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Yooyeon stood in the doorframe of their bedroom, Seoyeon was sitting in the middle of the mattress. Staring at the other end of the room where her suitcase for the coming two weeks was packed alongside a trusty handbag Seoyeon practically forced her to take with. She’d be helpless without her and the brain she usually carried high up in the clouds.
“It’s 2 weeks, Seoyeon-ah.” She said, trying to sound encouraging when she felt anything but.
“You know better than anyone else why I don’t like the idea of you sitting in a plane 10.000 meters up in the sky with no guarantee that you’ll make it safely back to the ground. Screw that and any statistics you tell me about that makes flights oh so safe.” Seoyeon was hugging herself tightly and Yooyeon held onto the doorframe.
“You know me too well.” She walked up to her girlfriend and slowly sank down next to her on the mattress.
Seoyeon put her head on her shoulder and Yooyeon reached for her hand, no hesitation when their fingers interlaced.
She chuckled at the image and Seoyeon groaned, annoyed.
“I dare you to say it, unnie.”
“What?”
“I know my hands look small in yours, don’t even say it.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
The younger woman just snorted, rolling her eyes at her and silence proceeded.
It was a ritual they were quite used to by now. Seoyeon’s fear of flights was justified down to every little nag and bout of paranoia that had her track Yooyeon’s job related flights. Anyone else might have called it excessive, controlling and overly paranoid, Seoyeon was very aware that this wasn’t normal and Yooyeon knew that she did.
Yet when one started to unravel the details and how various disasters had coursed its way through Yoon Seoyeon’s life, it wasn’t hard to understand.
Years passed until they found a rhythm and routine during circumstances like this, circumstances that were Yooyeon’s very international leaning job. There wasn’t exactly a cure or some rational statistic that showed how safe flights supposedly were. In Seoyeon’s eyes the principle was simple, when something was possible no matter how little the percentage on paper was, it was still possible.
A possibility that could tear up families, destroy marriages 3 months to 15 years, leave groups of friends with gaping people-sized holes.
Whatever type of destiny had clung itself to Seoyeon’s neck, she had seen it all. Had seen it all and not rarely had stood desolately at a funeral. Be it as a family member or someone who knew them, someone who went to school with them. Maybe an uncle from her best friend, standing next to them with a steadying hand on their arm.
At times it felt like a sick joke to Seoyeon. After three bottles of soju where most of it went into Seoyeon’s own stone-lined stomach while Yooyeon had a way lower tolerance they’d found themselves in a spot where the younger woman would rant about all of it.
Clearly all of it still clung to her.
All the loss.
The grief.
The funerals.
THE TEARS.
THE…
…People sometimes said it would get easier with time and how time would heal all wounds. It wasn’t exactly wrong, time healed a lot of wounds but the pain never left, the grief just changed or the ways someone dealt with it changed.
Maybe it got easier to deal with but Yooyeon wasn’t too convinced it functioned that way, considering the way Seoyeon talked at times.
“Remember when we first met?” Yooyeon said and Seoyeon frowned, confused from how her girlfriend came up with the topic shift but she chuckled and indulged her.
“Ah, Nakyoung-unnie and Sohyun-unnie’s joined birthday party. I shoved a very drunk Nien Xinyu-unnie’s arm so I could get some air. I walked around the house and went to where I knew the upstairs balcony was, nearly tripped over a passed out Cheongmyeong on the way and… there you stood, the moon was illuminating your hair and everything.”
“Yoon Seoyeon, are you explaining what love at first sight is to me?” Yooyeon said and Seoyeon groaned before playing along.
“Maybe I am, Kim Yooyeon.”
“Grief fundamentally changes you and the way you view life, at least it did for me. I am not about to speak for everyone but, in my case, it’s something you can’t ignore the moment it becomes part of your life. Even if you try running from it, it will ultimately come to haunt you one way or another.”
Yooyeon froze at the monologue Seoyeon presented her with and what she didn’t expect next was a short, humorless laugh to come from her and continue.
“Sorry, that was probably a bit too much.”
“No, you can keep talking. Please, keep talking. It’s definitely more enjoyable to listen to than whatever that guy was fabricating on the kitchen counter.” Yooyeon was grateful for how dark it was besides the moonlight so her flushed face wasn’t as obvious.
“You mean Dohun?” Seoyeon said and then laughed heartily.
“You know him?”
“Sadly I do, our parents know each other and I don’t know how it happened but we’re still in touch to this day. Don’t know if you came across the passed out guy with the bleached head but that’s his roommate.”
“I learned a lot of things tonight.” Yooyeon said and then froze when she saw the shine in Seoyeon’s eyes, chin resting in her hand and that mischievous edge all over her face.
“Me too, but I’d like to know more.”
Yooyeon swallowed, trying to keep her calm as Seoyeon leaned in closer or maybe she was going insane.
“What e-exactly?” Great Kim Yooyeon, now she was starting to stutter. Her weakness was pretty girls and Seoyeon was using it to her advantage.
“About you, of course.”
It sure was nice to be alive.
“You were literally such a mess, your eyes were darting all over my face.” Seoyeon said and poked at Yooyeon’s cheek multiple times to annoy her.
“My biggest weakness is pretty girls.” Yooyeon said dryly and felt incredibly ridiculous but she didn’t mind it when it meant Seoyeon was able to take her mind off of her fears.
Seoyeon smiled up at her and Yooyeon smiled right back, feeling very annoyed that she wouldn’t wake up to this face for 2 weeks.