Chapter Text
Osamu Dazai stared at the sketch he’d just finished, a half‑smile tugging at his lips. The drawing was a crude portrait of his older brother, a lanky boy with a perpetually tired expression.
“Suuji!” the teacher barked, slamming a ruler on the desk. “You weren’t even paying attention—you were doodling that stupid photo of your dead‑beat brother!”
Dazai’s smile vanished. “But Oda‑saku isn’t a dead‑beat—wait, what does that even mean—” he started, but the teacher snatched the page from his hand, ripped it in half, and tossed the halves toward the trash can.
“There! Let that be a lesson in listening.”
“Hey!” His voice cracked.
The classroom erupted in giggles. Dazai’s voice cracked as he tried to protest, the words catching on the sudden, hollow throb that began building in his chest—a feeling so large it felt like nothing at all.
When the bell rang for the end of school, he walked to his cubby, putting his things in his bag.
What was that feeling in his heart? It felt so big yet like there was nothing at all.
His birthday was in a few days so he went up to a red head he had few interactions with. He was with some other boys, talking in French.
“Uhm.. excuse me Nakahara-san.. Would you like to go to my birthday party this Saturday?”
The boys groaned.
“If the other guys can come then sure.” In Dazai’s eyes, that meant more friends and more fun.
“Yeah! They can come!”
“Cool, My dad can give Theirs your dads info. See ya Shuuji.” Chuuya said as he rolled his eyes and walked off with his buddies.
Dazai smiled smally to himself and started walking home.
“Papa, I'm home.” He said quietly.
“Jeez, home already?”
With his father, he could be loving and supportive but the next day beat the shit out of him.
“How was school shuuji?” His father said dryly.
“Fine.” Dazai responded before scurrying to his room like a scared cat.
Hs mothers death earlier that year had affected his Dad greatly, but shuuji just a tiny bit more.
His brother wasn't around much, as he was at a police academy.
“Hey, Dazai! Can you come here a sec bud?”
“Coming!” Dazai replied mechanically.
As he reached the bottom of the stairs, his father was standing there with an apron on and holding his phone.
“You want some boys to come over for your birthday, yes?”
“Mhm” Dazai hummed
“Alright, so it'll be nakahara, The akutagawa twins, Elise, Red-San…”
Dazai started thinking.
Why did mom die?.. She was so much better at this. At everything.
Yeah, dad is cool but I want mom. I want Oda. Maybe that boy Oda brought around a few times.
“Shuuji! Are you even listening?!”
“Sorry papa..”
“God, here I am trying to be nice!”
“Just go to bed, I'll send invites out.”
“Yes sir..”
Dazai slumped and walked upstairs to do homework.
He felt that same feeling in his chest from earlier that day.
It was odd that when he felt this sensation, he stopped feeling emotion.
But it wouldn't be that big of a deal.
The next day, Dazai was sitting in class doing an assignment, that feeling buzzing through his body instead of his chest.
The teacher was yelling at a kid and the kid started crying. Dazai couldn't pinpoint why the kid was crying.
Odd.
Suddenly he felt a slap on the back of the head, He hissed in pain and turned too see Gin akutagawa.
“Sup loser!”
“Hi gin.” Dazai replied mechanically.
“Sorry me and ryuu can’t come on Saturday”
Osamu hummed in response.