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This whole secret relationship thing is going a lot better than either Buck or Eddie could have expected.
They've been dating for four weeks now, which was a few days after Eddie had come to the realisation that he was gay and loves one man in particular. Buck had joked that they need to tell Chimney because of chain of command, and Eddie had laughed, because of course. But, he just wasn't ready to tell anybody yet. Buck of all people understood that.
They told Christopher straight away. He wasn't shocked about either pieces of information. But they didn't tell anybody else. They didn't want to tell Maddie in case she told Chimney, and he told Hen. Chris is most important, anyway. Maybe not telling Maddie is hard for Buck. But Eddie needs to trust him with this.
Eddie's wakes first. He feels Buck's arm still wrapped around his stomach, just like it was when they fell asleep the night before. He glances at the alarm clock at his left side, the red numbers flickering 6:27. He sighs, stares at the ceiling. This whole thing is kind of insane to him, even now. He's in love with his best friend. His best friend is in love with him.
It doesn't take long for Buck to begin to stir beside him. Eddie turns to him, watching as his eyes flutter open. Buck groans.
"Morning, sleeping beauty." Eddie smiles.
By instinct, Buck rolls his eyes. But a smile peaks through.
"I was wondering when you'd wake from your slumber. I feel the need for breakfast."
Buck quirks an eyebrow up. Two can play that game. "Can prince charming not make his own chocolate chip pancakes?"
"Not unless you want B-shift getting called to our house."
Buck's heart stutters. Our.
They've been dating for exactly twenty seven days. He's been counting. They've spent every free night at Eddie's place. He likes knowing that he can come home from dinner with Maddie, laced with lies, and collapse on the couch. He likes buying groceries and bringing them here. It's true. He's never felt like a guest here.
And that's why a familiar warm feeling makes its way into his chest, and his grip on Eddie tightens. It's subtle. He doubts Eddie notices.
"On second thought…" Eddie trails off, propping himself up on his elbow. The blanket falls further down his waist. Yes, Buck's looking, sue him. He's his now. "I'm in the mood for an entree."
"At six thirty in the morning?" Buck raises his eyebrows, a knowing smirk at his lips.
"Well, Chris is at his friend's place until eleven."
Buck's smirk spreads into a smile. He grips either side of Eddie's face, and brings his lips down to meet his own. He feels Eddie smile into the kiss, then his hand finds his hip. Kisses like these can't happen at the firehouse and it drives both of them insane. Barely any kisses at all, actually. Sometimes they find a stolen moment in the bathroom or bunks, but that's rare.
So you can understand why Eddie collapses on top of Buck, one leg on either side of him.
In the engine, they sit next to each other. They only do that because they sat next to each other pre-relationship. It wouldn't seem new, or weird.
Buck and Eddie's knees are pressed up against each other. Buck tries to hide his smile as Hen and Ravi discuss something. He doesn't hear a single word being said, but neither does Eddie, who is currently beet red.
"Buck, tell her I'm right."
Buck's head snaps up, looking between Ravi and Hen. He doesn't pull his knee away. His brain finally catches up. Right. Ravi. Ravi wants back up.
"Oh, yeah, he's right."
Buck just really hopes that wasn't weird. If he was truly listening, he'd definitely go all Um Actually mode and info dump about whatever they were discussing. Alternatively, he'd research once back at the station, and bring it up at either lunch or dinner.
He looks at Eddie, almost positive his cheeks are now the same shade of pink.
Eddie reaches the top of the stairs at the firehouse, following the smell of lasagna. In the past, he'd be with Buck whilst he cooked or baked, maybe even lending a helping hand. Now, he tries to find something else to do. He walks up to the counter. "Smells good, Buck."
"Thanks, Eddie."
Buck turns around with the lasagna, going to put it down on the counter, and Eddie catches sight of his apron. Kiss the chef.
Buck watches as Eddie's jaw goes slack. After that, he barely gives him a glance. Eddie has no idea what's gotten into him. Is Buck being petty? Bratty? All of the above?
Eddie walks away, deciding he's just lost whatever it is Buck is trying to do. If it was to make Eddie lose his goddamn mind, he's done it.
Buck follows him, allowing the lasagna to cool for a few minutes. He ends up right behind Eddie, neither man saying anything for a few moments.
"Bathroom. Right after lunch." Eddie demands. Buck nods, his breath leaving goosebumps on Eddie's neck. He shivers slightly.
"Eddie?" Buck calls out once he enters. He walks past a few stalls, then feels a hand grip his wrist. In a blur, he gets pulled into a stall. Just as quickly, he's getting pushed up against the door and there's hands on his waist and lips crashing onto his own and the strong scent of Eddie's cologne overtaking the rest of his senses.
"Mph-" Buck lets out a noise, but he melts into the kiss just as fast, his hands landing on Eddie's jaw.
It's intense. It's desperate. It's hungry. It's everything they can't do at work. Buck knows this. Eddie knows this. But the adrenaline and sharp inhales say otherwise. And maybe what it's saying is that they don't care right now.
"What are we—" A kiss. "In high—" A longer kiss. "School?"
Eddie pulls away for an extremely quick moment. "You knew what you were doing," and then he's attaching his lips back onto Buck's.
Buck isn't going to argue with him. He knew the effect it would more than likely have on Eddie, and yeah, a part of him was certainly hoping for it. His hands find the other man's shoulders, gripping the fabric of his uniform. Buck can hear his heartbeat in his ears. At least he hasn't gone into cardiac arrest from this.
Buck has no idea what the plan is here. Are they going to just kiss like this until the alarm sounds? Sneak a quickie in? Just walk away? He finds that he doesn't really care that much at the moment. In the extremely near future, yeah, but right now he wants to never let go of Eddie. That can never truly be a reality, but it'd be nice.
Eddie's lips are intoxicating. Buck could get drunk off of it. He truly could. And when Eddie inevitably pulls back, he tries to chase them. Obviously, that doesn't work.
"What are we doing?" Eddie asks.
"I believe what you'd call that is making out." Buck responds matter-of-factually.
"Well, yes, that. But hiding this. Finding stolen moments. Only truly being ourselves in the safety of our own home."
There it is again. Our home.
"I believe we mutually decided to keep us a secret. Just until we've settled in, and you're ready to tell people about you and us." Buck reminds him.
"But what if I am ready?" Eddie questions. "I know I'm gay, I know I love you. It's not really anyone elses business what we do anyway. What's the point of hiding it? They've probably already figured it out."
Buck takes both of Eddie's hands, his grip comforting and grounding. "If you were ready, you'd know. And when you are, I'll scream it from the rooftops. I still can't believe my best friend loves me back." Buck smiles as he leans in to peck Eddie on the lips.
Eddie smiles too, but it falters, even if it's just ever-so-slightly. "Now. I love you. But we need to head back out before anybody gets suspicious."
Eddie nods, letting go of Buck's hands. "You go out first. I need a minute." Buck turns around and unlocks the stall, making his way out.
Eddie closes it once more behind him.
Those same words race through his head repeatedly. If you were ready, you'd know. How is Eddie supposed to know if he's truly ready? He supposes Buck has an idea. After all, he was forced out before he was ready by Tommy. If he could, Eddie would punch him out for that.
For a split second. he wonders if this situation is similar. Buck could never be like that… old hag. And it's kind of the opposite, isn't it? Buck is ready to wait for Eddie. The Old Hag straight up said he wasn't ready and that Buck had to deal with it all himself. He remembers The Old Hag saying something about closet space. Bull shit.
So, moral of the story, Buck got forced out to everybody before he was ready. That isn't what's happening here. No, Buck is with him and he's waiting for him to come out on his own terms. But how is he supposed to know when that is?
When both Eddie and Buck come out of the bathroom, Harry and Ravi watch them from near the trucks. Harry's eyebrows are raised. "Are they like this a lot?"
"Yeah, they fight sometimes. Usually I miss them as I'm at B-shift. I do know before Eddie moved Buck tried to get a dog as his new best friend to replace Eddie. And then after he moved, Buck slept with his ex." Ravi explains. "That second one was my fault. Anyway, I have no idea what's happening now. They're barely speaking."
Next shift, Buck and Eddie are sat at the table, across from Chimney and Hen. There's a delicious lunch laid out in front of them, thanks to Buck obviously, but Eddie is still hung up on the bathroom discussion. Eddie doesn't know if he's ready but he does know that even though Buck was joking about the chain-of-command, he is right. And if he's going to tell anyone, it should be their captain.
Eddie moves his hand under the table, finding Buck's. He puts his own pinky on Buck's, smiling slightly. Buck looks at him, his general look not giving much away, but Eddie knows Buck's eyes say a thousand words. No doubt his touch does the same.
After lunch, Eddie was going to Chimney's office. He was. But his feet take him to Hen instead. He needs some queer older sister advice.
He catches Hen near the trucks. Nobody else seems to be around, thank God.
"Hey, Eddie," Hen greets.
Right. Here goes nothing.
"Okay, I'm about to tell you two things I've only told three people. Those three people being my son, my therapist, and my best friend. Well, I can't really call him that anymore. And I'm telling you this in confidence. I know you won't tell anyone. And I just need help trying to figure out what to do." Eddie rambles. He takes a breath, lets it out. "I'm gay. I'm dating Buck."
Hen grins, pulling Eddie in for a hug. "Eddie! This is amazing! I'm so proud of you."
Eddie pulls away. smiling. "Yeah, I know. Me too. But this is the thing, you know? Buck and I have been dating for almost a month. We decided to keep it hush hush, because I had only realised I'm gay a few days before, and I wasn't ready yet. We thought it'd nice to have it just for us."
Hen nods, understanding.
"But now… I'm getting sick of it. The secrecy of it all was fun for about a week and a half, stolen kisses, hushed whispers. But now I just want to be able to kiss my boyfriend. But how am I supposed to know if I'm ready? Buck seems to think I'm not, and maybe he's right."
Hen lets out a sigh. "Listen, I know this is difficult, but only you truly know when you're ready. And maybe, there will always be an uncertainty there. You don't have to tell anybody you're not ready to tell. Hell, you don't have to actually tell anybody. Just be yourself. Let your actions speak the words for you."
Eddie musters up a few nods. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."
Hen puts a hand on Eddie's arm. "I'm happy for you, though. For both of you."
Five minutes later, Eddie finds Buck walking around the firehouse. He grabs his hand without a care in the world, dragging him to some sort of storage closet. As Eddie locks the door behind them, he realises the closet is a lot smaller when there's two people in there. They're practically chest to chest.
"I talked to Hen." Eddie announces. "I told her. About me, about us."
Buck grins, hands finding Eddie's shoulders. "I'm so proud of you."
Eddie smiles slightly. "Yeah, well, she told me I don't have to actually say anything to anyone. I can just let actions speak volumes. But I think we have to at least tell Chim, you know. Especially after all the, um, sneaking around behind his back. And I think I'm ready now."
Buck nods.
"But, hey, I've thought that a lot since we got together. Oh, I'm ready to tell everyone. I certainly wasn't ready then. But that's because there's a voice in the back of my mind." Eddie points to his head. "You know, telling me, the way I am… is wrong. And that voice sounds a lot like my mother and father. Because I was raised to believe that it's wrong. And I know, I know it's not true. But they won't. And maybe, if they think that I'm wrong, that I'm broken, they shouldn't even be in my life. Or Christopher's."
Eddie doesn't know when he started crying, but he tastes a salty tear, and then Buck is pulling him in.
"What if they try to take him again when they find out?"
Buck puts a hand to the back of his head, rubbing there. "He doesn't want to go this time, okay? And legally, if anything happens to you, he goes to me. That should come into play. I think, anyway. And if it comes down to that, we'll figure it out. Together."
Eddie nods into his shoulder, sniffling.
When they come out of the closet, Buck and Eddie are walking only about one arm's length apart. Soon enough they'll be able to be close, Eddie thinks distantly. He knows he's still crying, but it's not sobs anymore. Just single tears and sniffles.
"Buckley! Diaz!" They both turn around, Chimney behind them. "My office. Now." Chimney disappears into his office.
Buck and Eddie look at each other. "We can do this," Buck says.
Eddie inhales, and nods to himself.
They sit down across from their captain. "Listen. I've let this be for almost a month now. That's a month too long. And as captain, I can't have any tension in the firehouse."
"Chim, I'm sorry we haven't talked to you about it."
"It's fine, Eddie, but we need to figure out what to do next. So—"
"We're dating."
"You need to make up."
Eddie and Chimney both spoke at the same time.
Buck's jaw dros.
Eddie's mouth snaps shut.
Chimney's eyes widen. "Oh! Oh, it's happening! I owe Maddie and Hen so much money…"
"What?" Buck questions. He must've heard him wrong.
"Nothing!" Chimney exclaims. "Okay. So. I think I need a little more info here."
"Me and Buck started dating around a month ago. We wanted to keep it secret for a little while as I had only just realised I was gay. We did that, but we hadn't realised how much of a strain it would put on us at the firehouse. Today I finally told somebody, and that somebody was Hen. We were finally going to tell you today, without making a super huge deal out of it."
Chimney nods. Then, he opens a drawer, grabbing two forms out. They seem to be three pages each. He sets one down in front of both of them.
"You've had these ready?" Buck asks.
Chimney smiles. "Well, Bobby had them ready."
Buck and Eddie look at each other. Smiles find their way into their lips. Buck turns back to Chimney. "He always knew, didn't he?"
"He did. And he'd be so proud of both of you."
The following night, the couple crawl into bed. Eddie rests his head on Buck's chest. Buck puts a hand on Eddie's shoulders.
"I'm gonna tell Maddie about us tomorrow," Buck tells Eddie.
Eddie nods. "I can't really tell my family. Not yet, anyway. Maybe Sophia and Adriana."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart."
"It's not your fault my parents are assholes."
"I know. My parents might not be the best, but at least they're generally accepting of my sexuality. It's human decency."
Eddie nods, his eyes already beginning to droop. "I don't know if I'll ever tell them. It's not really their business. And, I'm scared for Christopher…"
Buck's hand becomes more firm where it is still resting on Eddie's shoulders. "Listen, Eddie, I'm telling you. If it comes to it, we'll fight for him. There is no way they'd win."
"But what if—"
"No ifs. It's not happening. Not under my roof."
Eddie smiles. "I like the sound of that."
Buck listens as Eddie's breaths even out. Once he is certain he's asleep, he brings another hand to Eddie's back. He hold tightens ever so slightly, subtle enough that he won't wake his sleeping boyfriend. "I promise you, sleeping beauty can become prince charming whenever he needs."