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Barok returned after a long visit to the main office, slightly tired from speaking with all the people who approached him during it, bringing up their concerns and suggestions. That had been the most unfortunate part of having his name cleared of the dreadful Reaper title: others didn’t fear him as much as they once had, forcing him into interactions he wasn’t used to having—and which quickly drained his mental energy.
So he walked into his office, hoping the rest of that day would be more peaceful.
“I apologize for my—”
He had a glimpse of his apprentice, curved over his desk, his head resting on his crossed arms. As soon as he heard Barok’s voice, however, he straightened his body, bringing a hand to his face. That unusual behavior worried Barok, who rushed to his side.
Something was definitely wrong. Was he crying…? The sight made Barok freeze in place. Kazuma looked away, quickly drying his tears.
“Is something wrong?” asked Barok.
“No… I’m fine. I won’t allow this to happen again.”
He didn’t sound fine at all. Barok observed him for a moment longer, trying to think of what he should do.
“If it is too hard for you, you can leave early for the day,” he said. “I will not judge you for it.”
“I said I’m fine, didn’t I?” Kazuma snapped back.
His change of tone only added to Barok’s concern. Sudden bursts of anger had been quite common during those difficult first days after his trial, but Kazuma always expressed regret after them and had been making a clear effort not to let it happen. For him to react like that, he certainly had a reason.
“Asogi…”
Barok reached toward him, but before his hand could touch his shoulder, Kazuma slapped it away.
“Stop pitying me!” He yelled. “I don’t need your help or fake concern. You’re only doing this because of how guilty you feel, aren’t you? So, stop it already! You can’t change what you did to me, so stop pretending you care just so you can feel better about yourself!”
Barok blinked, surprised. Kazuma glared at him for a moment, but then lowered his eyes. Slowly, that enraged expression faded into one of guilt.
“I’m sorry,” Kazuma muttered. “I didn’t mean to…” He paused, looking at Barok’s hand. “Did I hurt you?”
Barok shook his head, a painful bitterness growing in his chest. While his concern for Kazuma was genuine, there were fragments of truth in those sharp words.
“I deserved this,” he said.
“You didn’t…”
Kazuma stopped talking. He stayed quiet for a while, and part of Barok feared that the emotional outburst had only made him feel worse. To his surprise, however, Kazuma stood up, facing Barok with his entire body, a serious expression on his face.
“Prosecutor van Zieks,” he said. “Please, hit me.”
Barok stared at him, certain that he had misheard him. “What did you say…?”
“Hit me,” said Kazuma. “With all of your strength.”
That strange request floated inside Barok’s head as he struggled to fully understand its meaning. Kazuma couldn’t be really…
“Asogi…” he said in a cautious voice. “Are you asking me to… raise my hand against you?”
Even saying it felt wrong. But Kazuma’s determination didn’t falter.
“I am,” he said. “Now, and any time I act this way. Every time I hurt you, please do something worse to me.”
Barok was at a loss for words, staring at Kazuma in disbelief. “Why would I do something like that?”
“Because if you allow me to hurt you, I will never stop.” Kazuma lowered his eyes, a shadow covering his face. “And I don’t want this to happen, so, please… If I try to harm you again, stop me by any means necessary. And if you can’t stop me, then make me regret it.”
The absurdity of those words made Barok scowl. Kazuma’s slap hadn’t even hurt—if anything, Barok had been more surprised by the reaction than in any kind of pain. And, even if it had hurt, the thought of harming Kazuma was…
“No,” he said. “And don’t you ask me something like this again.”
Kazuma didn’t respond, keeping his gaze low. Barok was wondering if he should say something else or just give him some space when his apprentice spoke in a low voice.
“I… have a demon inside me.”
“Pardon?”
“It is an ugly part of me I wish did not exist,” Kazuma continued. “But it’s there… I fight it every day, but if I lower my guard for a single second, it overcomes me. I have fed it for far too long, and now… I can’t defeat it on my own. And I’m afraid it will devour me from the inside if I don’t stop it somehow.”
Barok observed him quietly for a while. Now those previous words made sense, or at least his worries did. But still, to ask something that extreme…
“And why would something like this help?” he asked.
“I don’t want to let it win, no matter the cost.”
“There must be a better way than this.”
Kazuma didn’t answer for a moment, seeming slightly hesitant. “But that’s not all. Since that day, I have said many horrible things to you… Things that should never be forgiven. And even if I didn’t mean any of it, it doesn’t change the fact that my words have hurt you.” He took a deep breath, steeling his resolve. “Lord van Zieks, please. Let out all of your anger so we can properly start again.”
Barok could only observe him for a long while. He hadn’t thought Kazuma was carrying worries that deep inside him. Every time his apprentice raised his voice at him, despite his clear remorse, Barok wished it had helped lighten his burdens, even if just a little. So much of his pain had been caused by Barok, even if indirectly, so part of him also believed he deserved that much.
If only he had realized earlier that he was just causing him a different kind of suffering…
Barok took a step in his direction, raising his hand; Kazuma closed his eyes, standing in place without flinching, just waiting for what was about to come. Instead of hitting him, however, Barok placed his hand on Kazuma’s head.
“I apologize for allowing you to go that far in the past,” he said. “But you must know that I feel no anger toward you. And I know how it is to say hurtful things to others while you are in pain.”
Kazuma opened his eyes, staring at him, taken aback. “But that’s not how I truly feel about you. Maybe how part of me wants to feel, but... I understand it wasn’t your fault. I really do.”
His words brought a faint but sincere smile to Barok’s lips. “This is more than I could have asked of you.”
Kazuma averted his gaze, muttering his response. “You really should do it. If you don’t, I might do it again… And, next time, I might really hurt you. Please, just do this for me.”
Barok shook his head. “There are many things I don’t know about you. But I have seen who you truly are. There is no demon inside of you… Just a man who had to endure more pain than humanly bearable since he was way too young to understand it.”
He brought his hand down to Kazuma’s shoulder, lightly squeezing it before letting go.
“I have hurt you enough times,” he added in a lower voice. “Please, don’t ask me to do such a horrible thing again.”
Those words seemed to finally break Kazuma’s resolve. He pressed his lips together, for a moment seeming about to cry again. But he didn’t, taking a deep breath before meeting Barok’s gaze.
“I’m sorry.”
Barok nodded. “I understand your feelings. I simply don’t think harming each other would do us any good.”
“You’re right…” Kazuma thought for a moment. “Lord van Zieks, can you just promise me one thing? If I do something horrible again, then…”
His words trailed off, but Barok understood the meaning in that silence.
“I won’t allow it to take you,” Barok muttered. “But in return, I also have something to ask of you.”
“What is it?”
“Help me fight my demons as well.” He brought a hand to his chest. “These ones that keep telling me there is no way to atone but through sacrifice. Even if said sacrifice hurts the one I want to protect.”
Kazuma’s eyes widened slightly, but soon that determination was back on his face. “How can I do it?”
“I wish I had a proper answer to give you,” Barok admitted. “But I suppose we can find a way to defeat them together.”
“I’m not sure if it will work, but… When you say it like this, I can almost believe it will.”
Hearing those words was a relief. However, Barok couldn’t simply ignore the state his apprentice had been in when he arrived at the office.
“For now,” he said, “would you tell me what is bothering you?”
Kazuma’s determination suddenly withered into reluctance. “It’s nothing that serious.”
“If it is hurting you, then it is serious to me.”
He meant those words—not just a consequence of his guilt, but a feeling that came from his heart. And, despite all of their previous misunderstandings, Kazuma seemed to comprehend it, since a faint smile took form on his lips.
“Alright.”
Maybe those demons wouldn’t be so easily defeated, but that understanding had been a first step for both of them.