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Kaito wasn’t having a great morning.
Between the hangover from the previous night's drinks and the shitshow that was his family, his life in general hadn’t been great lately. Of course, he had a few ideas to make it great again.
Bored, Kaito opened his Instagram. only to find the first post was from Hattori Heiji—a selfie of himself with his fiance Kudo Shinichi, both holding icecreams and flashing their expensive rings. To be accosted with his cousin's apparently perfect love life was a curse, especially when he was actually waiting for said cousin's impunctual partner. He glared at the photo, hoping that would turn it into digital ash.
“You gotta double tap,” a shadow covered his form for a brief second before the chair in front of him was pulled out and Hattori Heiji sat down. “That's how you like posts!”
Kaito glowered internally. Though Kaito had met the Great Detective of the West many times as KID, this was only their second meeting as Kuroba Kaito and Hattori Heiji. The first was when Shinichi had brought Hattori to the most awkward family reunion dinner of their lives involving the Kudo-Kuroba parents and kids. Meitantei did have a strange sense of humour.
“Hattori-kun, you're late,” Kaito began, pushing those memories behind a fake smile and making Hattori raise his eyebrow questioningly. “I have ordered coffee for you. If you'd like something else, order away!”
Hattori grimaced, adjusting in his seat and placing his hands on the table,
“Okay, well… I think we are past pretending civility, aren't we? Just cut to the chase so we can both go on with our lives. Shinichi and I have to attend a case hearing today. And then we have to look at menus.”
“Menus…” Kaito grit his teeth. Cases. As if Kaito had nothing better to do than hang out with some barely competent detective who couldn’t even see through his disguise. “If our parents hadn’t fucked up, Shinichi would’ve been mine. That ring would've been on my finger. We would’ve been picking menus.”
Heiji, to his surprise, didn’t look annoyed, just exasperated as he rolled his eyes. Kaito mentally narrowed his eyes. Hattori Heiji looked unperturbed. Now that was new… No matter, Kaito had his ways.
“Okayyy…” Hattori said, slowly as the waiter arrived with their drinks, placed them on the table and left. His table companion’s coffee was a cappuccino with a heart on top. Kaito had customised that for him. “And your point is?”
“You better be treating him well,” Kaito muttered, swirling his own KitKat milkshake, aggressively with a straw. “I'll be watching. And if I see you hurting him…”
Hattori stared at him and when Kaito just proceeded to take a bite out of his KitKat, he asked, “What?”
Kaito shrugged and then chugged half of his drink and let out a satisfied ‘ahh’ that had a woman from another table throw him a dirty look. He smiled innocently and winked back charmingly, making the woman blush.
“Well, you know me, Nishi no Meitantei,” he replied eventually, returning his attention back to his table partner, feeling himself to be in better spirits as he smirked. “I can whisk him away from under your nose. Give him many orgasms.”
Hattori went red, despite his dark skin, and started coughing. His hand reflexively reached out for a glass of water which wasn’t present. Kaito leisurely raised a hand to signal a waiter. Perhaps, he was having a great morning.
“That's the weirdest shovel talk ever, dude,” Hattori said, as he rubbed his face. “At least Nee-chan threatened to use Karate on me, which seems like an actual threat.”
Kaito could think of a thousand magic tricks he could perform on his cousin’s annoying fiance to shut him up. “You think I'm joking?”
Hattori sighed.“Look, I know all of this is weird. No one wants to find out at seventeen that they have a family they weren't aware of, or that that family happens to be someone you were already well acquainted with in a different manner. I mean, I know. I was there at that stupid dinner.”
Kaito opened his mouth but Hattori held up his hand to stop him. The gall of him!
“But after that messy chapter of our lives involving the organization and Shinichi being Conan, and you being KID, I think we all need to start from scratch. No matter how difficult it sounds, we need to do that. And so I need you to cooperate.”
“Cooperate? How?” Kaito scoffed. “By letting go of the guy I like?”
“Actually, yes. Shinichi and I love each other a lot. And on our wedding day I want him to be happy.”
Kaito huffed and looked away. Not that there was much to look at. The restaurant was filled with couples and small families with noisy kids. He had no idea why he’d chosen to be tortured like this. Maybe it was his inner masochist rearing its head again.
“And uh, I know you don’t like me,” Hattori continued, his gaze now focused on the coffee he’d yet not touched. Was Hattori Heiji not a coffee lover? Hmm, that might upset his cous— “But I want you to be happy too. You were dealt an unfair hand and had to do things you wouldn’t have otherwise. I think it’s time you change that. Think about yourself and all the great things you could do with your intelligence.”
“Yes, that’s precisely what I’m doing, Hattori,” Kaito said, testily. “And it’s best you don’t get into my business or worry about me.”
Hattori shrugged. “Suit yourself. Just don’t try to get between me and Shinichi.”
Kaito smiled, threw the straw out and downed the last of his milkshake. Then he licked his lips and said,
“Don’t give me a reason to. Or, you know… my reputation precedes me!”
Then he winked, pivoted on his heel and walked out with all the air of a main character in a film.
That’ll keep his future brother-in-law on his toes. And, hopefully, his Meitantei well loved.