat in his ears to the beat of the song playing overhead. Percy felt alive for the first time in weeks.
Then Blue pulled away with a sharp gasp.
Then Percy's brain restarted and Blue shrank away from him. Blue's eyes misting over and their body folding in on themself. Percy held them tighter, held them closer, kept them from disappearing before his very eyes. Kept them from shrinking into the small person he never wanted to see them be again.
"Why did you do that, Perseus. Why—"
And, well… Percy had never claimed to be a smart man…
Suddenly his head snapped to the side and Blue's hand was lowering from his cheek. His hand came up to ghost over the heated skin as Blue's hand covered their mouth. "Shit— I— Blue—"
"Don't. Don't you dare, Perseus Tozaki." Stepping out of his arms, Blue spun on their heel and crowded in between Deja and Cam, who were watching Percy like he had just grown a second head.
No.
Like he had just kissed their friend who's heart he broke.
Percy's hand was still hovering over his cheek when they left and Percy couldn't think of anything other than the feeling of Blue in his arms. Blue's lips on his own. Of Blue and how he had let the best person slip away because he was scared.
"Fuck."