Chapter Text
As I read off the ancient script from the worn book, I feel time slow down and speed up all at once like molasses shooting from a gun. The words that I speak feel like sand in my mouth as the others try to stop me, the barrier I put up keeping them from doing so. I cut my palm, flinching as I squeeze and place drops on the summoning circle.
I was summoning something to kill me to save everyone. A stupid, self-sacrificing cliche.
I can admit weird things happen in the village where I live, but purposefully seeking those things out is something I usually avoid. But, let's get one thing straight- I'm no hero,and I'm not going to pretend to be. I just didn't want my friends to die, ok? If that means I have to die in return, well, that's fine. I mean, it was going to happen eventually. After all the weird shit we had been through- fighting an underground tree god, a monstrous unimaginable being, and the occasional raccoon. I think I’m ready to go. I think its probably past my time.
I release a shaky breath I didn't realize I had been holding. Closing my eyes as I start to smell copper and brimstone.
The summoning had worked. And I was going to die.
I feel a war-calloused hand tilt my chin up and my eyes peek open then widen in what I see in front of me.
It...looked human. Supernaturally beautiful, but human. The kind of beautiful that makes you almost uncomfortable at staring at them for too long.
It smirked as my eyes met theirs.
“Well, I suppose you want a wedding huh? Cake, flowers, the whole shebang humans like?” it asked tilting it's head
Wait what. Why wasn't I dead already? Flowers? Who says shebang anyway?
“What are you talking about” I asked cautiously
It huffed out a laugh, “Well, you just proposed to me and I said yes. Isn't that what you wanted? The sacrifice in that book you’re holding said ‘offering yourself up’ it meant as a bride” it titled it's head, I knew it was internally laughing at my confused face.
Asshole
“Woah, dude,” Jerry said, coming closer now, not held back by the barrier. “If I knew you just wanted to get laid, I would’ve helped you. You made it sound dangerous. Which i suppose it can be if you’re up for it” he said, sizing the god up and down.
“This obviously wasn't the plan” I hissed at him “I was supposed to save the village, that was the whole point of dying"
“Well, I am feeling generous as it is my wedding day..."It thought aloud, a hand on its chin for dramatic effect, "Sure, I’ll keep the village under my care”
“But...?” I resigned. Gods don't do anything without something to gain
“But, what?” It teased, “This is my wedding gift to you, you should be singing my praises right now. Isn't this what you wanted?” Its eyebrows raised but the ever-present smirk never leaves its face as it spreads its arms.
I didn't know what I wanted. I expected to die, but now I’m married...to a god. It feels like there should've been a warning label or something.
Wait...holy shit!
The reality hit me like a ton of bricks.
I had proposed to the god of war and blood...
And it said yes?!
“Woah, woah, woah, I didn't know it meant that! Can we just forget this happened or something?”
It snorted a laugh “Afraid not, Jack, the contract had been sealed since I appeared”
“Then why did you appear?” I ask, frustration starting to seep into my voice
It moved closer, slowly but with intention, like a lion about to pounce its prey, “Because,” it dragged out. “You fascinate me. A nobody fighting things that they shouldn't and surviving? You should've been dead six times over trying to perform this. Priceless” It cackled.
He stared at me
I stared back.
"Nope, nope I decline, return to sender, no thank you, I don't date gods"
"Well good thing we're already married then, I'm not very good at sharing" it teased
"I didn't-we never-" I stutter
"Oh but I'm afraid you did. You spoke the vows, read the ritual, offered yourself in the form of blood, very traditional, very romantic"
Jerry appeared beside me, trying not to laugh but failing miserably
"So, are you loveirds going on a honeymoon? Can I come?" he asked
"Jerry. Never say anything ever again" I deadpanned
"A honeymoon does sound nice, I could use a break" It said
"Wait, I did this whole thing so you'd protect the village, that was the deal"
"And i intend to keep it, keep your head on" it waved its hand in annoyance "but we can both have some fun out of this, after all- we're now bonded"
"Bonded?"
Faster than I could react, it grabbed my wrist, yanked me forward, bored it's stare into my eyes and brushed it's thumb against the cut on my hand
Suddenly, it was burning. Burning like nothing I'd felt before.
One time when i was a kid, I wanted to be helpful and grabbed a metal pan from the fire with no gloves
Now imagine that, but electrifying- like a thousand bolts entering your body at once but somehow addictive, like the feeling of never feeling more alive before knowing you're about to die.
Like my blood was reacting to something that it wanted, no needed, to have now that it experienced it once.
I sucked in a breath as it let go and stepped back
"Ok, new rule, don't do that" I said, trying to regain my breath
It only huffed out a laugh.
"New rule? I don't think you get to make those" It teased, tilted it's head in amusement and crossed it's arms.
All of the sudden, the ground shivers, like something trying to click into place.
"What the hell was that?"
"I'm staking my claim, the village is mine now, that was our deal remember? Or were you too charmed by me to remember why you did this in the first place" It coos.
"If I survive this marriage, we're having a long talk about boundaries" I huff
It laughs, tilting it's head back "If you survive? No, Jack, you're going to survive. We're bonded. That means you can't get away. I know you felt when I touched you-"
"Don't phrase it like that"
"Point is, you're mine now" It leans down and gets close to my face "and I take care of my things" It states confidently.
"Ok!" Jerry says confidently clapping his hands "If we're going to do this, we're going to do this properly, like you said-shebang"
"Wait, what"
"Quiet Jack, the professionals are talking, now I'm thinking a grand cheese fountain in the middle of the reception..."
His voice fades out as I stare in horror.
It notices and smirks, giving me a coy, little wave as he discusses napkin colors.
I was married
To a god
Why couldn't I have died instead?