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14007 didn't know how he got here.
Well, that needed clarifying. The fact that he was in the caves and/or somewhere deep under the grey planet's surface was obvious. Here, as in 'frozen chasm', as in 'in a lifepod', cuddled up into a strider pelt, - that was known too.
Lately he knew a lot of things, actually. When he was lucid, that is... and that wasn't very often.
The thing he didn't know, however, was how he got here.
Here, as in with 13366 against his back, snoring softly, and him having the most raging boner he'd ever experienced in his whole life.
That was...
Undesirable.
14007, - codename Alex, which meant something he didn't really recall, - squirmed in place. Sawians weren't supposed to... do *this*. Bad probably knew more. Bad knew a lot of stuff. Bad wouldn know how to-
He wouldn't wake them up, though.
Bad, on the other hand, wasn't chosen by them: some Milky called them that back in the labs, because of how bad their performance was, and it stuck. Which was bullshit, they were the best medic he knew.
Alex didn't know what to do with this, but it was getting very, *very* embarrassing. None of the Sawians were supposed to feel...
'Sex drive', his mind helpfully provided, and Alex had to squirm again. That was very stupid. He's never heard of this before in his short life.
Well, maybe that one time a Velvet captured, devoured and ...- a scientist,
or-
Alex shook his head again. This was stupid. He should just go to sleep.
It wouldn't be hard to dissociate from this, - he still felt the lingering effects of mindwipe most of the time when he was lucid, - but for some reason he didn't even try to.
Maybe this actually felt kind of... nice.
No, no, that's bullshit. He almost groans, pressing his paws into his eyes to stop whatever mental images were plaguing his mind.
His health panel pops up in front of him instead.
MSN - CARGO
36:05 [XXXXXx_ _ _ _]
Well, half an hour was more than enough for 13366 to get any sort of sleep. They kinda reminded him of a Dune in that matter, - Bad didn't care about where they were sleeping at all, as long as they were together with him.
His tail thumps against the floor a couple of times at that thought before getting outshadowed by- other issues.
He's not very good at reading health panels. That *is* a medic's job, after all, or maybe he's just a little bit spoiled by their presence. Still, he can make out... something.
His heart rate is a bit too fast for normal, - something-cardia, - but that's... he knows that even without the panel. His heart is about to jump out of his chest and his whole face is flushed deep yellow.
His brain integrity is still stuck at 99, - the neural booster Bad made for him surely did help, it helped a whole lot, but it couldn't fix everything.
Not that he expected it to.
Alex curls up into himself and groans.
Fucking shit up, yeah, he's really good at that...
He should just sleep. Alex of all people should know this! He was always monitored in the labs, sometimes even more than more interesting sawian species, just because of being some sort of hybrid, why wouldn't they monitor him here?
Being a hybrid would mean his parents-
No, no, he should just shut his mind up and sleep. He wasn't born, just another lab-grown sawian, some mistake that combined Experiment DNA with that of a Milky.
He wasn't-
(was he? he didn't really remember.)
They wound watch him, - they would watch him somehow, he was sure of it. He looked up at the lifepod ceiling but couldn't find anything resembling a camera.
They would-
"Shut up shut upp.....", he groans into his paws.
"Alex?"
.
...-
Alex freezes up. Completely unmoving, barely breathing. No, fuck, he didn't mean to wake-
"It's okay, pup, 'm here..", they probably assumed he wasn't lucid right now, which was... for the best, actually.
What wasn't for the best is that they turned around and pulled him into a hug, his back pressed against their chest.
Fuck.
Fuck, fucking hell, he-
He's not-
Shit.
...
(this was hot.)
He tries his hardest not to gasp out loud from how long he was holding his breath. He should sleep. He should sleep. He should let loose and let the mindwiped part of himself take over.
Still, he finds his paw reaching down. His face feels hotter than the dried desert that they were in not so long ago, and he's sweating bullets even though the lifepod heater is off.
He really, *really* needs to stop. This is wrong, even though he doesn't know why--
...
He touches it, - himself, - and lets out a whimper, clasping his paws on top of his mouth a moment too late.
13366 tightens their hands around his chest and slowly stirs awake.
"...huh..?", they yawn out. "You okay, pup? Where's it hurt?"
He shouldn't say anything. He should stay quiet, he should pretend he's not here, he's not awake, he's not real, nothing is real-
"I- I'm sorry-"
"It's okay, baby-", they suddenly shut up. Woke up fully, probably. Got it, probably. They've always been smart. "...Alex?"
They know.
"Mhm-", he whimpers out pathetically. He's- he fucked up so, so much. He shouldn't have even-
"Are you- okay?"
He's-
He's not sure, actually.
"Sorry-",
"C'mon, sweetheart, you know I'm not mad."
It feels wrong when they treat him like a cornered animal. Although, he supposed, he is one most of the time.
"Y- you don't have to talk like that, I'm- I'm here."
"Do you not like that?", they ask quietly, nuzzling into his neck. "Are you okay?"
He's not.
It's straining so obviously in the dim lightning of the lifepod that there's no way they wouldn't notice it.
He crosses his legs in an absolutely non-subtle way.
Don't look down. Don't look down-
"I'm- I'm fine, sorry."
"It's all good."
They stay in awkward silence for a while.
Yeah. Yeah, he'll just... wait until it passes, or something... if it even can-
"You... can't sleep?", they ask.
He almost jumps.
"H-how would you know I'm not sleeping already?"
"I see your vitals, dummy."
Oh. Yeah. "Makes, um, sense."
How much do they see?
(It's taking all of his willpower to not reach down and- squeeze it, or something. Is that supposed to?-)
"It's been a while since you've made sense of anything, huh."
He feels kind of guilty about it. As if being turned into a shell of himself was his-
'And whose fault is that?', he wants to snap.
"Sorry", he whispers instead.
"Me too."
It's silent. He can feel his heartbeat in his ears.
"Your heart is, like, going miles."
Apparently, they can feel his heartbeat in their ears too.
"I'm-"
He feels like they're just mocking him.
"It's-"
What would he say, anyway? Hey, this thing that no one ever told us about in any of our trainings is doing something?
He doubts even-
Actually, Bad would know what to do.
"It's nothing-"
"Yeah, sure."
They shouldn't worry about him. He shouldn't worry them. He can- He's-
"Y'need help with your 'nothing'?"
.
Oh.
Um.
"I-"
He's-
"What-"
It's-
"Yeah-"
nonONO WAIT-
"Ok."
He's so fucked. He's so fucked. He fucked up. He's-
...Did they just agree?
"Just, um. I'll help. If you tell me what's up?"
He doesn't look at them. He doesn't even look *anywhere*, his eyes shut tightly.
"...there," he whimpers out pathetically and points down, lowering his knees. "I, um, don't-"
They're disgusted. He fucked up. They hate him. They hate him, they're gonna leave him-
"Oh, *that* thing! Yeah, I know how to deal with that."
...oh.
"Y-you do??"
"Yeah!"
Smart thing, aren't they.
"There was a scientist back in the labs-"
Okay, yeah, this is going the wrong way-
"I'm, uh, not sure if I-"
"Oh, right, sorry, haha. I didn't mean to bring those up. Sorry."
"It's okay."
Fucking hell, that's awkward.
He really fucked up big time, didn't he?
"So... can I-"
"Yeah sure you- you can- um, do what you gotta do."
"Yeah."
"Yeah-"
They sit him down, probably, - he can't really catch what they're trying to do when there's only one hand on them to do that, - and plop down somewhere behind him. Their legs on both sides of him...
*He's sitting in their lap*, he realizes after a while.
He also realizes that they're... hesitating?
"You don't have to-"
"No, no, it's okay, I'm just- calculating."
Because of course they are.
Smart thing.
"Okay, so, um, let me know if it's- weird, or something, cause I don't really know how it's supposed to... go."
"O-okay," he stutters out, his mouth dry.
They rest their chin on his shoulder. Their hand slowly makes it's way to h- ...to him.
Then they grab it.
It's gentle, kind of, - way different from when he did it himself. Aka just squeezed it with all his might to make it stop.
It's-
It's nice, actually.
It... it feels good.
Their palm is soft and warm, unlike his cold paws, and his breath hitches as they start moving it.
"F-fucking-"
"All good?"
They sound nervous. That's... new.
"Y-yeah, don't s- keep, keep going, please."
"Okay."
It's not mocking. Not playful like they usually are. The word isn't filled with something that tastes so unbelievably *them*.
It's... quiet. Empty, in a sense. They're probably not fully here, either.
Then they move their paw again, and anything he'd been thinking of disappears entirely.
"Shit."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah... It's-" he can't even finish the thought before they move up, and down again, and he sucks air in through his teeth to keep himself from moaning, and-
Bad laughs softly, chin on his shoulder.
That makes him harder, somehow.
"I'm- not sure what I'm doing, exactly." they whisper. To be fair, to him it seems like they're doing perfect. "So, um, feel free to... direct me? I don't know. I've never- It's never, um, happened to me. Before."
"Ok." he pants out. They're doing awesome. This feels- this feels great. Embarrassing, but great. "I think I-"
His hips buck forward into their palm, and then he doesn't know anything anymore.
***
"Yeah, that's supposed to happen, I... Alex?"
"...mmrp?"
Well. That's that, then. He's gone. Back to... being unaware. Empty. Confused.
Unable to think anymore.
Good.
Bad isn't sure how much longer they could hold the confident front for.
A shiver runs through them, which has nothing to do with the frozen depths outside of the lifepod. They crawl away from Alex, their back hitting the wall soon enough. God. This is- fuck, fuck, they should calm down.
They waste some of their water supply on washing whatever the hell *that* was off of their paw, and slam the lifepod shower button like it owes them something.
Staring at the antiseptic foam covering their body, any dirt and *other* substances gone in the drain of the lifepod pump, they look down at their feet and sigh.
It's not his fault that *that* happened, it's not. They don't blame him. They-
*They're* the one that's weird in here. For feeling bad about this. For not knowing how to deal with that.
Still, they feel sick to the stomach. And it's probably not something naltrexone can help with.
(they're shivering.)
That was...
They need to...
Fuck.
That was horrible.
Alex is snoring softly in their feet, curled up, and they plop down next to him.
It's not his fault. It's their fault, for overreacting like this.
(at least he didn't see it)
Which is great. They should be strong for him. The two of them are probably not getting the cargo either way, but...
They should at least make sure he gets out of this alive.
They stare at the stub of their arm. The rest of it is half-there, something about phantom limbs, and thanks to the extra chip Tangle helped install into their head, - levitation, or something, - they can even kinda sorta use it.
They doubt anything would bring their eye back.
But it's okay. They don't matter.
...
Their hands are shaking. As much as they can when you only have one real hand. Even better, they are shaking too.
Some people did that back in the labs, when they thought nobody was watching. Though, personally, Bad was fairly sure they were *always* watched back there. Just, sometimes less obviously then others.
Did they do it by themselves? Or did they learn from the humans? From the-
`Its hands are some kind of combination between a canine's and a homosapiens'. I know one of my co-workers is going to enjoy the paws...`
They wonder briefly if the coworker that the PDA was talking about was the same scientist that...
Made them...
...They find themself dry-heaving into the spacedrain, tears in their eyes.
Fuck.
That feels horrible. That *was* horrible. They're supposed to... like, doing that. They're supposed to be obedient. They're supposed to help. With that. With anything. With-
They start shaking again.
Then they throw up.
It kinda sucks.
They wash it down with the rest of the water they had.
That sucks too. Though they do have a bottle of juice, still, so they technically still have liquid supply.
They can't look at Alex without their breath hitching and their gut churning, so they curl up in the corner and let themselves cry for some time.
They're the strong one here.
But, as long as nobody sees...