Work Text:
Gris x Enjin - confession
Enjin POV:
Gris seemed unphased by today's cleanup. Some giant trash beast, reminiscent of a fucking beaver— of all things. Yet, he seemed almost impenetrable out there backing me up. Groan I can't stop thinking about his demeanor. It almost pisses me off.
How does a guy like that keep that friendly composure in the face of insurmountable death?
We're our way back to headquarters. I kept my shades on to mask my expression—.
"Ay uh, Enjin?" His almost sultry voice snapped me out of my... emotions.
"Gris..., what's up?"
"You know, ever since we took out that trash beast, you've been kinda quiet... Somethin' on your mind?"
Perceptive.
"Nah man. Just focusing on this seemingly endless sandy trashy road."
"Enjin, you've been frowning hard the entire drive." Gris clearly wasn't buying it, and now I'm embarassed.
My face is too good of a tell.
sigh Guess I should.. come clean.
"Gris... You wanna know something? I have a problem with... speaking, speaking to
women. Words fall out. With chicks, all this feeling talk just doesn't really fit into who I am." I take off my sunglasses to look less isolated from Gris.
"But, when its just one of the guys, you and I, or Rudo's impulsive ass, or any of us as a team, my mind works right."
Gris listened intently, that damn half smirk still on his face.
"I don't get what it is." I gripped the steering wheel a bit harder, and whatever was on the radio morphed into static. A deadzone. Comical.
"I guess emotions have always been one of my biggest vulnerabilities, which is why I front as a cool guy. I'm nothing more than Rudo when I confront myself deep down."
Gris laughed, "The kid? He can barely hold his temper. Hell, give Rudo a chance to fight for whatever he believes in strongly and he's rabid. I never really got that from you."
"Oh yeah?" I smirked a bit "Guess my masking game is too easy."
Though, Gris's expression became... serious, not cold, not detached, just.. focused.
"You wanna know what I see in you, Enjin, if I may be so honest?"
Oh now I gotta hear this. "Lay it on me"
"Its clear you have a crush on me. I mean, you don't exactly pass for fully straight just because you play up the 60s greaser boy type."
Hrrk!— WHAT?
Immediately my foot hit the breaks and we stopped.
I processed what he said. But I couldn't say anything back, I turned to him as if about to yell at him for saying something so fucking...
We stared at each other for a few minutes.
"Right..." I muttered, as I burried my head in the steering wheel, my hands covering my face.
"Hm? Come again? Enjin?"
"You're right. Okay?" I raised my head, my eyes seemed tired. "Guess I'm not as good at masking my feelings as I'd initially thought. Figures."
"Does it bother you? The whole... same-sex attraction thing?"
"...Firstly, I wouldn't call it 'same-sex attraction'."
"I know deep down, I'm... I'm bisexual. That's what it is. And well— I think what bothers me more is the perception OF me." My expression grew more frustrated... But Gris sat intently listening.
"I have my tropes, the lighthearted bad boy, the lady's man, the leader, I may not keep my shit together but I'm supposed to adhere to a few things: never be phased by adversity, never show true emotions and keep a brave face for the cleaners."
As saddened as I felt, as if I had just lost a part of myself to the sheer truth of it all... it was also relieving.
"And suppose... sexuality was an unspoken rule of mine. Heh, I figure Rudo would ask me something like this before you did."
Gris laughed, "Beat him to it... though I have a hunch you would've just told him you were the ladies man, and that would be the end of that."
"Yeup. Because Rudo has no business digging into personal matters of mine. Not this deep at least. Besides, if I walked around telling everyone what I truly felt, I don't think..."
"Stop right there." Gris interjected, again this a sternness to him, I almost felt charmed.
"You're not definable by who you're attracted to. Yes, I suppose you're right. Men live by a code of honor; their tropes, but men also add a lot of really suffocating addendums to that code. But us, the cleaners, we, look up to you."
The static from the radio felt piercing in this moment so I shut it off and let Gris have his say properly.
"Your value as our leader comes from how passionate you are, you carry integrity. You face danger with this unphased demeanor. Nothing can get by you. What you do, Enjin, is artistically weave being a sensible and morally just leader with this in-touch cool guy. Some of it may be a facade, sure. But you've never given me reason to question your leadership."
It felt good to hear that, my chest feels all... glittery.
"Gris..." I picked my head up off the steering wheel and faced him, the glittery feeling was hitting my chest, my stomach and now my face.
"I-I, don't really know if I can tell you a response better than thank you but I..."
Fuck it.
I leaned in and softly kissed him on the cheek. I could tell it surpised him because I'd never seen the man blush.
The kiss lasted for only for a moment, and the immediately turned away, hiding my red face.
"E-Enjin." Gris's stern voice turned a bit shaken. "Look at me."
My head felt like a boulder as I turned to him, still holding on to this stupid mask's habits. "What's up... Gris?" I tried to act normal but I couldn't even understand what I just did. I'm all frazzled.
I saw Gris's expression, that stern stare. Damn. Did I screw up? Was that kiss too far? Fuck. I fucked up.
Almost in half the second these thoughts poured in, Gris leaned in and placed his lips on mine. He tugged a bit at my jacket to pull me in as we locked lips.
This.
This felt right.
Gris's mouth was tender, and his musk was rustic. God I loved the feel of him against me.
He placed his hand gently on my cheek, and rested the other around my shoulder. I reciprocated by placing my hand on his cheek.
Gris broke the kiss, smiling like a goof.
"So, I guess you DO have a crush on me. You were so obvious." The way Gris spoke was warm and playful, for a guy who swings between friendly and stern, this was a breath of fresh air.
He was beautiful.
"Well, suppose that means you had a crush on me too huh?" I laughed.
We both sat back, "Lets go back to headquarters and we can finish this conversation in private."
"Sounds like a plan."
I began driving again, no radio, just the road, and one hand on the wheel. The other was holding Gris's hand.
I guess I am bi. A man's man. Just as much as I'm a lady's man.