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Everyone had returned to the monastery after the battle at imperium, this time jay had returned with them.
The ninja were overjoyed to find out jays memories were returning.
After talking about what he remembered and what he didnt they all began to do their own things.
Riyu was showing of his new skills to rontu,
Arin was telling his parents about the latest adventure.
Wyldefire was melting empty cans with kai, zane and pixal were painting.
And indoors jay and cole were back to normal, fighting over the game remote.
The monastery was finally starting to sound like normal.
After a while everyone had vanished into their rooms, tired from the battle that had unfolded earlier that day.
Lloyd was finally alone, he took a seat on his bed but instead of sleeping his thoughts started to awaken.
His mind was drawn back to the version of him that he had to fight, the words said were flooding back to him.
'Why dont you blame someone else for you problems, like you usualy do.
Your dad.. ras.. the merge.. never realising the real problem all along'
"Am i really the problem.." lloyd whispered to himself, deep down he knew he was.
'How many times have you let your team down?
Youve nearly gotten them all killed!
Its a wonder they havent abandoned you yet'
Lloyd sighed, he sometimes asked himself why they chose to follow him.
After all.. other lloyd was right.. he did nearly get them killed multiple times.
'Arin went with ras because you were such a bad mentor!
You lost jay for so long his goodness was shattered!'
He wipes a stray tear from his eye, he felt guilty for not prioritising arin and jay.
If it wasnt for lloyd, they might have found jay in time..
Or found arins parents sooner..
He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the constant thoughts.
But no matter how much he tried they just kept coming, increasing his self doubt more.
'You ever wonder why master wu, whos still alive, hasnt even tried to come back? Hes to ashamed of what a faliure youve become!'
Was master wu truly ashamed of him..?
Lloyd swallowed down the tears, the thought of his master, his own uncle, being ashamed of him made him feel terrible.
'Its only a matter of time before the whole world falls because of you faliures as a leader.
And the worst thing.. your too clouded by your expectations to realise you cant handle it.
Thats what will destroy your friends..'
More tears began to form at the thought that he would cause everyones demise.
Deep down these were thoughts he repressed daily.
He always had these doubts and thoughts about himself but he chose to ignore them, not to let them get the better of him.
'Consider this a gift, an escape from all the mistakes youve made..'
Lloyd gulped at the reminder, other lloyd above him aiming a sword at him.
Ready to end him.. just like he had nearly ended the ninja multiple times..
Maybe that was what he deserved..
No lloyd dont think like that! Just push the thoughts away.. he thought to himself, shaking his head and laying down.
Just as more thoughts were beginning to replay they were interrupted by a knock at the door.
"Come in" lloyd called out, sitting up to greet who was entering.
"Hey lloyd, i need to chill with someone who isnt all lovey dovey.. the amount of kissing those two did was..shocking. No pun intended" kai sighed while taking a seat nexto lloyd.
Lloyd chuckled at the thought of how annoyed kai must have been.
He was thankful kai had walked in, putting an end the the thoughts.
Kai looked at lloyd and realised something was troubling his little brother.
He could notice a slight look of self hatred in those green eyes.
A look that kai knew all too well..
"Whats wrong buddy?" Kai asked while placing a hand on his shoulder.
He heard lloyd sigh.
"Dont worry, nothing important" lloyd offered a smile, trying to dodge the question.
"Lloyd..tell me" Kai looked at him with a soft expression.
He looked down at his hands, he knew kai would pester him until he told him.
Kai and nya were the only ones he truly opened up to, he was closer with them.
But if he told kai about all his failures what if kai decided lloyd was an unreliable leader.
"Um.. well during the rite of unrooting.. i had to face my greatest enemy.." lloyd looked back at kai who was patiently waiting.
"Oo garmadon? You saw your dad again?" Kai asked hopefully.
"No.. myself" lloyd shook his head.
"Wait.. you're your greatest enemy?" Kai questioned, looking confused.
"It was like an evil version of myself that was just full of hatred..
He.. told me things that werent nice to hear..
And i guess its just replaying in my mind" lloyd answered with a sigh, beginning to fidget with his hands uncomfortably.
"What did he say?" Kai asked in a gentle tone, hoping lloyd would tell him.
"Uh.." lloyd looked at him, uncertainty in his eyes.
Would kai abandon him like other lloyd said?
"Well.. he told me about all my faliures.. how i didnt find arins parents, how i didnt find jay in time.. how ive nearly gotten you all killed.. how master wu is probably ashamed of me.. how i let you all down.." lloyd looked away, preparing for kai to realise how much of a failure he is.
He was suprised when kai pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back supportively.
He looked up at kai, tears beginning to form in his emerald eyes.
"Lloyd, we all make mistakes okay? Master wu isnt ashamed of you, he is proud of you, you havent let any of us down! Your not a faliure, your just human! Well.. human, oni and dragon kinda mixed up.." kai spoke to lloyd, releasing him from the hug.
Lloyd smiled and nodded gently.
"But i think about it all the time.. thats why he was my greatest enemy.. i face that version of myself all the time and just push him down deeper"
Lloyd sighed and looked over at some pictures on the wall trying to distract himself.
"Lloyd, i think like that all the time too.. but i dont push it down, i learn to deal with it.
You will always get thoughts like that, especially as leader but its natural.
You could never let us down lloyd, I promise" kai hugged him again, feeling that lloyd needed more.
After a few minutes lloyd let out a yawn, finally the thoughts were subsiding and tiredness was kicking in.
"So uh.. shall i leave you to sleep? Do you want me to stay?" Kai let go of lloyd and also began to yawn.
"Ill be okay.. thanks kai" lloyd smiled at him and led down on his bed.
"Okay, goodnight lloyd" kai left the room with a smile.
He made a mental note to keep a closer eye on lloyd at the moment.